Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > We Like Movies
"Gerard, I love you." I said softly.
My words were rewarded by him lifting his hand and slapping me across the face so hard I fell back and hit the ground, hard. "Stupid bitch." He fell on me his fist caught the side of my head when he swung. "Bitch, bitch" he kept chanting as I tried not to lose consciousness. He grabbed my shoulders and lifted me up just enough to slam be back down.
"Stop it" I screamed, "Gerard stop" Now I was crying. I struggled under his weight twisting my body trying to get him off me. "Fuck it stop" I pushed with all my strength and managed to knock him on to the floor beside me. I lifted my battered body off the floor and completely lost all control. I kneeled over him and began beating his head with my fists. He raised his arms trying to deflect my blows. When I continued my assault on him he rolled over on to his side. That didn't stop me. I continued to hit his body, not caring where my blows landed.
"Fuckin' stop." He yelled.
"Fuck you". I couldn't stop. I had to do this.
He rolled over further away from me. I got up and before he could move I straddle him, pinning him to the ground. He raised his body off the ground and I lost my position. Now I was on the ground and he was on me. "Stupid bitch just leave me. LEAVE ME” he screamed.
"No" I screamed back. "No you stupid mother fucker."
I lifted my arms to push against his chest and he grabbed them. He painfully pushed my arms to the ground and pinned my hands down. He was having trouble not falling over. The alcohol was making it difficult for him to stay upright. I turned my head and bit into the flesh of his hand holding me down. He yowled in pain and automatically let go. I used the opportunity of having my freed hand to slap him. He looked startled a moment then tried to stand up. I wasn't through. Grabbing his leg I caused him to fall over into the table by the bed. He hit hard. The whiskey bottle fell to the floor with a crash. I watched as he slid down back to the floor amid the broken glass. He looked dazed.
"What's wrong you pansy ass." I spat. "Come on you fucking loser. Don't stop now." I crawled to him feeling the glass pierce the skin on my hands. It didn't matter now. Nothing mattered. When I was close enough I launched myself at him. My fist caught him on his cheek that already sported a bruise. "Stupid fucker. Come on. Lets finish this shit once and for all.”
His anger erupted. He blindly lashed out at me with both his fists. I took a blow to the head that knocked me off my knees. I lay on the ground, tears and blood on my face. His wedding ring had clipped my lip causing blood to flow. How ironic it was his wedding ring that caused me to bleed. This time I raised my hands to cover my face waiting for him to begin hitting me again. Moments later when he hadn’t I opened my eyes to see him staring at his hands. Hands that were stained with blood. I knew then what I had to do. The only way I could possibly stop this. My hand reached out and I tried to grab the broken whiskey bottle that was laying just a few inches away. He noticed my movement and even in his intoxicated state was able to pick up the bottle before I could reach it.
He now held the broken bottle in his hand. The large jagged piece of glass gripped tightly like a knife. He was breathing hard and his eyes were glazed.
"Yeah, that's it bitch come on do it." I screamed. "Fucking stab me. Come on you can do it." With my other arm he had released I hit him in the crotch. He screamed in pain. "You bitch"
I got my legs out from under him and kneeled in front of him. His back was to the table; he was unable to move away from me. "Come on Gerard you sick fuck. What's wrong? Can't kill me if it's not hard? Want me to go find some little boy to suck you off first?"
"Shut the fuck up" He slurred. He was beyond anger. Trying to get up he moved towards me. I pushed my body towards him, the glass bottle pressed against the bare skin of my chest, exposed by my scoop neck shirt. Where the glass pressed against my skin small beads of blood trickled down. His eyes tried to focus on the blood.
"Now, Gerard. Do it now. Fucking stab me. Kill my body, you've already killed my soul."
Through the haze of alcohol my words made their way. He dropped the bottle. His head fell onto his chest and he began to sob. "Fuck, fuck, fuck" he whispered.
The adrenaline rush that had allowed me to get through the last few minutes came to an abrupt halt. My breathing was labored. I was bleeding on my chest and face. I saw that he too was bleeding. Fuck I didn't even know how it had happened. I didn't care.
