Categories > TV > Lizzie McGuire > Lizzie's Amazing Race

Leg 1, Part 3

by DanT 1 review

The race continues as the teams go to Mexico.

Category: Lizzie McGuire - Rating: PG - Genres: Crossover,Humor - Characters: Ethan,Gordo,Kate,Larry,Lizzie,Miranda - Published: 2008-04-22 - Updated: 2008-04-23 - 2263 words

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Lizzie McGuire, The Amazing Race, or any related characters or concepts.

Show resumes after commercial break.

Caption: JACK and RONALD: Co-Workers

JACK: Hey! Let me in!

(Airport workers who were starting to close the gate move aside and let them in.)

RONALD: Thank you very much.

(Jack just scowls, not thanking anybody.)

(Third flight takes off)

PHIL (voiceover): As the other two flights head directly to Monterrey, the first flight stops in Dallas / Fort Worth.

Caption: KATE and ETHAN: Fashion Models

KATE: What do you mean we’re stopping in Dallas first? What kind of a fly-by-night airline is this?

ETHAN: Dallas is on the way to Mexico… I think? Geography was never my best subject.

(Second flight lands)

Caption: MIRANDA and LARRY: Dating College Students

MIRANDA: OK, the clue says to go to the Museum of Mexican History. There’s a line of cabs… let’s get into one.

(They get into a cab.)

MIRANDA: All right… let’s see if my Spanish is any good… Vamos al museo de… umm… historia mexicana?

CABBIE: Sí, señorita… You’re going to the Museum of Mexican History.

MIRANDA: Oh, you speak English. Well, let’s go!

Caption: TYRONE and LATONYA: Unemployed Couple

TYRONE: Now that we’re here in a third-world country, we’re gonna do good… We’ll have common cause with all the persons of color who have been oppressed by their colonialist masters.

(to cabbie) Buenos afternoon, señor cabbie. We quiero to go to el museum de Mexican History, si’l vous plait.

CABBIE: Sí, señor. (muttering ¡El gringo está loco!)

LATONYA: Try to ignore him… I do.

Caption: MICHAEL and RODNEY: Gay Couple

RODNEY: Now to the museum… great! I love museums!

Caption: BECKY and JIM: Firefighter and Stay-At-Home Dad

BECKY: Hurry up…we’ve got a museum to get to!

JIM: You just have to imagine the place is on fire, and you can get there real quick… I’m not as used to rushing.

(At the museum)

LARRY: It says on the door, “Hours 10 AM – 7 PM.” It’s just after six, so we made it! I don’t think anybody on the later flights will make it before this place closes, so we’ll get a great lead!

MIRANDA: That’s great! Now, let’s hurry up and find our clue. We’ve got to go into the museum first… how much does it cost to get in? That sign says 12.00, but I think that’s in Mexican pesos… they use the dollar sign for pesos here. A peso is worth about 10 cents, so that’s really about 1.20. It’s a bargain!

(inside the museum)

LARRY: Here’s the clue… it says that this is a roadblock.

PHIL(voiceover): A roadblock is a task that only one team member can do. They have to choose which member will do it before they learn the details of what he or she must do.

LARRY: Which one of us can be constructive? That’s what it says… I have no idea what it means.

MIRANDA: I’ll take this one… whatever it is, I’d like to try it. If it’s about Mexican culture, I should have the advantage!

(she goes over to the area of the museum where the clue says to go; they hand her aclue with details of what needs to be done)

MIRANDA: I have to use all the bricks in this stack to build a pyramid. It has to satisfy the museum curator that it’s in the authentic Aztec style, similar to that large diorama there; and it needs to be tall and sturdy enough so I can climb it to reach the clue dangling from the ceiling above. Ohhhhhkay… looks like that Spanish game show I was on, all over again… but at least this time I know what I’m doing!

LATONYA: I’ll take this one. I’m a lot more constructive than you, Tyrone!

MICHAEL: I guess I can be the constructive one this time… you can take the next roadblock.

