Categories > TV > Lizzie McGuire > Lizzie's Amazing Race
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Lizzie McGuire, The Amazing Race, or any related characters or concepts.
Show resumes after commercial break.
Captions:
SUSAN and CONNIE: Mother and Daughter
KIM and KELLY: Twin Sisters
MARISSA and SUZANNE: Cocktail Waitresses
MARISSA: Us three all-girl teams decided to join together in an alliance at the start of the race. We bought the guidebook from the street vendor, and soon found all three of our stars - Anne Bancroft, Drew Barrymore, and... who was that other one? I think Tina Turner?
KIM: Lana Turner. The all-girl teams got all-girl stars... GIRL POWER!!!!!!!!!
SUSAN: You two other teams each owe us $3.33-and-a-third for your share of the book.
KELLY: And just how are we supposed to pay that one-third of a cent?
KIM: Maybe we can pay in Mexican pesos when we get to our next destination.
SUZANNE: How about we figure it all out when we pay for the cab. It'll be here soon, won't it?
SUSAN: Yes... they assured me they'd be here within ten minutes when I called for it. And they promised to send a van big enough for all of us to travel together.
Taped Interview Segment:
SUSAN: I hope that teaming up with my daughter will help teach her discipline and responsibility, as the race shows her that hard work, good planning, and education lead to achievement, while slacking off leads to failure. She hasn't had much interest in lessons like this in life so far; I wanted her to follow in my footsteps as a college professor, but she refused even to attend college - even though she could have gone tuition-free as the child of a faculty member - and she insists on working a dead-end job as a store clerk. Maybe this race can pound some sense into her.
CONNIE: But I like being a store clerk. Sure, it's not the most exciting of jobs, but when the shift ends at 9 PM I can go out and party... it's not like I have to bring my work home or anything. Mom is up all night sometimes working on her research papers and stuff. I couldn't stand school, and was happy to get far away from it as soon as I could.
Back to race
Caption: TYRONE and LATONYA: Unemployed Couple
TYRONE: Well, I can say one thing for bein' outa work an' on welfare an' stuff... it teaches us not to waste money, 'cause we ain't never got enough of it. Those white chicks went and spent ten bucks on a guide book from that ripoff sidewalk vendor guy, when we were smart enough to go get a free brochure from that tourist-bureau information booth over there, that's got the same info in it! So we found our star, Bill Cosby, and we're gonna be on our way just as soon as we can find a cab that'll take us. It'd be easier if we were white... those cabbies are racist.
LATONYA: Now, don't go pullin' the "racism" thing again... you're complainin' about the cabs before you even try hailin' one! How can the cabbies be racist; an awful lot of 'em are African-American too, and the rest are from some country ending in "-stan" or something. They ain't even white.
TYRONE: The black cabbies are the most racist of them all; they forgot where they came from and now they only want to take rich, white passengers. They're afraid of people like me.
LATONYA: At least they have jobs... maybe one of these days you'll get off your lazy butt and try to find one too? Anyway, we're in a race around the world... you're gonna have to learn to be tolerant of all the different cultures and races, or else we're gonna be a failure in the race, get eliminated, and it won't be the fault of any white guys... you'll just have yourself to blame.
Caption: MIRANDA and LARRY: Dating College Students
MIRANDA: OK, here it is! Hey, crew people, we found our star... time for us to get our clue now!
Crew member hands her the clue.
MIRANDA: "Fly to Monterrey, Mexico"... Hey, neat! We're going to Mexico! My family is from there, and we go there all the time. Never been to Monterrey, actually, but at least the country is familiar.
LARRY: Do you actually speak Spanish?
MIRANDA: Well, um... not very much... no hablo mucho español. Well, at least I know how to say that. Did I ever tell you about the time I went with Lizzie and Gordo on a Spanish game show, and we all ended up in a food fight with rice pudding? If I'd known some more Spanish, maybe we'd actually have won the game instead. After that I really intended on learning more, but I just never got anywhere at it.
LARRY: I don't suppose my Klingon skills will help...
MIRANDA: Oh, there's a cab... Taxi!!!!! (I think that's the same in Spanish, at least.)
Caption: LIZZIE and GORDO: Engaged College Students
LIZZIE: Oh, there it is... Farrah Fawcett! Finally!
