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Categories > Books > Harry Potter > The Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light

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• The Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light

  (#) zip_it_good 2007-10-24

  Great Chapter!
  Keep up the good work!

• The Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light

  (#) yeknottemaster2 2007-10-24

  Very impressive - good story lines, interesting plot twists.

  Author's response

  Thank you, I do try to keep the story entertaining.
  
  Keep reading and reviewing
  
  GuardianOfLight

• The Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light

  (#) AlexiDrake 2007-10-24

  Blink Blink
  
  Need coold shower now.
  
  Great story, please keep the ggod work up and the chapters coming!

  Author's response

  I thought it would be a fun ending to the chapter.
  
  Keep reading and reviewing
  
  GuardianOfLight

• The Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light

  (#) jetler 2007-10-24

  good story and chapter.
  
  u have lots of great ideas

• The Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light

  (#) jon4343i 2007-10-25

  Thanks for this chapter, it was really good. I liked the matching pink carpet.

• The Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light

  (#) deathgrond 2007-10-26

  Grear chapter, I liked the reward than Fleur give Harry

• The Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light

  (#) Geovanni_Luciano 2007-11-22

  OK, well, I have to say that the story is getting a bit dragged out. With that and the introduction to new character types, it had begun to stop holding interest because there wasn't direct consequence to the Canon Harry's story. I hope that is conveyed correctly because I did like it once upon a time, but there's not enough happening in the chapters to hold a cliffie for me at this point so I've taken to waiting awhile and hoping that it will change to the point that the already written chapters will have me going off without haste to read the next one. The last chapter at this point and this one hasn't held my interest to say that it's true.
  
  Now, where you're lacking? Dumbledore and Voldemort... no action or consequence to the storyline even though they're major players in the story. No real friendships defined either. The trio is a staple but not in this story.

  Author's response

  I think I should write the following response down somewhere as I have given it to no less than a dozen people who all commented on different aspects of the story.
  
  as the author I have to try to create a balance between romance, action, suspense, depth, detail and all the other different things that the readers want. I also have to balance that balance against my idea for the plot and about how to make the story as entertaining as possible.
  
  Some people like long stories, some like short, some like romance others like action and still more like detail.
  
  It is nigh on impossible to create the balance of all the things people love, not having too much of one thing so as to put off the people who don't like that thing and making sure that all the major players have their scene time. The trio for example does not need me to force out chapters to emphasis the relationship, we know its there and if something is going to happen to it, it will be in a chapter. Likewise with Harry and Fleur, someone recently said that I was not developing the relationship enough in recent chapters, thats becuase I did not need to, we had lots of chapters at the Delacour's where that relationship was established, I did not need to remind the readers just for the sake of it.
  
  As regards Voldemort and Dumbledore being major players in the story, as with the books although they are important characters but the story does not revolve around them eg: book 3 hardly mentioned Voldemort, he was also barely known to be in books 1 or 2 until near the ends and even in 4, 5 and 6 it was more people speaking of him rather than him being present.
  
  Everyone has their own tastes and I try to cater to as many as possible, the Harry/Fleur/Tonks scene for example got several people saying 'I didn't really see the point', while more said 'that was brilliant, wonderful scene' etc.
  
  I always do the best I can to please my readers but in the end its my story and I have planned the story layout in detail and trying to incorporate the above can push the story in directions I do not want it to go in.

• The Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light

  (#) TxA_GunFighter 2008-01-16

  Good chapter. I am not sure all the reviews get posted.
  
  gunny

• The Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light

  (#) firetiger12 2008-02-20

  this story is pretty good, but as it has been said, time to bring it to a climax soon.

  Author's response

  Sorry, but the climax is a long way off, its a long story and I can't go changing what has already been set in motion

• The Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light

  (#) Fyrecat 2008-03-09

  First, let me say that I like your story arc. You have quite a lot of interesting ideas and I am enjoying the tale you are telling quite a bit.
  
  Now on to serious editorial issues;
  
  1. Any time there is a homonym (words that sound the same as another word) you consistently use the wrong one. (ceiling vs. sealing for instance) There are too many instances for me to enumerate here, but you can significantly improve your writing skills by consulting a dictionary or thesaurus whenever you run into these words.
  
  2. To vs. too. Again, I have noticed a consistent misuse of the word "to" in htis fic. "To" is short for "toward." it indicates movement, either physical or conceptual.
  "Too" has 2 meanings. A: "Also" or "as well." as in; "If you go, I will go too." B: Too indicates an excessive quantity, as in "too many." This is a common error in English, and an easy one to fix, just remember that if there is 'something extra' in the sentence then there is an extra 'o' in the "too".
  
  3. Though vs. thought: Throughout the fic the word "though" is consistently used where "thought" is the appropriate word.
  "Though" is an abbreviation of "although" while "thought" indicates mental activity. Again, the dictionary is your friend. I know, I have read it. (What a total geek, eh?)
  
  4. writing perspective: There are several places where your perspective changes, the standard in most fiction (wnd in most of your writing) is past tense; "He ran into the room, and attacked the enemy." occasionally, you switch into present tense; "He runs into the room and attacks the enemy."
  Usually this switch is only for a few sentences, then you go back to the normal way. It's something to watch out for because the switch feels awkward to the reader.
  
  Do you have a beta? If you need one, I can help, but I'll give you fair warning that I'm busy and it may take a week or 2 to get your corrected copy back to you. (Notice in the above sentence both uses of "to" indicating first, conceptual movement, then physical movement.)
  
  Please do not be offended, I intend this as constructive criticism to help you improve your writing, I'm not trying to sound like an ass.
  
  Thanks again for sharing your story with us.
  

  Author's response

  I am aware that I am not the best writer when it comes to grammar and spelling but I am getting beta, in answer to your question yes I do have a beta but obviously we are not perfect as we do miss things.
  
  Regards
  
  GuardianOfLight

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