Categories > Anime/Manga > Inuyasha > Eyes Wide Shut
Chapter Five: The past should stay in the past.
Kagome stared helplessly at the man across the room and tried to remember to breathe. He said something, but she didn't hear him. Kagome was desperately trying to control the urge to try and run past him to the elevator. When she didn't answer the man glared at her and turned back to the woman at the desk. Kagome swayed on her feet and her vision went fuzzy before she remembered to open her mouth and let her breath escape. As the man slammed his hands down on the desk, making Nami gasp and shove back from her desk, sound suddenly flooded back to her ears.
“I told you to tell me when Kagome arrived. “ Kagome winced, his voice was tense with anger and his hands were clenched into fists so tight his knuckles were white.
“That seemed like an easy assignment, but apparently seeing her, pushing a button on your desk and saying a few words is completely beyond your grasp.” He slowly uncurled his hands and turned to look over at Kagome.
“My office” he gestured awkwardly in the direction on the hidden door. “I'll deal with you later”. At his words Nami snarled and sat ram rod straight in her chair, her jaw clenched. “I didn't know that this girl”, she said “girl” like some people say the word shit, “was Kagome. She introduced herself as Higurashi! Not Kagome!” At her words he sighed and turned to face her.
“Nami, I told you Kagome Higurashi was coming”. With that he gestured at Kagome impatiently, turned towards his office and started walking. She stared at his back blankly as it retreated into the room. Her eyes darted towards the elevators… she was pretty fast maybe if she grabbed that expensive looking vase, smashed it over Nami's head, picked up the pieces and threw them at the back of his- her train of thought was cut off by the sound of Nami's chair scrapping on the carpet. Maybe the office wasn't such a bad idea, certainly better than staying with Nami…
She sighed straightened her shoulders and walked into the office after him. She found him sitting on a handsome leather couch; he had loosened his tie and had leaned his head back on the edge with his eyes closed. He opened his eyes and turned his head towards her, catching her eyes before she could avert them.
Kagome was caught like an animal in a trap, she couldn't stop staring at him. They stared at each other, neither of them willing to look away. Both were reading each other, assessing the changes in them. Trying to catch glimpses of the person they used to know. Finally Inuyasha sighed, looked down, and ran his hands through his silver hair. Kagome looked away too, but the image was still burned into her mind.
He hadn't changed much , but yet there was a stranger sitting on the couch. When she had known him in the past her had always looked… unfinished in a way. He was always slim; maybe it was his childhood. Always being half starved in the woods. Now he had broader shoulders, which looked delicious with his Armani Jacket stretched over all that muscle. He still had a slim waist and hips, and he hadn't gotten any taller. His face had only changed slightly, but what had changed made him look like almost a different person. His lips were fuller and fit his face, in the past they seemed a little to small. His chin was more defined, and his cheekbones were slightly more pronounced. Those were the only changes, but what changes they were. In the past he was cute almost handsome, now he was gorgeous.
It wasn't the new found looks that threw her; it was that he knew that he looked good. During the entire time she had known him, Inuyasha had never once seemed aware of his looks. Which was the polar opposite attitude from the man sitting on the couch. He wasn't doing anything obvious, but it was in the way he eased back onto the couch. Or maybe it was the way he had looked at her earlier. Or maybe she was being crazy. All theories seemed expectable at the moment.
Tilting his shoulders ever so slightly, giving her a better view of himself, the full effect or something like that, Kagome thought wryly. Joy. Now I have to deal with Inuyasha's normal attitude+ Inuyasha' s new found sex appeal,Whichhe never got to use on me.' Kagome shook her head with a sigh. I'm soooo glad that there is some where to sit besides that damn couch.' She glanced over at Inuyasha, who was watching her with his head leaned back against the couch again through hooded eyes. He obviously expected her to sit on the couch with him.
