Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > the fact of the matter it that is just a matter of time
Chapter 24
It had been some time since I had acted on impulse, and for some seconds I felt alive, the adrenaline making my body light and plastering a smile on my face. I sat on the plane and stared out the window, waiting for it to roar to life. I had left Auntie a quick note explaining where I would be going and that I probably wouldn’t go back. I had left the car, of course. I felt too guilty to ride with it home. I had sincerely thanked her and promised to call her back as soon as I arrived home. I hadn’t called Dad or anyone else for that matter, the only one who knew was Bob, and I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be calling anyone any time soon.
As the plane roared to life and starting making its way up I felt a whole in my stomach. Of course, that is the effect planes have on people but after a minute or so the pain extended to every inch of my body. It made a whole in my chest and hammered my head. I searched for the cause of this sickness and found it within seconds: guilt.
Guilt of leaving my Aunt without a call, guilt for not thanking her enough for everything she had done, guilt for escaping my mother’s funeral, guilt for running away from my fears again/, guilt for not letting anyone know I was going, guilt for not keeping in touch, and most of all: guilt for feeling…/relieved with my mother’s dead. What kind of person does that? I should be shivering and curled up in a ball crying. Okay, I had done that, I had to admit it, but I should’ve stayed like that for months and wear only black and be in deep mourning. I looked down at the clothes I was wearing: a light blue dress with a navy blue sweater on.
Well, I guess that could be worst, I could’ve been wearing a hot pink mini skirt with a black bra. But still!
What kind of…of…of monster does that!? Relieved for someone else’s death?! For the one that gave you life!?
I clenched my fists together, noticing how my knuckles went white form the force I was applying. I groaned audibly and the lady by my side stared at me like I was deranged and my face had turned into an alien’s. I groaned once more, this time trying to suffocate the noise by placing my head in between my knees. Now that lady must’ve thought I’ve lost it. I didn’t care anyway.
I tried to steady my breathing, but of course that was almost impossible. I searched my head for something that calmed be down and an idea came to head, something that could easily distract me. I took my nail kit from under my chair and took out some lilac nail polish. I unfastened the small table in front of me and starting painting my nails while I hummed Astro Zombies.
Okay, I handle stress a little differently from everyone else. I had psychotic moments, I knew that.
I was crazy as hell.
Why am I speaking in past tense?
I am mentally unstable, I was sure of that.
The plane landed with a soft thud and I moved my stiff head from the window sill. Apparently I had fallen asleep. I grabbed whatever stuff I had scattered and placed them on my backpack, careful not to miss anything. The lady by my side was clearly glad when the pilot said it was okay for us to start exiting the plain. She jumped from her seat before the announcement was over (which I thought very rude of her) and all but ran out of the plain frantically. I took things slowly, taking both of my backpacks and purse with me, walking calmly and letting people in a hurry walk right past me. I nodded to the pilot as I left the plane and to the security guard as well.
Then I sighed. I felt how the air was different. I was home. I turned on my cell phone and noticed there was a message waiting for me
“I understand. I send your car. It must be in the airport parking lot. I haven’t told anyone. Be safe. Call.” My Auntie’s voice sounded so robotic, too many emotions crashing together was probably the reason fro this.
After I had taken my luggage from the rack I walked to the parking lot and to my surprise there was my CRV. I walked towards it in incredulity and accommodated my luggage on the trunk and back seat. I took my keys from one of the backpacks and the engine purred. I was glad I could drive home; it would give so much to think about. Or maybe that was a bad idea. I searched for the local radio station I liked and started singing to one very old Blondie song.
It was around twilight when I parked the car and jumped out of it, taking the heavy luggage and the backpacks out. There was a light in the living room, /the news/, I reminded myself. I stood in front of the door a minute, trying to figure out whether I should ring the doorbell or take my keys and open the door. I went for the doorbell and pressed my long, white fingers on the circle two times in a steady rhythm.
I heard some shifting and groaning from the couch and then someone approaching the door. Dad’s expression was definitedly a Kodak moment.
“I…I….can’t believe…how did you?”
I smiled at him shyly and then he covered me in a dumb and uneasy embrace.
“I missed you” He whispered.
“Who is it?” I heard Grandpa asked eagerly.
“I’m home” I responded. Before I knew it Grandpa was hugging me tightly and I smiled sadly at him. Dad helped me but the luggage in my room.
“Are you hungry?” They asked in unison.
“No…just…/tired/. I wanted to shower and then sleep…I didn’t sleep much.”
“Good, good” Grandpa said.
I walked to the phone and dialled Auntie’s number.
I rambled with her about my leaving so early and so ungratefully, thanking her about the car, basically restating every truth until she was satisfied.
“You will call, right?” She asked in a pleading tone.
“I will” I promised and hung up.
Dad was looking at me while I talked to Auntie.
“You flee didn’t you?”
“Yup”
“Will you explain?” He pleaded
“Tomorrow, ‘kay?”
“Fine” He grumbled
I stared at the white ceiling. Bing there only brought a million memories back. His face…I ha tried to omit his face, his name, anything related to him from my thoughts while I was away but now it was beyond impossible.
I made up my mind as I stared at him in my head: I will see him tomorrow.
I have to apologize for this chappies being so... /slow/? I think that's a way to describe them But action will build up next one. Oh and sorry for the typhos I didn't chek it before uploading it.
