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"So what do you think about this one?", Amy swirled out of the dressing room in yet another white puffy dress, the 90395849th she tried on that day, in the 983003rd store we visited today, but I was probably the only one who didn't see the difference between this one and the 1st white puffy dress she tried on that morning because the rest erupted in a dramatic session of yet another round of aw's and ow's.
I sighed to my self, I was a total party Popper, I didn't like any of the dresses and was the main reason Amy still didn't pick one, if I could have it my way, I'd dress everyone in black and march her down the aisle to the tunes of Rammstein, but nothing could go my way, particularly not Amy's wedding, she wanted bright pinks and gentle blues and sparkly whites and roses and candles. Oh joy.
Truth to be told, I didn't want to be there, like REALLY didn't want to be there, like on scale from 1 to 10, I was 16 about not wanting to be there.
I didn't feel like planning a wedding when my own marriage went to shit. I tried to be the bigger person and be happy for my friend but I just couldn't, instead of smiling my face twitched, instead of being excited I was sarcastic, instead of being happy I felt like strangling someone.
"Skyler?", Amy addressed me politely, the rest looked at me hopefully.
"Well", I wrinkled my nose, looking Amy over.
It was yet another freaking puffy blah dress, it looked like...Fuck, I don't even know to what pastry I could compare it and I didn't know what to say, be honest and say it belongs in a bakery or be nice and do what their eyes were pleading me to do and set them free and lie and let my friend walk down the aisle looking like the worst kind of cream pie...Hmmm cream pie, "It looks like a cream pie".
Amy's mom rolled her eyes politely, her sister threw her hands in the air, Ali groaned and Amy forced a smile, the sales lady looked like she was about to use that wail to fish for my liver.
"What? I was being honest".
Ali chuckled like yeah right.
"What?", I frowned.
"I was really trying to be supportive of you", Ali snapped, "But it's getting ridiculous! You're making everyone around you miserable! It's your friend's wedding for god sakes just slap on a fucking smile"
I squinted, "I was just being honest"
"So you didn't like not one fucking dress? We saw hundreds thousands millions of them all over New York and you didnt even liked one?".
"No I didn't", I got defensive.
How can she be so cruel considering how hurt I am, my heart was broken to a million pieces for fucks sake.
"Oh just cut the bullshit, Skyler", Ali flipped her hair which wasn't longer green but blond, "Stop using the I got dumped everyone feel sorry for me card"
"Alison", Amy gasped, signalling her mother to drag her sister out of ear shot.
"No that's true, Amy, you don't deserve to have your day ruined just because Skyler can't be an adult and insists on acting like a love sick 11 year old school girl"
"He was.."
Alison cut me off, "Yeah yeah we know, your true love, your one and only, your heart, soul AND body. We all heard it all before"
I opened and closed my mouth like a fucking goldfish without saying a word.
"Just fucking snap out of it, shit happens. Life's a bitch and then we die. Get over it. Move on and stop being such a drag about it cause you're not fun to be around anymore, all you do is moan and complain and weep and cry"
"But", I gulped.
"Yeah yeah you just can't move on", she said dramatically, "Then do something about it, either call him and talk about it or shut the fuck up and let others enjoy themselves"
I was torn between the urge to cry and slap her but I guess I can do both...However, something she said kinda caught my attention...Call him? Could I do that? I mean everyone kept telling me to forget, to move on, that he wasn't worth it...Call him?
"You think I should call him", I muttered, overwhelmed by the new option like a kid with a shiny coin...My option weren't only A. move on, B. forget him...Now I had C too, call him.
Alison looked surprised too, I guess she expected me to run away crying or assault her, "Umm I guess"
"Could I do that?", I stared into space, already playing the emotional scene in my head... I call him, he cries at the sound of my voice...Or maybe I call, he cries then he tells me he loves me and comes home...It made me smile stupidly, I hope he doesn't cry...I mean just a few tears are OK but I don't want to make him cry...Maybe his voice will just tremble...It's not crying but it's good enough for me.
"It's a free country", Ali shrugged slowly, looking at me like I grew a second head all of the sudden.
But I didn't grow a second head, I did feel light headed all of a sudden, like I finally found a solution to all the heartache.
It was so simple, just pick up the phone, speed dial Gerard's oh so familiar number, listen to the beeps until it clicks and hear Gerard's soft voice say my name and cry...Or not...
So this is how scientists feel when they discover a cure to disease, I've been sick too.
This thing was eating me slowly inside and then I found the solution, I was carrying it in my bag and pockets the whole time no one ever told me it was so easy.
I hug tackled Ali who was completely in shock, "I'll call him!", I exclaimed happily and was about to pull the phone out of my bag, trying to calculate what time it is in Europe where they were currently touring, aw who cares? I'll wake him and surprise him...But then again maybe it's not a good idea to call him in the middle of the night, he could be cranky and take it the wrong way...Or he might not want me anymore, I dumped him at his lowest, stirred a lot of shit, divided the gang, upset Mikey...Of course he wouldn't want to have anything to do with me...But it's worth a shot, right?...At least I'll know where I'm standing and that I did my best and maybe it'll be easier to move on.
"Before you call him", Alison bit her lip, "Take a look at this"

