Categories > Anime/Manga > Bleach > The Job Hunt
Disclaimer: I DON’T OWN THEM!
Warnings: Crack. Humour. Obliviousness of the eleventh squad variety. Human error and childish behaviour. AU (as all my Job Hunt’s are).
Notes: Again, special thanks to my brother who gave me the premise for Zaraki Kenpachi’s Job Hunt, and in keeping with my ‘thug life is togetherness’ theme, I’ve also brought in Kusajishi Yachiru, Ikkaku Madarame and Ayasegawa Yumichika. I can’t have a Ken-chan story without them.
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“So what are ya tellin’ me? That I have to fuckin’ protect people?”
“No, no, no! You’re only going to pretend to, but if a situation comes up that calls for you to do so, can I assume that you will go along with it and help?”
The gruff eleventh division captain glowered at the blond shop owner but nodded anyway, gravely giving in to whatever the man wanted of him, knowing that because of Genryuusai-dono’s mandate, he had to participate in the new program each shinigami of high standing was being put through. As it was, he hated it already.
“Fuckin’ yeah, I guess I’d help. I can’t just say no, can I?”
A shake of the former shinigami’s head gave him his answer and with a heavy sigh, the rather large taichou ducked out of the small shop, followed closely by his fukutaichou, his third seat and his fifth seat, respectively.
“This better be worth missin’ the fall festival for. I had money down on that fuckin’ Tetsuzaemon. He’s supposed to be a real light hand in the archery tournament.”
The two lesser male shinigami stared at their captain before being glared into submission, the pink haired fukutaichou grinning adorably from her place atop Zaraki’s shoulder.
“Shaddup about that. Archery’s a goddamn traditional sport. You’re all supposed to like it.”
“Of course, Taichou!” They replied in unison.
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At the Karakura police department, they had a new area set up for a special set of forces, namely a group of officers specially trained for situations that required a bit more force than was normally necessary. Essentially, a SWAT team. Amongst the new human recruits, stood the members of the eleventh division, including Yachiru, who, after proving to the police chief that she could indeed hold her own, had been stationed beside her much larger companion as his partner. Zaraki, as it turned out, was the new squad’s captain.
“All right. We’ve got a situation already that could use this squad’s expertise.” The short but commanding chief pointed out. “There are two men in a home downtown who refuse to surrender to us, even after ten hours of negotiations. They have no hostages but they have informed us that they’re armed.”
For safety reasons, the new recruits were not allowed to have firearms but they had riot gear, which made Ikkaku and Zaraki happy enough, even Yachiru, with her pink shield, flowered riot helmet and bright orange baton, smiled as she usually did when she was excited. Yumichika however, was less than impressed but was still eager to see his friends fight.
“All right ya bastards! Let’s do this shit right!” The no longer belled but still spiky haired Kenpachi called out.
“Hai, Taichou!”
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While the human officers made their way to the captured building in their support vehicles, Kenpachi and his squad made their way by the safest way possible, a shinigami's basic skill of quick footedness coming in handy as they both ran and used shunpo to get there. They arrived just after the others so as to not arouse suspicion and stationed themselves just to the left of the surrounding team.
Yumichika stood quietly with a hand on Yachiru's head, keeping her in place as she squirmed for a fight, wanting to 'see Ken-chan bust some heads real good', Ikkaku to his right, busily twirling his baton as if it were Hozukimaru, getting not a few weird and admiring looks from the living troops. He smirked a bit and stepped up to Zaraki's side, gesturing towards the stationed officers, each one with their weapons drawn and their faces grimly set into frowns and grimaces.
"Oi, Taichou? We gonna let these bastards have all the fun?"
A snort. "Are ya kiddin'? Just watch."
The bald shinigami turned to look at the chief, who had donned his helmet and had stepped up to the front of the approaching line, a megaphone in his hand.
"All right, you in there. We've surrounded your position and we're not backing down. By order of the Karakura police, exit the premises now or we'll send in the SWAT team."
