Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Learning to Love Again
Chapter Nineteen –Cos I Can Carry You On My Back
Just because weeks passed, it didn’t mean that perfection claimed their decaying marriage vows. Sue had advised that they listen to each other, really listen. However, whenever they tried to listen, it got too hard. Instead of listening, they both closed their ears off for fear of hearing anything more that could bring them down. The most important thing to them both was their children.
Patrick stepped into his home. Aimee and Natalie were crying and from the sounds of it, he could tell it had been going on for some time. He made his way through to the living area, Shay was holding Natalie and also, wiping Aimee’s face with a cloth.
“They both have fever.” Shay said concerned, without even greeting him. The children came first.
“Where’s Rory?” he frowned,
“He’s at a Tom’s.” She said.
Patrick sat down and took Aimee into his arms.
“Hey baby.” He said, holding her close. She just began crying again, a fresh batch of tears for her Dad.
“I hate it when they’re sick!” Shay said, she burst out crying too and Patrick stared at all three females, sobbing before him.
“Hey hey hey...” he said, he put his arm around her and pulled her close.
“I hate that there’s nothing I can do!” she cried.
“They’ll be OK – they just feel like shit!” he said, Shay laughed a little.
The kids were quiet now and listening to their Mom and Dad. Patrick kissed Shay’s head firmly. When he saw upset over the children, it reminded him of why he fell in love with her in the first place. When he thought back to how they’d fought for Rory, how she had given up so much for him. He tried so hard to dwell on that, rather than the post-pete version that had been left behind. Only a width of the shadow.
He helped Shay bathe the girls and then put them to rest which was what they needed. Patrick walked past Aimee’s room and he stopped as he saw Aimee with Shay and both their hands were clasped, he frowned slightly and he moved in silently.
“Thank you for keeping us safe, thank you for everything we have, even when we feel really icky...” Shay prayed, Aimee giggled.
“And even when Daddy’s not here.” Aimee added, Patrick’s heart suddenly spasmed in his chest and he almost let out a sound.
“Even if Daddy’s not, we ask you to always keep him safe and help us be good people and we also pray for the wrong things we do. Sometimes only you really know how sorry we are.” She said.
“Like when Mommy swears cos she’s burning in the kitchen.” Aimee chipped in.
“Like when Mommy swears....” Shay said with a smile.
“And when Rory takes our things.” She added. Shay opened her eyes slightly and grinned at her daughter who’s eyes were closed tight.
“Most of all, we ask that you watch over all those who have less than us and who are going through horrible things. Keep them in your thoughts. Amen.” Shay said very gently.
“Amen!” Aimee chirped.
Shay opened her eyes and she turned quickly to see Patrick stood there.
“Night night baby.” Shay said kissing her and squeezing her tight.
“I love you Mom.” She said.
“I love you too sweet pea.” She said and kissed her again.
Patrick leaned over too and did his own departure routine.
Shay began tidying downstairs.
“You pray?” Patrick asked, there was a sense of sarcasm in his voice.
Shay stopped and looked at him.
“Aimee wanted to start praying, there’s a kid at school who’s been talking to her about it, she’s curious.” Shay said.
Patrick watched her as she carried on.
“You’re a good Mom Shay...” he said, she froze and she slowly looked at him.
“Thank you...” she whispered.
He walked over to her and she clasped the toys in her hands more firmly. The fear pulsated to her skin and she secreted a nervous sweat quickly.
Patrick took the toys from her with so much intention, it scared Shay even more. Without a further word, he put his hand around her neck and pulled her in to his lips, kissing her firmly. Shay resisted before remembering this was her Patrick, her soul mate, her best friend.
She took in air and they kissed more before she pulled away suddenly.
The husband that she had betrayed.
“What?” he asked, his lips swollen from their clinch.
“We shouldn’t.” She said firmly and she stepped back slightly.
“Why?!” He frowned.
“Because!” She argued, angry he wasn’t respecting the distance he’d so intentionally put in-between them over the past few weeks.
Patrick’s eyes looked over quickly, assessing her, trying to find the problem, trying to find the cure.
