FicWad

“Did you tuck them in?” Monica said as Gerard walked into their bedroom.
“Yep. Bug loves the pink room but she just can’t sleep in there alone. I think she and Liv must sleep together cause she made it sound like she’s never slept alone.”
“I wonder what their living conditions are like.” Monica said as she pulled back the covers and crawled into bed.
Gerard switched off the light and crawled in next to her. “I guess if they were really bad Bert would have told us.” The thought of Bert knowing where they lived bothered him. Why was she so intent on keeping it a secret from him?
“I don’t understand either.” Monica said softly.
Gerard turned to her in the darkness, “What?”
“You were wondering why Liv won’t let us know where she and Elle live but she let Bert know.”
He was going to deny it but he didn’t want to lie. “I just don’t get it. She always brings Bug to us. She won’t let us take her home and yet she called and invited Bert over? I just don’t understand.”
“There’s a lot about Liv I don’t understand.” Monica said scooting over and snuggling up next to him. “I just wish she hadn’t hurt Bert like that.”
Gerard didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think about Liv in bed with Bert. In his mind he couldn’t help but remember the morning he’d woken to find them in bed together. That had been the morning he had turned on his friend. It seemed so long ago. So many things had changed in his life since then.
“Gee?”
“Yeah?”
“About what Bert said. I think he might be right.” Her voice was a whisper.
Gerard hugged her to him. “It doesn’t matter what Liv wants. She can’t take me away from you. You are my life. I’m not going to let anything come between us.”
Monica closed her eyes. “I love you.” She pressed her body to his in a silent invitation to make love.
He closed his eyes and slowed his breathing pattern hoping she would believe he was falling asleep. Guilt tore at his soul. Tonight like last night he didn’t want to make love. His mind was too full of questions. Once more he chose to pretend to fall asleep.
Several minutes passed and he remained still. He hated himself but he couldn’t silence the thoughts in his head. Why had he asked Liv to come to Bamboozle? He realized he hadn’t even considered Monica’s feelings. If Liv decided to accept his invitation what would Monica say? Why was it bothering him that Liv called Bert? No, that wasn’t what was bothering him. He made himself admit the truth. Knowing that Bert had been in Liv’s bed was what was bothering him. But why should it, he asked himself. What difference did it make? Gerard felt Monica shift away slightly believing he’d fallen asleep. He wished with his entire being he could just take her into his arms and make love to her but he just couldn’t. Tonight the past was holding to him tightly. Obviously the past wasn’t through with him yet.

Liv took another drink welcoming the numbing feeling that was coursing through her body. She sat the bottle down on the table and picked up the photograph again. God, he had such a beautiful smile. Yesterday she had seen that smile when he talked to her. Tears formed in her eyes blurring the image. She sat the photo back down and poured more whiskey in her glass. The pain was overwhelming and she just wanted it to go away. For several moments she sat drinking and remembering. The photo of her and Gerard sat on the table mocking her. It reminded her of all she had thrown away. Fuck, Eliza, she thought, I should have stayed. Yet as she looked at the photo she knew her love for him had been too strong, She had done what she had to do. But maybe, just maybe, she thought. She took another drink and made her decision. She wanted more than anything to see him on stage again. She wanted to hear his voice rise above the roar of the crowd. Tomorrow she would tell him she would go to Bamboozle. I deserve this; she thought as she laid her head down on the table, I deserve this.

Slowly he pushed back the blankets and slid out of bed. Over an hour had passed and Monica’s even breathing told him that she truly was asleep. Quietly he peered in at Elle and Kelly as he passed the pink room. His daughters were fast asleep with Frank snoring at the foot of the bed. He smiled at the ever-alert watchdog. Slowly he continued down the hall then traveled down the back staircase. Once he was in the kitchen he grabbed his cigarettes off the counter. Without bothering with the lights he disabled the alarm system and walked out on to the deck. The darkness seemed to welcome him. The night air was cool on his skin as he took a seat at the patio table and lit his cigarette.
For several minutes he sat trying to gather his thoughts. Why if he had everything he had ever dreamed he wanted was he feeling this way? He had a home and a family. The band was doing better than he had ever dreamed possible. All the things he had always wanted in life were now his. So what was keeping him from feeling the true happiness he desired so much? Gerard took a drag off the cigarette, closed his eyes and leaned his head back.

Monica stood at the door watching him. She has awakened alone and had somehow known this was where she would find him. A feeling of sadness washed over her and she caught her breath. She loved him so much. Suddenly the memories of all they had been through together filled her mind. She remembered how he had patiently waited for her when she told him she could never love again. She remembered Christmas Eve at St Lucy’s when he’d come to church and given her his grandma’s necklace. Memories of touring with him, becoming engaged, finding their house, Jenn almost taking it all away from them, flooded her brain. So much, they had been through so much to lose it all now. It was at that moment she made her decision. Liv would never get him back. Not without a fight. He was in her soul and she would do everything in her power to make him remember their love. Yes, he had a history with Liv but they too had a history. A history filled with laugher, tears and love. A love that was strong and pure. Slowly she turned and made her way back to bed filled with a determination she hadn’t felt before now.

Sleep had almost claimed Monica again when she heard Gerard slip back into the bedroom. In the darkness she heard him move across to the bed. Without thought she held her breath as he climbed in beside her. A moment later he gently moved to take her in his arms.
Gerard held her close and suddenly the memory of almost losing her overpowered him. He remembered believing in his soul that if she died part of him would die also. This woman’s love had saved him. How could he ever forget that truth? She was in his heart and soul.
“Monica” he whispered in the darkness. “I love you.”
He was shocked when she rolled over to face him. “Yeah, you do.”
“You’re awake.”
“Yeah, I’m awake.”
“I meant what I just said.” He pulled her deeper into his arms hoping she understood the true depth of his words. Words that came from the purest part of his soul.
“I know, Gee. I know.”
Gerard lowered his lips to hers and kissed her deeply. When they were both breathless he tore his lips away and said. “So if I’m awake and you’re awake..”
Monica closed her eyes and smiled, “We could make love if that’s what you want.”
Hearing the questioning in her voice made Gerard hate himself for causing her to doubt. “More then anything.” He said as his hands began to travel down her body, “More than anything.”