Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Down and Out
Chapter 5
Julia’s hands cupped over her mouth, and she turned soundlessly on her feet, tears welling up in her eyes. She walked out of the smaller room and through the rest of the Panic! guys, who were gathered around the door, ready to comfort her, or break up a fight, or something. Jon put his arm around her and walked with her, out of the dressing room, out of the concert hall, through the parking lot, and on to the TAI bus.
“Where’s Will?” Jon asked, knowing exactly who she wanted to talk to. The guys pointed to the bunks, but Julia was already two steps ahead of them and halfway down the narrow corridor leading between some of the beds.
She knelt down to the lower bunk belonging to William, and pulled back the curtains revealing Will, laying on his stomach and writing in his journal by the light of one of those clip-on book lamps. When he saw the tears in her eyes he pushed his journal and the lamp aside, and rolled over on his side making room for her. She climbed into his bed and buried her face into his t-shirt, sobbing even harder.
“What happened Jules?”
“You were right, Will. You were right about him all along,” she continued to sob, but didn’t offer any further explanation of what had happened. William didn’t need it though, he knew enough already.
He wrapped his arms tightly around her and breathed deep, smelling the sweet scent of her hair. Neither of them said anything. Neither of them needed to.
***
They had shifted positions sometime during the night and Julia woke up to the warmth of William’s warm breath on her ear. They were spooning, and Julia was surprised to notice Will’s hand cupped lightly over her breast. She was sure it was something that had happened naturally and innocently during the night, but nonetheless, the surprise and her sleepiness caused her to giggle out loud, stirring William. “Hmm?” he asked groggily, “Good morning… Oh shit!” he realized that his hand was resting on her breast and pulled it away hurriedly, “Sorry.”
“It’s fine Will,” She turned to face him.
“Are you okay?”
“I will be. I didn’t think I cared that much, but after yesterday afternoon, I guess I was more serious about it then I realized.”
“What happened yesterday afternoon?”
“When I went over to the Panic! bus, Brendon and I, uhh, you know…” she trailed off and he understood, “Then he told me that he loved me.”
“HE WHAT?” Will sat up sharply, knocking his head against the top of the bunk and making Butcher groan in his sleep.
Julia put her hand on his shoulder and forced his head back on to the pillow, “I didn’t say it back. I just told him that I cared a lot about him, but it was too soon for love.”
“That’s good,” Will said matter-of-factly, “Good. No love involved. Good.”
She gave him a confused look, “It still hurts Will, when a guy that just told you he loves you is making out with some random groupie chick. Even if I didn’t love him, it still hurts.”
“I know,” he brushed some strands of hair out of her eyes, “but you know what hurts more?”
“What?”
“The smell of your morning breath. Just awful!” He smiled and plugged his nose, pretending to be disgusted.
“Because yours smells like roses!” she smacked his arm playfully, then made a move to get out of the bed.
“Wait! Where are you going?”
“I’m going to brush my teeth. Now I’m all self-conscious.”
“I was kidding. You’re morning breath isn’t that bad. Come back here.”
“No! You just told me it stinks! Why should I believe you that it ‘isn’t that bad’?”
“I’ll prove it to you.”
She looked confused. “What?! How are you going to prove…” but before she could finish her sentence, Will’s lips were on hers, moist and eager. He was kissing her and she couldn’t believe it. Why was this happening.? She gently pushed him away and his cheeks immediately flushed red, “What was that?” she asked.
“Sorry, I, uhh,” he stammered, “Can we just forget that that happened?”
“Uhh, yeah, sure.” Julia was totally confused. Why had Will just kissed her?
***
The day went on like normal and Julia and Will carefully avoided any topics including Brendon, bad breath, and kissing. Julia was watching the guys play some kind of video game where they were all killing each other when Tony walked into the back room, hanging up the phone. “Good news guys,” he said sitting down in between Sisky and Mike, “As you know, after the show tonight we have four days until the next show, and a not-so-long way to travel, so I booked us rooms at a hotel tonight.”
The room erupted into a chorus of YEAH’s and WOO HOO’s. “I’ll get to sleep in a real bed, a real bed, a real bed. I’ll get to sleep in a real bed, with no wheels under my head!” Sisky sang in a sort of child-like song, making the rest of the group burst into laughter.
