FicWad

Patrick came home and none of the children were there. He walked upstairs and found Bobbie on the bed. "Bobbie, I'm home. I took Kyle to Pete's. We need to talk." She sat up in bed. "Where do you want to start?" "From the beginning would be good." "Before my mom died, you were hardly here. I felt so alone. I know it's not an excuse. Ryan came by when you were on the promotional tour. We went out for pizza one night when the kids were gone and I slept with him. I'm sorry." "Did you think of me while he was fucking you?" Bobbie got up. "Don't start this. I'm telling you what happened. This is hard for me." "You don't think this is hard for me. I come home from being on the road and see my so called friend screwing my wife. Do you know I've been going to a therapist? I can't get that image out of my mind. She's wanted me to tell you that I've seen you and that we should come in."

"I will, Patrick. I don't want to give up on us." "Maybe I do. It's not all about you. I do have one question that I want answered." "What?" "Is Sarah mine? Hell, are any of the children mine?" Bobbie slapped Patrick. Her hand stung. "Get the hell out. Pack your stuff and get out." "Is she?" "I don't know! I'm sorry, but I don't know." "Why, Bobbie?" "I wanted to feel love again. You were never around. I shouldn't of slept with Ryan. I know that. I'm not blaming you. It's all my fault. It's always been my fault." "What do you mean it's always been your fault?"
"Nothing. Are you leaving?" "No, this is my home. You are still my wife. But I want to know what you mean." "Everything is my fault, Patrick. Jackson, cutting, losing the baby, moving, sleeping with Ryan. Do you want me to go on?" "Oh my god. Honey, none of those are your fault." He walked to her and hugged her. "We're going to get through this. If Sarah isn't mine, I'll still be her daddy. She had my heart when I seen her." "She loves you so much. Patrick, will we get through this?" "I believe we will. It's going to be hard, but we can."

Patrick kissed her. "I love you. I never stopped." Patrick said. "How can you say that?" "After all we've been through. How can I not." He carried her to the bed. "No, Patrick. You don't want me." "The hell I don't." He kissed her roughly. Patrick grabbed her breast and squeezed it gently while kissing Bobbie's neck. Bobbie reached down and took Patrick's shirt off. She rubbed his chest. "No. Get off, Patrick." Bobbie pushed him off and ran to the living room. "Bobbie!" Patrick got to her before she got to the front door.

"What's wrong?" "How can you look at me?" She was crying. "Baby, come here." He took her to the couch and held her. "Why are you taking this so hard? I love you and want to be with you. Do you understand? I don't know if you heard me or not, but when all the stuff happened with Jackson and you were in the hospital, I told you I would stand by you no matter what. Of course I failed then. I'm not about to let you go. I'm here for you." Bobbie hugged Patrick. "I'm having flashbacks. I see him. He's hurting you and the children. Look." She lifted her shirt sleeve. "Oh babe. When did you start cutting again?" "About two months ago. I don't when the children are here. I'm sorry I'm a disappointment to you."

"Babycakes, will you stop it. You can never be a disappointment to me. I want you to stop, but you have to do it on your own. I'll help you in any way I can. I'm going to take a break from work. I see now I should of done it awhile ago. I'm sorry." Bobbie laid her head on Patrick's shoulder and he was rubbing her back. "Come on. Let's go to bed." Patrick carried Bobbie to the bed and undressed her and put a nightgown on her. He then took off his clothes and got into bed. He took her in his arms again.

"I remember the first time I seen you. You were moving into the house and Pete and I were leaving. I thought you were so beautiful. Something inside of me pushed me to help you. My life hasn't been the same since. I'm so glad you came to Chicago. When you left it was the worst day of my life. I should of stopped you. I went to your graduation. Did you know that? I was about to come up to you, but you were with Brody." Patrick had tears in his eyes. "I wish you would of come up to me. I missed you every day while I was gone. When I moved back to Chicago, I secretly wished everyday that I would run into you." She smiled up at him. "I love you so much. Don't ever forget that." "I love you too." Bobbie fell asleep on Patrick's chest.

The next morning Bobbie woke up alone in bed. She just laid there for a bit. "Good morning sweetheart." Patrick came in with a tray of eggs, bacon, toast, orange juice, and fruit. "Patrick, you didn't have to do this." She sat up in bed. "I know. But I wanted to." Bobbie started eating and looked at Patrick. "What's up?" "I called my therapist and told her what you have been through. She wants to see you right away. She also mention something." "What is that?" "She was wondering if you would want to go into the hospital." "No, Patrick. Please." "She was just wondering. We can do this by just seeing her. Just think about it. I'm not going to force you. But if at any time you feel like you need to go, let me know." "I will."

