Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > My Heart Is the worst Kind Of Weapon
I was glad to be home after waiting in the cold for so long. It was dark inside and I wondered if my mother was here.
"MOM!?!" I yelled through the house. Only my echos answered back. I slowly walked upstairs. Nate's room was quiet. Of course mine was. I knocked on my parent's bedroom door.
"Mom?!" i said peeking my head through the door. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, eyes swollen from crying. I think I knew what was going on.
"where's Nate?" i asked softly. She answered like she didnt care. I tried talking to her, but she ignored every word i said. Then she suddenly got up, and walked to the bathroom. I heard the lock and listened to what she was doing. Nothing. Crying.
I sighed, stressed out.
Then I noticed, an envelope. I took it into my hands quietly, while still trying to listen to my mom. I carefully opened it up, while occasionally glancing back at the door. No address was on the envelope, that was strange. I put the letter to the light so I could get a better read.
Dear Angela,
You’re my first true love. And you will always be. I don’t know how to explain how much you meant to me. I hoped that we would grow old together, but I realized that it was only a dream. I wanted more from you than you did from me. I understand, now, that you’re a career driven woman. It took me 22 years to come to the conclusion, we do not belong together.
Can I even say I know you anymore? We haven’t had a decent conversation in so long, I can’t remember. But I can’t put the entire balme on you. I didn’t give hope to our relationship either, and if it wasn’t for our two wonderful children, maybe this would’ve occurred sooner and we both would’ve stop wasting our time on a relationship that didn’t have a chance.
As I have said, you’re my first true love. But you are not my only love. I can’t stand to have a guilty conscience anymore. I’ve been with another woman for 8 years.I didn’t have intentions to be with someone else, it’s just I see more life in what me and her have. I pray that you could find it in your heart to forgive me. Mybiggest regret from all this is to have you, or worse, Nate or Dasia, hate me. I have been deceitful. And I honestly did not know whether I would ever tell you about my affair, that is, until recently. I’m planning to move in with her and my 5 yr old daughter, who seems to need a father. I know I have two more children who will need their father, but What kind of father argues with the mother of his children every chance they’re together? That’s the kind of dad I was. And I don’t want to be him anymore. I’m happier and wish with all my heart, that we could remain friends for the sake of our children. And one last favor, please do not tel the kids about my affair. I would like to tell them when I’m ready.Once again, I’m sorry!
Your truly,
Michael Stewart
I scanned through the letter once more. My heart began to beat fast. I knew this was coming and I tried to brace myself yet it still hurt. I fought against my tears and put the letter back in its place. He had an affair for 8 years. Since I was 6 years old. And I had a 5 year old half sister. I went downstairs and sat outside, even if it was freezing. I no longer had a father. I mean, he does what to be a part of my life, but never will I see him on a daily basis. Worse, he was my best friend. My daddy. Nate’s always been closer to mom and now dad, who I was closer to, was leaving. My mom was at the door.
“You read the letter, didn’t you?” she asked. I nodded my head and stared at the streetlights. I could tell she didn’t want to talk about this and neither did I.
“Nate read it, too” she finally says, her voice cracking. I didn’t care what Nate thought of the whole thing. I just wanted to hear all this from my father.
“Nate left, once he and your father stopped fighting.” She said. I looked up at her. “What did they say?” I asked and my mom’s face remained blank. I knew now why Nate was sooo botter, he got it from mom. “What did they say?” I repeated.
“Nate walked out when your father tried to explain himself, I didn’t want to hear what he had to say either.” She tells me.I shook my head. “That’s your problem, you complain how selfish other people can be and one thing happens, you act like you’re a saint in the whole situation.” I say getting up, I didn’t want to talk. She kept on though. Talking about my dad, my attitude, anything. I went into my room and locked my door. I turned my music up soo loud, I couldn’t hear myself think. Why couldn’t I just stay at the show? Maybe by this time, it the last act would’ve been on, but at least I wouldn’t be here.
I tossed and turned all night thinking if I’ll ever get a break. Over the weekend, Nate havent been home and I avoided my father calls . I wasn’t ready to speak to him. According to my mother, I shouldn’t give him my time, but he is my dad. How can I stay mad at him? If it was anyone else, maybe I could care less, but the one person I thought was the most trustworthy, just left me behind with an asshole for a borther and a perfectionist for a mom.