GORDO: Maybe just wandering around aimlessly until we stumbled on our star wasn't the best move... a bunch of teams are ahead of us now.
LIZZIE: Well, I didn't hear you coming up with a better idea... aren't you supposed to be the "smart one"?
GORDO: You're no dummy, either... I didn't pick you just for good looks. I'd say you're almost as intelligent as I am.
LIZZIE: And a lot more modest, too, I guess. (receives clue) Mexico, huh? That brings back memories of that Spanish game show... I hope we do better this time!
GORDO: But that was some tasty rice pudding...
Caption: AHMAD and AZHAR: Cousins
AHMAD: We found our star, Patrick... what was that name?
AZHAR: Swayze.
AHMAD: I don't watch a lot of movies, so I'm not really familiar with all those celebrities. I'm not into that sort of thing. So, we're off to a slow start, but we're getting there. Is it time for the midday prayers yet?
ASHAR: We've got hours to go. Don't worry, I won't let you miss it.
Taped Interview Segment:
AHMAD: Yes, we're Arab Americans. The names are pretty obvious, I think. And we're Muslims too. But we're not terrorists, and is there any other ethnic or religious group in America today that finds it necessary to keep pointing this out?
AZHAR: We love America as much as any other Americans, though we don't always agree with the government... again, just like most other Americans. And we also love Allah. We see no conflict. We pray six times a day, at the proper times, even if we're in the middle of a race; if this makes us lose, then that was Allah's will.
GORDO: If I practiced my religion that faithfully, I'd have to stop racing for a day on the Sabbath, starting at sundown on Friday... guess it's a good thing I don't.
Caption: JACK and RONALD: Co-Workers
JACK: So, any other ideas of where to find that [BLEEP]ing star?
RONALD: I think some of them are on a side street from Hollywood Boulevard.
JACK: We gotta look on all those other streets too now? Which one?
RONALD: Well, people keep talking about "Hollywood and Vine", so maybe we should try Vine Street. That was a couple of blocks back this way.
JACK: You better not be sending us on a damn wild goose chase...
Caption: KEITH and TAMMY: Married Couple
KEITH: I'm glad the guy at the information booth knew where to find this, because we were totally lost.
TAMMY: And I'm glad you're one of the few men who's willing to ask for directions. Stuff like that is why I married you!
KEITH: I can't believe that there's a star for Mickey Mouse... that's not a real celebrity, that's a rodent.
TAMMY: But it's the one we needed to find, and we did.
Taped Interview Segment:
TAMMY: I'm not sure why they picked us for this race... I don't think we've got an "angle" that plays well on TV. We're not gay, we're not ethnic, we're not handicapped, we're not fighting like cats and dogs, we don't have anything to prove. We're not supermodels. We're just /normal/.
KEITH: Maybe "normal" is just what's needed to win this race. Let everybody else waste their time and energy fighting and ranting and making political and religious points, and showing off for the cameras, and whatever else it is they do, while we just calmly complete our tasks.
JACK: OK... finally we find our star. It's unfair... ours is way out on a side street, while some of the other teams got stars right next to the starting line. I bet they've got it in for us because we don't look as good on TV as that Hillridge bunch.
PHIL (voiceover): The stars for the opening task were chosen randomly, with no favoritism for or against any team.
LAX Airport
PHIL (voiceover): The first flight, on American Airlines, leaves at 11:13 AM. It has a stop in Dallas / Fort Worth, and arrives in Monterrey, Mexico at 7:24 PM. The second flight, on Aeromexico, leaves at 12:15 PM, but because it is a nonstop flight, it actually arrives earlier, at 5:15 PM. The third flight, on Aviacsa, leaves at 1:15 PM and arrives at 6:15. So, the first flight to leave is actually the last to arrive. Will the teams realize this before they book their flights?
RODNEY (at the Aeromexico terminal): We got here first, but we looked at the flight times, and saw it's best to take the second flight, so that's what we're doing.
KATE (at the American terminal): I don't know what happened to those gay guys; I thought they were ahead of us, but I don't see them. Anyway, we grabbed the first spot on the first flight... that should give us a head start over everybody else.
SUSAN (at the American terminal): Our three-team women's alliance just made it before the first flight left... fortunately, there were enough seats still available.
CONNIE: I wish we could have checked the other flights before getting on this one... sometimes the schedules are weird, and it's actually quicker to take the later flight.
