...love is the red of the rose on your coffin door, what's life like, bleeding on the floor, the floor, the floor...
I woke up the next morning with a knot in my stomach.
I didn't know why, but I was nervous about something.
Trying to ignore it, I got out of bed and started the day.
We hung around the bus and backstage all day doing a whole lot of nothing. We were excited about the concert and the hours seemed to drag by.
Frank and I didn't tell the guys about the girl that we had seen the night before. It was like we had made a silent pact to not tell anyone, for some reason. We didn't even talk about it between the two of us.
Not that it was important...
... Hear the sound, the angels come screaming down, your voice, I hear you've been bleeding, make your choice, they say you've been pleading, someone save us. Heaven help us now, come crashing down, we'll hear the sound, as you're falling down...
There was an hour left for the concert to start and the place was already vibrating from the excited chattering of the crowd.
/Sold out/. It was amazing for us to think that we would ever hear those words associated to one of our concerts. There had been a huge line outside the front doors hours and hours before anyone could even enter the building; it was crazy.
We were all psyched up and anxious to start the concert. Kate ran from one place to another making sure everything was in order; she was a nervous wreck. Frankie thought it was hilarious to see her nervous for once. She was normally calm and in control.
As the hour passed, the crowd got more and more impatient; they were just as anxious as we were for the concert to start. As the hour passed, a low chant started, growing stronger by the second: MCR!MCR! MCR!
I smiled to myself, already in love with the crowd and wanting to show my appreciation to them by giving them the concert of their life.
When it was time, we ran out with the lights off, like we always did. We started off strong and the crowd loved us for it.
I sang and smiled as the crowd went wild every time I did a little dance or said anything to them.
About half an hour into the concert, Iyelled out to the crowd, "So, can someone explain to me why the fuck all of you came out to see us tonight?!" The crowd yelled back at me in response. I asked with a cute voice and puppy eyes, "Could it be because you love us dearly?" The room shook as the crowd cheered and screamed.
I smiled, looking down, then raised my head and whispered into the microphone, "We love you, too..." I gave a signal to the boys to start the next song as the room screamed back even louder in response.
As the first guitar notes filled the room, I began to slowly bob my head to the music, and then sang in a low voice into the microphone, "Hand in mine, into your icy blues, and then I'd say to you, we could take to the highway." I quickly grab the mic from the stand and turn towards Frankie, "With this trunk of ammunition too, I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets."
I couldn't help myself; I walked slowly to him, and the crowd disappeared from my mind. All I could think about was the two of us and it felt like we were alone in the room. The lyrics spoke for themselves.
He turned towards me and, in a low voice, Isang to him, "I'm trying, I'm trying, to let you know just how much you mean to me." Standing face to face with him while he softy strummed his guitar, I told him, "And after all the things we put each other through and I would drive on to the end with you. A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full and I feel like there's nothing left to do, but prove myself to you and we'll keep it running..."
He stared into my eyes, his face a picture of happiness and sadness at the same time.
I clenched one of my fists, passion flowing through me, and continued singing to him, "But this time, I mean it, I'll let you know just how much you mean to me! As snow falls-"
I stopped singing abruptly when I heard ascream of terror from the crowd; that's when I remembered where I was and realized Frankie and I weren't alone.
So many things happened so quickly that it's still hard for me to understand it completely.
I looked towards the crowd where a small gap had formed, and in the middle of the gap was a girl.
/The girl that was spying on us/, I realized with shock and curiosity. Why did everyone move away from her suddenly?
Then I realized she was crying hysterically. She screamed at me, "You fucking fag! You'll never touch Frank again!"
I stared at her, confused and amazed at what a basket case she was. Before anyone could do anything, I saw her raise ashiny black object and point it directly at me: a gun.
More and more screams sounded around the room, but the loudest one of all, amplified by the microphone in front of him, came from the person next to me: Frank. He shouted, "NO!" so loudly that he surprised the redheaded girl.
Startled, she moved the gun towards the sound of his voice unintentionally, right as she was pulling the trigger.
Then I heard the most awful sound I had ever heard in my life: it wasn't the sound of the trigger being pulled, the bullet shooting out, or the sound of it crashing into its final destination.
It was the sound of the gasp Frankie made when the bullet hit him.
A spilt second after pulling the trigger, half a dozen security guards were on her. She was crying and screaming even more hysteric than before, saying, "No! Not Frankie! No!" since she had missed her target.
The world seemed to slow down around me. Ilooked at Frankie in disbelief, forgetting everyone else and praying that by some miracle, the bullet hadn't actually hit him, and that he was gasping from shock because of the situation. I prayed that the crazed fan hadn't actually missed her original target and that I just hadn't realized I had been shot yet.
I knew all hope was lost when I looked into Frank's face; His eyes filled with tears as he slowly turned towards me, his mouth still open.
Then I saw it.
