Categories > TV > Lizzie McGuire > Lizzie's Amazing Race

Leg 1, Part 1

by DanT 2 reviews

Lizzie, and some others that she knows, become contestants on The Amazing Race, competing in an around-the-world race with a million dollar prize. (Has L-G, K-E, M-Larry pairings.)

Category: Lizzie McGuire - Rating: PG - Genres: Crossover,Humor - Characters: Ethan,Gordo,Kate,Larry,Lizzie,Miranda - Published: 2005-05-12 - Updated: 2008-04-23 - 2509 words

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Lizzie McGuire, The Amazing Race, or any related characters or concepts.

Aerial view of Hollywood, California, starting with the famous "Hollywood" sign and panning down to Hollywood Boulevard, ending at Mann's Chinese Theatre, where we see a bunch of people standing around in its courtyard.

VOICE OF PHIL KEOGHAN: Welcome to Hollywood, home to showbiz celebrities, and site of the famous Chinese Theatre where many of these stars have put their handprints in its courtyard. And it's also where these twelve teams of two people each are about to begin a race around the world. All but one team will be eliminated by the end of the race. The single team that makes it to the finish line first, after completing a long series of challenging tasks, will take home a million dollars for winning... The Amazing Race!

Amazing Race theme song plays; we see names and pictures of each of the teams flash briefly on the screen:


VOICEOVER: The Amazing Race is brought to you by All the ISPs that are Not AOL. Want a better Internet? Dump that cruddy proprietary online service and sign up with a real ISP now... because AOL Sucks!

Commercial break

PHIL (voiceover): The teams are about to begin the race. You'll be learning more about them as the race proceeds. But one thing you should know up front: there's an unusual situation involving three of the teams; the six people on them attended school together from grade school to high school, and know one another well. Normally, we would disqualify teams that are so closely connected. However, once we discovered this connection -- the teams didn't even know that one another had applied for this show until late in the interviewing process -- we found these people and their complex connections to be so interesting that we rewrote our rulebook to let them in. Will they be friends or enemies as they compete in this race? Remember, only one team can win.

We now see Phil down in front of the contestants, who are lined up in front of the theatre.

PHIL (speaking to the contestants): In just a couple of minutes, the race will start. To make the start of the race more interesting, we have decided that instead of giving you the first clue right away, we'll make you search for it. Our crew is now handing out envelopes to each team; don't open them until I say it's time to go. In each envelope is the name of a celebrity. You must find the star with that celebrity's name in the Hollywood Walk of Fame; when you do, you will receive your clue. Each team has also been given two hundred dollars; that's your spending money for this leg of the race. Airfares are covered by us, but everything else you need to spend must come out of the money you have received. You will need to manage your money well to make sure you don't run out and find you can't afford the train, bus, or taxi you need to take. Now, on your mark, get set... GO!

Caption: LIZZIE and GORDO: Engaged College Students

LIZZIE: (rips open envelope) "Farrah Fawcett"... oh, yeah, wasn't that the girl who was on posters back when my parents were teenagers... I think I saw her poster in a box in the basement once; must have been my dad's.

GORDO: Personally, I think she was the most overrated one of Charlie's Angels... Kate Jackson was much more talented.

LIZZIE: Ummm, Gordo, we're in a race... let's stop discussing the merits of TV stars and start looking for our clue!

GORDO: Fine... (they both start running) ...not that I'd actually watch a show like Charlie's Angels... except to research its cinematography techniques, of course...

Taped interview segment

LIZZIE: I've known Gordo since I was one day old, and we were best friends all through childhood... we've been dating since high school, and now we're attending UCLA together... he's majoring in Film and Television, and I'm in Design. Just a few months ago, he finally proposed to me, and our wedding is coming up soon after the race ends!

GORDO: Actually, my name is David Gordon, but people call me Gordo... and, if you happen to be Spanish-speaking, yes, I know that it means "fat", and no, I'm not fat, thank you... Don't talk about me being short, though... I'm still a little self-conscious about that.

Back to race

Caption: KATE and ETHAN: Fashion Models

ETHAN: I've always admired Jaclyn Smith, myself... she just looks like the mysterious foreign type...