Bobbie and Patrick ate breakfast and then went to see the therapist. "Hello Bobbie. My name is Connie. I've been seeing Patrick for awhile now. I thought we could spend a little time talking with Patrick and then alone. Will that be alright?" "Yes." "I understand things came out about your affair." "It wasn't an affair. It was one time. It should of never happened." "But it did." Patrick said. "I told you that I'm sorry. What do you want? I haven't seen Ryan since. It's not like I'm seeing him every week."
"Can you tell me what brought you to sleep with Ryan?" Connie asked. "My mother just died and Patrick had a promo tour to do. He wouldn't stay home." "I couldn't. I told you I tried to get out of it." "Patrick, let Bobbie finish." "Ryan came to the house. His band was in Chicago to record their album. One night the kids were gone and we went out to eat and the rest everyone knows." "How did you feel when Bobbie told you, Patrick?" "I was mad. I know I wasn't there for her, but I wish she would of came to me." "Patrick, I did. What did you want me to do? I practically begged you to stay. Why didn't you stay?" "I have responsibilities with the band. I couldn't back out."

"I needed you, Patrick. You ran away. You did the same thing when I lost our first baby. You shut down and wouldn't talk about it." "Yes, I ran. I didn't know your mom all that well, but I was scared that I was going to lose you again. And I did." "What do you mean?" "I was afraid that you would die. I don't know why I thought about it, but it scared me. I had nightmares." "I think there is an underlying situation here. Patrick mention about an ex-boyfriend." "Yes, Jackson. He was very abusive." "That is where we need to start." "That was years ago." "Did you two talk about it and heal?" Connie asked. Patrick and Bobbie looked at each other. "No. I cheated on her and she left."
"I think we first need to work on the past and then talk about Ryan. How does that sound with you both?" "Good." Bobbie said. "What about Sarah? Patrick you have mentioned to me that you are scared that she isn't yours?" "Um yeah. I want her to be mine. I don't know what would happen if she isn't. My children and Bobbie are my life." "What are you scared of?" "For one that she isn't mine and that Ryan will take her away." "Let's not get a head of ourselves first. I want you both to tell Ryan. He really does need to know. Then you get a DNA test. Do you think you both will be able to do that?" "Yes." Patrick said.

Bobbie wasn't saying anything. "Are you alright, Bobbie." "No! We shouldn't be going through this. I don't want Ryan to know." "Babe, he has to know. I don't want him to know either, but he has to." "Patrick, I want to talk to Bobbie alone." "Alright." He turned to Bobbie. "It's going to be alright. I'll wait for you. I love you." He got up and walked to the waiting room.

"I can tell you are upset. What's going on?" "Patrick. That's what. He's not mad or if he is he's holding it in. I'm scared. I think I would rather him be yelling and screaming." "He's had sometime to think this over. It's not like he just found out." "I guess. I'm just worried for him. I hate that I'm doing this to him." "I want you both to start sharing your feelings more. I think you lost that along the way. You were busy with the children and he was busy with his career. It happens in every marriage." "But it wasn't suppose to with ours. I love that man more than my life. Why did I have to hurt him?" "We'll find that out. Our time is coming to an end. I want to see you alone next week. We didn't touch on the cutting. When you feel the need to cut I want you to write in a notebook your feelings or even on your body with a marker. Try and not to cut. I know it's hard. And talk to Patrick. He's very worried about you."

Bobbie and Patrick left after making appointments. "Patrick, why aren't you mad at me?" "I am. I don't know if I can trust you anymore. First Ryan and then the cutting. You know you can come to me with anything." "I know." "Then why didn't you?" "I don't know." "That's not an answer." He pulled into their driveway. They got out and went into the house. The children were still gone. "I don't know what answer you want from me. I'm scared to death that I'm going to lose you, but I want you to really tell me what you think of me right this minute." "No, you don't." He went in the kitchen and got a glass of water. "What do you think of me?" "Bobbie, stop." "No. You are thinking something, tell me." "I think you are a cheater, liar, martyr, and most of all a whore. Happy?" Bobbie slapped Patrick. "Get the fuck out? If you don't I'm calling the cops." Bobbie ran to the bathroom and locked the door. She grabbed the razor and started in on her arms and then legs.

Patrick knocked on the door. "Bobbie, I'm going to stay at a hotel. I left the information on the table. I'm sorry. I do love you. I know you might not think it, but I do." She didn't answer him. "Bobbie, Bobbie. Are you alright?" Bobbie couldn't answer him. "Dammit. You're cutting aren't you? Let me in." "I love you, Patrick."