A baseball-capped head poked itself into a small window and hollered out, offering a warning shot that clipped the road in front of the closest squad car.
"We're not comin' out! You can all just fuck off!"
The short police leader turned to Zaraki, who nodded as if in understanding, backing off as he let the large SWAT member pass, trying not to stare at the vicious grin plastered on the man's face, his comrades sharing the creepy smile as they lined up along the road where the gunshot had landed.
The criminal's eyes widened slightly as he regarded the size of the special forces team leader, the man unhelmeted but covered in bulletproof vest and leg armour, a rather nasty looking length of baton in his right hand while the left remained empty of the shield most of the others carried. His teammates as well, bore no heavy, Plexiglas shields.
The first crook disappeared out of the window to turn to his partner, whispering loudly and in quite a panic.
"That's the new team they talked about on the fuckin' TV last week! You said they wouldn't bring them out for this shit! Look at their fuckin' captain!"
His companion snarled and got up, leaning out of the window, his gun resting on the sill before he let out a barrage of bullets, hitting dead space and concrete as his targets disappeared. He stared dumbfounded at the ground, looking around and narrowly catching sight of a blue uniform as Yumichika's baton came down upon his head, smashing him to the floor. He grunted in pain as his world blacked out, not dead but certainly unconscious, the sound of the other criminal crying out in pain echoing in his ears before he lost all consciousness.
Happily, Yachiru stood on the broken body of her captive, his eyes wide as he stared around the small body, his right arm broken and his right ankle twisted to nearly the breaking point, Ikkaku standing above his head, tapping his baton against the chair beside himself.
"Bet ya thought since she's just a kid, ya had a chance, huh? Dumb bastard."
The little pink haired shinigami grinned cutely and jumped up, only to come back down on the man's stomach, garnering a groan from him and a stifled sound of the crook from coming close to vomiting, more than likely wishing he had made a different life decision that morning.
"Naa, Baldie. He's kinda fun. Can we keep him?"
"Ya gotta ask Taichou. He's gotta have a say, remember?"
She pouted slightly but not for long, calmly hopping off of her human trampoline and heading for the hunkered down captain, jumping back up onto his shoulder and clinging for dear life.
"Naa, Ken-chan? Baldie says I can keep the fat one over there. Can I?"
The third seat stammered with slight surprise and anger, knowing full well that that wasn't what he had said to the girl. He turned away when the large shinigami looked up at him, then down to the broken captive.
"What do ya want with a broken toy, brat? I'll take ya hunting when we get home. How's that?"
She squealed and hugged his head, far too small to get her arms around his chest or even his leg, had she been on the ground, crushing his hair and gaining herself a swat as the gruff taichou re-adjusted the crumpled spikes.
"Yay! I'm gonna bring home a big, bloody one!" She wailed in his ear.
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Back outside, the police chief congratulated them all on a job well done, but he had questions for Zaraki, namely, how they had moved so quickly, as to avoid the gunfire. Not used to praise and embarrassed by the people standing around them, Kenpachi shrugged and answered simply and to the point, no doubt irritating the surrounding media and spectators.
"We moved. S'fuckin' stupid to stand and take a hit from some snot nosed brat."
Of course, for the television audience, the overpowering shinigami's words were censored, only telling people that they had moved out of the way to avoid the dangerous situation. The three eleventh division men groaned at how pathetic the dub job for their captain was, when they watched the details that night at the Urahara Shoten.
Halfway through his fourth bottle of sake, Ikkaku got brained after telling the elder man that he sounded like a 'fuckin' pansy', much to the delight of Yachiru and Yumichika, both of whom sat quietly on the other side of the table with their drinks, fruit juice for Yachiru and red wine for Yumichika, just barely hearing the end of a news story on the newest fashions.
"Really, you're both such animals. What kind of example is that for our dear fukutaichou?"
The girl squirmed through a yawn, obviously tired from the day's excitement but not willing to relinquish her warm spot in the dainty shinigami's lap.