"Why?" he whispered looking up at me through tears. "Why can't you just hate me? I want you to hate me."
"Yeah, I know that's what you want." I was shaking now. My whole body was trembling so badly my teeth started to chatter. I sank to the ground and lay there.
He continued to cry. I wanted to comfort him but my body refused to move. My tears flowed in answer to his. Finally he looked at me. I could see shock in his eyes. "Oh God" his voice broke. As I watched he slowly crawled over to me. I watched him not knowing what he was about to do. I held my breath. He was crawling in glass he didn't even flinch as he laid down next to me. He put his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes. His breathing evened as he passed out. Not long after my mind too shut down.
I awoke, my body was screaming. The pain seemed to radiate from every area. Gerard's head was still on my shoulder. I tried to clear my mind. How much time had passed? I had no idea. My eyes closed again.
"I'm so fucking sorry." He whispered.
"Do you understand why?" My voice sounded hollow.
Slowly he sat up. I opened my eyes and could see he was in pain. He turned to look down at me. "I could have killed you."
"Yeah, that's right. You we're wasted out of your mind and pissed off. I taunted you physically and mentally." I locked eyes with him. "But you didn't."
Understanding suddenly showed in his eyes, "You did it to prove to me I didn't kill her."
"It's not in you Gerard. The evil you fear isn't in you. As angry as you were, as wasted as you were, you could have stabbed me. I told you to."
He closed his eyes, '" I remember that part. I remember your voice telling me to fucking kill you."
"But you couldn't." I whispered. "You aren't a murderer. Stop fearing what you think is inside you, cause it isn't."
He covered his face with this hand. "You risked your life to prove that to me?"
"Of course. How many times have I told you I believe in you? I knew there was no note."
His hands dropped and I saw the stunned look. "You knew and you still stayed with me?"
"Yes"
"Oh my God." He shook his head.
My own head was throbbing. "When I found you here with Troy I knew. I knew you had given up. You wanted to make me hate you. Not gonna." Fuck, my body hurt.
I heard movement and could only open one eye. I saw him throwing on his clothes. He went out and I listened. Soon he was back. "I gotta get you off the floor." As gently as he could he lifted me. He sat me on the bed and slowly pulled my jeans and shirt off. He lovingly removed my bra and panties. When I was nude he moved me to the center of the bed. I saw why he had gone outside. He opened the first aid kit from the van. "I gotta wash you off first. I'm trying not to hurt you." He explained softly.
"Okay" Fuck I wasn’t much into big answers right now.
He slipped off the bed and soon returned from the bathroom with a wet towel. With a light touch he bathed my body. When he got to the surface cuts on my chest where the broken bottle had pressed I heard him hold his breath. When the blood had been wiped away he dried me with another towel. "I'm trying to be gentle." He said as he started to apply antibiotic cream to my cuts.
"Okay" Damn I was such a conversationalist. My head hurt too much to say more.
"Maybe I should take you to the Emergency Room." I heard the fear in his voice.
"No, my head hurts, I'm okay."
He got up off the bed and returned with a glass of water. He lifted my head just enough to slip two pills in my mouth and hold the water to my lips so I could sip. He then covered my body with a sheet.
"Laura, can you hear me?"
I forced my eyes open.
“I'm gonna take care of everything. I know I'll never be the man you deserve but I'm gonna be the best man I can be for you. I'll call the guys. I missed tonight’s concert."
I spoke, "What time is it?"
"It's four am. I'm sure everyone is out of their mind worrying. I'll call them. I'll explain that we need another night and have them cancel tomorrow night show. I will handle the mess with Troy." He stopped and lowered his head; "I will take care of everything for us, Laura."
Hearing him say "for us" touched my heart. He saw me smile.
"Yeah for us." he repeated.
"Gerard you didn't kill her. I need to know if you truly believe."
I waited for his answer holding my breath. "I don’t believe I killed her but that doesn't abstain me from all my sins. If I hadn't been drunk I could have stopped her. I knew how depressed, how messed up she was. Merri was a girl crying out and I was too fucking wrapped up in my own life to care. I will spend the rest of my life trying to be a better man than that."
