FicWad

Chapter 19

I walked into my mother’s room in my simplest white dress and low, white Mary Jane’s. I had dyed my hair a ‘natural’ blonde and had just a bit of mascara, blush and lip gloss. I straightened my hair so that it looked as long as it could, and combed it the way my mom used to: my bangs were out and my hair rested just below my ears, I had a pretty white bow just above my ears as well.
The room was depressingly white, as any hospital room can be. I walked toward my mother’s bed and she didn’t even look my way, she was mesmerized by something by the window.
“Mom?” I whispered. She didn’t move. “Can you hear me, mom?” I said, a bit louder. She paused and then turned to face me with anger and resentment in her eyes.
“You think I’m crazy too, right?” She snapped. “And you have the nerve of coming here with an apologetic face and roses in between your fingers, after you decided to flee unto your father’s arms and leave me all alone. You’ve got some nerve Gabrielle Anne Anderson!” She yelled at the top of her voice. I just stood there, as quiet as I ever was and let the tears roll down my face. Because I knew she was right, I had done wrong.

We passed by Gabe’s again. It was the second day she hadn’t come with us to school. Hell, she hadn’t even gone to school at all. I wonder if she’s skipping…? I wander in between classes to our place facing the football field, in between the trees, hoping to find her again. But she’s not there.
Where are you Gabrielle?

I rushed out of the room, unable to hear my mom’s accusations. I pushed my knees to my face and cried loudly. I felt so full of shame and guilt inside that causing a scene was the least of my concerns. I turned my hands into fists and punched the floor around me, I pinched my skin, I inserted my nails on every exposed flesh of my body: I was desperate, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Someone help me!

This is it! She’s /nowhere/! I drove to the O’Connor place and tapped the door. I passed a hand through my hair and hid my trembling hands on my leather jacket. Would she open the door? Or flung it in my face? Instead, grandpa O’connor opened it. He seemed feeble for some reason…
“Good evening Gerard” He greeted me
“Hello sir” was my polite reply. He raised his eyebrows at me,
“Is there something I can help you with?”
“Well I was hoping I could she Gabe...” I muttered. I slipped a glance into his face and he noticed he had a troubled expression on. Whenever an older person looks at me that way: with pity and compassion I don’t know wether to break down and beg them to stop or kick their motherfucking asses. More like number one.
“Didn’t she tell you?” He asked, gravely.
“Tell me what?” What in the world did she not tell me? Well, now that I think about it it’s not as if I really know much about her. Well I’m willing to change that. Yes. Definitely.
“Didn’t she tell /anyone/?”
As my look of confusion only increased he sighed deeply and explained, “Her mother is ill, she’s dying. Gabe went to bid her company. She’s staying with her aunt…in Chicago”
I couldn’t have possible heard correctly.
Gabe couldn’t just go!
She couldn’t bail on me!
She simply can’t get my hopes high and completely crush them!
There is no way she can be that cruel.
I muttered a ‘thanks’ and turned on my heels to go.
She can’t possibly care much for a mother she never spoke about. That sure as hell is no reason to leave.
She’s scared a little voice said in my head.
Of what? I asked it.
Maybe….She’s scared of you. Like everyone else is.
Yes, maybe.
Maybe I got it twisted and she doesn’t want to know anything about me. So she left.
Left everything behind.
Because of me.
Because she hates me.
That sounds more like the truth instead of that piece of bullshit she told her grandpa.
Shit, she’s lying to all of us.



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