Categories > Cartoons > Avatar: The Last Airbender > A Mispent Youth
Words
Azula wanted words.
She loved written words, spoken words, Shozen’s writings, Ty Lee’s scribbles, words to speak, words to hear, words to keep in her back pocket, and words to change. She needed them the way some children needed stuffed animals. Azula had never liked stuffed animals, they were too demanding. They were needy and Azula’s Father said being needy was bad.
Words were never needy.
Words to cuddle and remember when things were bad, to pluck out of her memory and use to her own devices. She wanted them and they wanted her.
She liked to pretend her bed wasn’t made out of royal silk and fluffy pillows but ancient scrolls and smelly black ink. It would be safe inside. You could spend forever in a bed of scrolls, like the sleeping caterpillar Azula had found in the garden. Her Mother said that when the caterpillar stopped sleeping it would be a perfect butterfly with fragile wings. Azula had opened the sleeping bag the caterpillar had made with Lu Ten’s knife but she didn’t see a butterfly. Mother was probably lying.
Grown-ups always said it was bad to lie, but then they did it anyway. So Azula did too. She was good at lying, her best friend.
But in a bed of scrolls you wouldn’t have to lie because the words were already perfect. The knowledge and wisdom and power would just go into your brain naturally. And like the butterfly that was supposed to appear from the bag she would come out from her bed perfect, just like she was supposed to be but wasn’t.
She knew it would be foolish in really life, she would burn them and they would give her paper cuts. But there was no harm in pretending a bed of scrolls. It was like lying, only to herself. You couldn’t get in trouble for that.
Azula concentrated on the flames that lived inside her, forcing them out into the open. As easily as if walking from one room to the next the fire bubbled out of her hands. Azula didn’t really understand anything else. Oh, she knew the dates of lots of battles, and she could tell the difference between a duke and a lord, but she didn’t understand it the same way. It was wrong some.
But Ty Lee was doing her bad blurgle dance, which could only mean trouble for Azula.
Ty Lee had a lot of favorites, favorite words, favorite made up words, favorite colors that weren’t blue, and favorite bugs, to name a few of the lists Azula had to keep to understand all the crazy that went on in Ty Lee’s noodle of a brain. Azula figured it was one of the down sides of friendship to have to remember these things. Sometimes Azula thought friendship was a big waste of time. In all the time it took to figure Ty Lee out she could have saved the whole world by now or invented a cure to balding or whatever it was friendless protégées did with their spare time.
Except then who would clap when she did something right? Father and Lu Ten couldn’t always be there and stupid Zuko wouldn’t do it. And who would understand when she did something wrong? No, she needed Ty Lee, and Mai too, like it or not. So she had to understand the favorites, even the funny ones like blurgle.
Since the original making up blurgle had been bumped down to number three on the lists after Jireous (“That’s what happens when you get jealous of somebody’s fire bending, Zuko!”) and Fwoop (“The funny feeling you get when something really good is about to happen really really soon!”) but the meaning still stayed. Blurgle was excitement, something important. Something Ty Lee had to move to explain. Blurgle dances were rare because Ty Lee liked to save them for the best stuff, or the worst as a bad blurgle dance meant.
“Ty Lee, what’s going on? Tell me now,” Azula grabbed Ty Lee’s hand and dug her fingernails into the other girls palm. That was the only way to stop a blurgle dance. She most have yelled her royal command a little too loud though because then Zuko came running and Mai came after him and they didn’t understand why Azula was hurting Ty Lee. It was true that sometimes Azula hurt people just because she could, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a reason now and then. People were stupid.
“Stop it, Azula!” said Zuko pushing, Azula aside. Ty Lee continued her dance while Mai looked at her wound. Idiots. It wasn’t as if she’d drawn blood or anything. She would never do that.
“Why?” asked Mai. She liked to get to the bottom of things before she even looked at the top. Azula shrugged her shoulders. Let them figure it out for themselves. She didn’t care anymore. Instead she when back to her fingers and the flames.
Fire in the hand…
Poof!