"Naa, Freaky Brows. It's ok for me to hear that. Ken-chan says it'll make a man outta me!"
The feminine swordsman scoffed and patted the little one's head. "You're a girl, fukutaichou. You don't want to end up like Ikkaku, right?"
She looked from the dark haired fifth seat to the bald third. "Maybe you're right."
Madarame just scowled and slammed back the rest of his drink, pushing aside the bottle and promptly collapsing backwards onto the rather unforgiving tatami mats.
"I guess he's not as tough as we gave him credit for."
Zaraki gave the noble Ayasegawa an odd look. The fuck you talkin' 'bout? He put away more than she did." he pointed to her still full glass. "'Sides, she's drinkin' goddamn juice."
The little vice captain looked at her father with a glare that promised imminent pinches or a temper tantrum.
"I'm drinkin' what Freaky Brows is! Mine's red too!"
The once wandering Zaraki resident rolled his eyes and waved his hand to admit his defeat, listening tiredly to her squeal of delight at having won the argument. She leaned forward and snatched her cup, sipping it the way she saw the men do and after finishing it, fell asleep in the delicate shinigami's lap, content with the idea that in her mind, she had been drinking strong alcohol like her father and his friends.
What a shame, Urahara thought to himself, busily tidying up around the now slumbering bodies, each one snoring away, even the little one.
"Why did I ever leave that life behind?"
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Upon arriving back in Soul Society, Zaraki reported to Genryuusai-dono's office and handed in the forms he had Urahara finish for them in the morning, his own handwriting atrocious to say the least and the captain commander had expressly forbid the eleventh squad's fukutaichou from doing them any longer.
He gruffly voiced his opinion on the new tasks for each shinigami but still managed to smile and call the white bearded leader a few choice names before being escorted out by the first division's vice captain, the formal man brushing his hands on his hakama as he moved back inside, always feeling somewhat dirty after handling the large captain.
Outside, Yumichika let Yachiru down and she hopped right back up onto Kenpachi's shoulder, smiling for no apparent reason other than because she was happy to be going hunting again, her zanpakutou dangling from her right hand, its little wheels spinning each time they contacted Zaraki's shoulder, a small packsack also hanging from her hand, something the elder man hadn't seen before but didn't honestly care about.
"Can we go to the big spot, Ken-chan? That's where the best one's were."
"I guess. Ya ready to kill shit, brat?"
"Yeah!"
"All right then."
The four of them left the clearing in the centre of the Court and hurried to the forest just outside of Kusajishi, wild animals already moving out of their burrows to see the shinigami who had disturbed them, a wildcat catching the girl's eye as she hopped down from her perch.
She whispered to Zaraki that she was going to start with it as her first kill of the day, setting her bag down and rummaging through it, the two lesser shinigami watching her with mild interest, while her father towered over the proceedings, groaning out loud and almost frightening the animal off.
Yachiru stood in her shinigami uniform but she had slipped her policeman's uniform over top of it, her shield held proudly in one hand, the baton clipped to her belt and her zanpakutou drawn in the other. She wore the helmet that had been provided as well, feeling all the world like one of the knights Yumichika had told her about from the living world's fairy tales.
The large captain moved so she could do what she wanted and watched intently from a tree above her, flanked by his subordinates.
"She looks so sweet, doesn't she, Taichou?" The feathered shinigami asked.
The two more manly swordsmen turned to glare at him, offering death in response to his fruity question. Below them, their brave little fukutaichou stood in the centre of the clearing, awash in blood of the slaughtered wildcat, its lifeless form now red instead of its former pale beige colour.
Never did Zaraki Kenpachi feel more proud than when he saw his young charge bathed in the blood of her enemy. He shrugged suddenly and chuckled a little bit, hopping down to drag the carcass away so she could hunt down something else. He figured that maybe their trip to the living world wasn't such a waste of time anyway.
Besides, who wanted to watch their comrades shooting arrows at fake targets, when he could send his daughter out into the woods to kill real targets?
