Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > You play with Fire, It's gunna burn You
Part 7
Amy’s POV- ‘I Wish it Was How We Planned’
The thing about Frank is that even though I knew he had done a couple of sh*tty things and hangs around with a crowd of people that come below single celled amoebas you can still see when you look at him that he wishes it had been different. Earlier that day he had come and sat through a film with me and he might have just been running away from bad porn like he said he was but he also might have come to keep me company… I know I shouldn’t let myself think things like that for fear of being let down but I honestly think he cares. Deep down he’s a good person. You can see it in his eyes.
I’d been so mad at Emily when she told me not to go near Frank. One, she has no right to tell me what to do, and two she doesn’t even know him. Neither do I I suppose but I know him better than her. I know all the bits that make him jump in the films Bob has, I know the things that get him embarrassed and make him clear his throat nervously. I know his favourite drink and that ‘screwing Jenna was like screwing a Barbie’. I know that when he was 6 he got scared because he thought evil teddy bears lived in his wardrobe and that when he was 8 his Dad walked out and he cried for a week. And that the only thing that could stop him was me, or chocolate ice cream. I could even tell the difference between his usual giggle and his nervous laugh.
I’d heard him talking t Bob one night when it was just them about the time he’d cheated on some girl with her sister. I can’t stand people that cheat, I mean who would with the way my past relationships have gone, but he sounded genuinely appalled at himself and I bet that if I could see him his eyes would have been darting around uncomfortably rather than settling on the person he was talking to and watching them intently as he spoke and listened.
The boys have all gone home now. Bob’s in the shower and Mum and Dad are out somewhere. I lie here looking at the ceiling over my bed and try to convince my brain to let me go to sleep. I can see the left over blue tac on my ceiling from years ago when me and Frank had stuck cut out planets on the ceiling and pretended we were astronauts. Behind my bedside cabinets were etchings on the skirting board from were me, him and another girl had played cavemen.
All these reminders of a boy I don’t know anymore…
I wish I did. Things could be so different. I might not have… He might not have… I might actually be happy right now rather than blaming myself for yet another let down of a relationship. Thinking about a time when things were simple.
In amongst all the reminders of my childhood are more recent landmarks. The second draw down that doesn’t shut properly from when a certain ex had pushed me into them in a rage. Piles of CD’s that I use to speak for me, to channel my emotions rather than resorting to old habits. The case at the back of my sock drawer ‘just in case’ that held what were once my most treasured items, various sharp objects that could be used to carve away the pain and confusion and make you numb or allow you to feel. And right here on this bed where I’d slept with boyfriends that didn’t care all in the name of forgetting.
Bob gets out of the shower and curses as he kicks the side of the bath, like he always does, when he steps out of it and onto the mat. Then he walks into his room where I hear him getting ready. Lying there listening to the world carrying on around me I manage to stop thinking and just be thankful for a minute that I have him.
Knock Knock. “Yes?” I call out knowing that it was Bob because he was the only other person in the house.
“Are you dressed?” He calls through the shut door. Respecting my privacy like a good big brother would.
“Yeah.” I reply and the door open slowly as if I might in fact be naked and he heard wrong or something. He walks in and comes to sit on the side of my bed where I’m now sat up cross legged. He stares at the broken drawer. He had been the one to find me sat there, in shock most probably, and bleeding a little from where the wood had splintered onto my back. He agreed not to tell Mum and Dad, and made sure I was Ok, cleaning my cuts and making sure that the guy would come no where near me ever again. It had been a one off but I knew that he could never be sure that I wasn’t trying to cover either the guy or hide my stupidity for staying with him.
“Are you Ok?” he asks me now, finally tearing his eyes away from the chest of drawers.
“I will be.” I reply honestly. “Sooner rather than later.” I add to help him realise that this time round I wasn’t going to lie down and die.
“Good.” He smiles at me and gets up to leave. “Frank’s a good guy.” He says, pausing to take in my reaction.
“What? Where in hell did that come from?” I ask him, wondering if he had some sort of mind reading power and had sensed my thoughts of Frank earlier while he was showering.
“I just thought I’d remind you that not all guys are tw*ts. You were sat with him.” He adds when he realises that the first reason didn’t really explain why he had to bring Frank into it at all.
“And Gerard.” I add to try and change Bob’s very misguided track.
“Yeah… Well night.” He says and turns again to walk out of the room.
“Night…” I reply and watch as he walks out of the room, closing the door behind him, then I lie back down in my bed, turn off the lamp and loose myself in more memories.
