Categories > Movies > Underworld > The Mangling Begins

Carry On

by Ithilwen 1 review

Lucian's men try to get by without him.

Category: Underworld - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor, Parody - Characters: Selene, Other - Warnings: [!!!] - Published: 2006-01-08 - Updated: 2006-01-09 - 294 words

EDITOR: (voiceover) Deleting Lucian was a start, but there is still much work left to do...


(Interior: South Terminus. We see Raze pause as he storms toward the train. He reaches for his weapon and--)

RAZE: What the hell is this?

EDITOR: I switched your weapons for these cutie popguns.

RAZE: I can't use UV ammunition with these!

EDITOR: It works just fine on /One Piece/.

RAZE: I don't see how--ohcrud! BLOOOOODS!

RAZE: (Shoots Rigel with popgun)

RIGEL: (dies of laughing)

RAZE: (looks around) Okay...


(Interior: tunnels. Selene bears down on the fallen Trix)

SELENE: (puts her boot on Trix's chest) (cocks gun)

EDITOR: Wait! Wait! We can't show this senseless violence.

TRIX: Oh thank god!

EDITOR: So you're going to disappear for no reason. We do this all the time on /Ruroni Kenshin/.

SELENE: What?!

TRIX: Well, at least I'm spared a painful shooting.

EDITOR: (calling) Cue the discontinuity gnomes!

TRIX: ..?

GNOMES: (file in and pick up Trix's body) Let's give him a makeover!



(Interior, the lycans' den)

PIERCE: Now that Lucian is cut from the script, we can fight all we want and engage in depravity!

EDITOR: So long as it is a not depravity on this list. (heads off)

TAYLOR: (reads) No boxing?!

PIERCE: (reads) No blood effects?

TAYLOR: No cussing?

PIERCE: No cockfighting?

TAYLOR: (looks at Pierce)

PIERCE: It means to bet on fighting chickens!


PIERCE: It does!

TAYLOR: How are we going to settle our manly differences now?

PIERCE: (Thinks) Sudden death Scrabble?



(Interior, Michael's hallway. Selene is shooting herself an escape route through the floor.)

SELENE: (looks up at Editor) What?

EDITOR: This is completely unrealistic and violates at least three laws of logic and/or physics.


EDITOR: Carry on.

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