FicWad

I shot up in the bed, the covers falling ungracefully from me. My whole body was shaking and covered in a cold sweat. I couldn’t remember the dream I was having, all I knew was that it mustn’t have been a very pleasant one.

I saw a red light out of the corner of my eye and turned my head to gain a better look at that time. A sigh escaped my lips when I noticed it was only just past ten. Shit, I must have fallen asleep after Pete stormed out of the room. I brushed my hands lightly over his side of the bed and sighed once again when I didn’t feel his form lying next to me.

I had hoped that maybe he would have come back to bed, I would have apologized and he would have kissed me and told me that everything was okay. Not this time though.

I saw in the bed, my unfocused eyes trained on the covers to the bed, when I was suddenly hit with a rush of adrenaline which coursed through my body. I kicked the bed covers completely off me and slipped out of the bed. Looking down I noticed I was still naked; my bones sticking out made the vomit creep a little further up my throat. I swallowed it back down and quickly grabbed the discarded clothing off the floor and carelessly threw them back on.

My feet padded silently on the floorboards, I tried to be as quiet as I could as to not be noticed. My intentions were simple; get to my destination unnoticed, take what I needed and get back to the bedroom as quickly and quietly as possible.

I snuck up to the entrance of the living room, a soft glow from the television spilling out of the room. Pete was sitting on the couch facing the television, but I knew his head was elsewhere. Not wanted to get caught, I fell to my hands and knees and crawled quickly past the room. Jesus, I felt fucking pathetic.

But I couldn’t think about that now, I was on a mission and my prize was only a few feet away. Still on my fucking hands and knees I crawled into my destination; the laundry. I swiftly moved to the washing machine, and reached to the gap next to it. My fingers brushed the bag, the excitement already building inside me; I pulled the bag from its hiding place. A smile playing on my lips the entire time.

Wasting no more time, I tipped the contents from the bag. I snatched two of the pills; my prize. I could almost taste their sweetness just looking at them. Placing the remaining pills back in the bag and quickly putting the bag back in its hiding place, I quickly made my way out of the laundry. I made my way back past the living room, still on my damn hands and knees, and crawled faster this time. Once I was about a foot away from the room, I jumped to my feet and ran back to the safety of Pete’s room.

“I love you,” I whispered in a child-like voice.

Jesus, I was talking to a couple of fucking pills. Before I was even high too.

Shaking my head and slightly laughing at how crazy I must have seemed. I placed one of the pills between my two fingers and briskly pushed the pill to the back of my throat. I repeated my actions with the second pill and then lied back on the bed.

I stared up at the ceiling for a while before I started feeling the effects of my prize. The sensation of being free began to take over my body. I looked over at the wall and saw the shadows being cast from the window. I suddenly felt a strong urge to run my hands along them. As I went to move from the bed I felt a weight holding me down.

I tried to kick the blanket off, but they suddenly felt heavy; almost as if they had transformed into a sheet of steel. I started to panic. Fuck, all I wanted to do was touch the wall. Tears started falling freely from my eyes but my crying was short lived and soon replaced with laughter.

I tried to stifle my laughing; I knew I didn’t want Pete to catch me like this. I rolled over and pressed my face into the pillow in an attempt to quieten myself.

“Bailee, what the hell are you doing?” Pete’s voice seemed to echo throughout the room, which only made my giggling that much worse.

Trying to act as normal as possible I replied, “I was just thinking about that time we threw water bombs off that balcony.”

Pete immediately broke into a smile and started softly laughing to himself. Shit, I had become a professional at this; deceiving people. I wondered if I could make a living out of it. Surely someone would have thought of a way to make a job out of lying. I mean, Jesus, if people could make a job out of sculpting bushes, then why couldn’t I lie?

“Why are you doing that?” Pete’s voice instantly brought me back to reality. Well, maybe not exactly reality.

“Doing what?”

“You’re grinding your teeth,” Pete pointed out, his hand slightly touching his jaw as if to show me where my mouth was.

I hadn’t realized I was grinding my teeth together and now that it had been mentioned I could feel my jaw clenched tightly. I tried to stop but found it impossible.

I was so involved in trying to stop grinding my teeth that I hadn’t noticed Pete walk over to the bed and grab my face in his hands. I smiled lovingly at Pete, and as his face got closer to mine I lent in to kiss him. He stared into my eyes from a moment before roughly pushing me away.