BECKY: Well, I’m usually putting out fires, but I suppose I can construct whatever it is they want me to construct…

(Scenes of the four people frantically piling up bricks)

(Meanwhile, the second plane has arrived.)

JACK: “Museum of Mexican History”… like this hellhole of a country has any history that anybody would care about. Hey, Taxi! (They get into cab.) Driver, take us to the Museum of Mexican History, and make it fast!

CABBIE: No hablo ingles…

JACK: Aw, great, we get one of those barbarian cabbies that can’t speak a civilized language. Hey, el getto us to el museumo, pronto!

RONALD: I’ll handle this… Vamos al museo de historia mexicana, por favor.

JACK: What, you speak Barbarian?

RONALD: I paid attention in high school Spanish class, instead of sleeping in class like you.

JACK: Yeah, great… you could get some great jobs as a housemaid with skills like that.

(Back at the museum…)

MICHAEL: Hey, curator… is this Aztec enough for ya?


(Michael carefully climbs the pyramid and grabs the clue.)

MICHAEL: Great! We’re heading for the pit stop now!

PHIL(voiceover): The teams will proceed to the first pit stop in the race, which is at the Gran Plaza Park in the center of Monterrey.

BECKY: I keep getting it almost built, and then it collapses on me! Maybe I’m just not cut out for building stuff. Set this pile of bricks on fire, and I’ll do great with it.

MIRANDA: Almost finished… pretty classy style, if I can say so myself. Maybe I’ve found another thing I’m good at… though I don’t think Aztec pyramid building is a skill highly in demand.

LATONYA: There we go… one pyramid, nice and finished. If the Egyptians had had /me/as one of their slaves, they’d’ve had their stuff done years earlier! Not that I wanna be a slave or anything… I’m just sayin’…

(As they leave the museum, they run into the next group of teams just arriving.)

LIZZIE: Oh, darn… the museum just closed! Now we’ll have to wait until tomorrow morning to continue, and those other teams will get way ahead of us!

MIRANDA (running by) You’ll love this task… it’ll remind you of that TV game show. But sorry, Gordo… no rice pudding!

LARRY: I checked the map… the park we’re going to is right across the street, so we don’t need a cab… just run for it!

(in the park)

MIRANDA: The gay couple left the museum ahead of us, but they seem to be wandering aimlessly in the north end of the park… let’s try heading south. Maybe that’s where the pit stop is. It’s a big, long park, and it stretches a few city blocks.

(They reach the pit stop a few minutes later. A Mexican man wearing a sombrero is standing there alongside Phil.)

MEXICAN: ¡Bienvenidos a México!

PHIL: Miranda and Larry, you’re the first team to arrive. And I’m happy to inform you that you have won a Caribbean vacation to be enjoyed after the end of the race, courtesy of American Airlines’ website, AA dot com.

LARRY: Now, how can it be courtesy of a website? Websites don’t fly planes. Wouldn’t it make more sense to say it’s courtesy of American Airlines, because they own both the website and the planes, after all?

MIRANDA: Cut it out... stop arguing with the guy when he tells us we won this leg of the race!

(Michael and Rodney arrive soon after, followed closely by Tyrone and LaTonya.)

PHIL: Michael and Rodney, you’re the second team to arrive.

Tyrone and LaTonya, you’re the third team to arrive.

(Back in the museum)

BECKY: Finally I got a pyramid to stay up, so we can get out of here. The museum closed an hour ago, but fortunately they let us stay to finish.

(Outside, a little later)

PHIL: Becky and Jim, you’re the fourth team to arrive.

JIM: We’re still doing well; there are two whole groups of teams that’ll have to wait until tomorrow morning to do the museum stuff. We’ll get ahuge head start on the next leg!

(Outside the museum)

JACK: Once again, everything is rigged against us; the first group of teams is finished with this place, while we have to wait until tomorrow to even start.

RONALD: You should be glad that I restrained you from trying to bust in the door, after you saw the place was closed; somehow, I think getting hauled off to a Mexican jail would delay our race even more.

GORDO: Maybe we should look for a hotel to stay, so we’re rested when we come back here to complete the stunt.

