Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > We Like Movies
When I returned to the motel room Ray was gone and Gerard was lying on the bed. His eyes were closed and I prayed he was sleeping. Slowly I walked over to the bed and looked down at him. Shit, I have to admit I made sure he was breathing. The rise and fall of his chest made my heart start to beat again. I decided to put on my pajamas. As I turned away from the bed he spoke.
“Do you still love me?” The question echoed in the silent room.
I turned around, “Of course I still love you.”
He spoke without opening his eyes, “I was laying here wondering what I would do if you didn’t come back. I wasn’t sure I could go on.”
“Gerard how could you even think I wouldn’t come back?”
“I told you I was ugly in the inside. Now you understand.” His voice was almost a whisper.
I sat down on the bed and lifted his hand. Holding in mine I said, “You are not ugly on the inside. Gerard it’s time to let this go. You didn’t kill Merri.”
“I can’t believe Ray was in love with her. Why the fuck didn’t he tell me?”
“Cause it was easier for him to blame you. He couldn’t help her any more than you could. It just made his pain easier to deal with if he convinced himself that it was all your fault.”
“That’s fucked up. He should have told me.”
“What is he gonna tell Christa?” I reached out and stroked his cheek.
“The truth. He says he owes her that. He does love her.” Gerard opened his eyes. “Laura, for the first time since this fucking thing happened I don’t feel dead inside.”
“That’s because you’re alive. You’ve been carrying around guilt for so long it was a blanket that was smothering you.”
“What Ray and I did was wrong. There is no way you can think what we did was right.”
“It was wrong but it’s done. No going back and changing it. I thought a lot about what happened when I was driving around. If you and Ray told the truth now so many people would be affected. The rest of the guys in the band, your families, the fans.”
“But what about Helen?” He interrupted me, “She thinks her daughter ran away. She’s still holding out hope that one say she’ll come home.”
I squeezed his hand, “Would knowing that her daughter killed herself be better? Would that give her peace? As it is right now she can still believe that Merri is happy in her new life. Why take that away from her?”
He sighed, “I just don’t know. I’m so confused. I still can’t believe Ray didn’t fucking tell me about him and Merri.” He shook his head sadly, “I don’t know what to think or do.”
“Whatever you decide I’ll stand with you.” I told him softly.
He turned and his eyes captured mine. “I don’t want this to hurt you. I love you Laura.”
“I love you. I promise it’s gonna be okay.”
“Don’t promise things you can’t control.”
I smiled, “Okay I promise that whatever happens we’ll be okay. Fuck, as long as I’m with you, I’m okay.”
He reached out and pulled me down. His arms encircled me tightly. “Say you love me, again.”
“I love you Gerard Way.” My lips brushed his.
“Laura, do you really think its right not to tell the truth? To let the past stay buried?”
“I think it’s the only choice you have.”
He hugged me tighter, “I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to be loved.”
“Yes, you do. Forgive yourself, it’s time.”
In one swift movement he rolled me off him. We were now lying face to face. “I need to love you, Laura. When we make love I feel alive.” His eyes bore into mine, “Please?”
“Husband, why are you asking if you can make love to me?” I teased him.
“Because now that you know the truth I need to make sure you still want me.”
“I want you, Gerard.” I said molding our bodies together. “Make love to me.”
He closed his eyes and exhaled, “I so want to be the man you think I can be.”
“I know you are that man.” I whispered. My hand ran down his back. I noticed he was shaking.
“I need so badly.” He ground out.
“I need to feel you inside me, so badly” I answered. We undressed each other with trembling fingers. He pulled off my panties and plunged into me. Our need was primal. I arched my back to meet his thrusts. My nails clawed at his back. “Harder” I ground out, “Harder.”
He thrust again and again. The fire was building. The fire was consuming us.
“Oh fuck,” he cried out. “I’m sorry but you are mine. I won’t let go.”
His words touched my heart. “And you are mine.” I got out just as the first wave of passion washed over me.
He thrust once more and let go. “You’re mine,” He repeated over and over then collapsed onto me. I held his body to mine refusing to let him go.
“Thank you Laura.” He whispered.
“Why are you thanking me?”
“Thank you for loving me.” He said brokenly.
We fell asleep as we were. Connected and alive.
The next morning we woke and showered together. Neither of us spoke of the previous night. It was almost as if we had an unspoken understanding. We would move on from this together.
Since it was our last day in Jersey we went to Donna’s to spend a few hours. Mikey and Alicia had stayed in Vegas and would be returning to the tour from there. Ray had called and told us he’d made plane reservations for the late afternoon. The three of us would be leaving the past behind and moving forward. If only it could have really been that easy.
Donna greeted us at the door. “Ah, so the married couple decided to take time out for the rest of the world” she teased.
Gerard kissed her, “Yeah, Ma. We thought we’d come by and spend our last few hours in Jersey with you.”
It was nice sitting together, Gerard’s arm around me, taking and laughing. I glanced at my husband from time to time just to see the true smile on his face. Gone was the fake smile he’s used for so long. I leaned against him and closed my eyes. This was a happiness I thought I would never know.
We spent time talking to Donna then Gerard dug out pictures of him and Mikey to show me. Some of the stories that went along with the images were hilarious. As we were looking at yet another photo album the phone rang. Donna went into the kitchen to answer it. We both looked up when she returned.
“That was Helen,” she said sitting back down in the chair she has vacated.
I felt Gerard’s body tense.