SUSAN: There was no time for that!
(First flight takes off)
JIM (at the Aeromexico terminal): We missed the first flight, but it turns out that was a good thing; the second flight actually gets there quicker.
MIRANDA (at the Aeromexico terminal): We're in good shape now; we'll be in the first group of teams to arrive in Monterrey.
LATONYA (at the Aeromexico terminal, speaking to ticket agent): You've got seats left on the flight? Great! Book us! See, Tyrone... we made it fine. Stop worrying!
JACK (at the Aeromexico terminal, speaking to ticket agent): What do you mean there are no seats left? This is urgent! I've got to get on that flight! (keeps on screaming for a while)
RONALD: Jack, screaming at the agent won't help. They said in the clue that they had space for four teams on that flight, and four teams have gotten their seats already. We'll just have to go to the other flight. Let's hurry up, so we don't miss that one, too!
(Second flight takes off)
GORDO (at the Aviacsa terminal): The third flight was the only one we could make, but it turns out it's actually faster than the first one, so we'll be right in the middle of the pack. We can catch up.
TAMMY (at the Aviacsa terminal): OK, book us on this flight! All right, we're not at the front line, but at least we didn't miss all the flights and get stuck... you've always got to look at the bright side of things.
AZHAR (heading into the jetway as the flight boards): We stopped our cab on the way to the airport to do our midday prayers, then we were delayed by a long, intrusive search by Homeland Security... that tends to happen to us a lot when we fly. But it's all good... we still made our flight anyway!
JACK (running up to the gate just as they're starting to close it): Hold it! You've got to let us on this flight!
(commercial break)
[Intermission: The McGuire House]
"Hey, they're showing my Cardio Punch commercial!", said Matt. "We're both TV stars!"
"They're still showing that silly thing? I thought it was off the air years ago, like that dopey kids' show you were on," said Lizzie.
"I'll tell your friends at the Clover and Daisy fan club that you think kids' shows are dopey," said Matt.
"Just the ones you're on," said Lizzie.
"I would have thought the two of you would be mature enough by now to stop all that silly bickering," interjected Sam.
"And the show's starting again... quiet!", added Jo.
TO BE CONTINUED
Show resumes after commercial break.
Captions:
SUSAN and CONNIE: Mother and Daughter
KIM and KELLY: Twin Sisters
MARISSA and SUZANNE: Cocktail Waitresses
MARISSA: Us three all-girl teams decided to join together in an alliance at the start of the race. We bought the guidebook from the street vendor, and soon found all three of our stars - Anne Bancroft, Drew Barrymore, and... who was that other one? I think Tina Turner?
KIM: Lana Turner. The all-girl teams got all-girl stars... GIRL POWER!!!!!!!!!
SUSAN: You two other teams each owe us $3.33-and-a-third for your share of the book.
KELLY: And just how are we supposed to pay that one-third of a cent?
KIM: Maybe we can pay in Mexican pesos when we get to our next destination.
SUZANNE: How about we figure it all out when we pay for the cab. It'll be here soon, won't it?
SUSAN: Yes... they assured me they'd be here within ten minutes when I called for it. And they promised to send a van big enough for all of us to travel together.
Taped Interview Segment:
SUSAN: I hope that teaming up with my daughter will help teach her discipline and responsibility, as the race shows her that hard work, good planning, and education lead to achievement, while slacking off leads to failure. She hasn't had much interest in lessons like this in life so far; I wanted her to follow in my footsteps as a college professor, but she refused even to attend college - even though she could have gone tuition-free as the child of a faculty member - and she insists on working a dead-end job as a store clerk. Maybe this race can pound some sense into her.
CONNIE: But I like being a store clerk. Sure, it's not the most exciting of jobs, but when the shift ends at 9 PM I can go out and party... it's not like I have to bring my work home or anything. Mom is up all night sometimes working on her research papers and stuff. I couldn't stand school, and was happy to get far away from it as soon as I could.
Back to race
Caption: TYRONE and LATONYA: Unemployed Couple
TYRONE: Well, I can say one thing for bein' outa work an' on welfare an' stuff... it teaches us not to waste money, 'cause we ain't never got enough of it. Those white chicks went and spent ten bucks on a guide book from that ripoff sidewalk vendor guy, when we were smart enough to go get a free brochure from that tourist-bureau information booth over there, that's got the same info in it! So we found our star, Bill Cosby, and we're gonna be on our way just as soon as we can find a cab that'll take us. It'd be easier if we were white... those cabbies are racist.