“We should talk about things.” Shay said softly.
“I’m sick of talking – I just want you and I want my family back.” He said frustrated.
“You’re not ready to have me back, Patrick, everytime I look at you, all I see is how much I have damaged you by the horrible things that I did to you.”
Patrick stared at her.
“I have messed everything up and I don’t think you just running back is going to fix anything at all.” She said, her eyes were welling up.
“Then you won’t let me back, even though I want to come back?” he frowned, his words were slow and intentional.
“No.” She said, shaking her head slightly.
“ok.” He said weakly and swallowed hard.
“I’m sorry.” She said gently, holding her tears back.
“Shay.....there’s something you need to know.” He said.
She looked at him with a deep frown, knowing that this wasn’t going to be good. Maybe he was going to divorce her.
“5 years ago, I was unfaithful to you.” He said. Shay’s staggered gasped fell from her mouth and her jaw dropped slightly and so did water into her eyes.
She didn’t say a word, she only stared at him as he stared intensely at the floor, his jaw clenched.
“With Greta....” he added.
“Oh god...” Shay’s stumbled words collapsed from her lips.
“When I was pregnant with Aimee.” She frowned
“Yes.”
“You weren’t lying, all that time, you really had been unfaithful to me?!” she frowned.
He nodded.
“Why are you telling me this?!!” She cried angrily.
“Because – God!! Shay!! You think you’re the only person who screwed up in this marriage – I’m the one who screwed it up. I was unfaithful to you first and I always have been the one being unfaithful as long as I did my own thing with the band!!” He said angrily.
Shay continued to stare at him.
“I cannot continue with you carrying the guilt anymore! I just want us to move on with our lives, I just want us to get past this – I can’t stand it!!” He yelled.
“You should leave.” Shay said, a cold tone to her voice. Patrick stepped towards her.
“Don’t come near me!” she said, putting her hands up to stop him.
“Shay-“
“-Just LEAVE Patrick!” she snapped.
Reluctantly, he snatched his key card off the table and he left. Shay slunk down to her feet and gently laid on the floor and cried hard to get out the anguish the raced in her system.
Just because weeks passed, it didn’t mean that perfection claimed their decaying marriage vows. Sue had advised that they listen to each other, really listen. However, whenever they tried to listen, it got too hard. Instead of listening, they both closed their ears off for fear of hearing anything more that could bring them down. The most important thing to them both was their children.
Patrick stepped into his home. Aimee and Natalie were crying and from the sounds of it, he could tell it had been going on for some time. He made his way through to the living area, Shay was holding Natalie and also, wiping Aimee’s face with a cloth.
“They both have fever.” Shay said concerned, without even greeting him. The children came first.
“Where’s Rory?” he frowned,
“He’s at a Tom’s.” She said.
Patrick sat down and took Aimee into his arms.
“Hey baby.” He said, holding her close. She just began crying again, a fresh batch of tears for her Dad.
“I hate it when they’re sick!” Shay said, she burst out crying too and Patrick stared at all three females, sobbing before him.
“Hey hey hey...” he said, he put his arm around her and pulled her close.
“I hate that there’s nothing I can do!” she cried.
“They’ll be OK – they just feel like shit!” he said, Shay laughed a little.
The kids were quiet now and listening to their Mom and Dad. Patrick kissed Shay’s head firmly. When he saw upset over the children, it reminded him of why he fell in love with her in the first place. When he thought back to how they’d fought for Rory, how she had given up so much for him. He tried so hard to dwell on that, rather than the post-pete version that had been left behind. Only a width of the shadow.
He helped Shay bathe the girls and then put them to rest which was what they needed. Patrick walked past Aimee’s room and he stopped as he saw Aimee with Shay and both their hands were clasped, he frowned slightly and he moved in silently.
“Thank you for keeping us safe, thank you for everything we have, even when we feel really icky...” Shay prayed, Aimee giggled.
“And even when Daddy’s not here.” Aimee added, Patrick’s heart suddenly spasmed in his chest and he almost let out a sound.
“Even if Daddy’s not, we ask you to always keep him safe and help us be good people and we also pray for the wrong things we do. Sometimes only you really know how sorry we are.” She said.