She handed me a magazine that she took out of her purse while I was busy calculating time zones differences, I browsed through the magazine until I found the article about Gerard, Billy removed all magazines, papers, radio stations and channels that might mention Gerard and blocked websites too, so I was slightly clueless about what's going on in the world but based on everything he removed or blocked, the guys were pretty big.
Beside the little column there was a large picture of him from a gig, he was wearing a wedding ring, my wedding ring...Well the one we bought after the wedding to replace the cheap one the priest gave us for the ceremony.
I scanned the little column, it basically said that Gerard got married and rumors have it that he was married to his hair stylist...

I was back at the starting point, in the emotional hell I was going through 5 minutes ago.
How could he use the same ring for Liz? Wait, what the fuck?!! He married Liz??!!
I guess calling is not an option anymore, I lost him for good. My dream came true. Yay.
Amy threw her arms around me and dragged Ali into a group hug to, her sister skipped from across the store and hugged the bunch too.

I was slipping in and out of consciousness, the only think I could do is sleep and smoke to avoid feeling like a living dead so I slept large proportion of the day...It's not like I had a job or a husband or a TV to watch...
I heard Billy come in and I felt him take the magazine from me and flip through it, he cover me with a soft blanket, everything felt like a dream.
Then I heard a phone ring and Billy pick it, I rolled to my stomach and opened one eye to watch Billy stand with his back to me.
"No"
I closed my other eye too.
"No, you can't", he tried not to raise his voice at whoever it was on the phone.
"Cause I said so....Listen to me motherfucker..", his voice trailed off as he walked out of the living room.
A few minutes he came out, looking pissed out of his mind.
"Who was it?", I rose to a sitting position, covering my yawn with my hand.
"No one", he snapped.
"You always call no one a motherfucker?", I smirked.
"I'm polite like that", he said growled.
"Billy", I cocked my eyebrow.
"Skyler", he cocked his back.
"Tell me", I demanded.
He rolled his eyes at me, "That motherfucking son of a bitch, bastard, excuse of a human being"
"Oh Spencer", I nodded, sinking back into the sofa, "What did he want?"
Billy smiled widely and shook his head, "Gerard"
"Gerard?", I jumped up to attention at the sound of his name, "What did he want?", then I remembered the headline in the magazine and slouched back on the sofa, "Invite me to his fucking wedding?"
"I dunno", Billy shrugged, "But I told him to never bother you again"
I sighed, I wanted Gerard to bother me, I wanted him to bother me so much and many times a day.
How funny is that, that the day I decided to call him was the day he called me ans still we managed to not talk.