LATONYA: Now, don't go pullin' the "racism" thing again... you're complainin' about the cabs before you even try hailin' one! How can the cabbies be racist; an awful lot of 'em are African-American too, and the rest are from some country ending in "-stan" or something. They ain't even white.
TYRONE: The black cabbies are the most racist of them all; they forgot where they came from and now they only want to take rich, white passengers. They're afraid of people like me.
LATONYA: At least they have jobs... maybe one of these days you'll get off your lazy butt and try to find one too? Anyway, we're in a race around the world... you're gonna have to learn to be tolerant of all the different cultures and races, or else we're gonna be a failure in the race, get eliminated, and it won't be the fault of any white guys... you'll just have yourself to blame.
Caption: MIRANDA and LARRY: Dating College Students
MIRANDA: OK, here it is! Hey, crew people, we found our star... time for us to get our clue now!
Crew member hands her the clue.
MIRANDA: "Fly to Monterrey, Mexico"... Hey, neat! We're going to Mexico! My family is from there, and we go there all the time. Never been to Monterrey, actually, but at least the country is familiar.
LARRY: Do you actually speak Spanish?
MIRANDA: Well, um... not very much... no hablo mucho español. Well, at least I know how to say that. Did I ever tell you about the time I went with Lizzie and Gordo on a Spanish game show, and we all ended up in a food fight with rice pudding? If I'd known some more Spanish, maybe we'd actually have won the game instead. After that I really intended on learning more, but I just never got anywhere at it.
LARRY: I don't suppose my Klingon skills will help...
MIRANDA: Oh, there's a cab... Taxi!!!!! (I think that's the same in Spanish, at least.)
Caption: LIZZIE and GORDO: Engaged College Students
LIZZIE: Oh, there it is... Farrah Fawcett! Finally!
GORDO: Maybe just wandering around aimlessly until we stumbled on our star wasn't the best move... a bunch of teams are ahead of us now.
LIZZIE: Well, I didn't hear you coming up with a better idea... aren't you supposed to be the "smart one"?
GORDO: You're no dummy, either... I didn't pick you just for good looks. I'd say you're almost as intelligent as I am.
LIZZIE: And a lot more modest, too, I guess. (receives clue) Mexico, huh? That brings back memories of that Spanish game show... I hope we do better this time!
GORDO: But that was some tasty rice pudding...
Caption: AHMAD and AZHAR: Cousins
AHMAD: We found our star, Patrick... what was that name?
AZHAR: Swayze.
AHMAD: I don't watch a lot of movies, so I'm not really familiar with all those celebrities. I'm not into that sort of thing. So, we're off to a slow start, but we're getting there. Is it time for the midday prayers yet?
ASHAR: We've got hours to go. Don't worry, I won't let you miss it.
Taped Interview Segment:
AHMAD: Yes, we're Arab Americans. The names are pretty obvious, I think. And we're Muslims too. But we're not terrorists, and is there any other ethnic or religious group in America today that finds it necessary to keep pointing this out?
AZHAR: We love America as much as any other Americans, though we don't always agree with the government... again, just like most other Americans. And we also love Allah. We see no conflict. We pray six times a day, at the proper times, even if we're in the middle of a race; if this makes us lose, then that was Allah's will.
GORDO: If I practiced my religion that faithfully, I'd have to stop racing for a day on the Sabbath, starting at sundown on Friday... guess it's a good thing I don't.
Caption: JACK and RONALD: Co-Workers
JACK: So, any other ideas of where to find that [BLEEP]ing star?
RONALD: I think some of them are on a side street from Hollywood Boulevard.
JACK: We gotta look on all those other streets too now? Which one?
RONALD: Well, people keep talking about "Hollywood and Vine", so maybe we should try Vine Street. That was a couple of blocks back this way.
JACK: You better not be sending us on a damn wild goose chase...
Caption: KEITH and TAMMY: Married Couple
KEITH: I'm glad the guy at the information booth knew where to find this, because we were totally lost.
TAMMY: And I'm glad you're one of the few men who's willing to ask for directions. Stuff like that is why I married you!
