FicWad

"Laura, Honey I'm gonna go get us breakfast. I'll be back don't worry, okay?
I smiled slightly, "Okay." Then I feel back into the safety of sleep. I awoke again when I heard the door open. Even before I opened my eyes I could spell the wonderful aroma of food. My stomach rumbled.
"Honey" He leaned over me. "You gotta eat something."
My eyes opened and I couldn't help it, I gasped. "Oh fuck"
His beautiful face, now sporting several bruises, smiled back, "I'm sorry but you don't look much better."
Slowly I sat up. God my body was sore. "Fuck, how are we gonna explain to everyone what happened?"
He shook his head, "That's one thing I haven't figured out yet."
As my head started to clear I noticed he had cleaned up the room. No more broken glass. "Have you called the guys?"
He opened the take out bag and began to remove the fast food breakfast. "I've taken care of everything just like I promised. Now let's get you up a bit more." He made a pile of pillows then helped move me back against it.
"Gerard?"
He stopped and looked at me "Yeah?"
"Are we really okay?" My mind was so weary; I really needed to hear him reassure me.
"Yeah, Laura. We're okay. I’m done being a weak fucker. I got a wife to take care of." He sat a Styrofoam container full of scrambled eggs on a pillow on my lap. On the table beside me he sat a cup of coffee. "Now eat and then I'll help you take a shower."
"Shouldn't we get back to the bus?" I took a bit of food. God, I was hungry.
"I told them we'd be back tomorrow morning. They're pretty pissed cause I won't tell them where we are."
He got himself some food and sat down on the bed by me. I took several bites. "Gerard, how long have you been drinking again?" I asked in a whisper.
"Since our wedding night." He wouldn't meet my eyes.
"I'm so sorry I didn't say something. I thought you had drank my glass of my Dom Perignon but I guess I just didn't want to believe it."
"I'm not gonna drink anymore, I promise." He sat his food down on the table, “It’s okay that you don’t believe me. I know it’s something I’m gonna have to prove to you.”
“It’s not that I don’t believe you aren’t gonna try…”
He raised his hand, “I understand, Laura. Yeah, it’s fucking brutal but I can do it. I will do it. Not just for me but I’ll be doing it for you.” He looked towards the window, "But I didn't drink anything or take anything the other day when I was so wasted. That really wasn’t self-induced.”
"The day you thought you saw Merri?"
"Yeah, that wasn't me. I didn’t do that.”
Oh God suddenly I remember the call from his Mom. He didn't know that Helen had gotten a call supposedly from Merri. "Gerard, your Mom called me.” I began.
“I know Laura, Ray told me when I called. He’s freaking out. I actually talked to Christa first. She’s fucking worried about him. He wants to send her home and she’s refusing.”
“Why does he want to send her home?”
“He’s afraid for her. He thinks I’ll snap and hurt someone.”
I chocked on the bite of food I had just taken, “What the fuck? He thinks you would hurt Christa? Why?”
“Cause he’s not sure I didn’t kill Merri. In the back of his mind there will always be that small bit of doubt. He knows how messed up she was but still. When I finally did get him on the phone he explained to me why he pretended there was a note. He was sure I would have totally lost it if he hadn’t made up the fucking story.”
I watched his face. He was seeing it all in his head.
“He’s right. I would have fucking gone insane.”
I had suddenly lost my appetite. The food sat growing cold. What could I say that hadn’t already been said?
“Ray told me something else. He said that Merri had talked about suicide before that night. Not straight out but that she would say shit about not wanting to go on. Fuck, Laura he was crying. As long as I’ve known Toro I’ve only seen him cry once before. When Merri died.”
“He’s lived with this guilt a long time too.” I said setting the food on the table beside me.
“Yeah but think how this really is for him. The woman he loved died. Either he has to accept he didn’t do enough to save her or he can believe his best friend killed her.”
“He doesn’t really believe you killed her.”
“Like I said I know deep in his heart he’ll always wonder.”
I shook my head, “I gotta take a shower.” There was no point in talking about this anymore right now.
Gerard stood. “Let me get the water started and then I’ll help you.”
I smiled, “Gerard, really I’m okay. I think you’re in worse shape than me.”
He shook his head, “I can’t fucking believe I hit you.”
“Actually most of it was you trying to defend yourself from me. I pretty much was trying to beat the shit out of you.” I felt tears spring to my eyes, “I’m sorry.”
“Laura, I understand why.”
Fucking tears started to flow. “Yeah, I was doing it for a reason but..” I lowered my head, “Part of it was anger. I can’t lie about it. I was so angry at you.”
Immediately he was beside me. “Do you think I could possibly blame you? Fuck you have put up with more shit out of me than anyone could ever believe.”
“That doesn’t make it right.” I whispered.
He gently put his arm around me. “Honey, it’s okay.” He whispered in my ear. “It’s okay.”

