FicWad

“Ray cleaned up the blood? The body? Who’s body?” I demanded but as soon as I did I saw him begin to shake again. He was truly losing it. Once more I put my arms around him. “Never mind, we’ll deal later.” I said, “We’ll deal later.”
“It’s all crashing down and I can’t do a fucking thing to stop it.” He suddenly stood, walked over to the keys on the floor and scooped them up.
“Where are we going?”
He didn’t answer he just started for the door. There was no fucking way I was gonna let him get behind the wheel of a car in his state of mind. I moved quickly and grabbed him.
“No, I’ll go with you.”
“Laura, I’m gonna go to a bar. I’m gonna get so drunk I can’t remember my name and with any luck I’ll end up crashing into a tree and kill myself.”
“Yeah, and you just might end up crashing into someone else’s car and killing them. Is that what you want?” It was a brutal thing to say but I had to make him stop.
He lowered his head, “It wouldn’t be the first time.”
Fuck, hearing him say it out loud made my heart stop. “I don’t know what happened but I can’t believe you cold bloodily killed someone.”
No response he just continued to stare at the floor. “You need to pull yourself together. If not for yourself then for your friends. For your family.” I touched his face, “For me.”
“I don’t think I can.” He whispered.
“You can, I know in my heart you can. Tell me what your mom said?”
He took a deep breath, “Helen told her I owned the house. She’s hurt and confused I didn’t tell her.”
“Tell her the same thing I told Helen. Tell her that the thought of someone buying the house upset you.”
He nodded, “Okay” he said like a child agreeing to a demand made by an adult.
“You are falling apart but I’m not gonna let it happen. Do you understand me?”
Once more he simply nodded.
Shit, he was withdrawing not only from the world but from himself. I reached out and made him look me in the eyes. What I saw frightened me more than anything ever had. His eyes were vacant. No life, nothing. “Gerard, stay with me.” I had to make him feel emotion. I couldn’t stand by and let him fade. Taking his hand I led him to the bed. “Gerard, love me.” I said as I pushed him down. “Love me.”
He blinked and I saw something. At this point I didn’t care what emotion. I didn’t give a fuck if it was anger; I just needed to see something in his eyes.
“I can’t,” he whispered.
I covered his body with my own. “You can because you do love me.” The idea of love angered and scared him before. I’d take those emotions right now.
He looked into my eyes. Softly he said, “I do love you and I hate myself for it.”
Hope caused me to smile, “Okay, two emotions. You love and you hate. Well I love you and hate you for hating yourself. How’s that?”
I could tell he was struggling. His mind was confused. Slowly I unbuttoned his shirt and parted the material. I rained kisses on his neck and chest. His arms came up and he began to stroke my arms. “Laura, why can’t you let me go?”
“Because I love you that’s just not an option. I’ve told you before, if you check out of this life then I do to. I will follow you into the darkness but I would much rather we stay in the light. This is your decision, Gerard. Tell me what are we gonna do?’
He stopped stroking my arms and I raised my head to look into his eyes. “I’m gonna stay in the light for you.”
“And I’m gonna help you stay in the light because I love you.” I whispered back.
I lowered my lips to his and the kiss was sweet, gentle. Soon his tongue was teasing my bottom lip inviting me to open my mouth. Suddenly he stopped and pulled his head back slightly. “Laura let me love you.”
I smiled my heart singing, he loves me, he loves me. “Love away” I said
He gently rolled me off of him then moved off the bed. He held out his hand to me. I let him pull me up. Once I was standing beside him his lips moved over mine again. I savored the feel, the taste of him. His tongue slid across my lower lip, the moved in to explore my mouth. The eagerness of the kiss I gave him in return made him smile against my lips. “Little Laura, let me love you.”
I slid my arms around his neck and felt the warmth of the nape of his neck. I inhaled his smell. It was pure heaven.
He kissed me again longingly then abandoned my lips to move his mouth over the spot on my neck where my pulse beat rapidly. Gerard lifted his lips from my neck and looked deep into my eyes. He carefully lifted my sweater over my head. Without thinking I raised my arms and allowed him to pull it off. As it dropped to the floor his fingers moved to the snap of my jeans. He yanked the zipper down, then slid them down my legs along with my panties. I stepped out of them and he smiled. “I love that I don’t have to mess with a bra.”
Looking into his eyes I still saw he was haunted but my heart rejoiced that he was trying to live. He reached out and let my breasts fill his hands. His voice was dark seduction, “So beautiful and all mine.” He rubbed the pad of his thumb across the nipples. “Would you rather my mouth do this?”
I nodded not trusting my voice. As I watched his head bent and his mouth opened to my right nipple. He began to suckle and I moaned. “I’m a fucking moaner,” I said breathlessly.
He spoke without raising his head, “As long as you’re a fucking moaner for me it’s all good.” He then took the other nipple into his mouth as his fingers began to glide down my stomach. Slowly he lowered himself so that he was kneeling before me. “Are you ready?” He whispered as he pushed my legs apart. Now his fingers were running up the inside of my thighs. Without warning he slid a finger inside me. “Oh, so ready.”
I moaned again this time louder. I moved my hips pushing his finger in deeper. I wanted to tighten myself around him and hold him forever. Slowly he drew his finger out and I cried out from the loss.
Throwing my head back I shuddered when I heard him shed his own clothing. Then I felt it. The velvety tip posed where his finger had made more than ready. The feel of his erection between my legs was intoxicating. He didn’t enter me but instead began to rub against me. This was sheer torture. I tried to thrust against him, wanting to feel him. Once more his mouth took my right nipple. His tongue swirled around driving me crazy.
“Gerard I need…” I moaned.
“Tell me, Laura. Tell me what you need.”
“I need you. I need your love.”
For a brief moment I was afraid. He stilled and I couldn’t bear to open my eyes. The suddenly his fingers were on buttock and he pulled me to him so that he could enter me. “You have my love,” he said as he thrust harder. “I’m lost in love.”
Waves of sensation washed over me. He continued to thrust into me.
“Wrap your legs around me.” He said roughly, his voice raw with emotion.
I did and he lifted me. Several quick strides and we were on the bed. He was still buried deep inside. He sat on the edge of the bed and I straddled his lap. “I don’t think I can hold back much longer.” It sounded like an apology.
“Then don’t,” I said nipping at his ear lobe. “Fill me.”
He threw back his head and moaned louder then I had. As I felt his warmth fill me I too let go. We stayed joined until we could breath normally again. This had been better, more intense than any other joining. I knew why, it was because he had told me he loved me. I held my breath hoping nothing would ruin the moment.
“Laura” he finally spoke. “I love you.”
My heart sang.