FicWad

Part 26
Amy’s POV- ‘The Part where the shock sets in and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.’
“I mean how? Why? Just why?” I ask Charli. I’m dry cheeked for now but I’m not sure how. It’s like when you’re sp upset that even the tears decide it’s safer to keep their distance.
“I don’t know. We didn’t know, the rest of us. It wasn’t some big conspiracy against you.”
“That’s something I suppose.” We’re in the park sat on a picnic bench. I put my arms on the table and rest my head on them. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in the morning feeling better. Things always seem better in the morning.
“You Ok?” Charli asks, coming to sit next to me. She puts her arm around me comfortingly and this contact is all it takes to burst my protective bubble. I break down, managing to splutter out a small “No.” before crying into my arms. Charli turns me around so we’re now hugging and I’m crying into her shoulder.
“I, I , I really li-iked him.” I sob removing my head from her shoulder to wipe away tears with the back of my hand.
“I know.” Charli says soothingly. There is a deep pity and genuine emotion in my voice that lets me know she cares.
“I thought he like m-me.” I say, biting down on my bottom lip, trying my hardest not to cry again.
“He did.”
“It was all just a stupid bet.” I point out. Even if he did have some genuine feelings for me how could I know what was real and what wasn’t? How could I trust him after he’d snuck around like that behind my back?
“Maybe you should talk things over with him?”
“I never want to go anywhere near him ever again!” I explode. I welcome the anger welling up inside me, it was better than depression any day of the week. “He best not be there when I go back home or I will actually go out, get trained with some elephants, steal some from the zoo and lead them to go trample him.” I burst into laughter at the stupidity of this plan. Hysteria taking over from anger as quickly as anger had taken over from self-pity.
“Err Amy? You Ok?” Charli is asking me as I struggle to breath through my now manic laughter.
“Oh I’m just peachy. I just found out that the boy I really like has been having a bet with someone I consider as one of my best friends over who can become my fcking boyfriend first. Asides from that I’m brilliant. Oh did I mention that my Dad is a recovering alcoholic who’s on a serious relapse right now? Oh and I’m not talking to my best mate right now because he wouldn’t stop slgging off aforementioned boy who stole my heart. And I’m really not as strong as everyone thinks I am.” I finish. After venting all of this I just feel empty and numb. I mean I actually feel nothing. It’s like I can sense life going on around me but I’m stuck here on this park bench in my very own moment of time. All I can do is wait for life to come spinning back in and hope it won’t hurt too much when it does.
“Honey…” Charli starts but we both know there are no words. She could say them but I wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t absorb them, couldn’t absorb them. My heart was well and truly broken and all I could think about was the way he’d looking when Ray f*cked up my lip. He’d seemed so concerned, so, so caring. Had that just been part of his game too? All of it, absolutely all of it, was ruined now.
I feel sick, physically sick. A dull ache in my stomach and a dizziness in my head that makes it hard to form a coherent thought. All I can think of is him, the good times. I can hear Charli talking to me but it’s not making any sense. I just want to go home and go to bed. Forget all if this. I want to cry until there are no tears left and no one will ever be able to make me cry ever again. I want to hit walls. I want the feeling to come back to my legs so I can just get up and run.
“If there’s anything I can do…” Charli is saying. I shake my head and stand up. Stepping away from the bench I answer, “There isn’t. He was a liar, like the rest of them. He lied, I get over it, and it’s the general pattern. I think I’ll just go home now.” I walk away and she makes no effort to follow me. We both know there’s no point. We’ve both started depression in the face enough times to know all the warning signs and all the lines that aren’t safe to cross. So she just stays on the bench as I retreat back to the place I’d just ran from

