Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > This Heart
We talked until my battery died on my phone which was until four in the morning and to leave it at, " We'll talk soon." was more than I could have hoped for. The whole time we spoke we said nothing about us. Not one word was spoken about me and him. Just things that happened to us. Never did he mention another girl, just stories he heard, and things that happened to him.
Then he was gone all over again. As time went on I learned to cope with it, but coping with it led me to a spot in my life where I'd never been. I was failing. Failing my most important classes, English IV, Calculous, Anatomy, and two electives. I couldn't pay attention. My mind was not with the class, not with what I was supposed to be learning. But soon I had developed the attitude of not caring. It really didn't bother me that I was failing, that maybe I wouldn't be Valedictorian and would have to settle with just top ten. It was fine with me. But my parents didn't take to it like I had.
" You're failing half your classes Dylan! You stopped going to piano lessons...sports have taken a backseat to your unknown priorities!" my mother paced in front of me, her hands flying as she spoke. The vein in her forehead was pounding. Her face turning red.
" What are your new priorities Dylan? Hmmm...answer me that. Why have you all of the sudden just stopped caring?! Even your brother has noticed a change in you. He put down that stupid game of his for thirty minutes because he was worried about you." that was it. The icing on top of the cake. My brother noticed...he cared? He doesn't care about anything I do, and yet he saw that I stopped trying to sabotage his life. Stopped calling him Squirt, stopped yelling at him about being in my room. Instead I passed him with out a word in the hallway, I only spoke when needed and called him Brian and when he was in my room using my computer. I looked at him sighed and went about my business which scared him more than me yelling at him and tackling him which usually made him leave.
I wanted to tell them why I was so miserable, why my cell phone bill was always so high and why I hadn't done any of the household chores. But telling them the truth was worse than a lie.
Mom and dad did not approve of Brendon Urie. To them he was a trouble maker that broke my heart when he went chasing after his silly dream leaving me and my broken heart behind. They wanted me to have nothing to do with a boy like that and would rather me strike up a relationship with Kris. He was my best friend since elementary, but moved to another school. We still kept in touch, but after meeting Brendon, I can't remember the last time we spoke..
So I lied.
" I'm sorry. I haven't been myself lately. It was just... a heavy realization that in a couple months I'll be standing in front of hundreds of people giving a speech that's supposed to sum up 12 years of school and what's going to happen in the future. It's just pressure...lots and lots of pressure." Instantly my mothers eyes softened and she fell on the couch next to me and held me close.
" My poor baby. Sweety...I'm so sorry. Just take a few deep breaths and we'll get through this. Whatever you need help with, your father and I are here to help. Right John?" I turned an eye to dad who looked at me with that knowing look. Nothing ever got past him. He knew I wasn't telling the truth but he'd never say anything.
" Of course." he smiled.
Christmas break's over. I've been back at school for two months already and my grades have taken a turn. I'm finally at Dylan standards and everything is going perfect. My friends and I started prom dress shopping. Well...I haven't bought one yet, just trying them on. Everyone does it.
All my friends have dates now. Lilly's going with Jack. Jana with Keith. Sav with Manny and Carla with some guy she met over myspace named AJ. We hope he's not a seriel killer.
It bothers me a bit that all of them have dates and I don't. I'm supposed to be sharing with Keith, Jana being my date but that's retarded. We're like sisters, yes, but I know she's going to want to spend the whole night with Keith. All of them will want to spend time with their dates and each other. And where does this leave me? Kris.
It's inevitable. It was going to happen either way and when I sat down at dinner with him after my mom invited his family over, I knew what was going to happen by the end of that night.
I was swinging back and forth on the porch swing when he joined me and my thoughts. He was nervous about something, but I never let him know I knew.
" I heard at school that you don't have a date for prom." I quirk a brow and turn to him.
" How'd you find that out?" how did he find that out?
" Uh..well my friends friend Travis knows this girl Jessica that's friends with Deidre who's a sister to Keith who's going to the prom with Jana." yup, there's the trail. Odd, but there.
" Wow. Well...ya, I don't have a date." he cleared his throat. Just breath, let it happen. He doesn't care anymore. Brendon doesn't care.
" Uhmm..maybe we should go together. I mean, your parents love me, and we've been friends for a long time. It doesn't have to be anything romantic..but ya. And maybe you could go to my prom too?" he sounded hopeful and in the darkness there was a certain sparkle in his eye. I nodded my head and kissed him the cheek. Kinda foward huh, but hey...Brendon wasn't here. He didn't care.
The months leading up to prom, Kris and I talked on the phone everyday, and on the weekends we hung out at each other's houses. My mom was beyond thrilled of us finally coming together that she took pictures almost everytime Kris was over.
I was proud of myself. I was slowly becoming the old me. The happy me. And I slowly started to have feelings for Kris. I mean, sometimes he didn't call and I'd feel that empty feeling. But then we were together and it filled. I started to miss him. I wanted him to hold me. I knew it was real because I didn't pretend he was someone else when we were together. I knew it was Kris and I wanted it to be Kris.
" You mean alot to me Dylan. You're the bestest friend I've ever had, and the most beautiful girl that's ever talked to me." I smiled. What? It was true.
" Maybe...after hanging out all this time...you might want to make prom night an actual....you know...big deal. Like...we're more than just dates you know.." ya I knew. " Dee...do you want to be my girlfriend?" my heart skipped. Wow, it's never skipped for anyone but Brendon.