Just like that she was angry. Kagome jerked her gaze away from him, and narrowed her eyes as she walked stiffly over to the empty chair. Across from the couch Inuyasha “innocently” perched on , on the other side of the room. She sat down and stiffly crossed her legs, meeting his eyes through her lowered lashes. They stared at each other and slowly a smile, almost a smirk, flitted itself onto Inuyasha's face. Kagome saw red. She knew that smile. She had seen that damn smile on men's faces all the way through high school and college.
She had been sitting prim and properly before, but now she shifted her weight, and stretched her legs out to rest lightly on the autumn. Her skirt slid up, and up, revealing the tops of her lacy thigh highs that held up her hose. Kagome leaned back in the chair, twisting her shoulders slightly, so that her shirt stretched tightly over her breasts. She smirked when the smile slowly faded of Inuyasha's face. Kagome raised her chin and stared challengingly into his eyes. “So, Kouga said you needed to talk to me so talk” she grinned inwardly as Inuyasha winced and coughed.
“ Ah… I wanted to talk you about…” He trailed off and looked away from her. Kagome leaned forward, careful that the shirt stretched again “About what?” she felt the first twinges of guilt creep in through all that anger. She knew she wasn't making their reunion after, technically, five hundred years any easier. When Inuyasha still didn't continue and he kept his face averted she sighed and slipped her legs off the autumn. She leaned back, repositioning herself to be less… provocative.
“Inuyasha? Why the hell do we always do these things to ourselves” at the sound of her voice he started, as if he had forgotten she was there. “ I'm sorry. I really am. I understand that we aren't going to be anything like we were in the past… but please... Can't we at least have some false pretext of friendship? Or at least stop trying to seduce each other.” Kagome tried to sound calm and mature while she spoke, but she felt the tell tale blush creeping up onto her cheeks. To her relief, Inuyasha looked up for her, catching her gaze again. He stared at her for what seemed an eternity. Kagome desperately wanted to break off the eye contact but she felt in some way she owed him this, at least. She watched his face as he watched her, and to her relief, she realized that he hadn't gotten much better at hiding his feelings in the past five hundred years.
She watched surprise, happiness, anger, and sorrow flit through his eyes as he stared into hers. Finally, Inuyasha sighed and glanced down briefly before looking back up at her. “You mean that. You mean that don't you?” Kagome opened her mouth to answer but he plowed on. “ You aren't expecting me… You aren't expecting us…” He faltered, but Kagome didn't help him continue. If he took five hundred years to dump her, then by God he would not be getting help from her to do it! She waited, not so patiently, for him to continue. When he didn't, and the awkward silence stretched on, she let out a martyred sigh, in a last ditch attempt to get the man to speak, dammit.
“Inuyasha… whatever feelings you had for me in the past… I don't expect them to live on, through five hundred years, to today.” She met his eyes as she spoke, and this time he didn't let any emotions slip through. When she stopped speaking, she kept his eyes, knowing he wanted to drop the contact, and in a perverse way, not wanting to make it easy for him. “We don't have love, but Inuyasha please just treat me like a friend, even if you don't even feel friendship for me. I will help you with these murders, and I wont expect anything from you, I wont try and act like I have prior claim and ruin any relationship you have” While she spoke, Kagome felt the hot knot in her throat that signaled held back tears. But she refused to even show the least bit of sadness. No way in hell was she crying for him.
This whole situation hurt. Her chest literally ached with the weight of all her emotions. The few words he had actually spoken to her brought to light more than any long speech could. He didn't really have any feelings left for her. He expected her to be immature, childish, and clingy. He had even tired sex appeal on her. As if to make up for the lack of affection. I'm not good enough for you affection any more, but you'd sure all hell screw me! Huh?' Kagome thought bitterly, as she fought off another wave of attempted tears. She might have feelings left for him, but no way was she letting him know. It isn't like I expected him to love me! But there is nothing!' Kagome looked at Inuyasha, who had apparently found a spot on the floor very interesting. She stared hard at his face, as if she could see through him, into his thoughts. Now I don't think that we could even be friends now… with us, now, it'sall or nothing. There is just too much history. Too much pain. Too much everything, and just not enough of everything.' Kagome felt tears threatening to spill again, but she viciously pushed the feeling aside and straightened her spine.