My words were rewarded by him lifting his hand and slapping me across the face so hard I fell back and hit the ground, hard. "Stupid bitch." He fell on me his fist caught the side of my head when he swung. "Bitch, bitch" he kept chanting as I tried not to lose consciousness. He grabbed my shoulders and lifted me up just enough to slam be back down.
"Stop it" I screamed, "Gerard stop" Now I was crying. I struggled under his weight twisting my body trying to get him off me. "Fuck it stop" I pushed with all my strength and managed to knock him on to the floor beside me. I lifted my battered body off the floor and completely lost all control. I kneeled over him and began beating his head with my fists. He raised his arms trying to deflect my blows. When I continued my assault on him he rolled over on to his side. That didn't stop me. I continued to hit his body, not caring where my blows landed.
"Fuckin' stop." He yelled.
"Fuck you". I couldn't stop. I had to do this.
He rolled over further away from me. I got up and before he could move I straddle him, pinning him to the ground. He raised his body off the ground and I lost my position. Now I was on the ground and he was on me. "Stupid bitch just leave me. LEAVE ME” he screamed.
"No" I screamed back. "No you stupid mother fucker."
I lifted my arms to push against his chest and he grabbed them. He painfully pushed my arms to the ground and pinned my hands down. He was having trouble not falling over. The alcohol was making it difficult for him to stay upright. I turned my head and bit into the flesh of his hand holding me down. He yowled in pain and automatically let go. I used the opportunity of having my freed hand to slap him. He looked startled a moment then tried to stand up. I wasn't through. Grabbing his leg I caused him to fall over into the table by the bed. He hit hard. The whiskey bottle fell to the floor with a crash. I watched as he slid down back to the floor amid the broken glass. He looked dazed.
"What's wrong you pansy ass." I spat. "Come on you fucking loser. Don't stop now." I crawled to him feeling the glass pierce the skin on my hands. It didn't matter now. Nothing mattered. When I was close enough I launched myself at him. My fist caught him on his cheek that already sported a bruise. "Stupid fucker. Come on. Lets finish this shit once and for all.”
His anger erupted. He blindly lashed out at me with both his fists. I took a blow to the head that knocked me off my knees. I lay on the ground, tears and blood on my face. His wedding ring had clipped my lip causing blood to flow. How ironic it was his wedding ring that caused me to bleed. This time I raised my hands to cover my face waiting for him to begin hitting me again. Moments later when he hadn’t I opened my eyes to see him staring at his hands. Hands that were stained with blood. I knew then what I had to do. The only way I could possibly stop this. My hand reached out and I tried to grab the broken whiskey bottle that was laying just a few inches away. He noticed my movement and even in his intoxicated state was able to pick up the bottle before I could reach it.
He now held the broken bottle in his hand. The large jagged piece of glass gripped tightly like a knife. He was breathing hard and his eyes were glazed.
"Yeah, that's it bitch come on do it." I screamed. "Fucking stab me. Come on you can do it." With my other arm he had released I hit him in the crotch. He screamed in pain. "You bitch"
I got my legs out from under him and kneeled in front of him. His back was to the table; he was unable to move away from me. "Come on Gerard you sick fuck. What's wrong? Can't kill me if it's not hard? Want me to go find some little boy to suck you off first?"
"Shut the fuck up" He slurred. He was beyond anger. Trying to get up he moved towards me. I pushed my body towards him, the glass bottle pressed against the bare skin of my chest, exposed by my scoop neck shirt. Where the glass pressed against my skin small beads of blood trickled down. His eyes tried to focus on the blood.
"Now, Gerard. Do it now. Fucking stab me. Kill my body, you've already killed my soul."
Through the haze of alcohol my words made their way. He dropped the bottle. His head fell onto his chest and he began to sob. "Fuck, fuck, fuck" he whispered.
The adrenaline rush that had allowed me to get through the last few minutes came to an abrupt halt. My breathing was labored. I was bleeding on my chest and face. I saw that he too was bleeding. Fuck I didn't even know how it had happened. I didn't care.