Gone.
Fire in the hand…
Poof!
Gone.
“Azula,” signed Zuko with a frown. Zuko was one of those people who like his answers spoken with plenty of eye contact. So Azula lied. It was her real best friend. It wasn’t a he or she because it wasn’t a person, wasn’t something you could taste or see. But it was a friend, a friend you could plot with who was always on the tip of her tongue like the flavor of a cherry lollipop. She never knew when it would come out, and it didn’t give any warning, it just did. And it didn’t matter what she was going to say or wanted to say, her friend would talk instead and then they’d have to work. It was as natural as Fire bending and more fun too. Fire bending was about winning and protégées and almost. Her best friend was about talking and sharing and secrets. Lots of secrets.
Her Uncle Iroh once told her that children who lie have their voices stolen by the Spirits. Azula didn’t listen though, because it was still her friend even if it was bad. Friends took the good and the bad and didn’t care about the problems. Lying helped her when she was sad and angry, almost is never good enough, and it didn’t mind that she was probably evil. So Azula didn’t mind that it would take her voice away. Maybe she could use sign language.
“I didn’t do anything to her.”
“You’re a liar, Azula,” growled Zuko.
Well duh, thought Azula’s brain. But she didn’t say that. She had to find the right lie, the right words.
“Are you okay?” asked Mai, holding Ty Lee’s hand tight. Anyone with have a brain could see Ty Lee was not okay. She was shaking all over, stuck in her crazy dance.
“I’m fine!” said Ty Lee, smiling wide. Azula began looking for the most convenient chair to hide under, this was a bit like finding a shelter when a drunk Fire Bender was about to bend in a house full of fireworks. Something big was about to happen, and if you weren’t controlling it you didn’t want to be anywhere near by. Luckily there was a nice big chair that wasn’t too dusty for Azula to protect herself with.
“No you’re not. What’s going on?” asked Zuko. Except he wasn’t really asking, it was more of a command. Zuko made those a lot.
“Nothing! Nothing is wrong because I haven’t done anything wrong! Much! Well, exceptIsortofdidbutIdon’tknowwhattodoaboutitandifIdon’tsayanythingthebadthingsmightbemyfaultandthatwouldbeveryverybadandthiswasawonderfuldayuntilnow!” Ty Lee squeaked.
Mai was smart enough to know when distraction was the only option when you wanted to get a real answer. Azula wasn’t sure how she felt about that. “Did you get all the blue out of your hair Ty Lee?”
Azula frowned. That had been a million hours ago. What had Ty Lee been doing this whole time?
Yeah, except I think I got the pillows blue.”
Mai laughed and gave a quick little smile. Zuko blinked. He was probably worried that Ty Lee had gone into his room and unearthed one of his deep dark secrets. Not that Zuko had any deep dark secrets, or at least nothing that would get Ty Lee so worked up, but he thought he did. “What pillows?”
“The pillows in the secret room.”
Now, that was a new one. Even though it was probably a bad idea Azula got out of her hiding place. “What secret room?”
“The secret room that I wasn’t supposed to be in. It was nice. Except for the assassination part. That wasn’t nice at all. And then I had to wait until everybody left to move and it was dark.”
Mai, Zuko, and Azula just stared at her. Sometime Azula wondered why she needed to lie; real life could be much more interesting then what her brain could come up with. Especially when you lived in the palace.
“Assassination?” asked Mai, her voice was calm but she clutched Zuko’s arm tight. Zuko politely pretended not to notice. Azula stored this information in her brain for a later date. Figure out killing now; mock Mai’s taste in boys later.
“Fire Lord Azula—“
“Fire Lord Azulon,” Zuko corrected. Azula gave him a shove.
“And General Dragon was talking about ‘assassination’ attempts on the Royal Family!” Ty Lee cried. “Its rebels and I only just remembered ‘cause Zuko’s birthday made me forget and it was a secret room that nobody went in but the tea was still warm!”
Azula blinked.
“I’m telling Daddy,” she said. “You guys go back to getting ready for the party.”
