Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > You'll Go Out In Style
( Six months later )
There was a soft knocking on my bedroom door. I rolled over in my bed to face whoever had come into my room. Josh.
I hadn't seen him since the funeral. I hadn't seen much of anyone besides my family since then. After Felicia jumped, there was red and blue lights flashing everywhere. Sirens. People flashing their cameras, reporters wanting statements, comments. I disappeared from it all, with Ryan. I don't know how, but as I weaved my way through the crowds he found my hand and lead me away. We drove out to a clearing in the park near the hospital, close enough if something else happened, far enough not hear the cries and the sirens.
We stayed out there for a while just talking. Talking about anything and everything. I felt so close to him and then he apologized. Apologized for everything he did to me, all the horrible mess that was created. But it wasn't his fault. I explained to him what my motive was for everything I did, everything that happened between us had been planned, except for the aftermath.
" I figured something like that. I just didn't want to believe it." he smiled sadly and looked down at his hands.
We hugged, and he drove me back to the hospital. Josh was sitting alone in one of the waiting rooms near the cafeteria. I don't know how I found him, he was ismply staring off into space. I sat next to him and held his hand. He squeezed it letting me know that he wanted me to be there.
After a time he got up and pulled me along to a taxi that would take us back to the venue where everything happened. The buses were still there. He told me we had to get our things from the bus and we'd be going home in a couple hours. Management had arranged everything, even the funeral which would take place in a couple days back home.
At the airport I boarded the plain, Josh said he had a ticket for a seperate flight. I was alone again. It felt both good and bad. I wanted him to be there, but then I wanted to be alone, in my own head.
I thought about alot during that flight. Mostly about Felicia and all the stupid things we did together. I was the one that basically introduced her and Jeremy. Well, I liked to think of it like that since they were so happy together in the beginning, I told everyone it was my doing.
I'll never forget that one time we double dated, her and Jeremy with me and Josh. We went to the movies and it was so high-school. I thought Josh liked her more than me, it turned into this whole thing and that night Josh and I had our first time together. I wanted him to prove that he loved me, and at the time, it was the only thing we could think of.
The man sitting next to me sneezed into a kleenx. I studied him for a while trying to figure out why he looked so sad. Had he just lost someone important to him? or did he have a really bad head cold? Before I knew it I was home. My mom tried to comfort me, but I didn't want anyone around me. I went straight to my room.
Josh didn't visit me. He didn't come by the house. He didn't call. I didn't want him to, but it was something I thought he'd do after everything happened.
The day of the funeral, everyone that had been on tour and that knew Felicia was there. Her family was the saddest thing to see. Her mother completely broke down when she saw her daughter going into the casket. Her step dad looked sad, but nothing like her mother. Her little sister, Angie, she's only a freshman, she looked dead. She and her sister were really close, and now she was alone. Like me. Like her mother.
Brendon didn't speak a word to me. The closest we got to communication was when we threw our roses together and our shoulders brushed. He looked at me but didn't say a word. Ryan on the other hand smiled and hugged me. Jon and Spencer did the same.
Afterwards we attended the wake where Felicia's favorite music was playing, Paramore. Jeremy looked like he was about to break into a million pieces any second. Josh, Zac and I hugged him at the same time. One big group hug and he cried. Josh teared up letting a few fall while Zac laughed and cried at the same time. I smiled at him but didn't shed a tear with the rest. I hadn't cried once since the...the day. I didn't have it in me.
I hung out with the guys for a couple hours and they joked about Felicia, about how things used to be. Josh's mom poked fun at how chubby I used to be. She was the only one that got a true smile out of me that day.
By the time seven rolled around, many of the people that had attended the funeral were gone with the people that didn't really know Felicia. Brendon was still lurking around with Spencer. Jon and Ryan had left. Ryan giving me the biggest hug and Jon the most uncomfortable one. I went in to shake his hand, while he opened his arms for a hug. I ended up touching something I shouldn't have and his girlfriend dragged him away from me before I could apologize. Ryan laughed and kissed my cheek.
" We'll stay in touch." that was a lie. It was just a nice thing to say. Everyone said it, but no one followed it. Just like my father. Just like Josh. Just like the band. Everyone drifts apart. I knew I'd never see Ryan Ross again.
After they left I slipped away with out a word and walked through the park of our small town near my house. Zac joined me near one in the morning. The two of us sat idly on the swings with out saying a word. Just sitting there. It was like he knew I didn't want to talk about it. Like he knew what I was thinking in my head. No one else knew, and this one little act meant the world to me. All the emotion I had been holding in since that day burst out of me. All the unshed tears flowed from my eyes and after three seconds I was too weak to keep myself on the swing. I fell to the floor where it seemed Zac was already waiting. He pulled me into his arms and cried with me. He brushed back my hair and wiped the tears away. You would think something like this would feel weird, but it wasn't. He was like my brother.