“Inuyasha I will help you.” He looked up, and flashed her a perfect, grateful smile. he probably practices' she thought gloomily. “I will help you, on one condition.” Kagome saw his shoulders tense.
Anger suddenly cut through all the pain and sadness. He probably thinks I want us to get to know each other again! Or date! Or… or just be fuck buddies or something!' Any other time she would have been horrified at herself for being so angry and hateful, but now… now she needed those wonderfully violent feelings to block out all those other painful emotions and memories that were swamping her.
“I will help, if during the investigation and afterwards, you leave me the fuck alone” Inside Kagome was reeling, she never, never cursed. She was never cold or harsh. Outside she let nothing show. “ Inuyasha, I want to be able to do this with the least amount of contact with you as possible” She turned her eyes away from his shocked face. Kagome felt those traitorous tears welling up in her throat. She didn't want to be separated from him again… but he had no feelings for her. She would just get hurt… again. She needed to end this soon, before she cracked and started sobbing all over the place.
“Inuyasha… I still have feelings for you. I don't love you, but I still have friendship feelings. You don't. I want to be able have those feelings die in peace, without you. Without all the added pain.” Now she turned her face towards his, she felt the tears gathering in her eyes, she was sooo close to crying. Kagome didn't really register the look on his face, she just met his eyes and let him see what there was to bee seen there.
“Those are the terms, I won't begrudge you bumping into to me. Just let me be and I'll help how ever I can. Send your information and orders through Kouga or something. Bye” She jerked her head, roughly breaking their eye contact, got out of the chair stiffly, and walked towards the door.
She didn't let herself cry until the elevator doors were closed.
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By the time the doors opened she had gotten most of the violent crying out of the way, but she still averted her head and made a mad dash for the exit. She heard Kouga's voice saying something, but she ignored it and ran out into the parking garage. She didn't stop running until she reached his car. Kagome stopped dead and simply stood there gasping for breath. She angrily fought back her tears until she could breathe again. She turned at the sound of footsteps behind her, and flashed Kouga a grateful smile. He didn't have to let her hear him, he was just being polite. She didn't know what she would have done if he had snuck up on her.
Kagome sighed at the uncertain look on Kouga's face. “I pretty much told Inuyasha to leave me alone, during and after the investigation. And that if he wants to tell me anything, have it go through some one else.” She flashed Kouga a watery smile in response to his shocked face. “ Thank you Kouga, that face means a lot to me. But you don't have to listen to my sob story. Just because we said we were friends in my house…” She took a steadying breath, bracing herself. “ Just because we said we were friends… we don't know each other any more. Just because some where buried inside us we care for the other… well I'm just trying to say I won't become emotional baggage you have to lug around.” She felt more tears slip traitorously down her face, but she resisted the urge to wipe them away and simply looked at Kouga.
His face had gone almost slack with shock, and stayed that way for several long moments. He took a deep breath and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Why are you crying?” Kagome smiled again before replying. “ Because saying goodbye hurt. Even though I was the one who was really making the decision. I never got to say my goodbye's in the past… and I don't know. I guess somewhere deep and hidden, okay not so deep and hidden, inside me I held out hope… I know I wanted at least friendship.” She felt the tears start to flow faster down her cheeks. “But looking at him, hearing him speak… I saw it. He feels nothing for me Kouga. Nothing… and that hurt. That hurt more than I like to admit, I'm having to let go of the biggest, most loved part of my life in about five minutes.”
For several long, tense moments both of them just stood there. “Kagome, I can't tell you if I disagree or not… but-“ Kagome cut him off sharply.
“Kouga, don't worry. You don't have to try and comfort me. I know what I saw… and now I'm just going to have to deal with it…” To her shame, the tears still hadn't stopped.
“ Kagome, I'm not offering love… and at the moment “friends” isn't the right word to describe our relationship… but I want us to get there. I want us to be friends again…” He trailed off unhappily. She smiled through the tears in return.