And that was that.
Azula wanted words.
She loved written words, spoken words, Shozen’s writings, Ty Lee’s scribbles, words to speak, words to hear, words to keep in her back pocket, and words to change. She needed them the way some children needed stuffed animals. Azula had never liked stuffed animals, they were too demanding. They were needy and Azula’s Father said being needy was bad.
Words were never needy.
Words to cuddle and remember when things were bad, to pluck out of her memory and use to her own devices. She wanted them and they wanted her.
She liked to pretend her bed wasn’t made out of royal silk and fluffy pillows but ancient scrolls and smelly black ink. It would be safe inside. You could spend forever in a bed of scrolls, like the sleeping caterpillar Azula had found in the garden. Her Mother said that when the caterpillar stopped sleeping it would be a perfect butterfly with fragile wings. Azula had opened the sleeping bag the caterpillar had made with Lu Ten’s knife but she didn’t see a butterfly. Mother was probably lying.
Grown-ups always said it was bad to lie, but then they did it anyway. So Azula did too. She was good at lying, her best friend.
But in a bed of scrolls you wouldn’t have to lie because the words were already perfect. The knowledge and wisdom and power would just go into your brain naturally. And like the butterfly that was supposed to appear from the bag she would come out from her bed perfect, just like she was supposed to be but wasn’t.
She knew it would be foolish in really life, she would burn them and they would give her paper cuts. But there was no harm in pretending a bed of scrolls. It was like lying, only to herself. You couldn’t get in trouble for that.
Azula concentrated on the flames that lived inside her, forcing them out into the open. As easily as if walking from one room to the next the fire bubbled out of her hands. Azula didn’t really understand anything else. Oh, she knew the dates of lots of battles, and she could tell the difference between a duke and a lord, but she didn’t understand it the same way. It was wrong some.
But Ty Lee was doing her bad blurgle dance, which could only mean trouble for Azula.
Ty Lee had a lot of favorites, favorite words, favorite made up words, favorite colors that weren’t blue, and favorite bugs, to name a few of the lists Azula had to keep to understand all the crazy that went on in Ty Lee’s noodle of a brain. Azula figured it was one of the down sides of friendship to have to remember these things. Sometimes Azula thought friendship was a big waste of time. In all the time it took to figure Ty Lee out she could have saved the whole world by now or invented a cure to balding or whatever it was friendless protégées did with their spare time.
Except then who would clap when she did something right? Father and Lu Ten couldn’t always be there and stupid Zuko wouldn’t do it. And who would understand when she did something wrong? No, she needed Ty Lee, and Mai too, like it or not. So she had to understand the favorites, even the funny ones like blurgle.
Since the original making up blurgle had been bumped down to number three on the lists after Jireous (“That’s what happens when you get jealous of somebody’s fire bending, Zuko!”) and Fwoop (“The funny feeling you get when something really good is about to happen really really soon!”) but the meaning still stayed. Blurgle was excitement, something important. Something Ty Lee had to move to explain. Blurgle dances were rare because Ty Lee liked to save them for the best stuff, or the worst as a bad blurgle dance meant.
“Ty Lee, what’s going on? Tell me now,” Azula grabbed Ty Lee’s hand and dug her fingernails into the other girls palm. That was the only way to stop a blurgle dance. She most have yelled her royal command a little too loud though because then Zuko came running and Mai came after him and they didn’t understand why Azula was hurting Ty Lee. It was true that sometimes Azula hurt people just because she could, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a reason now and then. People were stupid.
“Stop it, Azula!” said Zuko pushing, Azula aside. Ty Lee continued her dance while Mai looked at her wound. Idiots. It wasn’t as if she’d drawn blood or anything. She would never do that.
“Why?” asked Mai. She liked to get to the bottom of things before she even looked at the top. Azula shrugged her shoulders. Let them figure it out for themselves. She didn’t care anymore. Instead she when back to her fingers and the flames.
Fire in the hand…
Poof!
Gone.
Fire in the hand…
Poof!
