FicWad

It was later on in the night and Pete still hadn't called my cell phone. Not that I had completely expected him to, but part of me wanted Patricks words to hit him in the right place and maybe he would call, just to see if I was okay. Patrick had left the hotel room a couple hours ago and left me alone, not without asking me if I was okay about a billion times. It took a lot of convincing but he eventually left to go get some food with Joe and I hadn't heard from him since.

I looked down and felt my stomach when I heard it rumble. I realised that I hadn't eaten anything since the lunch date from hell earlier and that by the sounds of my stomach I was due for something to eat. I pulled myself up off of the bed and put on my flip flops. I grabbed the key that Patrick had left me on the top of the television and started on my adventure to the downstairs restaurant that the hotel had. The hotel lobby had a few bystanders waiting around to go out into the city and waiting for hotel rooms.

I walked into the restaurant and people were buzzing everywhere with conversation. I looked around the bar and noticed a familiar face. The one I was looking for earlier, the one who told Patrick that he still may have feelings for me. My hands started to get sweaty and I took a deep breath. The circles around Petes eyes were dark and he looked like he hadn't slept in days or nights. I knew he had a bad case of insomnia but this was the worst I had ever seen him. I felt like there was something I could be doing to help him end his woes over the fiance leaving him hours before they were supposed to be married.

I walked over to the bar where he was nursing a drink. It wasn't like Pete to ever want to put alcohol near his lips so the fact that he was nursing what looked to be a small glass of Vodka was kind of stunning to me. I pulled myself up into the high bar stool beside him and sat down beside him. I watched as he barely took his eyes off of the glass that he was swirling ice around in.

I reached behind him and put my hand on his back and began rubbing it soothingly. "This isn't like you Pete." He slowly lifted his face up to meet my eyes and all I could see was sadness. I wanted to help him, heel him and make it all better, but I knew I couldn't because it wasn't my position, I barely even knew him anymore. Just that realization almost brought tears to my eyes. I used to know Pete, I used to know every inch of him. I knew what made him tick, I knew what made him sad, I could finish his sentences without him even starting them. He was as much part of me, as I was myself.

I felt his hand reach out and touch my face and his rough caloused thumb caressed my cheek. I smiled slightly and then his hand reached down and pulled up my sleeve, revealing the bruises that Zacky's hand had left on me. He ran his hand over the bruises and shook his head.

"I'm sorry that I never cared enough to stick around, or enough to call you and tell you to come back." Pete now had both of my hands in his and was looking at me directly in my eyes.
"Can we go somewhere else to talk about this?" I swallowed a deep breath and pulled Pete away from the bar. The last thing I wanted to walk away and let him do was drink his sorrows away.

The way back up to the hotel room, Pete and I never let go of each others hand. We kept our fingers intwined and it felt just perfect. Absolutely perfect.

We went into the hotel room, not Pete's but Patricks. The one where all my stuff was at and the one that was probably a lot more clean then Pete's. I opened the door and then we both walked in, Pete immediately went to the bed and sat down with his back against the wall. I sighed and sat down beside him. He turned me in between his legs and pulled me against his chest. I watched as he ran his hands up and down my arms, over and over again on the bruises left from Zacky. I started to think back to the moment in which Zacky grabbed me and held me up against the wall demanding that I make a choice between himself and Pete.

"You're going to have to tell me how I can fix this." I played with Pete's fingers while I listened to him talk. "Cause right now you're both judge and jury and I'm..I'm really at a loss as to what to do. I mean, do you want me to say that I'm sorry? Because I have and I promise you I sincerely mean it. I'm sorry for making a mistake and for poor judgement. I've apoligized for things I didn't even think were my fault! I'm human and I did something really, really fucking stupid.."

"Not just stupid, completely irrational, immoral, disrespectful.." I smiled and let him continue.

"Okay, I did something really fucking stupid, irrational, immoral, diresepectful but on top of everything else, it was completely unexpected."

"Completely out of character.." I continued to agree with him on everything he was saying.

"Exactly my point! When someone does something thats out of character, you don't just abandon them.."

I took my time before I said anything back to him. I let his words sink into me before I could come up with a rational reply to him.

"The thing is, is that I never abandoned you. I left because at the time, it was the only choice I had. Do you not think that for one second that if I stuck around, how demeaning that would be to my character? Emotionally and mentally? Say that I had stuck around Pete, what would have happened? Would you have continued to sneak around, go behind my back, continue to play games when honestly, all I wanted to do all along Pete was to sit beside you, having you in my life.. loving you with my whole heart.. my entire being. I never once wanted you for anything other then that. I just wanted to love you.."

Pete wrapped his arms around me tighter and pulled me as close as physically possible. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest against my back and in my shoulder blade I could feel his heart beat. He placed his head on my shoulder and I leaned completely back on him.

"That's why I wanted to see you.." He started speaking again, barely above a whisper. "You're a touchstone. You take me back to this nice, safe place.. where crushes never end and hearts can't be broken." He placed a soft kiss onto my collar bone and started talking agian. "You're the reason I'm not on some plane right back to California right now chasing down something that I realised I don't really want."