" Ya..I definently want to be your girlfriend." and he kissed me, and I swear my feet left the ground and I floated.
Then he was gone all over again. As time went on I learned to cope with it, but coping with it led me to a spot in my life where I'd never been. I was failing. Failing my most important classes, English IV, Calculous, Anatomy, and two electives. I couldn't pay attention. My mind was not with the class, not with what I was supposed to be learning. But soon I had developed the attitude of not caring. It really didn't bother me that I was failing, that maybe I wouldn't be Valedictorian and would have to settle with just top ten. It was fine with me. But my parents didn't take to it like I had.
" You're failing half your classes Dylan! You stopped going to piano lessons...sports have taken a backseat to your unknown priorities!" my mother paced in front of me, her hands flying as she spoke. The vein in her forehead was pounding. Her face turning red.
" What are your new priorities Dylan? Hmmm...answer me that. Why have you all of the sudden just stopped caring?! Even your brother has noticed a change in you. He put down that stupid game of his for thirty minutes because he was worried about you." that was it. The icing on top of the cake. My brother noticed...he cared? He doesn't care about anything I do, and yet he saw that I stopped trying to sabotage his life. Stopped calling him Squirt, stopped yelling at him about being in my room. Instead I passed him with out a word in the hallway, I only spoke when needed and called him Brian and when he was in my room using my computer. I looked at him sighed and went about my business which scared him more than me yelling at him and tackling him which usually made him leave.
I wanted to tell them why I was so miserable, why my cell phone bill was always so high and why I hadn't done any of the household chores. But telling them the truth was worse than a lie.
Mom and dad did not approve of Brendon Urie. To them he was a trouble maker that broke my heart when he went chasing after his silly dream leaving me and my broken heart behind. They wanted me to have nothing to do with a boy like that and would rather me strike up a relationship with Kris. He was my best friend since elementary, but moved to another school. We still kept in touch, but after meeting Brendon, I can't remember the last time we spoke..
So I lied.
" I'm sorry. I haven't been myself lately. It was just... a heavy realization that in a couple months I'll be standing in front of hundreds of people giving a speech that's supposed to sum up 12 years of school and what's going to happen in the future. It's just pressure...lots and lots of pressure." Instantly my mothers eyes softened and she fell on the couch next to me and held me close.
" My poor baby. Sweety...I'm so sorry. Just take a few deep breaths and we'll get through this. Whatever you need help with, your father and I are here to help. Right John?" I turned an eye to dad who looked at me with that knowing look. Nothing ever got past him. He knew I wasn't telling the truth but he'd never say anything.
" Of course." he smiled.
Christmas break's over. I've been back at school for two months already and my grades have taken a turn. I'm finally at Dylan standards and everything is going perfect. My friends and I started prom dress shopping. Well...I haven't bought one yet, just trying them on. Everyone does it.
All my friends have dates now. Lilly's going with Jack. Jana with Keith. Sav with Manny and Carla with some guy she met over myspace named AJ. We hope he's not a seriel killer.
It bothers me a bit that all of them have dates and I don't. I'm supposed to be sharing with Keith, Jana being my date but that's retarded. We're like sisters, yes, but I know she's going to want to spend the whole night with Keith. All of them will want to spend time with their dates and each other. And where does this leave me? Kris.
It's inevitable. It was going to happen either way and when I sat down at dinner with him after my mom invited his family over, I knew what was going to happen by the end of that night.
I was swinging back and forth on the porch swing when he joined me and my thoughts. He was nervous about something, but I never let him know I knew.
" I heard at school that you don't have a date for prom." I quirk a brow and turn to him.
" How'd you find that out?" how did he find that out?
" Uh..well my friends friend Travis knows this girl Jessica that's friends with Deidre who's a sister to Keith who's going to the prom with Jana." yup, there's the trail. Odd, but there.
" Wow. Well...ya, I don't have a date." he cleared his throat. Just breath, let it happen. He doesn't care anymore. Brendon doesn't care.
" Uhmm..maybe we should go together. I mean, your parents love me, and we've been friends for a long time. It doesn't have to be anything romantic..but ya. And maybe you could go to my prom too?" he sounded hopeful and in the darkness there was a certain sparkle in his eye. I nodded my head and kissed him the cheek. Kinda foward huh, but hey...Brendon wasn't here. He didn't care.
The months leading up to prom, Kris and I talked on the phone everyday, and on the weekends we hung out at each other's houses. My mom was beyond thrilled of us finally coming together that she took pictures almost everytime Kris was over.
I was proud of myself. I was slowly becoming the old me. The happy me. And I slowly started to have feelings for Kris. I mean, sometimes he didn't call and I'd feel that empty feeling. But then we were together and it filled. I started to miss him. I wanted him to hold me. I knew it was real because I didn't pretend he was someone else when we were together. I knew it was Kris and I wanted it to be Kris.
" You mean alot to me Dylan. You're the bestest friend I've ever had, and the most beautiful girl that's ever talked to me." I smiled. What? It was true.
" Maybe...after hanging out all this time...you might want to make prom night an actual....you know...big deal. Like...we're more than just dates you know.." ya I knew. " Dee...do you want to be my girlfriend?" my heart skipped. Wow, it's never skipped for anyone but Brendon.
" Ya..I definently want to be your girlfriend." and he kissed me, and I swear my feet left the ground and I floated.
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