I got out of bed and walked across to the mirror while he was getting the shower ready. Other than a bruise on my cheek and a split lip I didn’t look all that bad. The bump on the back of my head hurt like hell. I checked the rest of my nude body in the mirror. There were the cuts on my chest and one bruise on my arm. I had a few small cuts on the palms of my hands.
“Ready?” He asked startling me. I hadn’t heard him walk back into the room.
I smiled and walked towards him. “Yeah. Shit I wish I had something else to put on.” I had seen my shirt lying on the chair. It had bloodstains.
“I got you some new clothes when I went out.” He pointed to a bag on the floor by the bed.
“Oh” I was surprised. He really was taking care of things like he promised.
“How bad is it the band is canceling two concerts?” I asked while moving into the bathroom.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“But you could have made tonight’s concert.”
He opened the shower door for me. “No, we need this time together. It’s more fucking important than anything else.”
I stepped into the hot spray of water. It felt heavenly. My eyes were closed, my face towards the spray so I hadn’t seen him undress. He slipped into the stall behind me.
“Just stand there and let me wash you.” He said as he picked up the washcloth and small jar of body wash. I did as he said and soon I could feel him gently massaging my body with small strokes.
“I’m so fucking sorry.” He muttered when he saw the bruise on my arm.
“Stop saying that.”
“I can’t” He turned me to face him. “I have to say this, Laura. You are too good for me. You deserve so much more.”
I touched his lips with my finger. “Never say that again. I have everything I want. You own me. My heart and soul are yours.”
He lowered his head, “I love you.”
“And I love you.” I put my fingers under his chin to raise his face to mine. My lips pressed against his. At first he didn’t respond.
“There is still so much we have to talk about.” He said pulling away.
“Hell yeah, there is. We need to figure out who is fucking with you and why.”
He pulled me to his warm body, “Maybe she’s a ghost.”
“A ghost didn’t drug you. A ghost didn’t call Helen or send her drawings.”
I felt a shiver run through his body. “I really did see her, Laura.”
Shit, I could tell him it had been the drug but I knew he wouldn’t believe me. Hell, I wasn’t sure I believed that either. He had seen someone. Someone who had looked like Merri. The question was why and what did they hope to accomplish? This wasn’t blackmail, this was something much more. Trying to cause a man to lose his mind was definitely something more.

“I need to talk to Helen.” I said. My words caused an immediate response from him.
“Hell, no.” He pulled me even deeper into his arms. We were laying together nude in each other’s arms. We had returned to the bed after stepping from the shower. Holding each other had seemed the only right thing to do.
“Look this can’t go on. I need to talk to her.”
“I can’t believe Helen would do any of this shit. She was like a second Mom to me.”
I hated what I had to say, “You didn’t go with Ray to bury her, did you?”
I saw the confusion in his eyes, “No”
I buried my face against his chest. I didn’t want to see his face when I spoke, “Have you ever thought that maybe Ray lied?”
His whole body tensed, “Lied?”
God, I didn’t want to have this conversation.