A/N: I own none of this. Honest. Nope, not me. Also none of the other characters who appear. Everything and everyone belongs to someone else. Thus is the story of my life.
Harry Potter and the Trademark Dispute.
Chapter 12 - Ron, Ron and Rufus?
Harry wiped his face. "You know of course, this means war."
"Hey Doc, that's my line."
"Doc, the League NEEDS you."
"I warned you. You wouldn't listen, but I warned you. Oh Ron!"
"Look Ron, a bunny."
Ron's eyes went wide in delight, he swept the startled rabbit into his arms and began manhandling it. "A BUNNY! I always wanted abunny. I will hug him, and kiss him, and pet him and feed him and I will call him George. Come on George It is time for me to hug you and kiss you and pet you and feed you and I will call you George, George."
"HELP ME!" screamed the terrified rabbit. "FOR THE LOVE OF MEL BLANC, HELP ME!"
But it was too late.
"Well, that was cruel."
"I know Hermione, but if we had fought with conventional weapons it would have taken years and cost millions of lives."
"Oh I quite agree. It was still cruel. Funny, but cruel." She smiled. "Now then, about that Hernia check..."
March had become April, April became May. It was starting to look like the League had forgotten all about them. No one had heard anything from Tommy boy in months, and Hermione was still in her "Best Girl Friend Ever" mode coming up with new and interesting ways to get Harry to scream her name and title. She had thrown her self into the study of sex the way she had thrown herself into everything she studied. Harry strongly suspected that one of these days her experimentations would go to far and he would be found dead with a smile on his face they would have to sandblast off, but he wasn't complaining. In short, life was good. True, Ron was still tearfully dragging around the carcass of a large gray bunny he called George, but the bunny had been warned. The Bunny had brought it upon himself. All Harry had asked was to be left alone.
The N.E.W.T.s were still a month away, but Hermione's new method of preparation (3 hours of study equated to 1hour of 'Strategy') ensured that Harry was more prepared than he had ever been for any test in his life, and Hermione was much too mellow to do her normal pre-examination hysterics. Definitely a win-win situation.
Yes, life was good, at least until Harry and Hermione were walking back from a lovely Saturday afternoon at Hogsmeade, eschewing the carriages for the quiet time together when aHelicopter was suddenly hovering a meter off the ground 10 meters in front of them. Over the noise of the engine and the whipping of the blades they could hear a shouted conversation.
"Thanks for the lift Mr. Macgregor."
"Ach, it's the least ah could do after you stopped ma sheep from stampedin' Lass"
"It's no big!" a red headed girl in cargo pants and a black belly shirt yelled as she dropped to he ground.
"AHH! KP!" yelped her similarly dressed companion as he fell face first onto the ground. Shaking his head, he picked himself up dusting himself off, and stood next to her as she waved to the copter's pilot as he flew way.
Harry and Hermione shared a look. Harry shrugged and approached the pair.
"By any chance are you looking for Harry Potter."
"Actually, I believe we've found Harry Potter."
"You have. Would it save time to tell you that I don't want to join the League of Heroes?"
"You would think it would, but it won't. I'm Ron Stoppable, and this is Kim Possible. She can do anything."
Harry grinned. These were the least weird people to attempt to recruit him yet. "And this is Hermione Granger. She knows everything.."
"Everything eh?" this Ron Stoppable got an odd look in his eyes. "What's the secret to the crunchy-tangy taste of the Naco?"
Hermione blinked "Potassium sorbate."
"She's right. She's a Witch!"
"Of course she's awitch Ron, this is a school for Witchcraft and Wizardry."
"Oh, yeah, I forgot. Hey Harry, whats the difference between Witchcraft and Wizardry?"
"Wizards do it standing up." That got him hit by both Hermione and Kim.
"Standing up. Brilliant!"
"Well if you're going to hang around and fail to talk me into joining, we might as well head up to the castle."
"I love Castles."
"Not me, spooky things happen in Castles."
"Don't worry about it Ron, most of the ghosts at Hogswarts are friends."
"Hey there's Food!"
"Yeah, this is the Great Hall, where we eat. Hungry?"
"This is nice Harry, is it ok if we join you?"
"Sure Kim, no problem. This is the Gryffindore table, this here is my best mate, Ron Weasley. Ron, this is Kim and Ron."