My mom didn’t bother talking to me. She was still mad that I went off on her yesterday at dinner. It was only the two of us, and I told her she shouldn’t trash talk a guy she’s been with for 22 years. Renee called to tell me how the concert turned out. Evidently, Pete and Joe wondered where I went? I totally forgot about Pete. I didn’t even bother saying anything to him today during school. I was glum the entire time and kept it to myself. I thought of how Nate was handling this. But it was pretty hard to consider being he didn’t show up to school or soccer practice. My mother worried where he could be. I did too, a little. Afterall, he is my brother.
I dedcided to walk home instead of catching the bus with Renee and her boyfriend. I stood home alone, and the phone ringed. I was nervous to pick it up.
“Hello” I answered.
“uhh…..” I knew it was Pete and I really didn’t want to talk.
“Nate isnt here” I tell him. I waited for his response.
“Oh. That’s not why I called.” He says.
“really” I say not interested.
“Yeah, I wanted to know If you were mad at me?”he asked with curiousity in his voice. I hesitated.
“No, I’m not. Besides why would I be mad at you?” I asked.
“urm, The way I reacted when you touched my hand.”He laughed. I didn’t.’I knew you didn’t mean anything by it, but………..”
“what?” i say annoyed.
“I don’t know…….for a moment, I thought it was something more.” He says. I stood quiet.
“But that’s just stupid” he quickly says”I mean, your Nate’s little sister. I know you like a little sister. ”
I frowned. He thinks just because I’m Nate’s little sister, I’m off limits. I am my own person. Shouldn’t I have a say in some things? Or is it a guys’ rule that says “You are not permitted to think of your friend’s little sister in any “friendly” way”? I don’t know. I was confused. Was he saying he felt something more or he was just in an awkward situation? I gave up trying to figure out what he was thinking. I had more important things on my mind.
“hey, wentz, Have you spoken to Nate?” I asked more like my usual self. He thought for a moment.
“Noo, I haven’t”He says. I sucked my teeth.
“Well, I have to go.” I lied.
“Oh.ok…………..guess see you guys in school tommorrow.” He tells me.
‘mhmm, whatever” I say before suddenly hanging up
"MOM!?!" I yelled through the house. Only my echos answered back. I slowly walked upstairs. Nate's room was quiet. Of course mine was. I knocked on my parent's bedroom door.
"Mom?!" i said peeking my head through the door. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, eyes swollen from crying. I think I knew what was going on.
"where's Nate?" i asked softly. She answered like she didnt care. I tried talking to her, but she ignored every word i said. Then she suddenly got up, and walked to the bathroom. I heard the lock and listened to what she was doing. Nothing. Crying.
I sighed, stressed out.
Then I noticed, an envelope. I took it into my hands quietly, while still trying to listen to my mom. I carefully opened it up, while occasionally glancing back at the door. No address was on the envelope, that was strange. I put the letter to the light so I could get a better read.
Dear Angela,
You’re my first true love. And you will always be. I don’t know how to explain how much you meant to me. I hoped that we would grow old together, but I realized that it was only a dream. I wanted more from you than you did from me. I understand, now, that you’re a career driven woman. It took me 22 years to come to the conclusion, we do not belong together.
Can I even say I know you anymore? We haven’t had a decent conversation in so long, I can’t remember. But I can’t put the entire balme on you. I didn’t give hope to our relationship either, and if it wasn’t for our two wonderful children, maybe this would’ve occurred sooner and we both would’ve stop wasting our time on a relationship that didn’t have a chance.
As I have said, you’re my first true love. But you are not my only love. I can’t stand to have a guilty conscience anymore. I’ve been with another woman for 8 years.I didn’t have intentions to be with someone else, it’s just I see more life in what me and her have. I pray that you could find it in your heart to forgive me. Mybiggest regret from all this is to have you, or worse, Nate or Dasia, hate me. I have been deceitful. And I honestly did not know whether I would ever tell you about my affair, that is, until recently. I’m planning to move in with her and my 5 yr old daughter, who seems to need a father. I know I have two more children who will need their father, but What kind of father argues with the mother of his children every chance they’re together? That’s the kind of dad I was. And I don’t want to be him anymore. I’m happier and wish with all my heart, that we could remain friends for the sake of our children. And one last favor, please do not tel the kids about my affair. I would like to tell them when I’m ready.Once again, I’m sorry!