Gone.
“Azula,” signed Zuko with a frown. Zuko was one of those people who like his answers spoken with plenty of eye contact. So Azula lied. It was her real best friend. It wasn’t a he or she because it wasn’t a person, wasn’t something you could taste or see. But it was a friend, a friend you could plot with who was always on the tip of her tongue like the flavor of a cherry lollipop. She never knew when it would come out, and it didn’t give any warning, it just did. And it didn’t matter what she was going to say or wanted to say, her friend would talk instead and then they’d have to work. It was as natural as Fire bending and more fun too. Fire bending was about winning and protégées and almost. Her best friend was about talking and sharing and secrets. Lots of secrets.
Her Uncle Iroh once told her that children who lie have their voices stolen by the Spirits. Azula didn’t listen though, because it was still her friend even if it was bad. Friends took the good and the bad and didn’t care about the problems. Lying helped her when she was sad and angry, almost is never good enough, and it didn’t mind that she was probably evil. So Azula didn’t mind that it would take her voice away. Maybe she could use sign language.
“I didn’t do anything to her.”
“You’re a liar, Azula,” growled Zuko.
Well duh, thought Azula’s brain. But she didn’t say that. She had to find the right lie, the right words.
“Are you okay?” asked Mai, holding Ty Lee’s hand tight. Anyone with have a brain could see Ty Lee was not okay. She was shaking all over, stuck in her crazy dance.
“I’m fine!” said Ty Lee, smiling wide. Azula began looking for the most convenient chair to hide under, this was a bit like finding a shelter when a drunk Fire Bender was about to bend in a house full of fireworks. Something big was about to happen, and if you weren’t controlling it you didn’t want to be anywhere near by. Luckily there was a nice big chair that wasn’t too dusty for Azula to protect herself with.
“No you’re not. What’s going on?” asked Zuko. Except he wasn’t really asking, it was more of a command. Zuko made those a lot.
“Nothing! Nothing is wrong because I haven’t done anything wrong! Much! Well, exceptIsortofdidbutIdon’tknowwhattodoaboutitandifIdon’tsayanythingthebadthingsmightbemyfaultandthatwouldbeveryverybadandthiswasawonderfuldayuntilnow!” Ty Lee squeaked.
Mai was smart enough to know when distraction was the only option when you wanted to get a real answer. Azula wasn’t sure how she felt about that. “Did you get all the blue out of your hair Ty Lee?”
Azula frowned. That had been a million hours ago. What had Ty Lee been doing this whole time?
Yeah, except I think I got the pillows blue.”
Mai laughed and gave a quick little smile. Zuko blinked. He was probably worried that Ty Lee had gone into his room and unearthed one of his deep dark secrets. Not that Zuko had any deep dark secrets, or at least nothing that would get Ty Lee so worked up, but he thought he did. “What pillows?”
“The pillows in the secret room.”
Now, that was a new one. Even though it was probably a bad idea Azula got out of her hiding place. “What secret room?”
“The secret room that I wasn’t supposed to be in. It was nice. Except for the assassination part. That wasn’t nice at all. And then I had to wait until everybody left to move and it was dark.”
Mai, Zuko, and Azula just stared at her. Sometime Azula wondered why she needed to lie; real life could be much more interesting then what her brain could come up with. Especially when you lived in the palace.
“Assassination?” asked Mai, her voice was calm but she clutched Zuko’s arm tight. Zuko politely pretended not to notice. Azula stored this information in her brain for a later date. Figure out killing now; mock Mai’s taste in boys later.
“Fire Lord Azula—“
“Fire Lord Azulon,” Zuko corrected. Azula gave him a shove.
“And General Dragon was talking about ‘assassination’ attempts on the Royal Family!” Ty Lee cried. “Its rebels and I only just remembered ‘cause Zuko’s birthday made me forget and it was a secret room that nobody went in but the tea was still warm!”
Azula blinked.
“I’m telling Daddy,” she said. “You guys go back to getting ready for the party.”
And that was that.
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