At one point the tears stopped and I stared wide eyed at the black sky. There were no stars, no moon. Just darkness. Zac pulled me closer and kissed my forehead. I turned in his arms and somehow found his lips. He pulled away quickly and awkwardness feel upon us. I had nothing to say. I didn't want to speak, and after so long of not using my voice, I thought it was impossible to string a sentence together. We simply stared at each other wide eyed for a second before he stood up and helped me to my feet. He put an arm around me and walked me to my house. We hugged each other for a couple minutes before I walked inside with out another word.
That was the last contact I had from any Farro brother, or any member of their family. My parents and sisters were lucky if they got a peep out of me, but I was getting better. I actually had a conversation with Erica about her cleaning the bathroom before I shut myself in my room again.
Now Josh was here and I had no where to hide. I was a bunny exposed in an open field and the hawk was closing in.
He shut the door behind him and sat next to me on the bed. I pulled a pillow to me and stuffed it under my head where I could hold onto it. I stared at Josh's knee while he drummed his fingers on my comforter. After a moment he pulled out a little box from his pocket and put it in front of my face. I crossed my eyes slightly to get a better look at it and Josh stifled a laugh at my expression.
I sat up indian style next to him and continued to stare at the little box. Josh motioned for me to open it. I took it in my hand shaking slightly. I opened it slowly and there sat at the prettiest ring I had ever seen. The ring was white gold with a beautifully cut diamond sitting in the center with little gems of my birthstone surrounding it. I turned to look at Josh who smiled softly at the ring then at me.
He took it from my hand and grabbed mine with his other. He slipped on the ring and the happiest smile I had worn in months spread across my face. Warmth filled my body as soon as that ring was placed on my finger. I looked up at Josh who was smiling still at the ring. I got on my knees, leaned foward and kissed him.
His forehead rested on mine.
" I love you." he breathed.
" I love you too."
just so you know, i hate to write happy endings, but i guess things are going good for me, so i made them good for the characters in the story.
i really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read my story and everyone who has reviewed it as well. thanks for the support and i hope to come up with a new idea for a great story.
thank you. =D
There was a soft knocking on my bedroom door. I rolled over in my bed to face whoever had come into my room. Josh.
I hadn't seen him since the funeral. I hadn't seen much of anyone besides my family since then. After Felicia jumped, there was red and blue lights flashing everywhere. Sirens. People flashing their cameras, reporters wanting statements, comments. I disappeared from it all, with Ryan. I don't know how, but as I weaved my way through the crowds he found my hand and lead me away. We drove out to a clearing in the park near the hospital, close enough if something else happened, far enough not hear the cries and the sirens.
We stayed out there for a while just talking. Talking about anything and everything. I felt so close to him and then he apologized. Apologized for everything he did to me, all the horrible mess that was created. But it wasn't his fault. I explained to him what my motive was for everything I did, everything that happened between us had been planned, except for the aftermath.
" I figured something like that. I just didn't want to believe it." he smiled sadly and looked down at his hands.
We hugged, and he drove me back to the hospital. Josh was sitting alone in one of the waiting rooms near the cafeteria. I don't know how I found him, he was ismply staring off into space. I sat next to him and held his hand. He squeezed it letting me know that he wanted me to be there.
After a time he got up and pulled me along to a taxi that would take us back to the venue where everything happened. The buses were still there. He told me we had to get our things from the bus and we'd be going home in a couple hours. Management had arranged everything, even the funeral which would take place in a couple days back home.
At the airport I boarded the plain, Josh said he had a ticket for a seperate flight. I was alone again. It felt both good and bad. I wanted him to be there, but then I wanted to be alone, in my own head.
I thought about alot during that flight. Mostly about Felicia and all the stupid things we did together. I was the one that basically introduced her and Jeremy. Well, I liked to think of it like that since they were so happy together in the beginning, I told everyone it was my doing.
I'll never forget that one time we double dated, her and Jeremy with me and Josh. We went to the movies and it was so high-school. I thought Josh liked her more than me, it turned into this whole thing and that night Josh and I had our first time together. I wanted him to prove that he loved me, and at the time, it was the only thing we could think of.
The man sitting next to me sneezed into a kleenx. I studied him for a while trying to figure out why he looked so sad. Had he just lost someone important to him? or did he have a really bad head cold? Before I knew it I was home. My mom tried to comfort me, but I didn't want anyone around me. I went straight to my room.
