FicWad

Chapter Eleven

Aquelev took the flaccid wrist in his hand and searched for the tell-tale artery. The pulse was stronger and he had an irrational conviction that the man on the bed was near waking. Thus he was pleased but not surprised to see the eyelids flicker even though it gave him nervous butterflies in his insides. Did Nooj know yet what had happened to him? If not, what would his reaction be when he realized what he had lost?

"Aquelev? All right?" Nooj whispered then paused; after catching his breath, he continued in a stronger voice, "Where is this?"

"I'm fine, Nooj. This is the Luca Hospital. How do you feel? Do you need help with pain?"

Nooj made a ghastly attempt to smile, "I can bear it. What happened? I remember Sin and going at him ..." His voice trailed off as he moved his right hand toward his left side.

Aquelev made no effort to interfere, only readying himself for the moment of discovery. It took an eternity for the fingers of the remaining hand to walk their way to the bandaged shoulder.

Nooj stopped his motion as his searching touch encountered nothing where he expected his left arm to be. Silently, he shifted his reach downwards toward his leg and paused again when he touched the end of the stump of his thigh. An inadvertent gasp of pain escaped him before he drew a deep breath and closing his eyes, shifted his hand to his groin. An easing of the tension in his facial muscles indicated his relief at what he found there.

"Am I awake? This is the way the dream went." There was a pleading tone in his voice and he appeared to be gazing inward as though looking for some way to reconcile what his fingers had conveyed to his brain with what he thought must be the truth.

Aquelev swallowed the obstruction in his throat. "You're awake, my friend, and you're still a man. Sin took your arm and leg but we can replace them." He brushed the dark hair back from the blanched face. "You'll be all right." He was not sure how much of what he said Nooj either heard or understood. The compulsion to keep talking, to fill the booming silences, to make everything all right with his words, drove him on.

"We have these custom devices which will work just like the old ones. You'll see. You won't even notice the difference. They are made just for you. You'll see it's going to be fine." He placed what he hoped was a comforting hand on the right shoulder, looking earnestly into the unfocused eyes. "We 'll start tomorrow and you'll see. Just rest now and don't worry; we're going to fix things for you." He was beginning to feel a flutter of panic when Nooj did not answer.

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He could not make sense of it all. Never in his dreams had he feared for his manhood. What had driven him to make sure of its existence this time? Something was different. The arm and leg were gone so it must be that he was dreaming. Yet, he was lying in a clean bed in what he was told was a hospital. Every other time, he had discovered his maiming on the field of battle. Nothing made sense. In the dreams, he did not hurt, not like this. He was exhausted and filthy but not in pain. Not pain like this. He reached for his leg again, again the stab of agony as he pressed the bandage which terminated so abruptly. He could feel his foot throbbing and burning but he could not find the limb which led to it. And his hand. He could almost clench it. Were it not for the swelling and burning in the palm and across the knuckles, he was sure he could grip the sheet on which it lay. A tentative groping for the elbow confirmed that limb was vanished as well. He moaned far back in his throat like an injured animal who could not understand what had happened.

And he did not understand. His nerves and his reason told him Aquelev was correct and he was damaged, broken, torn apart. However, his memory of other nearly as convincing moments which had been dreams persuaded him away from belief in his own destruction. Things grew increasingly incoherent and he fell, far back into the fog of non-thought.

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Aquelev was unsure whether to feel relief or concern as he watched Nooj slip back into unconsciousness. It was not unusual for a gravely ill or injured person to move seamlessly in and out of awareness and was an effective way to escape pain or reality which was too harsh for the bearing. His friend had not refused the prostheses, not in a definite statement. With a feeling of guilt which he quickly suppressed, The Al Bhed set out to persuade himself that Nooj had in effect signaled his agreement by the simple act of not objecting.