KATE: Hey! Pay attention to our own clue first! (grabs envelope away from Ethan, and opens it) "Britney Spears"... She was pretty cool back when we were in middle school, but she's kind of a has-been now... (and totally wacko, too...) why does she get a star when I don't? Oh, well... let's hurry up and find this! (they run off)

Taped interview segment

KATE: I was amazed to find that Lose-ie and Gor-Dork were in this race. We're totally gonna beat them. I doubt they'll survive the first round... Lizzie is such a klutz, she'll probably trip over the starting line.

LIZZIE: Let's just say... Kate and I have an... interesting relationship. In grade school, we were friends; in middle school we were enemies; the summer before high school, she was kind of a friend again; and in high school she was hard to figure out... depended on what side of the bed she got up on, I guess. We haven't talked to one another since I started college and she became a model.

KATE: Who needs college when you've got a glamorous career already beginning? Oh, yeah, Lizzie actually was a model herself once, until she screwed it up, like she does everything she gets into... including this race, I bet. And, Lizzie... I guess we'll have to be enemies again... because there's no way I'm letting you have the million bucks. I'm grabbing it for myself!

ETHAN: Hey, since I'm on your team, doesn't that mean that I get half of the money? Like, that must be about a hundred thousand dollars.

Back to race

Caption: MIRANDA and LARRY: Dating College Students

MIRANDA: Ours says "Ann Blyth". I don't know who the heck that is.

LARRY: And I don't know why anybody should care about those showbiz types, anyway. Why don't they give stars to really important people who invented and discovered things, like Albert Einstein? Or myself... (He said modestly)...OK, I guess James Earl Jones deserves a star, since he was really cool as the voice of Darth Vader... and Ben Affleck, who was great in that Vesuvius flick...

MIRANDA: ...which I still haven't seen, since when it came out my parents didn't let me see R-rated movies. I actually tried to sneak in with my friends, but that didn't work out.

LARRY: You should have told me... I've got the collectors-edition DVD set, with the director's cut and everything. We can watch it together.

MIRANDA: Not right now... try to remember we're in a race... let's go!

Taped interview segment

LARRY: nuqDaq yuch Dapol! That's Klingon for "Where do you keep the chocolate?" Sorry I couldn't remember the Klingon for "I hope we win the race!" or anything else more appropriate.

MIRANDA: Sometimes I wonder what I see in that guy... we've known one another since grade school, but I used to hate him... however, we're dating now! Not for much longer, if he keeps spouting Klingon...

LARRY: You'd maybe prefer Huttese? It'll come in handy if the race gets to Tatooine... want to hear my Jabba impression?

Back to race

Caption: JACK and RONALD: Co-Workers

JACK: C'mon, let's hurry up. Don't get all talkative like that whole bunch.

RONALD: Our paper says "James Stewart". Oh, that's the guy from It's a Wonderful Life.

JACK: It won't be so wonderful if we lose the race because we're standing around talking... Here, the stars are out that way.

Taped interview segment

JACK: The two of us work together at a meat packing plant in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

LIZZIE: My dad came from Kalamazoo... coolie!

JACK: No, I don't know Lizzie's dad, or Lizzie, or any of her whole bunch. I think it's unfair that they put all those people who know one another into the race. They're probably all conspiring against the rest of us. We'd better get the remaining teams into an alliance to make sure they all go down!

RONALD: Now you're not being fair. Shouldn't we concentrate on trying to run a good race ourselves rather than wanting bad things to happen to others? That's not being nice.

JACK: That Ronald... always being a "nice guy"... makes me sick. But we're still best buds anyway.

Back to race

Out in street

MIRANDA: OK, there's a bunch of stars along this street here... but which way should we go? I wish I knew what order they were in...

LARRY: I know how to find out... look, there's an Internet café over there.

MIRANDA: There's no time to log into your Star Flip chat room now.

LARRY: That's Star Fleet! How many times do I have to tell you? No, I want to get on the Web to look up where the star we're looking for is. (And then maybe check out the Star Fleet chat room for a minute...)

(they go into café)

MIRANDA: Internet access here is five bucks for 15 minutes... we've got to conserve our money.

LARRY: It's worth it if it can lead us straight to the star... Here, watch. Just type "Hollywood walk of fame" into Google, and right here... no, this page doesn't have all of the stars listed, and that page is poorly organized, and this other one is just trying to sell lots of crap... I bet the HTML here doesn't validate... look at the ugly code you get when you View Source...