Josh didn't visit me. He didn't come by the house. He didn't call. I didn't want him to, but it was something I thought he'd do after everything happened.
The day of the funeral, everyone that had been on tour and that knew Felicia was there. Her family was the saddest thing to see. Her mother completely broke down when she saw her daughter going into the casket. Her step dad looked sad, but nothing like her mother. Her little sister, Angie, she's only a freshman, she looked dead. She and her sister were really close, and now she was alone. Like me. Like her mother.
Brendon didn't speak a word to me. The closest we got to communication was when we threw our roses together and our shoulders brushed. He looked at me but didn't say a word. Ryan on the other hand smiled and hugged me. Jon and Spencer did the same.
Afterwards we attended the wake where Felicia's favorite music was playing, Paramore. Jeremy looked like he was about to break into a million pieces any second. Josh, Zac and I hugged him at the same time. One big group hug and he cried. Josh teared up letting a few fall while Zac laughed and cried at the same time. I smiled at him but didn't shed a tear with the rest. I hadn't cried once since the...the day. I didn't have it in me.
I hung out with the guys for a couple hours and they joked about Felicia, about how things used to be. Josh's mom poked fun at how chubby I used to be. She was the only one that got a true smile out of me that day.
By the time seven rolled around, many of the people that had attended the funeral were gone with the people that didn't really know Felicia. Brendon was still lurking around with Spencer. Jon and Ryan had left. Ryan giving me the biggest hug and Jon the most uncomfortable one. I went in to shake his hand, while he opened his arms for a hug. I ended up touching something I shouldn't have and his girlfriend dragged him away from me before I could apologize. Ryan laughed and kissed my cheek.
" We'll stay in touch." that was a lie. It was just a nice thing to say. Everyone said it, but no one followed it. Just like my father. Just like Josh. Just like the band. Everyone drifts apart. I knew I'd never see Ryan Ross again.
After they left I slipped away with out a word and walked through the park of our small town near my house. Zac joined me near one in the morning. The two of us sat idly on the swings with out saying a word. Just sitting there. It was like he knew I didn't want to talk about it. Like he knew what I was thinking in my head. No one else knew, and this one little act meant the world to me. All the emotion I had been holding in since that day burst out of me. All the unshed tears flowed from my eyes and after three seconds I was too weak to keep myself on the swing. I fell to the floor where it seemed Zac was already waiting. He pulled me into his arms and cried with me. He brushed back my hair and wiped the tears away. You would think something like this would feel weird, but it wasn't. He was like my brother.
At one point the tears stopped and I stared wide eyed at the black sky. There were no stars, no moon. Just darkness. Zac pulled me closer and kissed my forehead. I turned in his arms and somehow found his lips. He pulled away quickly and awkwardness feel upon us. I had nothing to say. I didn't want to speak, and after so long of not using my voice, I thought it was impossible to string a sentence together. We simply stared at each other wide eyed for a second before he stood up and helped me to my feet. He put an arm around me and walked me to my house. We hugged each other for a couple minutes before I walked inside with out another word.
That was the last contact I had from any Farro brother, or any member of their family. My parents and sisters were lucky if they got a peep out of me, but I was getting better. I actually had a conversation with Erica about her cleaning the bathroom before I shut myself in my room again.
Now Josh was here and I had no where to hide. I was a bunny exposed in an open field and the hawk was closing in.
He shut the door behind him and sat next to me on the bed. I pulled a pillow to me and stuffed it under my head where I could hold onto it. I stared at Josh's knee while he drummed his fingers on my comforter. After a moment he pulled out a little box from his pocket and put it in front of my face. I crossed my eyes slightly to get a better look at it and Josh stifled a laugh at my expression.
I sat up indian style next to him and continued to stare at the little box. Josh motioned for me to open it. I took it in my hand shaking slightly. I opened it slowly and there sat at the prettiest ring I had ever seen. The ring was white gold with a beautifully cut diamond sitting in the center with little gems of my birthstone surrounding it. I turned to look at Josh who smiled softly at the ring then at me.
He took it from my hand and grabbed mine with his other. He slipped on the ring and the happiest smile I had worn in months spread across my face. Warmth filled my body as soon as that ring was placed on my finger. I looked up at Josh who was smiling still at the ring. I got on my knees, leaned foward and kissed him.
His forehead rested on mine.
" I love you." he breathed.
" I love you too."
just so you know, i hate to write happy endings, but i guess things are going good for me, so i made them good for the characters in the story.
i really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read my story and everyone who has reviewed it as well. thanks for the support and i hope to come up with a new idea for a great story.
thank you. =D
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