FicWad

note: i'm sooo sorry for neglecting all of you. my school work has been driving me insane, not to mention my personal computer recently blew up, and i'm actually typing this from the town library's computer. i know i haven't been what i am in the summer. i know this is the only story i update, and as stated it will be until i finish it, because i don't have time for more then one. i feel horrible, because i used to be so consistent with this. i also worry, because the whole ending to this story was typed up, and now i'm afraid that with the explosion of my computer (okay, maybe it wasn't an explosion...more like...wouldn't turn on one day) might have erased it, and i might have to write it over again, which sucks because i've been working on perfecting it for some time now. so, all in all, i apologize. here you go, guys.

Pete's POV-

Everything has been going by super slow. It's only been two and a half days since Ashlee left me, and it's seemed like years. I'm miserable, and i think people might be able to tell...

Yesterday, Sisky asked me if i wanted someone to talk too...
you don't just randomly ask that, do you?

William has been driving me crazy, lately. Why is he all of a sudden even hotter, now that Ash is out of the picture? I can't handle this.

Hemingway won't stop pestering me, either. "Tell him Pete, you must! Before it's too late, Pete!"

My dreams haunted me as a child, then they got better.
Now, all they consist of is Hem telling me ridiculous things, and William and some other guy making out in front of me.

I can't even sleep, and be comfortable.

Today, we're going to California to play a show for seven. It's one thirty PM now, and Joe and I's bus is quiet, as I sit on the couch, and watch the T.V.

Except, i'm not really watching the T.V. I'm contimplating.

Soon, I see Joe's hair out of the corner of my eye, and glance to the right of me.

"Hey Pete, whats good?" He asks, his hair and beard combo as messy as ever. He must have been napping, as he does a lot on long travel days.

I shrugged.

"Absolutely nothing." I mumbled. I was never in a mood for talking about my emotions, or what i thought was good, and what i thought was bad, even if i knew that the context of the phrase Joe had used was totally irrelevant.

He shuffled over to the couch, and sat next to me.

"Pete, we're starting to notice that your not the same. It's also been confirmed that your girlfriend has indeed up and left without warning. What happened, man? You can tell me." Joe said.

I sighed. Well, they all know something happened. Might as well spill and sharpen a few perspectives.

"Listen, it's a lot of things. I'm just a moody kid. But if you must know, Ashlee rejected my marriage proposal, and left me." I said, starring at the T.V.

"Oh. I'm sorry man, but it's kind of a relief to the rest of us. Not to get you down or anything, but we all kind of hated her, and she just isn't the right girl for you." He said.

"I know." I admitted.

Joe looked confused.

"So...why'd you pop the question?" he asked.

I don't want to tell him. I don't want him to know.

"I...I-well, it's complicated. You won't understand." I said, trying to end the conversation.

"Pete, man...now I know somethings up. What's wrong?" he asked, again.

"Nothing, man. I'm fine. I don't know why i asked her, or if i loved her. I'm confused about everything, alright?" I told him, sternly.

"Is it because of William?" he asked.

My face must have turned a blank hue of pail, because i could feel it flush. My mouth dropped open, and my heart sank. My stomach started to tie itself up in some crazy knots. I felt dizzy.

"What did you just say?" I stammered.

"I asked if it was because of William..." he said, again.

I couldn't breath.

"Who told-how do you-where did you-oh my god...is it that obvious?" I asked, falling prey to Joe, and taking the honest route, rather then denying it.

"Oh, no-not at all obvious. Patrick recently told me, because he was worried about you. Yesterday actually. He wanted me to talk to you, because we're on the same bus and stuff. He hopes you aren't mad at him...he was worried. And i'm not in the least bit disgusted, or shocked. It's okay, Pete. No matter what sexual orientation you are, or want to be, you know everyone would still love you. Your my best friend, Pete. Why didn't you feel you could tell me sooner?" He said.

I just broke down, crying. Joe hosted me up, and held me. I cried on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Joe. I'm sorry. I was afraid. I thought I couldn't trust anyone. I'm so scared. Too many people know. I don't wanna be gay. I wanna die. I wanna die." I sobbed, over and over again.

Joe straighted me out quickly.

"What did you just say?" he said, hitting me.

"I wanna die Joe. There's no point anymore. I love him. He doesn't love me back, he never will. I want him so bad." I cried. I was so weak...

Joe hit me again.

"Don't talk like that!" He said, seeming very much serious, and very much angry.

"I just don't wanna be here." I said.

"Please Pete, stop. I don't wanna relive the last time we almost lost you. Please, for god sakes, cut the shit. Your my best friend...i don't know what i would do..." he said, starting to seem extremely somber.

"Joe-I...I just." I started.

"No, Pete...it hurts. it hurts to know, and to see that i can't help you. That i can't help my best friend. I don't know what to do, Pete. I don't know how to make William love you back, but if i did, you know i'd go to the end of the world to make it happen. I love you so much, Pete. Your my big brother. Your the one whose always taken me in when I've had no where else left to run. Your the one whose helped me through the hard times, and you've been there when I've sincerely wanted to stop drinking, and smoking, and you've always come through for me. I wish i could pay you back...i want to help you, Pete. I want nothing more then to see you the same old guy you where before any of this ever happened. Patrick told me how miserable you are, and it hurts, because your the one who would hold me at night, when i was miserable, last year. You let me cry...you truly are a life saver, Wentz, and i want to save yours, now. Please, let me help you. I love you so much, and if you killed yourself, i'd have nothing." he said.

Now, tears where streaming down Joe's face. I started crying harder, and hugged him so tight that i'm sure i might have squeezed the life out of him, but he seemed content, and hugged back.

"I'm not going anywhere, Joe. Thanks man, thanks so much. Your my best friend in this world. Remember that. Even when i don't...remember that you'll always be my best friend." I told him.