FicWad

It's been nearly a year since the Carnival. I'd like to say that I remember it clearly, that I would remember it to the very last of my days; that the bitterly pitched battles and heinous acts committed would stay fresh in my mind, always. But the simple fact was: time was passing. And I was an 18 year-old now, doing my damnedest to make up for two years previous of missed and skipped classes, to avoid having to become behind yet /another/year.

The mundane duties of day to day life had consumed me. I was, thankfully, not in the way of needing money like Mai was. I didn't have to continue working outside of school in order to pay for my expenses. Instead, my time was filled with paperwork and textbooks. Much to my chagrin, Shizuru had suggested I purchase my own laptop after a few weeks. She took no little pleasure in reminding me that I had been using hers for the past year. I had bought my own, complete with a small printer to make out reports. It was my prize possession.

I had to stay focused in order to keep pace with the other students. I had come to realize quite suddenly that after 17 years of my life that I still didn't know how to study. And once I'd attended classes regularly, that I didn't know how to take notes, either. It was frustrating.

*

The hallway was quiet, as usual. I paid well for this penthouse, so I would hope that it should be. Nothing like those ridiculous dorms that Mai and the others stayed in, where random raucousness materialized at will.

I reached in my pocket and retrieved my key. With a flick of the wrist, second-nature to me, the door was unlocked. I felt my hand lose energy there. The key slid from the keyhole, and I nearly flung it to the floor as my entire arm went limp. I couldn't fight this, anymore. It was too much.

I reached my other arm up to hook around and pillow my head somewhat against the door as I slumped against it. The fingers on that hand toyed idly with the cool metal of the door number. I felt exhausted by all this. I honestly was doing my best to pay attention in class, but all I ever got were bad marks. Not even private tutor lessons were enough to force my brain to accept the information. I might be able to pass the classes somehow, but the proficiency exams would blow me out of the water.

I couldn't - wouldn't - tell any of the others. Ever so slowly, people were getting back on track with their lives. I didn't need to add to their problems. Mai, as smart as she was, still had to tend with Takumi's surgery costs. Mikoto was being put into accelerated courses in an attempt to get her on the correct study level. I'm ashamed to admit that even a simple creature such as her was managing it better than I.

The only way I could manage to will my arm into motion was to not think about it. Eventually my mind became numb enough and I pushed open the door, nearly stumbling inside. With a weak push, the door was closed behind me and I dropped my satchel to the ground with a loud thud from textbooks. Even through my numb state, I placed the laptop case from my other arm down with more reverence, leaning it up against the wall beside the door. One kick, then two, my sneakers lay haphazardly on the foyer section of the floor.

The scent of last night's dinner assaulted my senses as I picked my way towards the couch. I had burnt it a bit in the pan, and it actually smelled more than a bit rotten as I hadn't bothered to wash it after completing the meal. So many small things I couldn't handle when faced with the big picture. A sting of failure overwhelmed me, and I flopped down on the cushions, stomach-down.

When my forehead ran into the corner of something hard, making spots before my eyes from the careless impact, I forced out a sound that was a mixture between a groan and a growl. I don't know what the hell something hard was doing on my couch cushions, but so help me--

It was my cellphone. I'd forgotten it. Again.

I already felt terrible, so the surge of guilt that coursed through me next was almost unbearable. Flipping the thin cover upwards, I peered at it with one eye closed, still dazed from running into it. There was, of course, one missed call. A small icon in the corner of the screen indicated a voicemail message available. It was, undoubtedly, from the same contact that the screen displayed the call was missed by: Shizuru.

I'd promised to talk to her on the phone today, as it was her habit to call me once a week. Fuka Academy did not have a University, so she had needed to move further into a city to attend one. One might have thought that I would love the opportunities to speak to her, but to be honest, it still felt a bit weird between us. The conversations were usually composed of her making pleasantries and short, curt answers from myself. It was mostly my fault, really. I've never really liked the phone; talking over large distances makes it feel so impersonal, no matter what the subject.

She didn't ask about my grades. Of course, she never had, even when she still attended Fuka. Sometimes, I almost wished that she would, but every time I thought on it, I knew I didn't have an answer for them anyway. What do you tell people who hold you in good regard when they ask you about something like that? "Well, I tried really hard," I muttered to myself in answer, and immediately snorted at how ridiculous it sounded in the span of things.

With a sigh escaping between my teeth, I rolled over onto my back. Sleep took me shortly, fully clothed and all.

*

Later in the evening I woke up from the unexpected nap, cursing my luck. Would it be too much to ask that the headache would go away with some rest? I assumed so, then, and propped myself up on my elbows dizzily. My stomach twisted slightly, reminding me that it was past my dinnertime.

Suddenly, my cellphone began vibrating from where I'd dropped it to the floor. I dove halfway off the side in search of the thing; it was great to have on vibrate often because I can't always hear it when riding my bike, but damned if it wasn't hard to pinpoint at any other time. Finally spying it propped up against the couch itself, I scooped it up.

Knowing that it was on its last ring, I answered it hurriedly. "Hello?" I asked, the rasp in my voice evident even to me.

There was a slight pause, but the response that came was cheerful after all. "Hello, Natsuki."

"Shizuru," I said, and immediately shook my head at how deadpanned it sounded.

"Was Natsuki asleep?" Shizuru asked, unfazed. As usual, she always managed to hit the nail on the head.

"Yeah," I replied. I cleared my throat a little bit away from the speaker, then returned it. "I'm sorry I missed your call today." It was true, I felt terrible for it.

There was another short pause, then a laugh. I could almost see her shaking her head with the sound. "Natsuki is so forgetful. Did she not get a voicemail today?"

Confused now, and my headache none-the-better for it, I rose from the couch, slouching as I sat. "I did. But I didn't listen to it..." As soon as I said it, I realized how bad it probably sounded.

I was relieved at the smile that remained in her voice, regardless. It seemed that the woman would never end with them. "Then Natsuki should open her door."

By this point I was confused beyond comprehension. I stood dumbly, and walked toward the door, phone still in my hand. I nearly tripped to fall flat on my face over my own sneakers. Cursing, I caught myself against the door, making a giant thud against it.

This time, a note of concern, "Are you all right, Natsuki?"

"Yeah. Just... tripped over my shoes," I finished lamely.

My eyes widened. Just as the laughter on the other end of the line came, it echoed from the hallway. My hand leapt to the door handle, galvanized by an odd surge of adrenaline. It seemed odd to see her there, standing with the phone still up to her own ear. Seeing my surprise, she dropped and then closed it without even a glance. "I've told Natsuki she should be more careful about putting things away."

Her smile was ridiculously bright. I soon found it infectious.

"How... why..." I tried to will myself into forming a sentence, but nothing seemed to be working.

Shizuru's eyes traced down to the floor, where a travel bag sat. She picked it up and held it at her front, politely. "My spring break began yesterday. We talked about this last week," she supplied.

"R-Right." My head spun a bit more, though I couldn't say anymore if it was just the headache. I walked forward a step and caught her in a hug. She fumbled a bit with her bag, and settled it into one hand, crooking her elbow to return the gesture.

"My, has Natsuki missed me?" the pleased note in her tone made it soften a bit against my ear.

Slowly I loosened the hug, but didn't break it. A moment passed by and, without turning to look to her or changing my position, I answered honestly. "Yes."

Some things were okay to forget after all, I supposed - bad grades and surprise visits among them.