I smiled and turned around to face Pete. I sat with my legs over his and I grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him. I kissed him hard and rough like I needed every last bit of him and he kissed me back with his hands all over my back. I pulled away and I felt the tears fall down my cheeks.

"There's a part of me that's going to be in love with you for the rest of my life, Pete."

"What are you saying?" Pete eyebrows furrowed and I brushed the tears off of my cheeks.

"I'm saying.. I dont know what I'm saying. I think I'm trying to say that I'm afraid that I'll never be enough for you, that I was never enough for you, and if I do this, you'll finally realise that you've grown way beyond me and I'm just going to lose you again and we'll just be right back here just a few months from now."

"You're breaking my heart into a million pieces because you're telling me I deserve better?"

"I told you I don't know what I'm saying Pete. I can't do this anymore. I can't take sometimes having you and sometimes not having you. I can't take wondering if tomorrow is going to be the end or how long I'm going to have to go without being in your arms, or having you next to me in bed."

"I still love you, and I know you love me but your scared. Which I completely take full responsibility for and I'm so sorry that this is what it has come to, what we've come to. But I love you, and I don't know how else to say it, but I know you love me too. Please don't deny me this as long as we still feel something, it's not over."

"This is far beyond complicated."

"But would you change it?" I looked into his eyes and saw that he was pleading with me to let him back into my life.

I sighed and put my forehead against Pete's chest and he put his arms around me. I loved him, I really did, but I was torn apart on the inside. I could see myself walking down the isle to him one day and promising myself to him forever.

"I need you, I wouldn't change it at all, but I need you completely, one hundred and ten percent, all the time. No more on and offs.."

Pete took his hands and brushed the rest of the tears away from my eyes and my face. I smiled and took a deep breath. Not quite sure if I was ready to plunge into this again head over heels, but something was telling me not to worry about the possible consequences and just go with it. Whenever I was with him, I was happy. A complete person, I felt like there was no better fit to be my other half. I couldn't help but think that everything was going completely fast and that it may or may not have been spinning out of control because I just went from one of the scariest moments in my life to one of the most comforting moments. I wanted to be with him, but I wanted to get out of this city and give myself some time to get passed the fact that one person who I trusted with my life and heart, abused it in the worst way.

"You have my word. I love you so much and I never want to live one minute without you by my side, ever again."

Pete leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the lips, I smiled into the kiss and pulled my arms around his neck to deepen it.

"This is one of those moments that I wish I could freeze but there's one more thing.." I played with the collar of Pete's shirt and then looked him in the eye. "I need time."

Pete smiled and kissed my forehead and pulled me into a close hug, I yawned and placed my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down on the bed beside him, I yawned again and stretched out on the bed. Pete found the remote for the television and flicked it on. There was some random shows on as we were flipping through the stations. Nothing too interesting was on the television. Our brief channel surfing was cut off when there was some noise at the door. The door opened and light came into the hotel room. I could hear the voices of what sounded like Joe and Patrick. Joe sounded like he was absolutely wasted and Patrick sounded like he was half in the bag as well. They were giggling about something that was absolutely hilarious to them but made no sense to Pete or I.

The next thing I knew, Joe was falling over on the ground and Patrick was turning the lights to the hotel room. Patrick stepped over Joe and came into the main part of the hotel room and almost fell over when he saw Pete and I sitting in the same bed together.

"Woah! Joe! We leave, go get wasted, and Pete and Kate are back together. It's like.." Patrick leaned over and looked at Joe who was still laying on the ground. "Are you getting this? Are you hearing me Joe?! It's a fucking miracle!"

I smiled and laughed. Pete shook his head and then threw a pillow at Joe who was still laying on the ground. Everything seemed like it was getting back to normal slowly but surely. I hoped that this time it would last because I honestly did not feel like I could go back to the way it was before. The butterflies in my stomach had returned and part of me wanted to cry again, it was like one of those moments where you didn't quite know whether or laugh or to cry because it was all just so overwhelming at the time. But I decided just to go with it because sometimes it was just worth taking a chance on, and this time I felt really good about it all.

I looked over and grabbed Pete's hand and intwined our fingers together. He looked over to me and blew me a kiss. I smiled and blew him one back. He smiled back at me and mouthed the words 'I love you' to me. I smiled back and yawned. Pete picked me up bridal style and we walked over Joe and Patrick. I put my arms around his neck and giggled when I saw Joe fall into the wall and Patrick try to steady himself as well.

"Where are you two going?" Joe barely got the words out before he ran to the bathroom.

Pete took me to his hotel room, which was right accross the hallway to Patricks. I laughed when he tried to play hero and open the door and keep me in his arms. He only managed to half way open the door and dropped me. I landed on my feet and pulled him into his hotel room. I laid down on the bed and pulled him down with me. He landed on top of me and I kissed him lightly before going to the top of the bed and pulling the sheets down. I climed into the bed and Pete climbed in next to me. I smiled and curled into his body and he wrapped his arms around me. I kissed his cheek and laid my head down on the pillow next to his.

"Hey." I smiled.
"Hey." He smiled right back at me.
"I love you too."

He kissed my forehead one last time before I drifted off into a peaceful nights sleep. It felt so good to be back where I belonged from day one that I didn't know how I kept myself away for so long. He was my safe haven, my home, and it felt so good to be home again.