A/N: I own none of this. Honest. Nope, not me. Also none of the other characters who appear. Everything and everyone belongs to someone else. Thus is the story of my life.
Harry Potter and the Trademark Dispute.
Chapter 13 - If Wishes Were Fishes
"Come on Ron!"
"Where are we going Ron?"
"To the kitchens Ron."
"What's in the kitchens Ron?"
"House Elves are in the kitchen Ron."
"Why are we going there Ron?"
"You are going to do the most important thing you have ever done Ron.
"What's that Ron?"
"You're going to make us some of those Nacos Ron."
"Nacos!" said Rufus.
"Great idea Ron, but how is this the most important thing I've ever done Ron?"
"When you make them for us, the House Elves will learn how. You're introducing Nacos to the menu at Hogwarts Ron!"
"You said it Ron, what could be more important than that?
This time the visitor came at breakfast. The doors to the Great Hall burst open and the tall blond man strode in, each step sounding vaguely like a person walking in soaking wet sneakers. He approached Dumbledore at the Head Table.
"Greetings, I am Arthur Curry of Atlantis. I seek Ha..."
"Harry Potter, yes, we've figured that out by now. He's over there." Dumbledore never looked up from his Daily Prophet and gestured vaguely with his fork in the direction of the Gryffindor table.
The man in the green and gold body suit squelched his way over to Harry who was trying to ignore him while eating his breakfast.
"Yeah, yeah. League of Heroes. Like I told the last 16 guys, not interested."
"I am Arthur of Atlantis."
"Really?" Harry looked up. "Didn't you talk to your King? Namor was here two weeks ago, I told him no, he went away." Harry gave Curry an apprising look. You don't look like Namor. Are you sure you're from Atlantis?"
"Don't mention that pretender to me! I am the king of Atlantis."
"You are? He could fly, breath water and had super strength. What can you do?"
"uhh... I breath water and speak to sea creatures."
"You talk to fish? Really?"
"Yes. A most useful power I assure you." He stared at Harry's plate. "Is that Murray?"
"What? This kipper?"
"That IS Murray. You barbarian surface dweller!"
"Yeah. Ok then." Harry noticed the puddle at the man's feet. "I hope that's just water that dripped off your outfit there. Filch is gonna be pissed."
"Would you PLEASE quit eating Murray while we're talking?"
"Wait, I remember you. Don't you hang out with a young boy who wears short shorts?"
"He's my Ward."
"Yeah, right. Why don't you just wander off now Puddles? My girlfriend is coming over and we've got business to discuss."
Dejected, the Sea King squelched out the door. The hour he could spend was about up anyway.
"Who was that?" asked Hermione staring after the departing man.
"Called himself Arthur Curry King of Atlantis. Said he talked to fish."
"King of Atlantis? Another one?"
It had been a long day. Following the appearance of the second King of Atlantis in two weeks, there was a collection of five 'heroes'(the term used very loosely) A powerless individual in a Jesters costume, Aflying puffball who drifted along at approximately 3 miles per hour, an Archer frightened of his own shadow, an extremely clumsy strong man who felt the need to demonstrate that he could breath water, and an extremely beautiful, extremely well endowed, extremely strong, extremely stupid blonde woman dressed for some reason in a rabbitesque costume. It wasn't so much that he had to tell them 'no', it was he had to explain what 'no' meant. Several times.
Then Hermione wouldn't make an exception in her 'no dumb girls' policy, even after Harry noted that she (Hermione) was smart enough for all of them.
Then after lunch Harry had been enroute with Hermione to the Greenhouses for Herbology when he was suddenly confronted by a blonde man in ablue body suit that had a stylized number four on the chest.
"Hi there Harry, I'm Johnny Storm, damned glad to meet you." He pumped Harry's hand, and then spotted Hermione. "Well hello! Do you believe a man can fly?"
"Not interested in joining."
"That's too bad, see you later." Storm slipped his arm around Hermione's waist. "So, what do you do when you're not escorting the little guy here to class?"
Hermione actually giggled.
"I said, I'm not interested in joining your league."
"Yeah, heard you kid, run along to class ok?" He took Hermione's hands in his and gazed deeply into her eyes. "You know, I've been on hundreds of worlds and dozens of universes, I've never met anyone quite as beautiful as you." Hermione giggle some more as he led her away.
Harry just stared after them open mouthed. Then he shrugged. He pulled out his wand and flicked it in the direction of the blond man twice. The first applied a sticking charm to his briefs causing them to adhere to his body. The second, a shrinking charm, reducing them 4 sizes. "How fantastic you feeling now buddy?"
Harry went to class. Hermione joined him minutes later, still laughing.
That was the end of the parade of Heroes for the day. That evening Harry and Hermione were in the heads suite common room. She was on his lap, both of them had taken their shirts off, spit was being swapped.
"Hi there." They looked up from each other to see a dark haired woman in a leather bustier, suspender belt, fishnet stockings and stiletto heals leaning against the door jam to Harry's room.
"How did you get in here?" Hermione asked.
"The portrait is male. I always get what I want from men be they flesh and blood or otherwise."
"Are you from the League?" Harry asked.
"Yep" the woman stretched her arms over her head, particularly nice happy parts threatened to escape the bustier.
"I don't want to join."
"Too bad. Oh well, since I'm here, my name is Nasty Girl."She licked her lips slowly. "Wanna see my power?"
Harry and Hermione shared a look. "Hell yes!" said Hermione.
/Best girlfriend ever! /thought Harry.
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