FicWad

Frank watched as the doors swung shut and all he was left to look at was the solid dark wood doors. That damn man was still dragging him back into the hallway. Frank tried to pry the man's hand from his shoulder but failed in doing so.

"What is going on?" Frank asked...pleaded. He hated not knowing what was going on and the man wouldn't tell him anything. They were still walking down a hallway. Frank could tell the man was worried by the way his brows were furrowed and his lips were pressed tightly together. This didn't comfort Frank.

"I'm taking you to the waiting area." The man said curtly as they walked through some double doors and into a waiting area. It was the same waiting area they had been to only five months earlier. To Frank, it was too close to what had happened in the past, it was too much to take in, to process and to grasp the concept. Frank just nodded his head as he sunk, defeated, into a chair. The man's face softened a bit as he watched Frank.

"Is he going to die?" Frank asked, honestly. It was the only question that he needed the answer to right away and the rest he would deal with later. The man sighed and then answered Frank.

"I-I don't know. I'm sorry. We'll inform you when we know something." With those words, he left Frank alone in the waiting room. Frank watched as the man disappeared behind the doors and he felt his insides twist. They had already lost Gerard and losing Mikey as well, it would be too much. Frank couldn't get that thought out of his head.

He stood, he sat, he wrung his hands nervously as the minutes passed. He fidgeted in his chair, and rubbed the back of his neck with his hands as the hours passed. It had been two hours. Two hours and no word. Frank was beside himself with worry and fear. The fear was what was almost to the point of being unbearable. It started in the middle of him and worked its way through his body, filling every crevice until it reached an ending point in his mind.

He had wanted to call the guys but he didn't know what to say. He didn't know if he could find the words to tell them what was going on. He wondered where everything had gone so wrong. When did everything he held dear to him get destroyed and tarnished ? It was yet another question he didn't know the answer too.

"Mr. Iero?" Frank's attention focused in on the voice as he quickly stood up. There was a doctor in the doorway and he beckoned for Frank to follow him. Frank was very aware of everything around him as he made his way to the doorway. He felt the pressure of his heels pounding into the hard floor, the sound of his breath escaping his lips and the buzzing of the fluorescent lights.

Once he reached where the doctor was standing, he followed him through the doorway and they both paused in the hall.

"How is he?" Frank asked meekly. He was afraid of what the doctor was going to say.

"Resting comfortably. I'm afraid I can't disclose any information to you but you are more than welcome to go see him." Frank felt a slight wave of relief wash over him. Mikey was alive. For now, that was the best thing he could have ever heard in his life.

"What room is he in?" Frank asked.

"C-1345. It's on the second floor. Go to the right when you get off of the elevator." Frank gave the doctor one last look before saying thanks and heading toward the elevator. The ride was excruciatingly slow and he felt like the doors couldn't have opened fast enough. Frank walked as fast as he could through the halls, scanning the room numbers. The halls smelled of sterilization and it was making him slightly nauseous.

"1339...1341...1343....ah..." Frank paused in the doorway a moment, his eyes closed, before entering. He took in the sight of Mikey, letting each detail register in his brain. Mikey was pale, his eyelids were a reddish brick color and the area surrounding them was a dark purple. The green hospital gown was way too big on him and he was drowning in it. His frail arms were pale as well, except for the purple and blue bruise were the IV needle was inserted. The thin salmon colored hospital blankets were pulled to midway up his chest and he could hear his raspy breathing from where he stood in the doorway.

Frank inched his way closer to the bed. He didn't want to wake him but he needed to hear his voice. He was at the bedside now and he pulled on of the visitor chairs next to him.

"Mikey?" Frank whispered. Mikey stirred a bit but didn't wake up.

"Mikey?" This time he was rewarded with the fluttering of Mikey's eyelids. A moment later, Mikey's eyes were open.

"Frank?" Mikey's voice was raspy and sounded small. Frank gave him a weak smile.

"Yeah. How are you feeling?" Mikey looked at Frank and gave him a small smirk.

"Like shit." Frank chuckled nervously, not knowing what to say. the tension in the room was thick and Frank searched his brain for words but Mikey beat him to it.

"I really fucked up this time, Frank, I really fucked up." Mikey shifted in his bed and let out a small groan of pain. Frank creased his brow, not sure of what Mikey meant.

"Mikey, going through with withdrawal is pretty fucking hard on any--"

"That's the thing!" Mikey said with as much force as he could. Frank looked at him puzzled.