“Like when Mommy swears cos she’s burning in the kitchen.” Aimee chipped in.
“Like when Mommy swears....” Shay said with a smile.
“And when Rory takes our things.” She added. Shay opened her eyes slightly and grinned at her daughter who’s eyes were closed tight.
“Most of all, we ask that you watch over all those who have less than us and who are going through horrible things. Keep them in your thoughts. Amen.” Shay said very gently.
“Amen!” Aimee chirped.
Shay opened her eyes and she turned quickly to see Patrick stood there.
“Night night baby.” Shay said kissing her and squeezing her tight.
“I love you Mom.” She said.
“I love you too sweet pea.” She said and kissed her again.
Patrick leaned over too and did his own departure routine.
Shay began tidying downstairs.
“You pray?” Patrick asked, there was a sense of sarcasm in his voice.
Shay stopped and looked at him.
“Aimee wanted to start praying, there’s a kid at school who’s been talking to her about it, she’s curious.” Shay said.
Patrick watched her as she carried on.
“You’re a good Mom Shay...” he said, she froze and she slowly looked at him.
“Thank you...” she whispered.
He walked over to her and she clasped the toys in her hands more firmly. The fear pulsated to her skin and she secreted a nervous sweat quickly.
Patrick took the toys from her with so much intention, it scared Shay even more. Without a further word, he put his hand around her neck and pulled her in to his lips, kissing her firmly. Shay resisted before remembering this was her Patrick, her soul mate, her best friend.
She took in air and they kissed more before she pulled away suddenly.
The husband that she had betrayed.
“What?” he asked, his lips swollen from their clinch.
“We shouldn’t.” She said firmly and she stepped back slightly.
“Why?!” He frowned.
“Because!” She argued, angry he wasn’t respecting the distance he’d so intentionally put in-between them over the past few weeks.
Patrick’s eyes looked over quickly, assessing her, trying to find the problem, trying to find the cure.
“We should talk about things.” Shay said softly.
“I’m sick of talking – I just want you and I want my family back.” He said frustrated.
“You’re not ready to have me back, Patrick, everytime I look at you, all I see is how much I have damaged you by the horrible things that I did to you.”
Patrick stared at her.
“I have messed everything up and I don’t think you just running back is going to fix anything at all.” She said, her eyes were welling up.
“Then you won’t let me back, even though I want to come back?” he frowned, his words were slow and intentional.
“No.” She said, shaking her head slightly.
“ok.” He said weakly and swallowed hard.
“I’m sorry.” She said gently, holding her tears back.
“Shay.....there’s something you need to know.” He said.
She looked at him with a deep frown, knowing that this wasn’t going to be good. Maybe he was going to divorce her.
“5 years ago, I was unfaithful to you.” He said. Shay’s staggered gasped fell from her mouth and her jaw dropped slightly and so did water into her eyes.
She didn’t say a word, she only stared at him as he stared intensely at the floor, his jaw clenched.
“With Greta....” he added.
“Oh god...” Shay’s stumbled words collapsed from her lips.
“When I was pregnant with Aimee.” She frowned
“Yes.”
“You weren’t lying, all that time, you really had been unfaithful to me?!” she frowned.
He nodded.
“Why are you telling me this?!!” She cried angrily.
“Because – God!! Shay!! You think you’re the only person who screwed up in this marriage – I’m the one who screwed it up. I was unfaithful to you first and I always have been the one being unfaithful as long as I did my own thing with the band!!” He said angrily.
Shay continued to stare at him.
“I cannot continue with you carrying the guilt anymore! I just want us to move on with our lives, I just want us to get past this – I can’t stand it!!” He yelled.
“You should leave.” Shay said, a cold tone to her voice. Patrick stepped towards her.
“Don’t come near me!” she said, putting her hands up to stop him.
“Shay-“
“-Just LEAVE Patrick!” she snapped.
Reluctantly, he snatched his key card off the table and he left. Shay slunk down to her feet and gently laid on the floor and cried hard to get out the anguish the raced in her system.
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