FicWad

Disclaimer: I do not own pokemon, that right goes to Nintendo.

A/N: This idea has been done several times, several different ways; I don’t claim any ‘originality’ with my Mary Sue parody. Everything you see below pokes fun at something of the unoriginal. This chapter is dedicated to all the Mary Sue beginnings…

Also, this is a repost from the story I have on fanfiction-dot-net under the same penname.

Chapter 1

Angelica Mary Sue Dracos was the daughter of the highly famous Pokemon Champion, Lance. Her life, though, was all a lie. She acted as if there was nothing wrong—she was a sweet little girl in public—but she was secretly abused. Yes, abused. Here’s a prime example of it:

(Flashback—for those of you who couldn’t tell.)

“Daddy, I want to go on a pokemon journey!” exclaimed Angel.

Lance sighed, “We talked about this before, Angel. No pokemon until you’re ten.”

She broke out crying, her blue eyes widening, “You’re so mean! Meanie!” Angel stomped out of the room, giving her father a kick in the shin on her way out. Lance flinched, but let her leave.

“Why did she get this idea in her head—at four?” he asked his wife. She only shrugged, looking helpless.

(End flashback. Also for those of you who can’t see that the italics ended.)

Angel grew up into a kind-hearted girl, non-the-less. She learned, over time, how to care for dragon-element pokemon, since her parents were both from the local dragon clan. The Dragon Master, a fossil at that point, gave his rare approval of the abilities that she developed in such a short amount of time. In a year’s time, she had bonded with a dratini, a feat that took the normal dragon trainer around ten years to accomplish. So it was only natural that she would start with the dratini as her first pokemon, when she should’ve gotten a horsea to develop her dragon taming skills on, but they were already perfect.

So she and Whiptail—the dratini trusted her enough to even let her use his true name—were going to leave for Pallet Town on the eve of her tenth birthday, when something amazing happened. It started to rain. “How are we going to get to Pallet Town now?” Angel whined to her dratini as she looked out the window. “I can’t get my perfect hair wet…”

Whiptail whimpered. He loved her hair. Actually, everyone did. Her hair was so amazing that it deserved the biggest paragraph of this whole fanfiction dedicated to it. Well, about her hair… it was a stunning color of white-blonde that shined like precious metal under any light. It was five feet long, but never touched the ground, due to the intricate braids and knots it was tied in. She put so much hair gel in it—an average of five jars a day—that it defied gravity and stuck in all directions. It was so beautiful, but it made sleeping a darn pain! That was why Angel wore makeup around her eyes, because she and her wonderful hair were too good for sleep!

Angel had turned to her dresser by then, which looked barren without its cover of stuffed dolls and teen magazines. At the age of nine, she began reading those magazines, and was hooked ever since. She was among the girls that would die if the movies’ hottest guy decided it wasn’t cool to breathe.

But she was more preoccupied with staring at her reflection in the mirror than anything else. Her porcelain skin, so white after spending absolutely no time outside, would be a real problem when she started hiking through Kanto, since she would burn up into a little crisp the first day. Even at ten, her face was delicate and well accented by the paint—err, makeup—which she put around her eyes and cheeks. She would be gorgeous when she grew up, but that wouldn’t be to long, since she was already acting like an older teenager.

What really caught her attention, though, were her eyes. Since her beautiful orbs were very important to the making of this fanfiction, they deserved an equally long paragraph of description as her hair. Her eyes were a deep shade of sapphire, almost black. But black eyes don’t sound as romantic as sapphire eyes, so they’re sapphire without a doubt. They had shaded, unnaturally, darker as she grew; she had had her mother’s icy blue eyes when she was younger.

Since the author of this fanfiction believes in mercy, the rest of Angel’s description has been deleted. Rejoice. You have no clue what Angel is wearing.

(The next day…)

The next day dawned clear and bright, not a cloud was in the sky. Every drop of water that had come from the torrential rain the last night had vanished, because somehow the elements knew that it was Angel’s tenth birthday, and it had to be perfect. The only imperfect thing was how she had actually fallen asleep… and her father had to shake her forcefully to get her to wake up. She growled as she woke, she could’ve slept for another couple of days to get over her sleep deprivation.

“Dragonite will take you to Pallet Town,” Lance said when she was finally awake enough to listen. “Good luck, sweetie.” He kissed her on the forehead and darted out of the room. He was sad to see his perfect, wonderful daughter leave… just not sad enough. He got far away from her room before he cheered with joy.

Jumping out of bed, leaving it a mess, Angel darted to the mirror to see the damage that awful sleep had made her do to her hair. It was still perfect; it didn’t even need more hair gel. She smiled as she took Whiptail’s pokeball and attached it to her belt—which you readers didn’t know she had until just now—and turned to her backpack.