5 years ago
Me and Frank are lying across my bed with our feet hanging off the side. We’re laughing as we remember the make believe game we’d played a few years back where we’d been space explorers.
“Didn’t you nearly get eaten?” I say laughing hard.
“Yeah, by a huge teddy-alien!” Frank says and we laugh even harder.
“I’m going to miss you.” I say out of the blue. Frank was leaving in a few days to stay with his family further up the country over summer while his Mum sorted out the divorce and re-decorated the house in an effort of starting over again.
“I’ll miss you too.” He says which takes me by surprise because boys never said things like that! “No-one to make fun of.” He explains with a shrug of his shoulders but I know he’s just trying to save himself.
“Don’t forget me.” I whisper, tears coming to my eyes. I’d never been away from Frank for more than a month let alone 2 months. It definitely seemed like he’d be gone long enough to forget all about me.
“I won’t. Not until I’m o old that I have to forget you. When I get back we’ll climb that big tree and be even better friends because we’ll have realised that we can’t ever be separated ever again. I’d never forget you.”
“Good.” I smile. That simple reassurance was enough and we went back to laughing at ourselves. It came to tea time and he left to a chorus of goodbyes and have funs from me.
I had no idea that he would come back changed. That I was waving my best friend away forever. Or at least for a very long time.
Present
I didn’t fancy Frank. There was a time… watching him across the classroom… but not now. I just wish we’d kept to what we’d said and stayed friends. It could have been so different. I miss him.
Frank’s POV- ‘I should have said that we’d be happy now.’
S I could remember the day she waved me goodbye as if it was yesterday. There are so many things I’d have done differently if I’d have known how much we were going to change during those months I was away. How much we would grow as people. How far apart we would grow.
I’d have told her I was always her friend even if it didn’t seem like it and never to give up on me.
Now here we are, nearly all grown up, and finally our lives have interlinked again. I lye now thinking about her as I drift off to sleep. I hope she doesn’t cry herself to sleep tonight because of Dean.
Just as I’m falling to sleep there is a buzz from my mobile to tell me that I have a message. Off Gerard according to the display. I open the message and read it, smiling to myself, before lying back on the bed.
I know in the bottom of my heart that this is all wrong but I like Amy anyway. Gerard’s just provided the inspiration and motivation to actually do something about it.
I’d fancied her for ages, years, and I missed her.
Amy’s POV- ‘I Wish it Was How We Planned’
The thing about Frank is that even though I knew he had done a couple of sh*tty things and hangs around with a crowd of people that come below single celled amoebas you can still see when you look at him that he wishes it had been different. Earlier that day he had come and sat through a film with me and he might have just been running away from bad porn like he said he was but he also might have come to keep me company… I know I shouldn’t let myself think things like that for fear of being let down but I honestly think he cares. Deep down he’s a good person. You can see it in his eyes.
I’d been so mad at Emily when she told me not to go near Frank. One, she has no right to tell me what to do, and two she doesn’t even know him. Neither do I I suppose but I know him better than her. I know all the bits that make him jump in the films Bob has, I know the things that get him embarrassed and make him clear his throat nervously. I know his favourite drink and that ‘screwing Jenna was like screwing a Barbie’. I know that when he was 6 he got scared because he thought evil teddy bears lived in his wardrobe and that when he was 8 his Dad walked out and he cried for a week. And that the only thing that could stop him was me, or chocolate ice cream. I could even tell the difference between his usual giggle and his nervous laugh.
I’d heard him talking t Bob one night when it was just them about the time he’d cheated on some girl with her sister. I can’t stand people that cheat, I mean who would with the way my past relationships have gone, but he sounded genuinely appalled at himself and I bet that if I could see him his eyes would have been darting around uncomfortably rather than settling on the person he was talking to and watching them intently as he spoke and listened.
The boys have all gone home now. Bob’s in the shower and Mum and Dad are out somewhere. I lie here looking at the ceiling over my bed and try to convince my brain to let me go to sleep. I can see the left over blue tac on my ceiling from years ago when me and Frank had stuck cut out planets on the ceiling and pretended we were astronauts. Behind my bedside cabinets were etchings on the skirting board from were me, him and another girl had played cavemen.
All these reminders of a boy I don’t know anymore…
I wish I did. Things could be so different. I might not have… He might not have… I might actually be happy right now rather than blaming myself for yet another let down of a relationship. Thinking about a time when things were simple.