He reminded himself that Nooj remained weak, still very close to death and could not be expected to be capable of weighing complex matters carefully and Kalek's statement about nerve vitality must be accepted as truth. Yes, the surgery must begin on the morrow. It could not be deferred by too scrupulous a conscience or all hope of a successful outcome might be lost.

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The crowded room was deliberately kept warm since the safety of the patient was of more importance than the comfort of those who attended him. A motionless body might easily become chilled and the vital processes repressed so warmth was required. This time the warmth was excessive because of the presence of too many moving bodies in the limited space. The wheeled tray holding a pair of large rounded items covered with sterile towels took up more of the available space and added to the sense of crowding. The only elbow room was that afforded to the two men who stood on opposite sides of the table.

Kalek had just finished cutting away the bandages over the remnants of the thigh. He preferred to do his own preparatory work, never quite trusting even the most skilled assistant to perform to his satisfaction. "That's beginning to heal nicely. I wish I could let it continue but I can't risk the wait. And the tissues will heal around the machina if I do it right." It was unclear whether he was talking to himself or to his counterpart.

Aquelev took the statement as directed to him and replied, "I understand. If you waited for a complete healing, you would just have to open the area again and the nerves might not be as responsive. Do you want me to hold the clamps?"

"No, leave that to my nurses. I trained 'em myself and they know my ways. What I want you to do is keep an eye on his consciousness and make sure he doesn't wake up in the middle of this. I don't want to hurt him because I need perfect stillness while I'm operating. Once the implants are done, you'll need to be ready to rouse him enough for me to test the neural connections." Kalek was brusque but courteous. He and the other Al Bhed shared a mutual respect and worked well together.

Aquelev nodded his acquiescence and placed his palm flat against the forehead of the man on the table the better to track his mental processes. Nooj, his face peaceful, lay secured to the surface with soft strapping, his body draped with sheets which left exposed the arena in which the surgeon plied his skill. He remained in the light comatose state he had been in since the preceding day.

Kalek adjusted the magnifying goggles which augmented his own vision and bent to the task of of excavating the truncated thigh to prepare it for the implantation of the machina leg which was placed ready to his hand.

Three hours later, the surgeon stretched his back and sighed. "Ok, that one's done. It looks good; the fit is perfect. The pins through the sheath should give enough stability." He sought the eye of Lume who was huddled amongst those nearer the wall. "You people did a good joy and your measurements were right on." A movement under the mask showed he was smiling. "Now, on to the hard part."

A nurse moved to him to change the blood-smeared gloves and gown, offer him a drink of cold water and wipe his brow with a cool cloth. He gestured his thanks and returned to his patient. "All right still, Aquelev?"

"He's holding. I get the feeling he knows it's better to be somewhere else for a while. I'll keep track."

With a grunt, Kalek snipped away the gauze covering the remnants of the shoulder. He closed his eyes and visualized the location of the various intact parts then, with a sigh, closed his hand around the scalpel placed in his hand.

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"Careful. He's trying to wake up." There was urgency in Aquelev's warning. "I can feel his mind surfacing."

"Can you send him back again for another forty-five minutes? I'm nearly done and at a tricky part."

"I'll try. Can you pause for just a few minutes."

"OK. I need a little break anyway."

The Healer sent quieting and soothing spells into the mind of his friend. The slight unease he had detected in the other began to dissipate and the rise and fall of the chest became deeper and more even. "All right. You can finish."

Kalek crouched over his work again and connected the final delicate fibers of neural tissue. "Ok. Close this area and cover him. We'll take a short rest and then rouse him enough to see if we did it right. Be careful; the arm is not as firm as the leg. You saw how much I had to build up." He stalked from the surgery room to the small lounge adjoining the theatre. Every muscle in his body ached and his fingers, finally finished with the painstaking effort, began to twitch uncontrollably. This always happened after a complex surgery; thankfully, it held off until he had completed his task. The day it started up before that point was the day he would no longer practice his profession. It was a constant worry but one he could repress except sometimes at night when he would wake and ponder his future.

