Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > We Like Movies
We both moved to lay on the bed wrapped in each other’s arms. I had never felt so content as I did at this moment. He loved me and he had finally admitted it to me and to himself. Finally he spoke.
“I have to tell you, I know that now. I just hope that you will still love me when you know the truth.”
I snuggled closet to him. “There is nothing you can say that would make me stop loving you.”
He sat up and I immediately missed his warmth. He got up, walked over to the dresser and got his pack of cigarettes. He settled himself in the chair. Lighting a cigarette he took a deep drag before speaking, “Her name was Marie but I always caller her Merri” He saw my shocked look, “Yeah, Helen’s daughter.”
I nodded but said nothing.
“Merri was Mikey’s age but we had grown up together. Back then I thought of her as a pesky kid. She and Mikey were always close. Then when she turned sixteen things between us changed. Almost overnight she turned into this beautiful girl with long blond hair and gorgeous green eyes. It was wrong, I knew better but I wanted her. At first she tempted me. She would flirt with me and I tried to ignore her. I had a girlfriend at the time but that didn’t stop me. I was such a fucking prick. One night she came over to the house just like she always had and watched TV with Mikey and me. When Mikey finally went to bed she got up and sat down by me. She told me that she knew I wanted her and that she wanted me too. I knew better, I should have got up and walked away from her but I couldn’t. That was the first time we made love.
I pulled the blanket up over me suddenly feeling cold. I waited because he seemed lost in thought. Finally he continued. “For several months she and I snuck around. I still had a girlfriend but that didn’t stop me. Then Helen sent her away to a special Art School. At first I was upset but in a way I was relived. I knew the relationship was wrong. Merri told me that she would always love me and that she would return to me. Hell, I was freaked. Love wasn’t what the relationship was about. I started to feel like the prick I had been acting like. Three years past and I never heard from her once. By that time I had another girlfriend and was starting to grow disenchanted with my life. I had just gotten out of Art School and was trying to make a living as an artist. Merri moved back in with her mom and I would see her now and then but we really didn’t talk. Mom said Helen had told her that Merri had changed while she was always. That she seemed withdrawn. Mom suggested that I talk to her. That maybe since we both had an art background we would have something in common. I felt uncomfortable because of the relationship we’d had but I loved Helen and wanted to help.” He paused, “As soon as I saw her we fell right back into the same relationship we’d had before. We’d sneak around to be together cause I had a girlfriend. Merri said it didn’t matter to her, that she just wanted to be with me.” He stopped and shook his head sadly, “Why I couldn’t see I don’t know. She would do anything to be with me and that included sneaking around. I was just too stupid and selfish to care. Then something happened. I don’t know what but all of a sudden Merri was gone. Mom said Helen told her that Merri had some emotional problems and that she was somewhere that was helping her. I found out later that she had tried to commit suicide.”
I knew he was becoming lost in the past when he began to talk again, “Then one morning there she was again. Across the street standing watching me as I left the house. It wasn’t long after 9/11. This time I decided to stay away from her. I was in a strong relationship and I was determined not to cheat. I remember waving as I drove away and she smiled. For the next few months we saw each other occasionally, never alone. When we spoke it was like old friends. But there was something so different about her. She seemed sort of lost and I really felt badly for her. She told me that she had met someone but I didn’t know if I should believe her or not. She was telling me lots of strange stories. I remember wishing I had more time to talk to her but the band was just getting off the ground and I was so busy. A couple of times she tried to talk to me but I didn’t have time. I wonder now if things would have turned out differently if I had just taken the time.”
He had lit another cigarette. “Then one night a couple of weeks before we signed with Reprise she and I had a long talk. We sat on Mom’s back porch just like we had when we were kids and talked for hours. I felt so sorry for her. I could tell she had a lot of emotional problems, which was something I could relate to. We even compared meds that we had taken for depression.” He grew quiet for so long I wondered if he would be able to continue.
“I should have fucking listened to her. I should have heard what she was saying to me but I didn’t. I thought that since she told me she had someone that she would be okay. As she was getting ready to go she looked at me and told me that the happiest memories she had were of us together. I just smiled like an idiot. Why didn’t I hear it in her voice?”
“Hear what, Gerard?” I asked softly.
“Desperation. She was trying to hold on and I didn’t hear her cries for help.”
“Tell me the rest.” I urged
“A few days after we signed with Reprise I was at home drinking. Honestly it seemed that everything about the band had happened so fast and I was scared. It was a Friday night and Mom was gone for the weekend. Mikey was staying over at a friend’s house. By the time Merri showed up I was pretty wasted.”
He snuffed out his cigarette and stood. As I watched he started pacing the room.
”Gerard, what happened that night?” I asked my voice just above a whisper.
“I remember drinking cause I was so scared about my fucking life. I mean what the fuck? Suddenly I was getting everything I wanted and it was scaring the shit out of me. Merri came in without knocking and sat down by me on the sofa. Fuck, I was so cruel to her. I told her I didn’t have time for her fucking problems I had my own to deal with. She just sat there watching me as I continued to drink. I got madder and madder at her. I told her to go find her boyfriend and leave me alone. I remember shouting at her. I was such a bastard.” He sat back down and stared at the ground. I waited, my heart pounding. After several minutes he spoke in an eerie voice.