“Kouga, right now, that means more to me than you can know.”
Kagome stared helplessly at the man across the room and tried to remember to breathe. He said something, but she didn't hear him. Kagome was desperately trying to control the urge to try and run past him to the elevator. When she didn't answer the man glared at her and turned back to the woman at the desk. Kagome swayed on her feet and her vision went fuzzy before she remembered to open her mouth and let her breath escape. As the man slammed his hands down on the desk, making Nami gasp and shove back from her desk, sound suddenly flooded back to her ears.
“I told you to tell me when Kagome arrived. “ Kagome winced, his voice was tense with anger and his hands were clenched into fists so tight his knuckles were white.
“That seemed like an easy assignment, but apparently seeing her, pushing a button on your desk and saying a few words is completely beyond your grasp.” He slowly uncurled his hands and turned to look over at Kagome.
“My office” he gestured awkwardly in the direction on the hidden door. “I'll deal with you later”. At his words Nami snarled and sat ram rod straight in her chair, her jaw clenched. “I didn't know that this girl”, she said “girl” like some people say the word shit, “was Kagome. She introduced herself as Higurashi! Not Kagome!” At her words he sighed and turned to face her.
“Nami, I told you Kagome Higurashi was coming”. With that he gestured at Kagome impatiently, turned towards his office and started walking. She stared at his back blankly as it retreated into the room. Her eyes darted towards the elevators… she was pretty fast maybe if she grabbed that expensive looking vase, smashed it over Nami's head, picked up the pieces and threw them at the back of his- her train of thought was cut off by the sound of Nami's chair scrapping on the carpet. Maybe the office wasn't such a bad idea, certainly better than staying with Nami…
She sighed straightened her shoulders and walked into the office after him. She found him sitting on a handsome leather couch; he had loosened his tie and had leaned his head back on the edge with his eyes closed. He opened his eyes and turned his head towards her, catching her eyes before she could avert them.
Kagome was caught like an animal in a trap, she couldn't stop staring at him. They stared at each other, neither of them willing to look away. Both were reading each other, assessing the changes in them. Trying to catch glimpses of the person they used to know. Finally Inuyasha sighed, looked down, and ran his hands through his silver hair. Kagome looked away too, but the image was still burned into her mind.
He hadn't changed much , but yet there was a stranger sitting on the couch. When she had known him in the past her had always looked… unfinished in a way. He was always slim; maybe it was his childhood. Always being half starved in the woods. Now he had broader shoulders, which looked delicious with his Armani Jacket stretched over all that muscle. He still had a slim waist and hips, and he hadn't gotten any taller. His face had only changed slightly, but what had changed made him look like almost a different person. His lips were fuller and fit his face, in the past they seemed a little to small. His chin was more defined, and his cheekbones were slightly more pronounced. Those were the only changes, but what changes they were. In the past he was cute almost handsome, now he was gorgeous.
It wasn't the new found looks that threw her; it was that he knew that he looked good. During the entire time she had known him, Inuyasha had never once seemed aware of his looks. Which was the polar opposite attitude from the man sitting on the couch. He wasn't doing anything obvious, but it was in the way he eased back onto the couch. Or maybe it was the way he had looked at her earlier. Or maybe she was being crazy. All theories seemed expectable at the moment.
Tilting his shoulders ever so slightly, giving her a better view of himself, the full effect or something like that, Kagome thought wryly. Joy. Now I have to deal with Inuyasha's normal attitude+ Inuyasha' s new found sex appeal,Whichhe never got to use on me.' Kagome shook her head with a sigh. I'm soooo glad that there is some where to sit besides that damn couch.' She glanced over at Inuyasha, who was watching her with his head leaned back against the couch again through hooded eyes. He obviously expected her to sit on the couch with him.
Just like that she was angry. Kagome jerked her gaze away from him, and narrowed her eyes as she walked stiffly over to the empty chair. Across from the couch Inuyasha “innocently” perched on , on the other side of the room. She sat down and stiffly crossed her legs, meeting his eyes through her lowered lashes. They stared at each other and slowly a smile, almost a smirk, flitted itself onto Inuyasha's face. Kagome saw red. She knew that smile. She had seen that damn smile on men's faces all the way through high school and college.