It had been an innovative operation, the first he knew of tying the physical nervous system of a living man into the Al Bhed developed Artificial Intelligence network of a manufactured device. If it could be made to work much of the terror and despair of wartime mutilation would be ended and a new era of rehabilitation would be born. In that new world, he would have a prominent place as the first to do what he had just done. Although he was not a religious man, he breathed a short prayer that the recipient of the ingenuous limbs was both as strong as it was claimed and as intelligent as he had heard. It would be the perseverance of Nooj which would either prove the experiment or make it a failure. Well, in another hour, he would have a good idea of which way the die would fall.

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He could hear his name being called, summoning him through the dark waters. As he surged upward to the surface the pain which had been in abeyance tightened its grip upon him, clawing the length of his left side.

He had a fugitive memory of a dream become reality and the vision of the loss of much of his body. He had had such dreams before and they had been just that - dreams. It was not a perfect understanding and he had chosen to reject it until he knew for certain.

"Nooj, wake up. You must wake up." Something was shaking him; it hurt. He tried to bat at the nuisance with his forearm, only to feel his wrist seized in a immobilizing grip. When he made the effort to strike out with his left hand, he could feel no response. His eyes came into better focus and he recognized the blurred features of Aquelev filling his field of vision.

He forced himself the rest of the way to the surface. "What?" A great tongue of fire licked down his side and he flinched.

"We need you awake now. The surgery is done and we need to check some things."

"Surgery?" He struggled to speak past the pain. "Surgery?"

Aquelev raised his voice slightly and spoke slowly and with clarity. "The implants. You needed a new arm and leg and we gave them to you. Now we need to check."

Nooj opened his eyes wider. "What have you done to me?" He pulled against the binding holding his right arm to the bed. "What are you talking about?" His thrashing caused pressure against his injured side and he screamed, the sound tearing the silence of the hushed room.

"Easy." Kalek cooed as he gestured orderlies to hold his patient still. "We'll explain everything. Just be easy."

Aquelev cast a calming spell and cursed himself for not being quicker.

Nooj took several deep breaths before asking, "Tell me what you've done. This is no dream then?"

"No. It's not a dream. Sin tore off your arm and leg and we have put new ones in their place. They are special replacements and we need to make sure it's been done right." The Healer stroked his friend's brow as he explained.

"Let me see."

Aquelev met Kalek's eyes and nodded. One of the orderlies drew back the covering sheet.

It was an incredible sight, nearly surrealistic in the unlikely merging of man and machina. No one had considered how the vivid colors of the prostheses would look compared to the pale amber flesh of their host. The concern had been to make the limbs less obvious when the user was dressed in his usual uniform. The glaring hues and polished metal, together with the visible pulleys and the armor-like sheath clasping the thigh presented a jarring disconnect to the unprepared eye.

Nooj looked at the exposed parts of his body with wonder and a dawning horror. "No! This is wrong. This isn't me! Why didn't you let me die like in the dreams?"

Aquelev jerked back in consternation. It was not supposed to go like this. Nooj was meant to be touched that his life and mobility had been preserved, not raging against his salvation.

The broken man looked up at the faces looming over him and implored, "Take them away. Put a knife in my heart and get it over with. I didn't kill Sin, did I? Sin has destroyed me, now let me die." He bit off the last word, clenching his teeth and straining against the bonds, both fabric and human holding him motionless.

Kalek sent a silent request to his consultant and the younger man responded by increasing the calming spell.

"Stop manipulating me. I kept my word to you. Now let me go." Nooj muttered hopelessly. "Why do you have to use your spells to keep me like this? You must have known I wouldn't want to live like this." The truce he had made with his fate was broken. The hunger for Death had returned with renewed intensity and he embraced it as the lost Lover it was.

Aquelev blinked back sudden tears, "Nooj, I can't let you hurt yourself. Give us a little time before you reject what we've done. Just give us a little time." He watched as the man imposed his formidable self-discipline on himself, permitting his pain to be seen only in the sheen of perspiration on his face and the compulsive flexing of the fingers of his right hand.