“You couldn’t fucking resist, could you?” Pete’s words were harsh and accusing and my head was spinning; I wasn’t sure whether or not I loved the feeling. I had always hated it, but now it was kind of calming. I felt like I was on a ride at Disney world.

“Where do you keep them?”

I looked up at Pete lazily, smiling at him stupidly. My arms reached out to him, but he was just out of my reach. I just wanted to cuddle.

“Where do you fucking keep them, Bailee?” Pete’s voiced boomed throughout the room, and I swear I saw the walls shake.

My arms dropped to my side and seemed to fall through the mattress below me. Lifting my arms again, I repeated my actions but this time my arms didn’t go anywhere; they kind of just disappeared.

I tried to tell Pete to watch my arms but when I lifted my head he was no longer standing in front of me. The draw on the side of the bed slammed closed gaining my attention for a moment. Pete disappeared from that side of the bed and reappeared on the other side a little time later. He pulled open the draw and rustled through it before closing it again.

Pete seemed to be everywhere, constantly slamming things and cursing under his breath. One of these pills would calm him down for sure. I decided against offering him one though, I wanted them all to myself.

Feeling two hands strongly grasp onto my shoulders made me look up. Pete was sitting in front of me again, tears flowing from his eyes. I couldn’t understand why he would be crying, or maybe he wasn’t and I was just seeing things. I did that a lot.

To make sure, I reached my hands up to his face and felt for the wetness of his tears. I pulled my hands away when I felt the tears.

“Why are you crying?” I asked, cocking my head to one side.

It probably wasn’t a good idea, my head was already spinning and sudden movements made me even dizzier. I blinked a couple of times trying to ignore my head and focus on Pete.

“Can you please tell me where you keep them, Bailee?”

I always hated begging. I refused to give into it. No one got anywhere in life by begging. I shook my head and pretending to zip my mouth close, giggling as I did.

“Hey, do you think I could ever become a garden sculptor?”

Pete shot up from the bed and began pacing the room. His strides didn’t seem as unsure as they usually did and it scared the hell out of me.

“Get your stuff and go. I can’t handle this anymore.” No, he as definitely sure this time.

Pete moved to the closet and pulled out a duffel bag. He moved back across the room to a set of draws and began pulling clothes from it and throwing them haphazardly into the bag.

The feeling of being free immediately left my body and a feeling of terror too its place.

“But, I love you,” I stammered stupidly.

“No, you obviously don’t give a fuck about me!”

As soon as Pete turned around to continue throwing clothes into the bag, I jumped from the bed and made a run for the laundry. If he was going to be kicking me out I wasn’t leaving without all of my drugs. I wouldn’t abandon them like everyone seemed to abandon me.

I ran past the living room, the soft glow still spilling out, and made my way further down the hallway. The laundry was about two feet away when I felt Pete’s hands clamp around my wrist and yank me back violently.

I let out a high-pitched scream as the pain pulsated from my arm to the rest of my body. My wrist felt like it was on fire, the pain was intense and for a moment I was sure it was broken.

Pete’s arms wrapped securely around me as he pulled me into his chest. I tried to struggle out of his grasp but gave up, knowing that it was impossible to get free.

I started crying hysterically, I was so close. Not only was Pete denying me of a place to sleep but apparently he was also denying me of something that was rightfully mine.

My head hadn’t stop spinning the entire time, and the vomit that I felt earlier seemed to be back. Sweat started to drip from my forehead, my hands shaking uncontrollably. Jesus, I just wanted my drugs.

I felt Pete pick me up and carry me back to his bedroom. He sat me on the bed once we arrived back to his room, and disappeared into the closet. I was too distraught to seem to be able to even move.

One shoe came flying out of the closet and landed near the bed, its pair came out a moment later and landed almost on top of the other shoe.

“Put your shoes on and go,” Pete said as he appeared from the closed. His voice no longer held any emotion, but his eyes told me otherwise.

“You’re really kicking me out?” I asked in disbelief. A hiccup passed my lips, my face soaked with tears. Shit, where was that band aid I needed the other day?

“I’m not dealing with your shit anymore. I shouldn’t fucking have to, Bailee!”

I did my best to put on my shoes, trying to see through my blurry eyes. I stood from the bed and grabbed the duffel bag. Wiping the tears from my eyes as best I could, I made my way to the front door. Pete didn’t stop me like I thought he might have.

I walked out onto the road as soon as I was outside, not bothering to check to see if cars were coming. If I couldn’t have my drugs or Pete then I didn’t want anything. And right now if a car were to hit me I hoped to God it would kill me.