A/N: I own none of this. Honest. Nope, not me. Also none of the other characters who appear. Everything and everyone belongs to someone else. Thus is the story of my life.
Harry Potter and the Trademark Dispute.
Chapter 14 - Ying and Yang
That was the end of the parade of Heroes for the day. That evening Harry and Hermione were in the heads suite common room. She was on his lap, both of them had taken their shirts off, spit was being swapped.
"Hi there." They looked up from each other to see a dark haired woman in a leather bustier, suspender belt, fishnet stockings and stiletto heals leaning against the door jam to Harry's room.
"How did you get in here?" Hermione asked.
"The portrait is male. I always get what I want from men be they flesh and blood or otherwise."
"Are you from the League?" Harry asked.
"Yep" the woman stretched her arms over her head, particularly nice happy parts threatened to escape the bustier.
"I don't want to join."
"Too bad. Oh well, since I'm here, my name is Nasty Girl."She licked her lips slowly. "Wanna see my power?"
Harry and Hermione shared a look. "Hell yes!" said Hermione.
/Best girlfriend ever! /thought Harry.
It was a beautiful May Saturday afternoon. In anticipation of the rush of League recruiters (an organization that never took No for an answer) Harry had conjured a "Now Rejecting #" sign and had Luna, Ginny and Neville handing out numbers to the spandex wearing loons as they arrived.
"Look Jordan, I've already told three of you guys with the rings, No. Please go away. NUMBER 17!"
The man in green slunk away
Before Number 17 (a tall massively muscled man with shoulder length hair, a winged helm and a large battle hammer) could get to the table where Harry and Hermione sat a tall blue-black haired man landed. In a blue body suit with a red cape and a stylized S on his chest, he quickly twisted the spit curl on his forehead to an S shape.
The line of assembled heroes was silent except for a huge Green individual who started bellowing about 'no cutsies' and 'smashing'. The hulking figure was silenced by a death glare from Luna. When the heroes saw the 5'3" blonde facing down the 8'7" green goliath they shuddered. The poor fool didn't stand chance.
The line cutter extended his hand. "Harry, it's good to meet you, I'm"
"But Harry, we at the league"
"Evidently didn't teach strange visitors from another planet that it's rude to cut in line. Or how to take no for an answer."
"Wear your y-fronts outside your trousers, yes we noticed."
The Man in blue turned to Hermione. "Miss could you talk some sense into him, the world needs him."
"You aren't fooling anyone you know."
"Excuse me?" The Kryptonian was confused.
"The Glasses as a disguise. Everyone knows you're Clark Kent. You've got blue in your hair for Merlin's sake."
"I don't know what you're talking about." The Hero huffed.
"Let me demonstrate." She turned to Harry, "May I borrow your glasses?"
"Certainly Hermione." She put them on. "Wait, who are you? Where did Hermione go?"
"See? No one would be confused by this 'clever disguise'. You put your 'secret identity' on book covers and in the newspaper. How did you expect to fool anyone?"
As the Kryptonian opened and closed his mouth like a beached fish, Ron strolled up munching his way through a large plate of Nacos. "Oi, fresh meat. What houses do you think you'll be sorted into?"
Harry took his glasses back.
"Oi, Harry! Where did those two new kids get off to? And where did you and Hermione come from?"
"Ok," Hermione shrugged. "It might fool the dangerously inbred, but other than that?"
The man of steel slunk away. He was followed by the rest of the assembled heroes.
Riddle sat alone in his lair. Abandoned by those few followers who still lived, he waited for the end. Potter had won. He had the slim hope that the Guild didn't know about his horocruxes, and that he would return, but without followers, how was he to regain his body? Damn Potter anyway. Sometimes he thought that the biggest mistake of his life had been listening to Snape when he brought him that damned prophecy. If he had just allowed Potter to grow up untouched, would he be the threat he is now? Actually he wasn't all that much of a threat, it was those damned friends of his. Each of them adding to Potter's power. But it was all too late now.
"This is the place Lex"
"Thank you Mercy." A tall bald man strode into the throne room, dressed in a black muggle suit. Beside him stood a tall woman in the uniform of a chauffer.
"Tom Riddle I presume? I was led to believe that you had followers, yet here I find you all alone."
"Your counterparts took great pleasure in killing them."
"Ah, yes. They tend to be a rather dramatic group." Mercy handed the bald man a file. "Tom Marvolo Riddle. Born 1926, died October 31st 1981 at the hand of one Harry James Potter age 15 months. Reborn June 24th 1995. Has personally faced and failed to kill Harry James Potter four times, failing each time. Has the temerity to call himself a 'Dark Lord'despite being a trademarked term."
The bald man shook his head sadly. "We cannot allow individuals of minor abilities and the unfortunate habit of losing to his opponent to misuse our trademarked titles. You failed to obtain the blessing of any of the applicable divisions within the Guild."
"You haven't test me yet."
"Fine. Solve for a cube root." He paused for a moment while the Riddle gave him a blank look. "Math is the basis of all science, if you cannot perform a high school level math problem, you are rejected by the Science Division."
"I know you. You constantly fail against your main opponent as well."
"I do. That is a fact. My opponent is an Alien with god like powers. Yours was an infant, a child, and now a 17 year old boy with more interest in bedding his girlfriend than fighting you. Does that sound comparable to you?"
"I am immortal. I cannot be killed."
"Ah yes, your 'Horocruxes'. An interesting technique, though the effect it has on you is not to be envied. Our technomages collected them over a two week period, and destroyed them. They were quite entertained by the defenses you constructed around them. Several of that team are still giggling."
The Bald man checked the watch on his wrist. "Time to go. Mercy?"
Riddle's hope soared for a moment, then the pistol behind his left ear fired. The mass that had once been Tom Riddle collapsed.
"Anytime you're ready Lex."
Following dinner Harry and Hermione were walking hand in hand along the lake, when a tall raven haired woman in a red, white, and blue swim suit approached. She wore a gold tiara and two silver bracelets. Her body was toned and tanned. Harry's mouth went dry.
"Hello Harry Potter, I bring you greetings from Theymscira."
"Uh, sorry. I really don't want to join the league."
"I'm sure given the chance I could convince you other wise..."
"Harry, quit being silly." Hermione recentered her new tiara, and clinked her new Amazonium bracelets together. "What do you think?"
"Go talk to your new girlfriend." Harry moped
"Diana's left Harry. She's very disappointed you didn't join."
"Disappointed? She wouldn't let me. Every time I tried, she threw me across the room!"
"Not join us in bed, silly. Join the League. What are you so mad about? We let you watch."
"It's not the same. Plus after the 4th hour, just watching got a little old."
I've got an idea that will make it up to you."
"You do?" He did his best to appear only slightly interested. It wasn't easy, Hermione's ideas tended to be lots of fun.
She leaned close and whispered in his ear.
"BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER!"
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