It had been some time since I had acted on impulse, and for some seconds I felt alive, the adrenaline making my body light and plastering a smile on my face. I sat on the plane and stared out the window, waiting for it to roar to life. I had left Auntie a quick note explaining where I would be going and that I probably wouldn’t go back. I had left the car, of course. I felt too guilty to ride with it home. I had sincerely thanked her and promised to call her back as soon as I arrived home. I hadn’t called Dad or anyone else for that matter, the only one who knew was Bob, and I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be calling anyone any time soon.
As the plane roared to life and starting making its way up I felt a whole in my stomach. Of course, that is the effect planes have on people but after a minute or so the pain extended to every inch of my body. It made a whole in my chest and hammered my head. I searched for the cause of this sickness and found it within seconds: guilt.
Guilt of leaving my Aunt without a call, guilt for not thanking her enough for everything she had done, guilt for escaping my mother’s funeral, guilt for running away from my fears again/, guilt for not letting anyone know I was going, guilt for not keeping in touch, and most of all: guilt for feeling…/relieved with my mother’s dead. What kind of person does that? I should be shivering and curled up in a ball crying. Okay, I had done that, I had to admit it, but I should’ve stayed like that for months and wear only black and be in deep mourning. I looked down at the clothes I was wearing: a light blue dress with a navy blue sweater on.
Well, I guess that could be worst, I could’ve been wearing a hot pink mini skirt with a black bra. But still!
What kind of…of…of monster does that!? Relieved for someone else’s death?! For the one that gave you life!?
I clenched my fists together, noticing how my knuckles went white form the force I was applying. I groaned audibly and the lady by my side stared at me like I was deranged and my face had turned into an alien’s. I groaned once more, this time trying to suffocate the noise by placing my head in between my knees. Now that lady must’ve thought I’ve lost it. I didn’t care anyway.
I tried to steady my breathing, but of course that was almost impossible. I searched my head for something that calmed be down and an idea came to head, something that could easily distract me. I took my nail kit from under my chair and took out some lilac nail polish. I unfastened the small table in front of me and starting painting my nails while I hummed Astro Zombies.
Okay, I handle stress a little differently from everyone else. I had psychotic moments, I knew that.
I was crazy as hell.
Why am I speaking in past tense?
I am mentally unstable, I was sure of that.
The plane landed with a soft thud and I moved my stiff head from the window sill. Apparently I had fallen asleep. I grabbed whatever stuff I had scattered and placed them on my backpack, careful not to miss anything. The lady by my side was clearly glad when the pilot said it was okay for us to start exiting the plain. She jumped from her seat before the announcement was over (which I thought very rude of her) and all but ran out of the plain frantically. I took things slowly, taking both of my backpacks and purse with me, walking calmly and letting people in a hurry walk right past me. I nodded to the pilot as I left the plane and to the security guard as well.
Then I sighed. I felt how the air was different. I was home. I turned on my cell phone and noticed there was a message waiting for me
“I understand. I send your car. It must be in the airport parking lot. I haven’t told anyone. Be safe. Call.” My Auntie’s voice sounded so robotic, too many emotions crashing together was probably the reason fro this.
After I had taken my luggage from the rack I walked to the parking lot and to my surprise there was my CRV. I walked towards it in incredulity and accommodated my luggage on the trunk and back seat. I took my keys from one of the backpacks and the engine purred. I was glad I could drive home; it would give so much to think about. Or maybe that was a bad idea. I searched for the local radio station I liked and started singing to one very old Blondie song.
It was around twilight when I parked the car and jumped out of it, taking the heavy luggage and the backpacks out. There was a light in the living room, /the news/, I reminded myself. I stood in front of the door a minute, trying to figure out whether I should ring the doorbell or take my keys and open the door. I went for the doorbell and pressed my long, white fingers on the circle two times in a steady rhythm.
I heard some shifting and groaning from the couch and then someone approaching the door. Dad’s expression was definitedly a Kodak moment.
“I…I….can’t believe…how did you?”
I smiled at him shyly and then he covered me in a dumb and uneasy embrace.
“I missed you” He whispered.
“Who is it?” I heard Grandpa asked eagerly.
“I’m home” I responded. Before I knew it Grandpa was hugging me tightly and I smiled sadly at him. Dad helped me but the luggage in my room.
“Are you hungry?” They asked in unison.
“No…just…/tired/. I wanted to shower and then sleep…I didn’t sleep much.”
“Good, good” Grandpa said.
I walked to the phone and dialled Auntie’s number.
I rambled with her about my leaving so early and so ungratefully, thanking her about the car, basically restating every truth until she was satisfied.
“You will call, right?” She asked in a pleading tone.
“I will” I promised and hung up.
Dad was looking at me while I talked to Auntie.
“You flee didn’t you?”
“Yup”
“Will you explain?” He pleaded
“Tomorrow, ‘kay?”
“Fine” He grumbled
I stared at the white ceiling. Bing there only brought a million memories back. His face…I ha tried to omit his face, his name, anything related to him from my thoughts while I was away but now it was beyond impossible.
I made up my mind as I stared at him in my head: I will see him tomorrow.
I have to apologize for this chappies being so... /slow/? I think that's a way to describe them But action will build up next one. Oh and sorry for the typhos I didn't chek it before uploading it.
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