LIZZIE: Can we afford it? They only gave us 200 to start, and we’ve spent some of it on taxis already.

GORDO: I think hotels are fairly cheap in Mexico… let’s look.

JACK: Well, I ain’t wasting any money on a fleabag hotel… We’ll just stay here in the museum courtyard, which is probably no more uncomfortable than what passes for “accommodations” around here.

KEITH: We’ll find a hotel… wouldn’t want to look like vagrants or something.

AHMAD: It’s time for the evening prayer… praise Allah! (lies down facing towards Mecca)

GORDO: Look at the sign on this hotel… they’ve got a special grand opening rate of 440 pesos. That’s about 45 dollars. We can afford that.

(The other flight finally gets there, and the last teams discover that the museum is closed.)

KATE: Now we're stuck here all night... and we can't get ahead of all of those teams.

SUSAN: Looks like some other teams got ahead of us... Don't worry... I know how this stuff works... they'll have some other event later that bunches us all up together again.

(The next morning, they’re all in front of the museum. Jack and Ronald, Ahmad and Azhar, and the three all-women teams stayed in the courtyard the whole night, while Lizzie and Gordo, Keith and Tammy, and Kate and Ethan went to hotels and returned to the museum in time for the opening. At 10 AM sharp, the gate is opened.)

GORDO (after reading clue): Well, I think I’m pretty constructive.

LIZZIE: And what am I, destructive? All right, I’ll let you have this one, but I’m taking the next roadblock.

TAMMY: I think we’re both pretty constructive… do you want to take this one, or should I?

KEITH: I’m OK either way.

TAMMY: All right… I’ll take it. I feel like some adventure.

RONALD: I’d better get this one, Jack… you’re destructive all the way!

JACK: Hold on…I’m not letting you steal my glory… I’m perfectly capable of doing this. Let me at it! (Oh, my aching back… museum courtyards are rough places to sleep!)
(approaching entrance) 12 pesos? What’s that in real money?

AKHAR: I guess I can do this one… we’ll take turns.

(inside the museum)

GORDO: Gee… it really is like that game show I was on, except for there being nothing to eat. But this time the instructions are in English…much better. Hey… there are some very interesting historical exhibits over there… isn’t that a Spanish galleon? (starts wandering)

LIZZIE: Hey…we’re in a race! There’ll be plenty of time to go touring museums after we win the million bucks.

AZHAR: I feel a little blasphemous building this pyramid… the Aztecs built them to sacrifice to false gods.

AHMAD: I’m sure Allah knows that you’re not doing it to follow their religion…it’s just a historical exhibit.

TAMMY: These bricks are heavy… but the pyramid is starting to take shape.

GORDO: Hey…this is fun. I always did like playing with blocks when I was little, and I built some pretty neat stuff.

JACK: What do you mean this ain’t Aztec enough?

CURATOR: Señor, it’s supposed to be a pyramid, with steps on the sides… instead, you built… kind of a lopsided rectangle or something. Try to make it look like that exhibit over there.

(commercial break)

Intermission: The McGuire House

An ad for an upcoming show was on the TV. “God sends Joan to run in a race. Will she come out ahead, or is winning not really the object? Find out Friday, on an all-new /Joan of Arcadia/!”

“I don’t think Lizzie had any divine guidance on her race,” said Matt.

“That Joan show is still on the air?”, said Gordo. “It was pretty good when it started, but it went downhill very fast… by the second season they were even putting in guest appearances by bubbleheaded-blonde-bimbo teen stars.”

“Hey, I like bubbleheaded blonde bimbos… they can be a lot more fun than stuffy, boring intellectuals!”, said Lizzie.

“Are you calling me a stuffy, boring intellectual?”, asked Gordo.

“Are you calling me a bubbleheaded blonde bimbo?”, asked Lizzie.

“Are you guys gonna have your first big fight before you’re even married?”, said Matt.

“What makes you think it’d be our first big fight?”, said Lizzie and Gordo together.

“If you insist on fighting, just do it during the commercials… the show’s starting again!”, said Jo.

Sign up to rate and review this story