Nooj had not looked at the prostheses since that first unbelieving examination. He did not do so now but it was evident he was aware of them. His posture on the bed had subtly changed, his body seemingly weighted down by the heaviness of the alien limbs. More than ever, he looked to be a clumsily assembled collection of parts without coherence or unity. His eyes closed and the lines in his face smoothed. Aquelev knew this was an act of will, that the Warrior was refusing to accept the existence of his pain, was deliberately shunting it aside.

"It would appear I have no alternative." His voice was distinct, free of the ragged quality which had marked it before. "You have done this and I cannot undo it, no matter how much I wish it undone. You will have your way until I can manage an alternative. What do you want me to help you with?"

Kalek moved forward, "I am going to excite some areas and I need you to tell me what you feel." He drew out a small device and, drawing down his magnifying goggles, directed his attention to the sites of the recent surgery.

After a series of questions and answers which left Kalek gratified and Nooj clammy and trembling from the excruciating stimulation of those points at which his nerves were tied into their machina counterparts, the surgeon pronounced himself satisfied with the results of his labors and rose, stretching his back with a grunt. "I'll let you rest now. But you should know I have every reason to believe that you will be able to use these implants as they were intended. The neural connections are secure and functioning. Within a few months, you will be walking and using the arm freely. This has been a long day for you. You should try to relax and sleep for a while." He left the room drawing most of the others in his wake.

Nooj had lapsed into a state of only partial awareness and did not hear the surgeon's advice. How long he lay in that state he never knew. Time passed in an unfathomable way with neither thought not action to mark its duration. Things were done to him; he was requested to do things. Pain came like a welcome visitor to remind him some parts of his body still worked. Then it, too, was gone and he floated on a cushion of dreamingness with only the nearly silent tick of his mind to assure him he was Nooj the Die Hard, Nooj the Undying, Nooj the Deathseeker.

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"Are you all right?" Aquelev asked anxiously. "I'll leave you if you like, if you can sleep."

"No, stay a little while. I want to talk to you. I can't rest yet, need to let the aftershocks settle." Nooj said, still holding his shredded dignity to him like a handful of rags to cover his emotional nakedness. "What happened to Sin after he did this to me?" He had slowly become aware that he could not see clearly. There was a blurring of his vision which made objects more than an arm's length off seem behind a curtain of gauze. No amount of blinking helped and he could not rub his eyes because his remaining arm was secured to his side. He was quite helpless to anything to or for himself. "Is there a reason I can't see clearly? Did he damage my eyes or my brain?"

"There was some damage from the light and the wind. It's not that bad and we can correct it with lens. The technician for that will be coming by to make the tests and so forth in a day or so. It will be corrected, don't worry. Anything else bothering you?"

"Lens. Another imposition. I know I can never be a swordsman again, not with this obscenity." He gestured toward his leg with his head. "What became of my sword? It was a good one and I valued it."

"It was shattered..."

"Shattered like the rest of me, eh?"

Aquelev smiled at the feeble joke. "I'm afraid so. Your body got the better of it. We didn't find enough of the sword to be worth bringing back. It was just splinters."

"If you were honest, you would have not found it worth bringing back what was left of the body," he muttered. "No. Let it pass. I'm too tired to argue right now. And Sin? I didn't kill him, did I?" He sounded wistful and defeated.

"No. I'm afraid he got away. But you weakened him; I'm sure of that." It was kindness which spoke. The Al Bhed had no personal knowledge of any such fact. "We all know it takes a Summoner to destroy Sin. All the rest of us can do is fight back and try to save the threatened people. You did your job and did it magnificently. Nobody who saw it will ever forget you standing there - alone - between us and the Enemy. You did what you meant to do. All you could do."

Nooj lay still for a few moments, his eyes closed and his lips tightened. "I think I will rest a little now. Thank you, Aquelev."