About an hour later the bus pulled over at a rest stop so that everyone could stretch their legs. Julia decided to stay on the bus, so as to avoid any run-ins with Brendon, but the rest of band left. Looking out the window, Julia saw all of the TAI guys gathering around William, and figured that he was probably telling them what exactly had happened with Brendon the night before. She was confused, however, when she saw the guys all pat Will on the back, giving him sympathetic looks and Sisky giving him the pouty puppy dog face. She decided to read to get her mind off of the events of the past 24 hours.
“So then I kissed her, and after a few seconds she pushed away,” Will explained to the guys outside the bus.
“I’m sorry man. That really sucks,” said Mike patting him on the back.
“Yeah, we all know how you’ve felt about her for the past, what? Four years?” Butcher said.
William shrugged with a sad look on his face, “I guess she’s just not interested. I don’t think it’s ever crossed her mind, the possibility that we’d make an amazing couple, and that I’ve been in love with her for such a long time. I’ve always just been a good friend to her, nothing more.”
“Well, I think you should give her some time. Maybe, like you said, she never really thought about it before, but now that you’ve kissed her, maybe she’ll start thinking about it and it’ll all turn out good,” Mike said.
“I hope so,” William looked wistful, “Let’s go buy some beer. I think I’m going to need to get drunk tonight.”
A little while later the guys entered the bus again, arms filled with cases of beer and junk food. “Having a party tonight?” Julia asked, eying the four cases of beer.
“Just a little one,” Butcher answered.
“Looks like more then a little one. You have four cases there.”
“We got something for everybody,” William explained, “Labatt for you,” Julia smiled and nodded her approval, “Molson, Blue Moon, and last and certainly least, Miller for those uncultured beer drinkers.”
“And I got me some Cheetz and Doreetz!” exclaimed Sisky, opening one of the many bags of Cheetos.
Then someone else entered into the back room. They had been so excited that they hadn’t even heard the door to the bus open or the footsteps heading toward them. “Jules, can I talk to you for a minute?” Brendon asked, handing out a bouquet of flowers.
“I think you need to leave Brendon,” she said quietly.
“I just want to talk to you for one minute, then I’ll leave.”
“No Brendon! Why are you doing this? You obviously don’t care about me at all. Can you please leave?”
“Please Julia. Just one minute?”
“You heard the girl,” Michael said, “You need to leave man.”
Brendon looked defeated and turned to leave, but the bus started up and started to propel forward. Mike got up and walked to the front of the bus, coming back a minute later, “Phil says he’s not stopping again until we get to the next venue, because we’re short on time.”
Brendon smiled, “See? Now you have to talk to me Jules.”
“She doesn’t have to do anything! Who the fuck do you think you are Urie?” William got off of the couch and started to move towards Brendon.
“It’s okay Will,” Julia stood up too, also moving towards Brendon, “I’ll just see what he wants.” She lead Brendon down the corridor to the front of the bus and turned to face him, arms crossed in front of her, “Before you start with your apologies and excuses, let me just say this: I’m sorry that I slept with you yesterday. I’m sorry that I let you woo me into believing that you actually had feelings for me. I’m sorry that I ever laid eyes on you in the first place, but I guess I couldn’t help it. As it turns out, I have really bad taste in men.”
“Julia, I’m really sorry, I really do have feelings for you.”
“Bullshit! If you had feelings for me, you wouldn’t have slept with me, then made out with some other girl in the same day.”
“But she didn’t even mean anything to me!”
“That’s even worse Brendon! Don’t you get it? You hurt me over some girl who didn’t even matter. Obviously you have no respect for me.”
“I do respect you.”
“Then why did you lie to me yesterday? Why did you tell me that you loved me?”
“I thought that that’s what girls want to hear after making such a big step in a relationship.”
His stupidity astounded her and a single tear rolled down her cheek, “I didn’t want to hear that Brendon! It’s not like I said anything like that to you!” she wiped away the tear from her cheek, “God! Why am I wasting my tears on you? I’m going to the back again. You stay up here. I don’t want to see you.”
She walked to the back of the bus again and nestled in between Sisky and Will, putting her head on Will’s shoulder, and him putting his arm around her.
“Cheetz?” Sisky asked, holding out the bag to her. Julia just laughed and shook her head.