KEITH: I can't believe that there's a star for Mickey Mouse... that's not a real celebrity, that's a rodent.
TAMMY: But it's the one we needed to find, and we did.
Taped Interview Segment:
TAMMY: I'm not sure why they picked us for this race... I don't think we've got an "angle" that plays well on TV. We're not gay, we're not ethnic, we're not handicapped, we're not fighting like cats and dogs, we don't have anything to prove. We're not supermodels. We're just /normal/.
KEITH: Maybe "normal" is just what's needed to win this race. Let everybody else waste their time and energy fighting and ranting and making political and religious points, and showing off for the cameras, and whatever else it is they do, while we just calmly complete our tasks.
JACK: OK... finally we find our star. It's unfair... ours is way out on a side street, while some of the other teams got stars right next to the starting line. I bet they've got it in for us because we don't look as good on TV as that Hillridge bunch.
PHIL (voiceover): The stars for the opening task were chosen randomly, with no favoritism for or against any team.
LAX Airport
PHIL (voiceover): The first flight, on American Airlines, leaves at 11:13 AM. It has a stop in Dallas / Fort Worth, and arrives in Monterrey, Mexico at 7:24 PM. The second flight, on Aeromexico, leaves at 12:15 PM, but because it is a nonstop flight, it actually arrives earlier, at 5:15 PM. The third flight, on Aviacsa, leaves at 1:15 PM and arrives at 6:15. So, the first flight to leave is actually the last to arrive. Will the teams realize this before they book their flights?
RODNEY (at the Aeromexico terminal): We got here first, but we looked at the flight times, and saw it's best to take the second flight, so that's what we're doing.
KATE (at the American terminal): I don't know what happened to those gay guys; I thought they were ahead of us, but I don't see them. Anyway, we grabbed the first spot on the first flight... that should give us a head start over everybody else.
SUSAN (at the American terminal): Our three-team women's alliance just made it before the first flight left... fortunately, there were enough seats still available.
CONNIE: I wish we could have checked the other flights before getting on this one... sometimes the schedules are weird, and it's actually quicker to take the later flight.
SUSAN: There was no time for that!
(First flight takes off)
JIM (at the Aeromexico terminal): We missed the first flight, but it turns out that was a good thing; the second flight actually gets there quicker.
MIRANDA (at the Aeromexico terminal): We're in good shape now; we'll be in the first group of teams to arrive in Monterrey.
LATONYA (at the Aeromexico terminal, speaking to ticket agent): You've got seats left on the flight? Great! Book us! See, Tyrone... we made it fine. Stop worrying!
JACK (at the Aeromexico terminal, speaking to ticket agent): What do you mean there are no seats left? This is urgent! I've got to get on that flight! (keeps on screaming for a while)
RONALD: Jack, screaming at the agent won't help. They said in the clue that they had space for four teams on that flight, and four teams have gotten their seats already. We'll just have to go to the other flight. Let's hurry up, so we don't miss that one, too!
(Second flight takes off)
GORDO (at the Aviacsa terminal): The third flight was the only one we could make, but it turns out it's actually faster than the first one, so we'll be right in the middle of the pack. We can catch up.
TAMMY (at the Aviacsa terminal): OK, book us on this flight! All right, we're not at the front line, but at least we didn't miss all the flights and get stuck... you've always got to look at the bright side of things.
AZHAR (heading into the jetway as the flight boards): We stopped our cab on the way to the airport to do our midday prayers, then we were delayed by a long, intrusive search by Homeland Security... that tends to happen to us a lot when we fly. But it's all good... we still made our flight anyway!
JACK (running up to the gate just as they're starting to close it): Hold it! You've got to let us on this flight!
(commercial break)
[Intermission: The McGuire House]
"Hey, they're showing my Cardio Punch commercial!", said Matt. "We're both TV stars!"
"They're still showing that silly thing? I thought it was off the air years ago, like that dopey kids' show you were on," said Lizzie.
"I'll tell your friends at the Clover and Daisy fan club that you think kids' shows are dopey," said Matt.
"Just the ones you're on," said Lizzie.
"I would have thought the two of you would be mature enough by now to stop all that silly bickering," interjected Sam.
"And the show's starting again... quiet!", added Jo.
TO BE CONTINUED
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