"Why?" he whispered looking up at me through tears. "Why can't you just hate me? I want you to hate me."
"Yeah, I know that's what you want." I was shaking now. My whole body was trembling so badly my teeth started to chatter. I sank to the ground and lay there.
He continued to cry. I wanted to comfort him but my body refused to move. My tears flowed in answer to his. Finally he looked at me. I could see shock in his eyes. "Oh God" his voice broke. As I watched he slowly crawled over to me. I watched him not knowing what he was about to do. I held my breath. He was crawling in glass he didn't even flinch as he laid down next to me. He put his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes. His breathing evened as he passed out. Not long after my mind too shut down.
I awoke, my body was screaming. The pain seemed to radiate from every area. Gerard's head was still on my shoulder. I tried to clear my mind. How much time had passed? I had no idea. My eyes closed again.
"I'm so fucking sorry." He whispered.
"Do you understand why?" My voice sounded hollow.
Slowly he sat up. I opened my eyes and could see he was in pain. He turned to look down at me. "I could have killed you."
"Yeah, that's right. You we're wasted out of your mind and pissed off. I taunted you physically and mentally." I locked eyes with him. "But you didn't."
Understanding suddenly showed in his eyes, "You did it to prove to me I didn't kill her."
"It's not in you Gerard. The evil you fear isn't in you. As angry as you were, as wasted as you were, you could have stabbed me. I told you to."
He closed his eyes, '" I remember that part. I remember your voice telling me to fucking kill you."
"But you couldn't." I whispered. "You aren't a murderer. Stop fearing what you think is inside you, cause it isn't."
He covered his face with this hand. "You risked your life to prove that to me?"
"Of course. How many times have I told you I believe in you? I knew there was no note."
His hands dropped and I saw the stunned look. "You knew and you still stayed with me?"
"Yes"
"Oh my God." He shook his head.
My own head was throbbing. "When I found you here with Troy I knew. I knew you had given up. You wanted to make me hate you. Not gonna." Fuck, my body hurt.
I heard movement and could only open one eye. I saw him throwing on his clothes. He went out and I listened. Soon he was back. "I gotta get you off the floor." As gently as he could he lifted me. He sat me on the bed and slowly pulled my jeans and shirt off. He lovingly removed my bra and panties. When I was nude he moved me to the center of the bed. I saw why he had gone outside. He opened the first aid kit from the van. "I gotta wash you off first. I'm trying not to hurt you." He explained softly.
"Okay" Fuck I wasn’t much into big answers right now.
He slipped off the bed and soon returned from the bathroom with a wet towel. With a light touch he bathed my body. When he got to the surface cuts on my chest where the broken bottle had pressed I heard him hold his breath. When the blood had been wiped away he dried me with another towel. "I'm trying to be gentle." He said as he started to apply antibiotic cream to my cuts.
"Okay" Damn I was such a conversationalist. My head hurt too much to say more.
"Maybe I should take you to the Emergency Room." I heard the fear in his voice.
"No, my head hurts, I'm okay."
He got up off the bed and returned with a glass of water. He lifted my head just enough to slip two pills in my mouth and hold the water to my lips so I could sip. He then covered my body with a sheet.
"Laura, can you hear me?"
I forced my eyes open.
“I'm gonna take care of everything. I know I'll never be the man you deserve but I'm gonna be the best man I can be for you. I'll call the guys. I missed tonight’s concert."
I spoke, "What time is it?"
"It's four am. I'm sure everyone is out of their mind worrying. I'll call them. I'll explain that we need another night and have them cancel tomorrow night show. I will handle the mess with Troy." He stopped and lowered his head; "I will take care of everything for us, Laura."
Hearing him say "for us" touched my heart. He saw me smile.
"Yeah for us." he repeated.
"Gerard you didn't kill her. I need to know if you truly believe."
I waited for his answer holding my breath. "I don’t believe I killed her but that doesn't abstain me from all my sins. If I hadn't been drunk I could have stopped her. I knew how depressed, how messed up she was. Merri was a girl crying out and I was too fucking wrapped up in my own life to care. I will spend the rest of my life trying to be a better man than that."
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