FicWad

I was beside myself. I couldn't find him anywhere. He hadn't returned to the bus. He wasn't backstage or anywhere in the arena. Ray had told the rest of the band members that Gerard and I had had a fight and that he had taken off. It was the first lie that had come to his mind when they had questioned him about why he was gone. I didn't give a fuck what he told them. I just needed them to help me find him. The heavy feeling of despair that had settled in my heart drove me to do anything to find him before it was to late. He had truly believed Merri had left a suicide note. Now he knew the truth. Now I was sure that in his mind he believed that he had killed her. The darkness deep within him would force him to believe it.
As I walked slowly back towards the bus having once again checked the venue and having questioned everyone I saw about him I heard my name being called. A roadie whose name I didn't know walked towards me.
"I heard you were asking if anyone's seen Gerard."
"Have you seen him?" my heart hoped.
He shrugged, "I saw him earlier talking to Troy."
Oh fuck, no. I tried to sound normal. "When was that?"
"Bout an hour ago." He kicked a pebble with the toe of his shoe.
"Do you know where he is now?"
"Nope, they uh, took off together."
My heart stopped, "Where did they go?"
He looked uncomfortable. "I don't know." He started to walk away.
"Please" My voice must have held such pain he stopped.
"Look I don't know what's going on. I just heard that the concert tonight will probably be canceled. I don't think I should say nothing else."
I reached out and touched his arm, "Please I need to find him. It's important."
He stared at me. "Look you ain't hearing this from me, okay?"
I nodded.
"I heard Troy say something about the Elms motel. That is wasn't far from here." I could see how badly he felt telling me this. I was sure in his mind that he thought I would be upset my husband was going to a motel with a man.
"Thank you." Was all I could say. I hurried to find Worm. I needed a van. I needed to find the Elms motel.

Troy's car was parked in the spot reserved for room number 10. He loved his car and I had heard he drove it from venue to venue. When I saw it I was sickened to realize that it was the car Gerard and I had used the for the Grindhouse movie night. My stomach recoiled as I realized I had given Gerard head in Troy's car. I swallowed the bile in my mouth and got out of the van.
My knock on the door to room number 10 went unanswered. The two rooms to each side had their drapes open so I knew they were unoccupied. I knocked harder. This time I heard movement inside. I held my breath as the door swung open.
"Well how the fuck did you find us?" Troy asked smiling. He was shirtless. His jeans undone.
I pushed past him and entered the room. When I saw Gerard on the bed I stopped in my tracks. "Gerard?" I whispered.
His eyes opened and I could see he was having trouble focusing. There was an almost empty whiskey bottle on the table beside the bed. He was nude. "What the fuck are you doing here?" His words were slurred.
I spun around to Troy. "I told you to stay the fuck away from him."
He smiled revealing those perfect white teeth. "Honey, I did. He came looking for me."
"True." Gerard said pulling himself up. "Troy was just gettin' ready to suck me off. Go the fuck away."
"You see sweetheart. I tried to tell you he needed me but you didn't believe. Gee came to me. This is what he came to me for. So why don't you run along back to the bus." He glanced over at Gerard. "I've got things to do"
I snapped. Pure and simple, I snapped. My fist connected with his nose and he stumbled back. He fell against the dresser and slid to the floor. "You bitch." he screamed.
"She don't like that name." Gerard said drunkenly.
I ignored him. I wasn't through with Troy. "I told you. I meant what I said. Get the fuck out of here and never come near him again."
"I want him." Gerard said in a deathly calm voice.
My heart was breaking. My head was telling me I knew what this was all about. He had given up on life. His plan was to whore and drink until he died. He wanted me to hate him as much as he hated himself. I took a deep breath.
"Troy get the fuck out of here or I'm calling the police."
He was trying to stop the blood flowing from his nose. "I'm gonna call the fucking police you whore."
"Call them and I will say you gave liquor to an alcoholic intending to bring him here so you cold blackmail him."
Troy smiled, "Hey Gee. What do you think of her plan? Would you go along with it? Or are you gonna tell the truth? You asked me to bring you here. You asked me to fuck you."
"Laura, just go." Gerard's voice was flat.
"No way you asshole. I'm not going to let you do this." I screamed at him.
Troy laughed, "Sorry Honey."
"He won't be able to back up you're story. You have no idea what I am capable of. I'll knock your sorry ass out. Tell the police I did it trying to stop you."
"But honey, Gee will tell them the truth." He smirked.
"He won't be able to. I'll pour ever last drop of the whiskey down his throat. He'll be passed out. Believe me Troy I can make this story work."
"Go the fuck away Laura." Gerard sat up slowly. "It's over."
I ignored him. I had to ignore him or I'd lose it. "Troy" I said my voice completely dead, "Walk away and never come back. If you do come back I will kill you." I took a step towards him, "I will fucking kill you."
His shocked look said it all. "You're fucking insane."
"Yeah" I said not blinking. "I am."
He slid his body up the dresser. "I don't need this shit." He looked over at the bed, "Man, your a good fuck but not worth dealing with the psycho cunt." He straightened his clothes and slipped his feet into his shoes. "I want my pay. What I would have gotten if I stayed for the rest of the tour."
"You'll get your fucking money." I stepped towards the door. "Remember what I said, Troy. If you ever breath a word of this to anyone. Ever try to get in contact with him again I will move heaven and hell to hunt you down. I will kill you, slowly and painfully."
He believed every word. I could see it in his eyes. "Psycho" He muttered. He cleared the door and I slammed it with such force the window rattled.
"You are a psycho cunt."
I spun around to see Gerard swallowing the last bit of whiskey. "You fuckin' threatened to kill a man for messing with a murderer."
"You aren't a murderer." I moved towards the bed.
He leaned his head back a moment. When he pulled himself up and opened his eyes I could see how drunk he was. "Poor little Laura. Sorry but you just ain't equipped with what I need. Now I'm gonna have to find me someone else."
"I know what you're doing." I said standing in front of him. "You can't push me away. You can't make me stop loving you."
"Fuck you." He growled, "I never loved you. I was lying bitch. Using you just like I always use women."
I closed my eyes a moment to let my anger recede. It didn't work. "You know not to call me that."
He laughed as he reached over to the table to grab another bottle I hadn't seen hidden by the lamp. It too was open and had been partially consumed. "So sorry, bitch. Now go away and leave me the fuck alone." He took a long swig of the amber liquid.
Before he could lower the bottle from his mouth I grabbed it. He was caught off guard but before I could move back from the bed he grabbed me and used my body to pull himself up off the bed.
"Give it back bitch." His breath in my face was putrid.
"Not a fucking chance." I tried to pull away from him but his arms were still around me. Suddenly he let his arms drop. We were both breathing hard.
"Gerard, I love you." I said softly.
My words were rewarded by him lifting his hand and slapping me across the face so hard I fell back and hit the ground, hard. "Stupid bitch." He fell on me his fist caught the side of my head when he swung. "Bitch, bitch" he kept chanting as I tried not to lose consciousness.