Julia’s hands cupped over her mouth, and she turned soundlessly on her feet, tears welling up in her eyes. She walked out of the smaller room and through the rest of the Panic! guys, who were gathered around the door, ready to comfort her, or break up a fight, or something. Jon put his arm around her and walked with her, out of the dressing room, out of the concert hall, through the parking lot, and on to the TAI bus.
“Where’s Will?” Jon asked, knowing exactly who she wanted to talk to. The guys pointed to the bunks, but Julia was already two steps ahead of them and halfway down the narrow corridor leading between some of the beds.
She knelt down to the lower bunk belonging to William, and pulled back the curtains revealing Will, laying on his stomach and writing in his journal by the light of one of those clip-on book lamps. When he saw the tears in her eyes he pushed his journal and the lamp aside, and rolled over on his side making room for her. She climbed into his bed and buried her face into his t-shirt, sobbing even harder.
“What happened Jules?”
“You were right, Will. You were right about him all along,” she continued to sob, but didn’t offer any further explanation of what had happened. William didn’t need it though, he knew enough already.
He wrapped his arms tightly around her and breathed deep, smelling the sweet scent of her hair. Neither of them said anything. Neither of them needed to.
***
They had shifted positions sometime during the night and Julia woke up to the warmth of William’s warm breath on her ear. They were spooning, and Julia was surprised to notice Will’s hand cupped lightly over her breast. She was sure it was something that had happened naturally and innocently during the night, but nonetheless, the surprise and her sleepiness caused her to giggle out loud, stirring William. “Hmm?” he asked groggily, “Good morning… Oh shit!” he realized that his hand was resting on her breast and pulled it away hurriedly, “Sorry.”
“It’s fine Will,” She turned to face him.
“Are you okay?”
“I will be. I didn’t think I cared that much, but after yesterday afternoon, I guess I was more serious about it then I realized.”
“What happened yesterday afternoon?”
“When I went over to the Panic! bus, Brendon and I, uhh, you know…” she trailed off and he understood, “Then he told me that he loved me.”
“HE WHAT?” Will sat up sharply, knocking his head against the top of the bunk and making Butcher groan in his sleep.
Julia put her hand on his shoulder and forced his head back on to the pillow, “I didn’t say it back. I just told him that I cared a lot about him, but it was too soon for love.”
“That’s good,” Will said matter-of-factly, “Good. No love involved. Good.”
She gave him a confused look, “It still hurts Will, when a guy that just told you he loves you is making out with some random groupie chick. Even if I didn’t love him, it still hurts.”
“I know,” he brushed some strands of hair out of her eyes, “but you know what hurts more?”
“What?”
“The smell of your morning breath. Just awful!” He smiled and plugged his nose, pretending to be disgusted.
“Because yours smells like roses!” she smacked his arm playfully, then made a move to get out of the bed.
“Wait! Where are you going?”
“I’m going to brush my teeth. Now I’m all self-conscious.”
“I was kidding. You’re morning breath isn’t that bad. Come back here.”
“No! You just told me it stinks! Why should I believe you that it ‘isn’t that bad’?”
“I’ll prove it to you.”
She looked confused. “What?! How are you going to prove…” but before she could finish her sentence, Will’s lips were on hers, moist and eager. He was kissing her and she couldn’t believe it. Why was this happening.? She gently pushed him away and his cheeks immediately flushed red, “What was that?” she asked.
“Sorry, I, uhh,” he stammered, “Can we just forget that that happened?”
“Uhh, yeah, sure.” Julia was totally confused. Why had Will just kissed her?
***
The day went on like normal and Julia and Will carefully avoided any topics including Brendon, bad breath, and kissing. Julia was watching the guys play some kind of video game where they were all killing each other when Tony walked into the back room, hanging up the phone. “Good news guys,” he said sitting down in between Sisky and Mike, “As you know, after the show tonight we have four days until the next show, and a not-so-long way to travel, so I booked us rooms at a hotel tonight.”
The room erupted into a chorus of YEAH’s and WOO HOO’s. “I’ll get to sleep in a real bed, a real bed, a real bed. I’ll get to sleep in a real bed, with no wheels under my head!” Sisky sang in a sort of child-like song, making the rest of the group burst into laughter.