MIRANDA: Stop critiquing their Web design and get back to finding the info!

LARRY: But there aren't even any ALT attributes on their images... shame on them. But, OK, here we go. A complete alphabetical listing of the stars in the Walk of Fame, with the street addresses of their location. Who's the star we're looking for?

MIRANDA (looking at paper): Ann Blyth.

LARRY: According to this page, it's at 6733 Hollywood Blvd.

MIRANDA: OK... vayamos!

LARRY: Before we "vamoose", can I just go talk to the café manager and try to talk him into switching their browser to Mozilla Firefox? Internet Explorer is so insecure... nobody should be using it. And Microsoft is as evil as the Death Star.

MIRANDA: NO! We're in a race, remember! Let's get our butts to 6733 Hollywood Blvd, and don't you be wastin' any more of our time on that geek stuff!

Some street scenes of various teams wandering around looking at the names on stars

Caption: MICHAEL and RODNEY: Gay Couple

RODNEY: There it is! Arnold Schwarzenegger!

MICHAEL: We found the Governator! Now, why couldn't they have given us a good celebrity, like Liza Minnelli?

Taped interview segment

MICHAEL: We consider ourselves married, even if the State of New York doesn't recognize it. We went up to New Paltz when the mayor there was marrying same-sex couples, before the judge overturned it.

RODNEY: But we don't want to be thought of as the "token gay couple" who's in this race for "PC" purposes. We're normal people, or we'd like to think so, and our relationship should be of no more special interest than any "straight" marriage.

Back to race

RODNEY: So, now what?

Crew member comes out from the crowd and hands him a clue.

RODNEY: "Fly to Monterrey, Mexico."

PHIL (voiceover): The teams will now take one of three flights from Los Angeles to Monterrey, Mexico. There are enough seats available on each flight for four of the teams. What they may not realize, however, is that the first flight to leave is actually the last to arrive, because it has a layover stop, while the other two are nonstop flights.

KATE: Is there anywhere we can find a guide to where each star is, so we know which way to go to find ours?

STREET VENDOR: Get your maps to the stars' homes here!

KATE: Hey, vendor guy... I'm not exactly looking for stars' homes... but do you have anything that will show us where stars' stars are... you know... those stars down in the sidewalk here (she points to one of them, which belongs to Martin Scorsese)?

VENDOR: I've got just what you want... they're all listed in this guidebook here. Just ten bucks.

KATE: That sounds like a ripoff to me... I'm not paying that.

Kate storms off down the block, and just happens to stumble onto Britney's star.

KATE: Hey! There it is! Britney Spears! C'mon, let's see my clue!

Crew member hands her the clue, she reads it out loud to Ethan, and they both race to find a cab to get to the airport.

MIRANDA: I think we're going the wrong way. We're looking for #6733, but the numbers here are in the 6800s and getting higher. Turn around!

Caption: BECKY and JIM: Firefighter and Stay-At-Home Dad

BECKY: Oh, here's our star: Jane Russell! Give us our clue!

Taped interview segment

BECKY: I know we're very nontraditional in our roles. I'm working as a firefighter, one of the "manliest" of jobs, while my husband stays at home and raises our 3-year-old son. But we're not doing it to make some kind of feminist point; we both truly love what we do.

Back to race

JACK: OK... we've been all the way down Hollywood Boulevard, in both directions, and still no sign of James Stewart. I told you this thing was rigged against us. I saw a couple of other teams find their clues, but they seem to have assigned us a star that doesn't exist!

RONALD: C'mon... it's gotta be /somewhere/. Keep looking!

JACK: But where?

Commercial break

Intermission: The McGuire House

Lizzie, Gordo, Miranda, Larry, Sam, Jo, and Matt are all gathered around the TV watching the first episode of the race.

"OK, Lizzie... are you sure you can't tell us who won?" asked Matt.

"I've said this a dozen times already; they have strict confidentiality rules. None of us can tell anybody what happened until it's broadcast," said Lizzie.

"Not even to your family?"

"Not even to annoying little brothers."

"Well, I'll find out... I've got my own sources. I'll know who won your race before everybody else."

"You just go and try," retorted Lizzie. "I think this one will prove a little out of your league."

"Hush... the commercial's ending and the show's coming back on!" said Jo.

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