Angel picked it up and strained with it an inch off the ground. Maybe it was the thousand pokeballs that she’d managed to stuff in there, or all her dolls, or all her magazines, or maybe it was just the set of huge encyclopedias—all of which she’d read three times, to improve her already superior intellect—that made it impossible to pick up the backpack. Whatever it was, Angel frowned at it, and suddenly it felt as light as air to her. Even the bulging backpack knew it was dealing with Angelica Mary Sue Dracos, when it felt that frown.

She went outside, where her father’s dragonite was waiting. She didn’t know his true name, her father always referred to him by his species name. Inwardly, she knew she could just ask the dragon for his name, since she had learned draconic tongue a long time ago, but the girl with the IQ of an Alakazam never thought of that.

“Are you ready?” Dragonite asked in draconic tongue as he kneeled to allow her on his back. She replied yes in draconic and heard him grunt when she jumped on his back. Dragons were much stronger than humans, so he could straighten up, even though he felt the full weight of her backpack. He jumped into the air and flapped his powerful wings, taking them high in the air and above a stand of trees.

(Ten minutes later…)

“I can’t believe you’re already tired,” Angel said, speaking in draconic. They were on the ground beside a lake, Dragonite panting heavily.

“That,” he pointed one claw towards her backpack. “Is too heavy.”

“Well…”
(Five days later…)

Dragonite finally got Angel to Professor Oak’s laboratory after a gruesome trip cross-country from the Indigo Plateau, half flying and half walking on her own while the dragon recovered. Angel had expected a celebration in her honor when she arrived, and would have gotten it had she not been so late that the cake spoiled. That ruffled her feathers; she looked very cross when she entered the Professor’s lab.

“Great Mew—girl, what happened to you?” Professor Oak asked, speaking about her appearance. Her hair and eyes had remained perfect, but her clothes were in tatters.

Angel looked down at her clothes, “I’ll change later,” she said dismissively. “Do you have my pokemon, Professor?”

“You already have a pokemon,” he pointed his pen towards her belt, where the shining sphere rested. Out of nowhere, he had made a clipboard with a checklist attached appear. “Okay, you have ‘Mary Sue’ as your middle names, right?”

“Yes,” Angel replied, bewildered. She didn’t see where this was going.

The Professor nodded, checking something off, “What’s your pokemon right now? Eevee?”

“No.”

Professor Oak scribbled something, nodding. “A dragon-type?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know its true name? ‘If yes, give trainer Char—’ oops, I’m not supposed to read that aloud.”

“I know his true name…”

“So, do you like charmander?”

“That was the pokemon I was going to ask for,” Angel said in shock. The Professor tossed a pokeball at her suddenly.

“That has your new charmander in it. You can see her later. But first… do you have a rival?”

“A rival?” she echoed. “No…”

“Ah, then I’ll be right back,” he disappeared into another room.

Angel frowned and rotated her new charmander’s pokeball in her hand. “Why did he think I owned an eevee…?” she asked herself.

Professor Oak appeared again, holding a girl around Angel’s age by the arm. “This is Raven, the fifty-sixth-granddaughter-I-never-knew-I-had-until-just-now-when-I-found-her-in-the-back. She’ll be your rival.”

Raven was the exact opposite of Angel, in appearance and—Angel just knew—in personality. She looked dull and lifeless until her grandfather had finished speaking, after which she developed a nasty grin and said, “Pleasure to meet you, crazy-hair.”

That. Was. It. Nobody insulted Angel’s hair like that. Infuriated, she hissed, “Why don’t you say that to my face?”

“Now, now, girls, don’t you know that in the beginning of fanfictions, rivals take out their frustrations in a battle that the main character will inevitably win because the author favors her over the rival and that after that the rival will slowly begin to respect the main character because she is so undeniably awesome and better than the rival?” Professor Oak had turned blue, because lack of punctuation made him say all that without breathing. He fell over, fainted.

“Uh, yeah, that’s right,” Raven said, dazed for a second as she stared at her grandfather. Then the evil grin returned. “Alright then. Let’s see you beat my pokemon!”

She tossed her pokeball, and in a flash of light a small, an undeniably ugly pokemon appeared. The corphish, very unaware of the fact that it was in the wrong region completely, foamed at the mouth. It looked rabid. “Go, Dratini,” Angel said. She’d been advised never to tell her dratini’s true name aloud. This was especially true for people she didn’t like.

Even though Angel had never been in control of a pokemon battle in her life, she’d read so much about it that she knew exactly what to do. “Dratini, thunder wave and then wrap!” she yelled. She didn’t know why she was yelling, except that it felt really good to raise her voice for once.

Whiptail did exactly what she said and ended up defeating the ugly crawdad pokemon before it laid one imperfect claw on the dratini. Raven returned the corphish, glaring, “We will meet again, Angel!” she yelled, also not knowing why her voice was raised, and ran out the door, past a group of aides that didn’t even flinch, they saw this scene so much.