Come, Break me Down…

Charli’s POV- ‘How could you do it? Oh I, I never saw it coming.’
I sit on the bench for a while, worrying long after she’s left. I think it’s worse for people like me who understand all too well what situations like this can lead to for people who battle with depression already. She wasn’t medically diagnosed but she would be if her parents were ever around to notice and take her to the doctors. I rise and make my way down street after street. My head is still full of Amy. If it was anyone but her I don’t think I’d be so worried. I mean everyone else would get angry, then upset for a while, then angry again and ignore the guy in question for a while. Amy was different and she really liked him. You could see it in her eyes every time she looked at him, and tell by the way her voice changed slightly when he came up in conversation. Then there was the way she always smiled when he came into view, and moved up automatically on the sofa so that he could sit next to her rather than in the empty chair. It took her a while to realise it, to accept it, but when she did…
I realise that I’ve walked to Mikey’s without making a conscious decision to. I knock on the door suddenly needing him. His bodily contact, his hands to hold me, to feel some solid ground. “Please be in, please be in…” I mutter, urgency taking over. The door opens to reveal Mikey’s troubled face. He smiles when he sees me. I literally throw myself on him, burying my head on his chest, warmth flowing through me finally as his arms close around me. “She’s not so good.” I explain eventually. He pulls me away a bit so he can look me in the eye. I realise suddenly that I’m close to tears, I never could handle other people’s pain. “She, she really…” I trail off, looking around in despair. I should be with her, comforting her. How could he do this, how could they do this to her? They knew how much she’s been f*cked around with.
“Mikey? Who is it?” Gerard’s voice comes from down the hall.
“Charli.” Mikey calls back, there is an unnatural frostiness in the exchange and I realise that I probably arrived in the middle of a row.
“Oh hey.” Gerard says to me as he walks down the hall towards us. “Look Mikey I’m sorry…” He says looking uncomfortable about having to do this in front of me but having to do it anyway. The problem is that when he comes within two feet of me I’m not his little brother’s girlfriend, I’m Amy’s best ate. I take a step forward so I’m now in between the boys. I raise my hand and slap Gerard across the face. The look on his face is priceless and I actually wish I had a camera.
“Uh… let’s go upstairs.” Mikey finally says. He takes my hand and leads up upwards leaving his brother stood in the hall looking like a lost puppy.
It changes when we get to his room though. Our united front rips itself apart and moves to separate galaxies. “What the hell was that about?” He shouts. Defensiveness flares up inside me.
“Frank was not the only one to blame over what they did to Amy.” I shout back. “Amy is one of my best mates, she’s told me stuff that if you knew, man you’d want to wrap her up in bubble wrap as much as I do. Her, her prick of a Dad is so busy pretending to be a reasonable responsible adult that he sees her for less than an hour a day. Stumbling in drunk after a ‘few beers’. Her mum stays out the house as much as possible to avoid her Dad. She got beat up by one of her ex’s. She was cheated on or treat badly by nearly every guy she got herself involved with. Why do people think it’s Ok to treat her like that? Gerard deserves everything he gets!”
“Emma’s pregnant.” He interrupts me.
“What has that go to do with anything?”
“And he got sacked today… and nearly got stabbed.”
“So he had a bad day… this has been going on a while Mikey.” I say. I know the last bit will make him feel patronised but I don’t care. I know him and Gerard are loyal to each other and have an amazing friendship but Gerard was not the victim in this.
“No. That making of the bet was crp and there’s no real excuse but- no just hear me out!” He says as I turn for the door. Did he realise how pathetic and up his brother’s are he was making himself look? Sticking by his brother through thick and thin, naivety choking up the air. I wait though, he wasn’t in the wrong here, I was just pssed off at everything and had expected a little more comfort and support off of him Especially when it was obvious that him and Gerard had been arguing just moments before. “The reason he acted on it was because all that sht just happened to him today and he couldn’t be bothered to be discreet with Frank about whether this was part of the bet… I honestly don’t think any of this was done as a bet, just Gerard wanted to make someone’s day as sh*t as his.”
“Oh and that makes it Ok does it?” I ask, I sit down on his bed and rest my head in my hands.
“No, but I’m sure that you’ve had a day that’s been so cr*p you want to ruin everyone else’s.” Mikey explains gently as he joins me on his bed. He puts an arm around me and I feel myself start to crumble.
“Yeah,” I agree, “but I still don’t forgive him.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Good.” I reply then I really do fall apart. The tears run and I’m not just crying for Amy anymore but for everything. For taking it out on Mikey, for all the hurt I’d tried to keep bottled up for so long. For the fact that some people seem to get all the bad luck. For Frank and Gerard and Emma and for me and from the snuffling above my head I can tell I’m not the only one letting go of my emotions tonight.