She had been sitting prim and properly before, but now she shifted her weight, and stretched her legs out to rest lightly on the autumn. Her skirt slid up, and up, revealing the tops of her lacy thigh highs that held up her hose. Kagome leaned back in the chair, twisting her shoulders slightly, so that her shirt stretched tightly over her breasts. She smirked when the smile slowly faded of Inuyasha's face. Kagome raised her chin and stared challengingly into his eyes. “So, Kouga said you needed to talk to me so talk” she grinned inwardly as Inuyasha winced and coughed.
“ Ah… I wanted to talk you about…” He trailed off and looked away from her. Kagome leaned forward, careful that the shirt stretched again “About what?” she felt the first twinges of guilt creep in through all that anger. She knew she wasn't making their reunion after, technically, five hundred years any easier. When Inuyasha still didn't continue and he kept his face averted she sighed and slipped her legs off the autumn. She leaned back, repositioning herself to be less… provocative.
“Inuyasha? Why the hell do we always do these things to ourselves” at the sound of her voice he started, as if he had forgotten she was there. “ I'm sorry. I really am. I understand that we aren't going to be anything like we were in the past… but please... Can't we at least have some false pretext of friendship? Or at least stop trying to seduce each other.” Kagome tried to sound calm and mature while she spoke, but she felt the tell tale blush creeping up onto her cheeks. To her relief, Inuyasha looked up for her, catching her gaze again. He stared at her for what seemed an eternity. Kagome desperately wanted to break off the eye contact but she felt in some way she owed him this, at least. She watched his face as he watched her, and to her relief, she realized that he hadn't gotten much better at hiding his feelings in the past five hundred years.
She watched surprise, happiness, anger, and sorrow flit through his eyes as he stared into hers. Finally, Inuyasha sighed and glanced down briefly before looking back up at her. “You mean that. You mean that don't you?” Kagome opened her mouth to answer but he plowed on. “ You aren't expecting me… You aren't expecting us…” He faltered, but Kagome didn't help him continue. If he took five hundred years to dump her, then by God he would not be getting help from her to do it! She waited, not so patiently, for him to continue. When he didn't, and the awkward silence stretched on, she let out a martyred sigh, in a last ditch attempt to get the man to speak, dammit.
“Inuyasha… whatever feelings you had for me in the past… I don't expect them to live on, through five hundred years, to today.” She met his eyes as she spoke, and this time he didn't let any emotions slip through. When she stopped speaking, she kept his eyes, knowing he wanted to drop the contact, and in a perverse way, not wanting to make it easy for him. “We don't have love, but Inuyasha please just treat me like a friend, even if you don't even feel friendship for me. I will help you with these murders, and I wont expect anything from you, I wont try and act like I have prior claim and ruin any relationship you have” While she spoke, Kagome felt the hot knot in her throat that signaled held back tears. But she refused to even show the least bit of sadness. No way in hell was she crying for him.
This whole situation hurt. Her chest literally ached with the weight of all her emotions. The few words he had actually spoken to her brought to light more than any long speech could. He didn't really have any feelings left for her. He expected her to be immature, childish, and clingy. He had even tired sex appeal on her. As if to make up for the lack of affection. I'm not good enough for you affection any more, but you'd sure all hell screw me! Huh?' Kagome thought bitterly, as she fought off another wave of attempted tears. She might have feelings left for him, but no way was she letting him know. It isn't like I expected him to love me! But there is nothing!' Kagome looked at Inuyasha, who had apparently found a spot on the floor very interesting. She stared hard at his face, as if she could see through him, into his thoughts. Now I don't think that we could even be friends now… with us, now, it'sall or nothing. There is just too much history. Too much pain. Too much everything, and just not enough of everything.' Kagome felt tears threatening to spill again, but she viciously pushed the feeling aside and straightened her spine.
