...well they're never gonna get me, like a bullet through a flock of doves, to wage this war against your faith in me... you're life, will never be the same on your mother's eyes; say a prayer, say a prayer...
I woke up the next morning at 8am. I had actually slept a lot since I went to bed early.
I looked over at Frankie's bed and saw him curled up under a sheet, still sleeping and breathing deeply.
I got up and did all the usual morning things in the bathroom and got dressed. When I got out, Frankie was still in the same position, but I didn't think he was asleep anymore; he wasn't breathing as deeply as before.
I pretended I didn't notice. It seemed to be the only thing we did lately. Pretend.
I threw all my things into the suitcase, closed it and left it. I'd come pick it up later before check-out time.
I left with my pack of cigarettes and went to go get coffee; we had a concert tonight and I needed all the energy I could get.
I was relieved when I arrived at the hotel breakfast bar and saw that there were only a few other people there; none of which I knew. I didn't feel like talking or seeing anyone just yet... not before I had had my coffee.
I took out a cigarette to accompany my coffee, but forgot I had lost my lighter. I had to ask one of the guys in the room for one; thank god he had one. I'd have to buy a new one.
After all, /I thought grimly, /coffee and cigarettes are an alcoholic's best friend.
"10 minutes 'till show time, guys!"
While we were backstage getting ready, the crowd was already warmed up and ready, wanting us to start the concert.
Mikey was actually just pacing back and forth, looking nervous like he always did before a show. Ray was checking out his guitar and making sure everything was okay. Bob was twirling his drumsticks around his fingers with his eyes closed, looking concentrated. Frank was jumping up and down, shaking his fingers, and trying to get psyched up.
I, on the other hand, was sitting on the floor cross-legged, doing absolutely nothing. Except thinking. I had been doing a lot of that, lately.
I hadn't spoken to Frank all day, and every time I would slip a glance at him, he seemed busy doing one thing or another just to not have to look at me. It was kind of absurd to be here, getting ready to do a concert for thousands of fans, when everything was just so weird between us all.
And I say between us /all /because Bob and Ray finally figured out something was wrong between Frank and me, too. It wasn't hard. We went from being all day together and doing everything together to not even talking and avoiding each other.
Mikey followed me around all day and nagged me about going to talk to Frank, but I just couldn't. It was too late now anyways. We'd just have to fix everything after the concert...
I didn't really care though, and I didn't think it would ruin the concert or anything. When I got onstage, nothing mattered to me except singing and making the crowd scream. It was my passion; Ifelt like a different person onstage. Nothing could get to me while I was up there and I could be anything and do anything I wanted.
It was a great feeling.
I got up from the floor and stretched, waiting impatiently for the time to pass until we could finally go out onstage. The crowd was getting noisier by the minute and I couldn't wait to go out and see them.
The lights were all out, it was almost pitch black and we could barely see our hands in front of our faces. Suddenly the crowd started to chant.../MCR! MCR! MCR!/
"Let's go! Go! Go!"
We all ran on stage, trying not trip on anything and find our places. The crowd knew we were there, even though it was dark, and started cheering and jumping around.
I stood in front of the microphone stand holding it with my head down, waiting for my cue: Ray started us off with the beginning of the song, followed by Bob, Frank and Mikey playing softly in rhythm with him.
I was nodding my head to the music and when the time was right, I yelled, "Go!" pumping a hand up in the air. The lights turned on at that moment and the boys started playing harder, already getting wild.
With the first note the crowd recognised the song and started yelling and jumping even more.
Frankie was wide legged and playing his guitar furiously; Ray and Mikey were nodding their heads to the music; Bob was beating the hell out of the drums and I started walking around getting ready for the first line:
"Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it's-"
"...better off this way!" the crowd screamed back at me.
"For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took. Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor; I'm nooot oookay," I sang walking over to Ray, singing the chorus with him and Frank, "I'm not okaaay, I'm not okaaa-hay-hay. You wear me out!"
From the other side of the stage, I looked at Frank and started walking towards him with my typical slow movements.
"...what will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?"
"I'm not ok," /Ray and Frank yelled into their microphones. /I was staring at him intently, getting closer and closer to where he was. He glanced over at me, saw me approaching and continued to play, trying to ignore it.
"I've told you time and time again, you sang the words but-" I held out the microphone to the crowd, concentrating on them for an instant and let them finish the sentence: "don't know what it means!"
I arrived where Frank was and stood behind him, still singing; "...to be a joke and look, another line without a hook." I stepped up behind and put my hand on his chest, pushing him back against me. Instead of trying to get away like I thought he would, he put his head back against my chest, playing the guitar furiously. "I held you close as we both shook; for the last time, take a good hard look!"
I took my hand off of him and made my way back to the center singing,"I'm noot oookay, I'm not okaaay, I'm not okaaay-hay-hay; you wear me out!" I screamed, glaring at Frank for a moment from the middle of stage.
Ray started his solo, crouching in front of the crowd and nodding his head violently; I urged the crowd to jump and Frank started jumping too.
I put on an angry face and sang, "Forget about the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took." Glancing over at Frank, I continued, "You said you read me like a book but the pages are all torn and frayed!"
I stopped yelling abruptly and whispered to the crowd, "I'm...o...kay...I'm o-", and started yelling again with the help of the boys, "kaaay!"
"I'm okay now, I'm okay now..." I sang, with an arm stretched out to the crowd.
Frankie came up to me then and stood in front of me in the same position we were before, but with his head bent over his guitar and he played.
"Well you really need to listen to me! Cuz I'm telling you the truth! I mean this... I'M OKAY!"
He brought his head up yelled, "Trust me!"into my microphone, and without warning, he quickly turned around to face me, letting go of his guitar, grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me fiercely on the mouth.
/This isn't a stage kiss... /I could feel the electricity passing through our lips, making my heart beat so hard I thought it would crash through my ribcage.
He had to cut it off abruptly: we had left Ray singing alone. Then he went back to his spot, spinning around and nodding his head.
The crowd went wild.
"...well, I'm not okay, I'm not o-fucking-kay! I'm not okaaay. I'm not okaaay..." We sang the last verses with as much passion as possible, and the crowd helped us.
We sang the other songs from our "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge" CD with some songs from our first CD, "I brought you my bullets, you brought me your love", finishing the concert with Helena; a very important song to us.
"...what's the worst thing I could say?" I asked sadly. "Things are better if I stay. So long and goodnight... so long and goodnight..."
"Well if you carry on this way," I screamed into the microphone, leaning down in front of the crowd, "things are better if I stay. So long and goodnight... so long and goodnight..."
The last notes of music sounded around the room, slowly fading, as we finished, and the room started vibrating from the rising screams, cheers and applauses from the crowd.
I bowed to the crowd, showing them my thanks.
"Thank you all for coming! We love you all, you motherfuckers! We'll see you all real soon..." I waved to the crowd, blew them kisses, and then ran off stage with the others.
The rush from the concert slowly faded away, and I slowly became the person I normally was: the one with all the troubles and problems.
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