In amongst all the reminders of my childhood are more recent landmarks. The second draw down that doesn’t shut properly from when a certain ex had pushed me into them in a rage. Piles of CD’s that I use to speak for me, to channel my emotions rather than resorting to old habits. The case at the back of my sock drawer ‘just in case’ that held what were once my most treasured items, various sharp objects that could be used to carve away the pain and confusion and make you numb or allow you to feel. And right here on this bed where I’d slept with boyfriends that didn’t care all in the name of forgetting.
Bob gets out of the shower and curses as he kicks the side of the bath, like he always does, when he steps out of it and onto the mat. Then he walks into his room where I hear him getting ready. Lying there listening to the world carrying on around me I manage to stop thinking and just be thankful for a minute that I have him.
Knock Knock. “Yes?” I call out knowing that it was Bob because he was the only other person in the house.
“Are you dressed?” He calls through the shut door. Respecting my privacy like a good big brother would.
“Yeah.” I reply and the door open slowly as if I might in fact be naked and he heard wrong or something. He walks in and comes to sit on the side of my bed where I’m now sat up cross legged. He stares at the broken drawer. He had been the one to find me sat there, in shock most probably, and bleeding a little from where the wood had splintered onto my back. He agreed not to tell Mum and Dad, and made sure I was Ok, cleaning my cuts and making sure that the guy would come no where near me ever again. It had been a one off but I knew that he could never be sure that I wasn’t trying to cover either the guy or hide my stupidity for staying with him.
“Are you Ok?” he asks me now, finally tearing his eyes away from the chest of drawers.
“I will be.” I reply honestly. “Sooner rather than later.” I add to help him realise that this time round I wasn’t going to lie down and die.
“Good.” He smiles at me and gets up to leave. “Frank’s a good guy.” He says, pausing to take in my reaction.
“What? Where in hell did that come from?” I ask him, wondering if he had some sort of mind reading power and had sensed my thoughts of Frank earlier while he was showering.
“I just thought I’d remind you that not all guys are tw*ts. You were sat with him.” He adds when he realises that the first reason didn’t really explain why he had to bring Frank into it at all.
“And Gerard.” I add to try and change Bob’s very misguided track.
“Yeah… Well night.” He says and turns again to walk out of the room.
“Night…” I reply and watch as he walks out of the room, closing the door behind him, then I lie back down in my bed, turn off the lamp and loose myself in more memories.
5 years ago
Me and Frank are lying across my bed with our feet hanging off the side. We’re laughing as we remember the make believe game we’d played a few years back where we’d been space explorers.
“Didn’t you nearly get eaten?” I say laughing hard.
“Yeah, by a huge teddy-alien!” Frank says and we laugh even harder.
“I’m going to miss you.” I say out of the blue. Frank was leaving in a few days to stay with his family further up the country over summer while his Mum sorted out the divorce and re-decorated the house in an effort of starting over again.
“I’ll miss you too.” He says which takes me by surprise because boys never said things like that! “No-one to make fun of.” He explains with a shrug of his shoulders but I know he’s just trying to save himself.
“Don’t forget me.” I whisper, tears coming to my eyes. I’d never been away from Frank for more than a month let alone 2 months. It definitely seemed like he’d be gone long enough to forget all about me.
“I won’t. Not until I’m o old that I have to forget you. When I get back we’ll climb that big tree and be even better friends because we’ll have realised that we can’t ever be separated ever again. I’d never forget you.”
“Good.” I smile. That simple reassurance was enough and we went back to laughing at ourselves. It came to tea time and he left to a chorus of goodbyes and have funs from me.
I had no idea that he would come back changed. That I was waving my best friend away forever. Or at least for a very long time.
Present
I didn’t fancy Frank. There was a time… watching him across the classroom… but not now. I just wish we’d kept to what we’d said and stayed friends. It could have been so different. I miss him.
Frank’s POV- ‘I should have said that we’d be happy now.’
S I could remember the day she waved me goodbye as if it was yesterday. There are so many things I’d have done differently if I’d have known how much we were going to change during those months I was away. How much we would grow as people. How far apart we would grow.
I’d have told her I was always her friend even if it didn’t seem like it and never to give up on me.
Now here we are, nearly all grown up, and finally our lives have interlinked again. I lye now thinking about her as I drift off to sleep. I hope she doesn’t cry herself to sleep tonight because of Dean.
Just as I’m falling to sleep there is a buzz from my mobile to tell me that I have a message. Off Gerard according to the display. I open the message and read it, smiling to myself, before lying back on the bed.
I know in the bottom of my heart that this is all wrong but I like Amy anyway. Gerard’s just provided the inspiration and motivation to actually do something about it.
I’d fancied her for ages, years, and I missed her.
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