"I'm...I'm not sure what you mean." Mikey shifted again and Frank noticed the anxiety written across his friend's face. Mikey took a few shallow breaths before speaking again.

"I...I didn't exactly. Oh, how do I put this?" Mikey looked at the ceiling, unable to look at Frank. Frank started to get a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Just say it. I know most of it anyway. What could say that would be more shocking?" Frank watched as Mikey closed his eyes and he could see the glittering clearness of the first tears that were escaping from under his lids.

"Frank, I...I wasn't going through withdrawal. What you saw, what happened back there at the apartment was...was..." Frank put a hand on Mikey's shoulder.

"It was what?" Frank asked, knowing what Mikey was going to say now.

"It was an overdose. I, I took everything I had stashed at the apartment. I couldn't deal with it. I was desperate and..and..and..." Mikey was stuttering now as Frank looked at him with a dazed expression. Frank wasn't sure what he was feeling but shock was a pretty good description for it at the moment.

"And?" Frank said, looking at the ground. Mikey spoke again, in a shaky, breathy voice.

"And I thought I'd be dead before you woke up but I got scared. I was scared and when I woke you up, I wanted to get clean, I really did. I thought that because I wasn't unconscious that I was going to be okay, you know, like when you drink too much alcohol and you think that you're going to die but it just wears off? I thought it would be like that."

"Mikey?" Frank said, his voice so low, it was almost a whisper.

"What?"

"Why were you so desperate?" Frank looked at Mikey, who shifted uncomfortably in the bed under Frank's gaze.

"April told me something, something that I don't know if I can deal with." Mikey looked away from Frank, hoping he wouldn't pursue it.

"Mikey..." Frank said, uncertain if he wanted to press further. Mikey continued to stare at everything but Frank as he continued speaking.

"She told me she had HIV." The silence was deafening. Frank could feel his eyes widen and he felt his mouth fall open in surprise. Mikey dared to look at him.

"Do you...?" Frank let his voice trail off as he spoke the words. Mikey couldn't speak but he was able to nod his head.

*******

Frank stared at Mikey a moment, to shocked to speak. He wasn't sure if the situation cold get any worse but by the way things had been playing out, it seemed it could be that way. Mikey was leaning back into the pillows and had drawn his legs up to his chin.

"I told you that I really fucked up this time." he said despondently. Frank put his gaze onto Mikey.

"It won't be the end of the world. It's treatable." Frank said. Mikey tried to nod his head but instead, he just let it fall to the side. To him, it was the end. He had an incurable, sometimes fatal, disease and it was the fault of no one but his own stupidity. He didn't know how he had let himself get to this point but he was scared. Scared and ashamed. He knew he was at a point where he could either get help or just end it.

It would be so much easier to just end it but every time he looked at Frank, he couldn't do it. He couldn't deliberately keep hurting the one person who was always there to help him. He thought of Gerard as well. He wouldn't want this. He sighed. It was clear to him what he should do but he wasn't sure if he had the will power to do it. He settled on the decision that he would try but make no promises.

Mikey looked at his friend in the seat next to his bed. It looked as though he had aged ten years and he knew it was because of him. He had to make this right.

"Frank?" Mikey spoke with uncertainty in his voice. Frank looked up and Mikey could see the worry and fear in his eyes. Mikey took a deep breath before speaking.

"I...I had to talk to a psychiatrist today...about the overdose." Mikey paused. "Well, she said she could get me into a really good rehab program, one that deals specifically with addicts with HIV." Frank sat, listening intently, wondering if Mikey was really going to do something about his addiction or if it was another empty promise. He hoped that he was really going to do something.

"Yeah, um...I asked her to check me into it. As soon as I am well enough, I'm going." Frank bit his lip and then spoke.

"You're really going? You're really going to try this time?" Mikey nodded his head.

"I can't not go. I'm going to make any promises except that I'm going to try." Frank nodded his head and Mikey could see a wave of relief wash over his features. It made Mikey feel like he did something right this time, like maybe he was going in the right direction.

"Mikey, I'm happy for you, relieved and happy. Do you have an idea as to when you'll check in?"

"They said in a few days, most likely." They each sat there, silent, lost in thought for a moment then Mikey spoke.

"Frank, I need you to do something."

"Yeah?"

"Can you get Bob and Ray here, I need to tell them as well. I'm tired of lying."