“ I remember that I got up off the sofa. I remember stumbling down the stairs and falling into my bed. That’s the last thing I remember until….: He lowered his head, “Until waking up with Merri’s dead body beside me.”
“I have to tell you, I know that now. I just hope that you will still love me when you know the truth.”
I snuggled closet to him. “There is nothing you can say that would make me stop loving you.”
He sat up and I immediately missed his warmth. He got up, walked over to the dresser and got his pack of cigarettes. He settled himself in the chair. Lighting a cigarette he took a deep drag before speaking, “Her name was Marie but I always caller her Merri” He saw my shocked look, “Yeah, Helen’s daughter.”
I nodded but said nothing.
“Merri was Mikey’s age but we had grown up together. Back then I thought of her as a pesky kid. She and Mikey were always close. Then when she turned sixteen things between us changed. Almost overnight she turned into this beautiful girl with long blond hair and gorgeous green eyes. It was wrong, I knew better but I wanted her. At first she tempted me. She would flirt with me and I tried to ignore her. I had a girlfriend at the time but that didn’t stop me. I was such a fucking prick. One night she came over to the house just like she always had and watched TV with Mikey and me. When Mikey finally went to bed she got up and sat down by me. She told me that she knew I wanted her and that she wanted me too. I knew better, I should have got up and walked away from her but I couldn’t. That was the first time we made love.
I pulled the blanket up over me suddenly feeling cold. I waited because he seemed lost in thought. Finally he continued. “For several months she and I snuck around. I still had a girlfriend but that didn’t stop me. Then Helen sent her away to a special Art School. At first I was upset but in a way I was relived. I knew the relationship was wrong. Merri told me that she would always love me and that she would return to me. Hell, I was freaked. Love wasn’t what the relationship was about. I started to feel like the prick I had been acting like. Three years past and I never heard from her once. By that time I had another girlfriend and was starting to grow disenchanted with my life. I had just gotten out of Art School and was trying to make a living as an artist. Merri moved back in with her mom and I would see her now and then but we really didn’t talk. Mom said Helen had told her that Merri had changed while she was always. That she seemed withdrawn. Mom suggested that I talk to her. That maybe since we both had an art background we would have something in common. I felt uncomfortable because of the relationship we’d had but I loved Helen and wanted to help.” He paused, “As soon as I saw her we fell right back into the same relationship we’d had before. We’d sneak around to be together cause I had a girlfriend. Merri said it didn’t matter to her, that she just wanted to be with me.” He stopped and shook his head sadly, “Why I couldn’t see I don’t know. She would do anything to be with me and that included sneaking around. I was just too stupid and selfish to care. Then something happened. I don’t know what but all of a sudden Merri was gone. Mom said Helen told her that Merri had some emotional problems and that she was somewhere that was helping her. I found out later that she had tried to commit suicide.”
I knew he was becoming lost in the past when he began to talk again, “Then one morning there she was again. Across the street standing watching me as I left the house. It wasn’t long after 9/11. This time I decided to stay away from her. I was in a strong relationship and I was determined not to cheat. I remember waving as I drove away and she smiled. For the next few months we saw each other occasionally, never alone. When we spoke it was like old friends. But there was something so different about her. She seemed sort of lost and I really felt badly for her. She told me that she had met someone but I didn’t know if I should believe her or not. She was telling me lots of strange stories. I remember wishing I had more time to talk to her but the band was just getting off the ground and I was so busy. A couple of times she tried to talk to me but I didn’t have time. I wonder now if things would have turned out differently if I had just taken the time.”
He had lit another cigarette. “Then one night a couple of weeks before we signed with Reprise she and I had a long talk. We sat on Mom’s back porch just like we had when we were kids and talked for hours. I felt so sorry for her. I could tell she had a lot of emotional problems, which was something I could relate to. We even compared meds that we had taken for depression.” He grew quiet for so long I wondered if he would be able to continue.
“I should have fucking listened to her. I should have heard what she was saying to me but I didn’t. I thought that since she told me she had someone that she would be okay. As she was getting ready to go she looked at me and told me that the happiest memories she had were of us together. I just smiled like an idiot. Why didn’t I hear it in her voice?”
“Hear what, Gerard?” I asked softly.
“Desperation. She was trying to hold on and I didn’t hear her cries for help.”
“Tell me the rest.” I urged
“A few days after we signed with Reprise I was at home drinking. Honestly it seemed that everything about the band had happened so fast and I was scared. It was a Friday night and Mom was gone for the weekend. Mikey was staying over at a friend’s house. By the time Merri showed up I was pretty wasted.”
He snuffed out his cigarette and stood. As I watched he started pacing the room.
”Gerard, what happened that night?” I asked my voice just above a whisper.
“I remember drinking cause I was so scared about my fucking life. I mean what the fuck? Suddenly I was getting everything I wanted and it was scaring the shit out of me. Merri came in without knocking and sat down by me on the sofa. Fuck, I was so cruel to her. I told her I didn’t have time for her fucking problems I had my own to deal with. She just sat there watching me as I continued to drink. I got madder and madder at her. I told her to go find her boyfriend and leave me alone. I remember shouting at her. I was such a bastard.” He sat back down and stared at the ground. I waited, my heart pounding. After several minutes he spoke in an eerie voice.
“ I remember that I got up off the sofa. I remember stumbling down the stairs and falling into my bed. That’s the last thing I remember until….: He lowered his head, “Until waking up with Merri’s dead body beside me.”
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