“Inuyasha I will help you.” He looked up, and flashed her a perfect, grateful smile. he probably practices' she thought gloomily. “I will help you, on one condition.” Kagome saw his shoulders tense.
Anger suddenly cut through all the pain and sadness. He probably thinks I want us to get to know each other again! Or date! Or… or just be fuck buddies or something!' Any other time she would have been horrified at herself for being so angry and hateful, but now… now she needed those wonderfully violent feelings to block out all those other painful emotions and memories that were swamping her.
“I will help, if during the investigation and afterwards, you leave me the fuck alone” Inside Kagome was reeling, she never, never cursed. She was never cold or harsh. Outside she let nothing show. “ Inuyasha, I want to be able to do this with the least amount of contact with you as possible” She turned her eyes away from his shocked face. Kagome felt those traitorous tears welling up in her throat. She didn't want to be separated from him again… but he had no feelings for her. She would just get hurt… again. She needed to end this soon, before she cracked and started sobbing all over the place.
“Inuyasha… I still have feelings for you. I don't love you, but I still have friendship feelings. You don't. I want to be able have those feelings die in peace, without you. Without all the added pain.” Now she turned her face towards his, she felt the tears gathering in her eyes, she was sooo close to crying. Kagome didn't really register the look on his face, she just met his eyes and let him see what there was to bee seen there.
“Those are the terms, I won't begrudge you bumping into to me. Just let me be and I'll help how ever I can. Send your information and orders through Kouga or something. Bye” She jerked her head, roughly breaking their eye contact, got out of the chair stiffly, and walked towards the door.
She didn't let herself cry until the elevator doors were closed.
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By the time the doors opened she had gotten most of the violent crying out of the way, but she still averted her head and made a mad dash for the exit. She heard Kouga's voice saying something, but she ignored it and ran out into the parking garage. She didn't stop running until she reached his car. Kagome stopped dead and simply stood there gasping for breath. She angrily fought back her tears until she could breathe again. She turned at the sound of footsteps behind her, and flashed Kouga a grateful smile. He didn't have to let her hear him, he was just being polite. She didn't know what she would have done if he had snuck up on her.
Kagome sighed at the uncertain look on Kouga's face. “I pretty much told Inuyasha to leave me alone, during and after the investigation. And that if he wants to tell me anything, have it go through some one else.” She flashed Kouga a watery smile in response to his shocked face. “ Thank you Kouga, that face means a lot to me. But you don't have to listen to my sob story. Just because we said we were friends in my house…” She took a steadying breath, bracing herself. “ Just because we said we were friends… we don't know each other any more. Just because some where buried inside us we care for the other… well I'm just trying to say I won't become emotional baggage you have to lug around.” She felt more tears slip traitorously down her face, but she resisted the urge to wipe them away and simply looked at Kouga.
His face had gone almost slack with shock, and stayed that way for several long moments. He took a deep breath and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Why are you crying?” Kagome smiled again before replying. “ Because saying goodbye hurt. Even though I was the one who was really making the decision. I never got to say my goodbye's in the past… and I don't know. I guess somewhere deep and hidden, okay not so deep and hidden, inside me I held out hope… I know I wanted at least friendship.” She felt the tears start to flow faster down her cheeks. “But looking at him, hearing him speak… I saw it. He feels nothing for me Kouga. Nothing… and that hurt. That hurt more than I like to admit, I'm having to let go of the biggest, most loved part of my life in about five minutes.”
For several long, tense moments both of them just stood there. “Kagome, I can't tell you if I disagree or not… but-“ Kagome cut him off sharply.
“Kouga, don't worry. You don't have to try and comfort me. I know what I saw… and now I'm just going to have to deal with it…” To her shame, the tears still hadn't stopped.
“ Kagome, I'm not offering love… and at the moment “friends” isn't the right word to describe our relationship… but I want us to get there. I want us to be friends again…” He trailed off unhappily. She smiled through the tears in return.
“Kouga, right now, that means more to me than you can know.”
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