Your truly,
Michael Stewart
I scanned through the letter once more. My heart began to beat fast. I knew this was coming and I tried to brace myself yet it still hurt. I fought against my tears and put the letter back in its place. He had an affair for 8 years. Since I was 6 years old. And I had a 5 year old half sister. I went downstairs and sat outside, even if it was freezing. I no longer had a father. I mean, he does what to be a part of my life, but never will I see him on a daily basis. Worse, he was my best friend. My daddy. Nate’s always been closer to mom and now dad, who I was closer to, was leaving. My mom was at the door.
“You read the letter, didn’t you?” she asked. I nodded my head and stared at the streetlights. I could tell she didn’t want to talk about this and neither did I.
“Nate read it, too” she finally says, her voice cracking. I didn’t care what Nate thought of the whole thing. I just wanted to hear all this from my father.
“Nate left, once he and your father stopped fighting.” She said. I looked up at her. “What did they say?” I asked and my mom’s face remained blank. I knew now why Nate was sooo botter, he got it from mom. “What did they say?” I repeated.
“Nate walked out when your father tried to explain himself, I didn’t want to hear what he had to say either.” She tells me.I shook my head. “That’s your problem, you complain how selfish other people can be and one thing happens, you act like you’re a saint in the whole situation.” I say getting up, I didn’t want to talk. She kept on though. Talking about my dad, my attitude, anything. I went into my room and locked my door. I turned my music up soo loud, I couldn’t hear myself think. Why couldn’t I just stay at the show? Maybe by this time, it the last act would’ve been on, but at least I wouldn’t be here.
I tossed and turned all night thinking if I’ll ever get a break. Over the weekend, Nate havent been home and I avoided my father calls . I wasn’t ready to speak to him. According to my mother, I shouldn’t give him my time, but he is my dad. How can I stay mad at him? If it was anyone else, maybe I could care less, but the one person I thought was the most trustworthy, just left me behind with an asshole for a borther and a perfectionist for a mom.
My mom didn’t bother talking to me. She was still mad that I went off on her yesterday at dinner. It was only the two of us, and I told her she shouldn’t trash talk a guy she’s been with for 22 years. Renee called to tell me how the concert turned out. Evidently, Pete and Joe wondered where I went? I totally forgot about Pete. I didn’t even bother saying anything to him today during school. I was glum the entire time and kept it to myself. I thought of how Nate was handling this. But it was pretty hard to consider being he didn’t show up to school or soccer practice. My mother worried where he could be. I did too, a little. Afterall, he is my brother.
I dedcided to walk home instead of catching the bus with Renee and her boyfriend. I stood home alone, and the phone ringed. I was nervous to pick it up.
“Hello” I answered.
“uhh…..” I knew it was Pete and I really didn’t want to talk.
“Nate isnt here” I tell him. I waited for his response.
“Oh. That’s not why I called.” He says.
“really” I say not interested.
“Yeah, I wanted to know If you were mad at me?”he asked with curiousity in his voice. I hesitated.
“No, I’m not. Besides why would I be mad at you?” I asked.
“urm, The way I reacted when you touched my hand.”He laughed. I didn’t.’I knew you didn’t mean anything by it, but………..”
“what?” i say annoyed.
“I don’t know…….for a moment, I thought it was something more.” He says. I stood quiet.
“But that’s just stupid” he quickly says”I mean, your Nate’s little sister. I know you like a little sister. ”
I frowned. He thinks just because I’m Nate’s little sister, I’m off limits. I am my own person. Shouldn’t I have a say in some things? Or is it a guys’ rule that says “You are not permitted to think of your friend’s little sister in any “friendly” way”? I don’t know. I was confused. Was he saying he felt something more or he was just in an awkward situation? I gave up trying to figure out what he was thinking. I had more important things on my mind.
“hey, wentz, Have you spoken to Nate?” I asked more like my usual self. He thought for a moment.
“Noo, I haven’t”He says. I sucked my teeth.
“Well, I have to go.” I lied.
“Oh.ok…………..guess see you guys in school tommorrow.” He tells me.
‘mhmm, whatever” I say before suddenly hanging up
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