Tch. Like there was even any comparison between the two.
Warnings: Crack. Humour. Obliviousness of the eleventh squad variety. Human error and childish behaviour. AU (as all my Job Hunt’s are).
Notes: Again, special thanks to my brother who gave me the premise for Zaraki Kenpachi’s Job Hunt, and in keeping with my ‘thug life is togetherness’ theme, I’ve also brought in Kusajishi Yachiru, Ikkaku Madarame and Ayasegawa Yumichika. I can’t have a Ken-chan story without them.
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“So what are ya tellin’ me? That I have to fuckin’ protect people?”
“No, no, no! You’re only going to pretend to, but if a situation comes up that calls for you to do so, can I assume that you will go along with it and help?”
The gruff eleventh division captain glowered at the blond shop owner but nodded anyway, gravely giving in to whatever the man wanted of him, knowing that because of Genryuusai-dono’s mandate, he had to participate in the new program each shinigami of high standing was being put through. As it was, he hated it already.
“Fuckin’ yeah, I guess I’d help. I can’t just say no, can I?”
A shake of the former shinigami’s head gave him his answer and with a heavy sigh, the rather large taichou ducked out of the small shop, followed closely by his fukutaichou, his third seat and his fifth seat, respectively.
“This better be worth missin’ the fall festival for. I had money down on that fuckin’ Tetsuzaemon. He’s supposed to be a real light hand in the archery tournament.”
The two lesser male shinigami stared at their captain before being glared into submission, the pink haired fukutaichou grinning adorably from her place atop Zaraki’s shoulder.
“Shaddup about that. Archery’s a goddamn traditional sport. You’re all supposed to like it.”
“Of course, Taichou!” They replied in unison.
-------------------------
At the Karakura police department, they had a new area set up for a special set of forces, namely a group of officers specially trained for situations that required a bit more force than was normally necessary. Essentially, a SWAT team. Amongst the new human recruits, stood the members of the eleventh division, including Yachiru, who, after proving to the police chief that she could indeed hold her own, had been stationed beside her much larger companion as his partner. Zaraki, as it turned out, was the new squad’s captain.
“All right. We’ve got a situation already that could use this squad’s expertise.” The short but commanding chief pointed out. “There are two men in a home downtown who refuse to surrender to us, even after ten hours of negotiations. They have no hostages but they have informed us that they’re armed.”
For safety reasons, the new recruits were not allowed to have firearms but they had riot gear, which made Ikkaku and Zaraki happy enough, even Yachiru, with her pink shield, flowered riot helmet and bright orange baton, smiled as she usually did when she was excited. Yumichika however, was less than impressed but was still eager to see his friends fight.
“All right ya bastards! Let’s do this shit right!” The no longer belled but still spiky haired Kenpachi called out.
“Hai, Taichou!”
-------------------------------
While the human officers made their way to the captured building in their support vehicles, Kenpachi and his squad made their way by the safest way possible, a shinigami's basic skill of quick footedness coming in handy as they both ran and used shunpo to get there. They arrived just after the others so as to not arouse suspicion and stationed themselves just to the left of the surrounding team.
Yumichika stood quietly with a hand on Yachiru's head, keeping her in place as she squirmed for a fight, wanting to 'see Ken-chan bust some heads real good', Ikkaku to his right, busily twirling his baton as if it were Hozukimaru, getting not a few weird and admiring looks from the living troops. He smirked a bit and stepped up to Zaraki's side, gesturing towards the stationed officers, each one with their weapons drawn and their faces grimly set into frowns and grimaces.
"Oi, Taichou? We gonna let these bastards have all the fun?"
A snort. "Are ya kiddin'? Just watch."
The bald shinigami turned to look at the chief, who had donned his helmet and had stepped up to the front of the approaching line, a megaphone in his hand.
"All right, you in there. We've surrounded your position and we're not backing down. By order of the Karakura police, exit the premises now or we'll send in the SWAT team."