It was hard to see it at first because of the black clothing, but blood was flowing from his stomach.
He raised a hand to the wound in what looked like amazement, and stared at his blood-covered hand.
My mind became a screaming mess of irrational thoughts and an invisible hand seemed to be squeezing my heart, not letting me breath right.
People were running around, screaming; others, like Mikey, Ray and Bob, just stood around staring at Frank and me, confused about who had been shot and where the bullet had hit.
Just as Frank was about to let himself fall to the floor, I caught him, and we were instantly surrounded by dozens of people, all of them trying to help and saying things I couldn't make out about what should be done, shouting out orders, screams of fear...
I wanted them all to disappear, to stop shouting, to stop being so worried when everything was going to be alright... it /had/to be alright!
I slouched to the floor with Frankie, holding on to him. My eyes filled with tears but I fought to not let them overflow.
The crowd was ordered to abandon the building immediately, and they did so very quickly, although most wanted to stay to make sure Frank would be okay.
Frank was quickly stripped from his shirt by people I didn't even know. I yelled for towels and a few were thrown at me asecond later. We were surrounded by people but I couldn't take my eyes away from Frank to see who they were. All I know is that Mikey was kneeling next to me, Ray was shouting orders to someone and Bob was standing behind us worriedly, trying to get through the group of people that had formed around us.
With Frank lying on the floor and his head on my lap, I pressed some towels against the wound, although it didn't seem to be helping at all; the blood flow was incredibly fast. "Holy fuck... did someone call an ambulance?" I yelled at no one in particular. Someone informed me that they were on the way, but I didn't bother to see who was talking.
Blood was seeping through the towel quickly. To see the clean white towel turn into a dark red was a fearful site that was almost too much to bear. Several other hands began pressing towels against his wound, so I took off the towel I had used since it was already soaked with blood and no longer had any use.
I lowered my face to Frank's, and whispered to him, "Don't worry... you'll be okay... everything will be okay... I'm here with you...I'll be with you..." I ran my blood covered hand through his hair, covering it with blood also, but not caring.
"...Gee..." he coughed out.
"Shh! Don't talk. The ambulance is coming, just wait..." Frank looked pretty calm, which was weird, considering everyone else was on the verge of a panic attack.
"...to the end...?"
That was more than I could take. I could feel my heart shatter into a million pieces as the bottle of vodka had done. I gaped at him, trying to think of what to say, tears flowing down my face. He was referring to the song I had been singing to him, and I couldn't bare think of the end of it because it reminded me so much to the situation we were in.
"To the end?" he repeated pleadingly, with urgency in his voice.
"The ambulance is here!" Someone yelled, and everyone started getting up to make room for the paramedics that came rushing in.
A single tear escaped Frank's eye, and Iwiped it away quickly, ignoring my own. "To the end, babe. I'll be with you to the end," I assured him.
Frank looked relieved and he even managed atiny smile, which made my heart ache even more. If I could have traded myself for him, I would have in a heartbeat. I was the one that was meant to be shot, anyways.
He was lifted onto an elastic bed and taken to the ambulance where I followed, holding his hand the whole way.
They quickly shoved the bed into the ambulance and I hopped inside, not caring whether I was allowed or not.
"Sir, you have to get down. There isn't enough room and we have to attend to him immediately," a paramedic said.
"I have to go with him..." I replied, not taking my eyes away from Frank and holding his hand tightly.
Frank whispered something I couldn't hear because the man shouted something at the same time:
"Sir, get down now, we have to get him to the hospital right away!"
"Shut the hell up a second! He's trying to tell me something!" I yelled angrily. I lowered my face to Frank's, to hear better.
"Kiss..." he repeated, his eyes flooded with tears, and then added urgently, knowing they might not see each other again, "... I... I love you, Gee... always have..."
I covered my face with a hand, trying to hide my tears. I could handle a lot of things, but not when it came to Frankie.
"I love you too, babe, more than anything."I quickly gave him a peck on lips as he had requested and ironically said through tears, "Come on angel, don't you cry."
"I'll be at the hospital when you get there, don't worry," I told him.
He nodded and I took one more look at his face before I totally ran out of strength; he was ghostly pale and his eyes were almost completely closed, he had to struggle to keep them a bit open. He was loosing a lot of blood. I jumped off the ambulance, trying to shake the image of his ghastly face from my mind and trying to control my sobbing.
The ambulance doors were closed, and Istood there, watching. I felt arms on my shoulders and pats on my back; Isupposed they were from Mikey, Bob or Ray.
We stood there, watching the ambulance leave. What was supposed to have been our greatest concert turned out to be abands worst nightmare: A member being injured or killed by a crazy adoring fan.
The night was filled with the sound of the screaming siren as it raced to the hospital.
But all I could hear was the sound of the world crashing around me.
...and as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood, and as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down, I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood, I'll meet your eyes, Imean this, forever!
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