"Won? Haw cun be noddr Won?" asked Ron Weasley while feeding himself.
"Ron? 2 Rons'? That can't be right! KP! EVIL TWIN CHECK."
He's not an evil Twin Ron."
Stoppable covered his eyes with his hands "Are you sure? Does he have a goatee?"
"No beard at all, Ron. It doesn't look like he can grow one."
"HEY!" objected Ron Weasley.
"Do I have a goatee?"
"No Ron." Kim sighed
"Ok, then. What's for dinner Ron?"
"The Sheppards Pie is good Ron."
"Thanks Ron, " he poked at the left thigh pocket of his cargo pants. "Hey Rufus! Chow time!" an eager little creature scampered onto the table top.
"Bloody Hell Ron, what's that?"
"That Ron, is my buddy Rufus. He's a naked Mole Rat."
"Mo Wat!" Rufus agreed.
"I had a hairy traitor rat. But he ran off to join the bad guys."
"Dith ith good Won!"
"I know Won, the fud ith alwath gud here Won."
"My god, there's two of them." Hermione was horrified.
"Three if you count Rufus." Kim Possible sighed. "Can we go somewhere else and talk before my Ron starts describing the culinary perfection that is the naco?"
"Hot hot hot." Called Harry as he settled into to the large tub in the Prefect's bath.
"I'm not sure about this" said Kim looking in the full length mirror as she examined herself wearing the bikini Hermione had given her.
"Oh, come on, it's just a swim suit."
Harry smiled as the girls approached. "It's hot." He warned.
The girls settled into the tub, while agreeing with his assessment.
"So, Harry, why don't you want to join the League?"
"So many reasons. I've had a bad guy trying to kill me since I was 15 months old when he killed my parents. It got old real fast. He's almost done it more times than I care to remember. That hurts. I haven't heard from him in months, I do believe that Hermione, who is by the way, the best girl friend ever, has managed to get rid of him for me. Why would I want to go actively looking for another maniac who would want to kill me? I'd rather finish up at school and make out with my girl friend." He reached over to one of the bottles of Butterbeer he had brought with them and took a sip. "A better question is why do you do it? Is it really worth it to risk your life when our elders blithely ignore the dangers around us?"
Hermione took a bottle for her self and passed one to Kim, who took a deep draw on hers. "It started by accident, but if I can help, Ifigure I should. Whoa, this is good stuff." She drained the bottle. "Got any more?"
"Sure" Harry passed her another bottle. "Go easy with that stuff, it has a low alcohol content, but you didn't really eat much..."
"Oh hush. It's weird, I mean, here this is a school for Wizards and Witches, I expected to see magic everywhere, but I haven't seen any yet." She took another hit on her butterbeer. "Show me something."
"Magic is based on intent. I don't know if you want to see my intent."
"I knew it. It's all fake isn't it?"
The bushy haired witch shrugged, "She's asking for it."
Harry picked up his wand and silently cast. "There."
"What? I didn't see anything, you just waved your stick."
"Look down." He took another sip.
"Where's my suit?"
"It's with Hermione's." Harry indicated the dripping bits of cloth on the hook across the room.
"Neat trick." Kim pouted. "It hardly seems fair that you've still got yours."
"Easily fixed." Hermione waived her own wand, and Harry's suit was also on the hook. Hermione when moved over to sit on Harry's lap.
"Hermione," said Kim. "I spend almost every day saving people and hanging out with my best friend Ron. I have a fulfilling life, good friends, and loving family. And I'm with Ron Every Day."
"Yes. Every Day. He's quite a bit like your Ron isn't he?"
"You poor girl." She got off Harry's lap. "Harry!"
"You take care of this poor girl right now!"
"Oh thank you Hermione, I was so worried you wouldn't ... share."
"Come on Ron!"
"Where are we going Ron?"
"To the kitchens Ron."
"What's in the kitchens Ron?"
"House Elves are in the kitchen Ron."
"Why are we going there Ron?"
"You are going to do the most important thing you have ever done Ron.
"What's that Ron?"
"You're going to make us some of those Nacos Ron."
"Nacos!" said Rufus.
"Great idea Ron, but how is this the most important thing I've ever done Ron?"
"When you make them for us, the House Elves will learn how. You're introducing Nacos to the menu at Hogwarts Ron!"
"You said it Ron, what could be more important than that?
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