Whiptail had waited for exactly that moment to… evolve. His first battle had given him enough experience to reach the proper level, since that corphish was his new mortal enemy. In a blinding flash of light, he became a beautiful dragonair, surrounded by a shining aura. Angel’s eyes filled with tears, “You evolved for me!” she cried, wrapping her arms around his body.

Some of the aides rolled their eyes at a scene they saw almost as frequently as the rival running away, screeching a corny movie line. After an hour of cooing over her beautiful dragonair, Angel finally wiped a tear out of her eye and said, “C’mon Whiptail, let’s go…”

By that time, it was dark outside. Angel had gotten to the lab late, and emerged later. “Gosh, we can’t go traveling in the dark…” she said, reverting to draconic since they weren’t around other people.

Then the girl with the amazing IQ recalled the charmander have flames on their tails. “I know!” she shouted in English. She released the charmander from her pokeball and grinned down at her. “Hi, I’m your new trainer, Angel.”

The charmander looked up at the girl with wide eyes and… jumped into her arms. She was so happy to have such a perfect trainer! She didn’t even know that she was scalding Angel’s travel-worn shirt with her waving tail…

Whiptail had to translate what the charmander was saying, since she didn’t speak draconic. “Her name is Lightfire. It sounds like a draconic name to me…”

Angel grinned. Lightfire led the way into the woods, confidently leading her teammate and trainer, even though she had no clue where she was going herself. She led them directly towards a scrap of fur in the forest. Angel gasped in shock as she realized that it was an eevee, nursing a paw that was at an odd angle.

Forgetting everything she knew about injured animals, Angel picked up the eevee and let his injured paw dangle. The eevee hissed in pain, while growling at the girl. He was still growling when she and her two pokemon picked their way back to Professor Oak’s laboratory, and to their surprise the lab was still open. “We knew you’d be back,” said one of the aides when she asked about it.

Professor Oak, looking like he’d never fainted before in his life, greeted her. “Ah, Angel… I see you’ve found an injured eevee. Though I must say, capturing him would’ve been a lot easier on the poor chap…”

He took the eevee from her, earning a hiss and a snap of the pokemon’s jaws. “Capture him, and we can run him through the healing machine…” she nodded and let her backpack drop to the floor, causing a crash that echoed through the whole lab. The Professor flinched, but kept his hold on the weak eevee. As Angel unzipped the backpack, several items flung themselves to freedom, including a few dolls and potions. One pokeball fell out too, landing perfectly in her hand. She flung it at the eevee using a special pose she’d developed for just that purpose, wasting a minute as she went through all the movements to get to the pose. Then she realized that a handstand with her legs positioned into something that resembled a four… wasn’t a very good pose for throwing pokeballs. So she collapsed to the floor, gracefully of course, and threw the pokeball normally, hitting Professor Oak over the head. He fainted again.

Lightfire and Whiptail sweatdropped in the background. Angel sighed and dug in her backpack, while the poor eevee wailed in pain. If he had sharp claws, he probably would’ve shredded his way out the door…

After dislodging several magazines, Angel got to her stockpile of pokeballs and began throwing them at the eevee. Several missed, an anomaly since pokeballs were designed to travel towards wounded pokemon, not the floor. Finally, the eevee was sucked into one and the pokeball rattled once before falling silent.

Angel gave a cheer at a capture ‘well done’ and began to pick up all the pokeballs that had missed. Professor Oak chose that time to groan and sit up. “I’ll just… take your eevee… to the healing machine now,” he said slowly, taking the pokeball.

In what seemed like five seconds, the Professor was returning and handing Angel the pokeball back. “Miraculously, your awful care of the eevee had no ill effects on him, and my healing machine magically healed his broken paw, so he’s just fine now and you and your pokemon can go on your journey now. Don’t hesitate to bring any more injured pokemon to me!” Professor Oak was looking a little blue, so Angel grabbed her backpack, giggling nervously at the miniature crater it had made in the tiles, and dashed out the door.

“Yay, now I have three pokemon,” she sang. “What do you think we should name this eevee, guys…?”

“Maybe we should ask him,” Whiptail suggested.

“Good idea,” Angel replied, blinking blankly. She tossed his pokeball, revealing the very ruffled-looking eevee, and crouched as she held her hand out for him to sniff. “Hi there. What’s your name, little one?”

The eevee took one good look at her and bit down on her hand hard. He obviously didn’t know whom he was dealing with.


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Because you must care about this…
Trainer: Angelica Mary Sue Dracos
Pokemon: Whiptail/Male/Level 30, Lightfire/Female/Level 5, Eevee/Male/Level 10

On the next chapter of Undeniably Awesome: Angel battles her rival again and finds a lonely, ugly fishie swimming in a pond near Viridian City. She decides to help it out, and gets a beautiful reward for it…


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A/N: This is the end of this chapter… no more jokes. So, what’d you all think? Please drop me a review if you like.