“She’s had some wonderful news,” Donna said smiling. “She got a card today from Merri. There was a note inside saying she’s coming home. Can you believe after all this time?”
I reached over and grabbed Gerard’s hand. He had gone deathly pale.
“Do you still love me?” The question echoed in the silent room.
I turned around, “Of course I still love you.”
He spoke without opening his eyes, “I was laying here wondering what I would do if you didn’t come back. I wasn’t sure I could go on.”
“Gerard how could you even think I wouldn’t come back?”
“I told you I was ugly in the inside. Now you understand.” His voice was almost a whisper.
I sat down on the bed and lifted his hand. Holding in mine I said, “You are not ugly on the inside. Gerard it’s time to let this go. You didn’t kill Merri.”
“I can’t believe Ray was in love with her. Why the fuck didn’t he tell me?”
“Cause it was easier for him to blame you. He couldn’t help her any more than you could. It just made his pain easier to deal with if he convinced himself that it was all your fault.”
“That’s fucked up. He should have told me.”
“What is he gonna tell Christa?” I reached out and stroked his cheek.
“The truth. He says he owes her that. He does love her.” Gerard opened his eyes. “Laura, for the first time since this fucking thing happened I don’t feel dead inside.”
“That’s because you’re alive. You’ve been carrying around guilt for so long it was a blanket that was smothering you.”
“What Ray and I did was wrong. There is no way you can think what we did was right.”
“It was wrong but it’s done. No going back and changing it. I thought a lot about what happened when I was driving around. If you and Ray told the truth now so many people would be affected. The rest of the guys in the band, your families, the fans.”
“But what about Helen?” He interrupted me, “She thinks her daughter ran away. She’s still holding out hope that one say she’ll come home.”
I squeezed his hand, “Would knowing that her daughter killed herself be better? Would that give her peace? As it is right now she can still believe that Merri is happy in her new life. Why take that away from her?”
He sighed, “I just don’t know. I’m so confused. I still can’t believe Ray didn’t fucking tell me about him and Merri.” He shook his head sadly, “I don’t know what to think or do.”
“Whatever you decide I’ll stand with you.” I told him softly.
He turned and his eyes captured mine. “I don’t want this to hurt you. I love you Laura.”
“I love you. I promise it’s gonna be okay.”
“Don’t promise things you can’t control.”
I smiled, “Okay I promise that whatever happens we’ll be okay. Fuck, as long as I’m with you, I’m okay.”
He reached out and pulled me down. His arms encircled me tightly. “Say you love me, again.”
“I love you Gerard Way.” My lips brushed his.
“Laura, do you really think its right not to tell the truth? To let the past stay buried?”
“I think it’s the only choice you have.”
He hugged me tighter, “I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to be loved.”
“Yes, you do. Forgive yourself, it’s time.”
In one swift movement he rolled me off him. We were now lying face to face. “I need to love you, Laura. When we make love I feel alive.” His eyes bore into mine, “Please?”
“Husband, why are you asking if you can make love to me?” I teased him.
“Because now that you know the truth I need to make sure you still want me.”
“I want you, Gerard.” I said molding our bodies together. “Make love to me.”
He closed his eyes and exhaled, “I so want to be the man you think I can be.”
“I know you are that man.” I whispered. My hand ran down his back. I noticed he was shaking.
“I need so badly.” He ground out.
“I need to feel you inside me, so badly” I answered. We undressed each other with trembling fingers. He pulled off my panties and plunged into me. Our need was primal. I arched my back to meet his thrusts. My nails clawed at his back. “Harder” I ground out, “Harder.”
He thrust again and again. The fire was building. The fire was consuming us.
“Oh fuck,” he cried out. “I’m sorry but you are mine. I won’t let go.”
His words touched my heart. “And you are mine.” I got out just as the first wave of passion washed over me.
He thrust once more and let go. “You’re mine,” He repeated over and over then collapsed onto me. I held his body to mine refusing to let him go.
“Thank you Laura.” He whispered.
“Why are you thanking me?”
“Thank you for loving me.” He said brokenly.
We fell asleep as we were. Connected and alive.
The next morning we woke and showered together. Neither of us spoke of the previous night. It was almost as if we had an unspoken understanding. We would move on from this together.
Since it was our last day in Jersey we went to Donna’s to spend a few hours. Mikey and Alicia had stayed in Vegas and would be returning to the tour from there. Ray had called and told us he’d made plane reservations for the late afternoon. The three of us would be leaving the past behind and moving forward. If only it could have really been that easy.
Donna greeted us at the door. “Ah, so the married couple decided to take time out for the rest of the world” she teased.
Gerard kissed her, “Yeah, Ma. We thought we’d come by and spend our last few hours in Jersey with you.”
It was nice sitting together, Gerard’s arm around me, taking and laughing. I glanced at my husband from time to time just to see the true smile on his face. Gone was the fake smile he’s used for so long. I leaned against him and closed my eyes. This was a happiness I thought I would never know.
We spent time talking to Donna then Gerard dug out pictures of him and Mikey to show me. Some of the stories that went along with the images were hilarious. As we were looking at yet another photo album the phone rang. Donna went into the kitchen to answer it. We both looked up when she returned.
“That was Helen,” she said sitting back down in the chair she has vacated.
I felt Gerard’s body tense.
“She’s had some wonderful news,” Donna said smiling. “She got a card today from Merri. There was a note inside saying she’s coming home. Can you believe after all this time?”
I reached over and grabbed Gerard’s hand. He had gone deathly pale.
Sign up to rate and review this story