A baseball-capped head poked itself into a small window and hollered out, offering a warning shot that clipped the road in front of the closest squad car.
"We're not comin' out! You can all just fuck off!"
The short police leader turned to Zaraki, who nodded as if in understanding, backing off as he let the large SWAT member pass, trying not to stare at the vicious grin plastered on the man's face, his comrades sharing the creepy smile as they lined up along the road where the gunshot had landed.
The criminal's eyes widened slightly as he regarded the size of the special forces team leader, the man unhelmeted but covered in bulletproof vest and leg armour, a rather nasty looking length of baton in his right hand while the left remained empty of the shield most of the others carried. His teammates as well, bore no heavy, Plexiglas shields.
The first crook disappeared out of the window to turn to his partner, whispering loudly and in quite a panic.
"That's the new team they talked about on the fuckin' TV last week! You said they wouldn't bring them out for this shit! Look at their fuckin' captain!"
His companion snarled and got up, leaning out of the window, his gun resting on the sill before he let out a barrage of bullets, hitting dead space and concrete as his targets disappeared. He stared dumbfounded at the ground, looking around and narrowly catching sight of a blue uniform as Yumichika's baton came down upon his head, smashing him to the floor. He grunted in pain as his world blacked out, not dead but certainly unconscious, the sound of the other criminal crying out in pain echoing in his ears before he lost all consciousness.
Happily, Yachiru stood on the broken body of her captive, his eyes wide as he stared around the small body, his right arm broken and his right ankle twisted to nearly the breaking point, Ikkaku standing above his head, tapping his baton against the chair beside himself.
"Bet ya thought since she's just a kid, ya had a chance, huh? Dumb bastard."
The little pink haired shinigami grinned cutely and jumped up, only to come back down on the man's stomach, garnering a groan from him and a stifled sound of the crook from coming close to vomiting, more than likely wishing he had made a different life decision that morning.
"Naa, Baldie. He's kinda fun. Can we keep him?"
"Ya gotta ask Taichou. He's gotta have a say, remember?"
She pouted slightly but not for long, calmly hopping off of her human trampoline and heading for the hunkered down captain, jumping back up onto his shoulder and clinging for dear life.
"Naa, Ken-chan? Baldie says I can keep the fat one over there. Can I?"
The third seat stammered with slight surprise and anger, knowing full well that that wasn't what he had said to the girl. He turned away when the large shinigami looked up at him, then down to the broken captive.
"What do ya want with a broken toy, brat? I'll take ya hunting when we get home. How's that?"
She squealed and hugged his head, far too small to get her arms around his chest or even his leg, had she been on the ground, crushing his hair and gaining herself a swat as the gruff taichou re-adjusted the crumpled spikes.
"Yay! I'm gonna bring home a big, bloody one!" She wailed in his ear.
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Back outside, the police chief congratulated them all on a job well done, but he had questions for Zaraki, namely, how they had moved so quickly, as to avoid the gunfire. Not used to praise and embarrassed by the people standing around them, Kenpachi shrugged and answered simply and to the point, no doubt irritating the surrounding media and spectators.
"We moved. S'fuckin' stupid to stand and take a hit from some snot nosed brat."
Of course, for the television audience, the overpowering shinigami's words were censored, only telling people that they had moved out of the way to avoid the dangerous situation. The three eleventh division men groaned at how pathetic the dub job for their captain was, when they watched the details that night at the Urahara Shoten.
Halfway through his fourth bottle of sake, Ikkaku got brained after telling the elder man that he sounded like a 'fuckin' pansy', much to the delight of Yachiru and Yumichika, both of whom sat quietly on the other side of the table with their drinks, fruit juice for Yachiru and red wine for Yumichika, just barely hearing the end of a news story on the newest fashions.
"Really, you're both such animals. What kind of example is that for our dear fukutaichou?"
The girl squirmed through a yawn, obviously tired from the day's excitement but not willing to relinquish her warm spot in the dainty shinigami's lap.