About an hour later the bus pulled over at a rest stop so that everyone could stretch their legs. Julia decided to stay on the bus, so as to avoid any run-ins with Brendon, but the rest of band left. Looking out the window, Julia saw all of the TAI guys gathering around William, and figured that he was probably telling them what exactly had happened with Brendon the night before. She was confused, however, when she saw the guys all pat Will on the back, giving him sympathetic looks and Sisky giving him the pouty puppy dog face. She decided to read to get her mind off of the events of the past 24 hours.
“So then I kissed her, and after a few seconds she pushed away,” Will explained to the guys outside the bus.
“I’m sorry man. That really sucks,” said Mike patting him on the back.
“Yeah, we all know how you’ve felt about her for the past, what? Four years?” Butcher said.
William shrugged with a sad look on his face, “I guess she’s just not interested. I don’t think it’s ever crossed her mind, the possibility that we’d make an amazing couple, and that I’ve been in love with her for such a long time. I’ve always just been a good friend to her, nothing more.”
“Well, I think you should give her some time. Maybe, like you said, she never really thought about it before, but now that you’ve kissed her, maybe she’ll start thinking about it and it’ll all turn out good,” Mike said.
“I hope so,” William looked wistful, “Let’s go buy some beer. I think I’m going to need to get drunk tonight.”
A little while later the guys entered the bus again, arms filled with cases of beer and junk food. “Having a party tonight?” Julia asked, eying the four cases of beer.
“Just a little one,” Butcher answered.
“Looks like more then a little one. You have four cases there.”
“We got something for everybody,” William explained, “Labatt for you,” Julia smiled and nodded her approval, “Molson, Blue Moon, and last and certainly least, Miller for those uncultured beer drinkers.”
“And I got me some Cheetz and Doreetz!” exclaimed Sisky, opening one of the many bags of Cheetos.
Then someone else entered into the back room. They had been so excited that they hadn’t even heard the door to the bus open or the footsteps heading toward them. “Jules, can I talk to you for a minute?” Brendon asked, handing out a bouquet of flowers.
“I think you need to leave Brendon,” she said quietly.
“I just want to talk to you for one minute, then I’ll leave.”
“No Brendon! Why are you doing this? You obviously don’t care about me at all. Can you please leave?”
“Please Julia. Just one minute?”
“You heard the girl,” Michael said, “You need to leave man.”
Brendon looked defeated and turned to leave, but the bus started up and started to propel forward. Mike got up and walked to the front of the bus, coming back a minute later, “Phil says he’s not stopping again until we get to the next venue, because we’re short on time.”
Brendon smiled, “See? Now you have to talk to me Jules.”
“She doesn’t have to do anything! Who the fuck do you think you are Urie?” William got off of the couch and started to move towards Brendon.
“It’s okay Will,” Julia stood up too, also moving towards Brendon, “I’ll just see what he wants.” She lead Brendon down the corridor to the front of the bus and turned to face him, arms crossed in front of her, “Before you start with your apologies and excuses, let me just say this: I’m sorry that I slept with you yesterday. I’m sorry that I let you woo me into believing that you actually had feelings for me. I’m sorry that I ever laid eyes on you in the first place, but I guess I couldn’t help it. As it turns out, I have really bad taste in men.”
“Julia, I’m really sorry, I really do have feelings for you.”
“Bullshit! If you had feelings for me, you wouldn’t have slept with me, then made out with some other girl in the same day.”
“But she didn’t even mean anything to me!”
“That’s even worse Brendon! Don’t you get it? You hurt me over some girl who didn’t even matter. Obviously you have no respect for me.”
“I do respect you.”
“Then why did you lie to me yesterday? Why did you tell me that you loved me?”
“I thought that that’s what girls want to hear after making such a big step in a relationship.”
His stupidity astounded her and a single tear rolled down her cheek, “I didn’t want to hear that Brendon! It’s not like I said anything like that to you!” she wiped away the tear from her cheek, “God! Why am I wasting my tears on you? I’m going to the back again. You stay up here. I don’t want to see you.”
She walked to the back of the bus again and nestled in between Sisky and Will, putting her head on Will’s shoulder, and him putting his arm around her.
“Cheetz?” Sisky asked, holding out the bag to her. Julia just laughed and shook her head.
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