"Naa, Freaky Brows. It's ok for me to hear that. Ken-chan says it'll make a man outta me!"
The feminine swordsman scoffed and patted the little one's head. "You're a girl, fukutaichou. You don't want to end up like Ikkaku, right?"
She looked from the dark haired fifth seat to the bald third. "Maybe you're right."
Madarame just scowled and slammed back the rest of his drink, pushing aside the bottle and promptly collapsing backwards onto the rather unforgiving tatami mats.
"I guess he's not as tough as we gave him credit for."
Zaraki gave the noble Ayasegawa an odd look. The fuck you talkin' 'bout? He put away more than she did." he pointed to her still full glass. "'Sides, she's drinkin' goddamn juice."
The little vice captain looked at her father with a glare that promised imminent pinches or a temper tantrum.
"I'm drinkin' what Freaky Brows is! Mine's red too!"
The once wandering Zaraki resident rolled his eyes and waved his hand to admit his defeat, listening tiredly to her squeal of delight at having won the argument. She leaned forward and snatched her cup, sipping it the way she saw the men do and after finishing it, fell asleep in the delicate shinigami's lap, content with the idea that in her mind, she had been drinking strong alcohol like her father and his friends.
What a shame, Urahara thought to himself, busily tidying up around the now slumbering bodies, each one snoring away, even the little one.
"Why did I ever leave that life behind?"
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Upon arriving back in Soul Society, Zaraki reported to Genryuusai-dono's office and handed in the forms he had Urahara finish for them in the morning, his own handwriting atrocious to say the least and the captain commander had expressly forbid the eleventh squad's fukutaichou from doing them any longer.
He gruffly voiced his opinion on the new tasks for each shinigami but still managed to smile and call the white bearded leader a few choice names before being escorted out by the first division's vice captain, the formal man brushing his hands on his hakama as he moved back inside, always feeling somewhat dirty after handling the large captain.
Outside, Yumichika let Yachiru down and she hopped right back up onto Kenpachi's shoulder, smiling for no apparent reason other than because she was happy to be going hunting again, her zanpakutou dangling from her right hand, its little wheels spinning each time they contacted Zaraki's shoulder, a small packsack also hanging from her hand, something the elder man hadn't seen before but didn't honestly care about.
"Can we go to the big spot, Ken-chan? That's where the best one's were."
"I guess. Ya ready to kill shit, brat?"
"Yeah!"
"All right then."
The four of them left the clearing in the centre of the Court and hurried to the forest just outside of Kusajishi, wild animals already moving out of their burrows to see the shinigami who had disturbed them, a wildcat catching the girl's eye as she hopped down from her perch.
She whispered to Zaraki that she was going to start with it as her first kill of the day, setting her bag down and rummaging through it, the two lesser shinigami watching her with mild interest, while her father towered over the proceedings, groaning out loud and almost frightening the animal off.
Yachiru stood in her shinigami uniform but she had slipped her policeman's uniform over top of it, her shield held proudly in one hand, the baton clipped to her belt and her zanpakutou drawn in the other. She wore the helmet that had been provided as well, feeling all the world like one of the knights Yumichika had told her about from the living world's fairy tales.
The large captain moved so she could do what she wanted and watched intently from a tree above her, flanked by his subordinates.
"She looks so sweet, doesn't she, Taichou?" The feathered shinigami asked.
The two more manly swordsmen turned to glare at him, offering death in response to his fruity question. Below them, their brave little fukutaichou stood in the centre of the clearing, awash in blood of the slaughtered wildcat, its lifeless form now red instead of its former pale beige colour.
Never did Zaraki Kenpachi feel more proud than when he saw his young charge bathed in the blood of her enemy. He shrugged suddenly and chuckled a little bit, hopping down to drag the carcass away so she could hunt down something else. He figured that maybe their trip to the living world wasn't such a waste of time anyway.
Besides, who wanted to watch their comrades shooting arrows at fake targets, when he could send his daughter out into the woods to kill real targets?
Tch. Like there was even any comparison between the two.
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