Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco

Goodbye My Lover

by KoKoaPuffsAtTheDisco 1 review

A quick little one shot I needed to write. It has The Cab in it. But it is about me and the guy I like.

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Drama,Romance - Published: 2008-02-06 - Updated: 2008-02-06 - 2330 words

He held on to my waist. I had my arms around his neck. I smiled at him with my eyes and his smiled back. We were spinning around and around slowly to James Blunt’s Goodbye My Lover. It was our one year anniversary of our marriage. He meant the world to me and I knew I meant the same. He surprised me with a string of black pearls and two pendants that have a charm that had a footprint on them. I loved black pearls and the charm was meant as a reminder that I was six months pregnant.

I really didn’t want to go out tonight because I felt fat and ugly. But, he told me different, like ever husband does, and had me get into a nice dress and we went to the restaurant/club we had our first date at. When we got there we had dinner and then a couple songs we loved to slow dance too were played. And then Goodbye My Lover came on and we just danced slowly to it because this song always made me cry. The reason being that it reminded me of my parents. My mom and pasted away and it killed my dad. He ended up passing away with what I believe was a broken heart, but the doctors like to call it a heart attack.

We walked off the dance floor as I started to clam down. He paid the bill and we walked hand in hand home. It was a long walk but we loved to walk almost everywhere. We didn’t talk much, we didn’t need to. We loved to just be in each others presents. We lived in New York now. But, we met and feel in love in a place most people fall in love and then end their lives to fast. But, most people call the place I’m talking about Las Vegas.

We got to the one place in all of New York that reminded me of a better time. It was the park across the street from our house. We first went there the first night in our house, and that was the night I conceived the baby. That was mid May. We had a December wedding. I always wanted to get married in the snow wearing a big white wedding dress with a cape and muff. And I got what I wanted. Now I know that sounds selfish but it was what we both wanted.

We sat down on this big slide that had one of those house things on top of it. We just sat there talking. We knew the baby’s would be a girl and a boy. We talked about names and we always settled on Maxine Hayley Crawford and Billy Ian Crawford. We like those names because they reminds us of us when we were younger. We also talked about the baby shower we would be having soon. We were inviting everyone we knew. We wanted to have some fun so we were having a baby shower with Ballywood themes. Like henna tattoos, fun music and tons of good food.

It stated to get dark so we slid down the slide laughing the whole way and decided to head to our house. Once inside we went and got into some comfy pj’s. We sat in the living room and he got his acoustic guitar and we started to sing. We sang so many songs, ones we loved, and some that when the babies are born we would sing to them to put them to sleep. We started to get sleepy. So we turned off all lights but left one on in the kitchen. Seeing as I usually get up and get something to drink in the middle of the night. We lay down in bed; he pulled me into his body and laid his hands on my ever growing belly.

“I love you,” he said to me.

“I love you too,” I said back to him.

He then kissed the back on my head and we fell asleep within minutes. I was woken by light coming through the window. I rubbed my eyes to get the sleep out of my eyes. I felt something was wrong when his arms were not around me. I sat up looked around the room and I could not see him anywhere.

“Ian?!” I said a little louder then usual. I didn’t hear anything; I got up and pulled one of Ian’s hoodies on. I walked out into the living room and I saw a sight I never wished to see. There was Ian laying on the floor near the couch, where we spent so many nights singing, cuddling, and just sitting there holding hand while watching TV. I ran over to him and just fell to the floor. I picked up his hand and tried to feel for a pulse. I felt a faint one. I tried to get him to open his eyes. I grabbed the closest phone and dialed 9-1-1 and told them what was going on. They said they would be as quick as possible. I leaned down and kissed Ian. At that time he opened his eyes and looked up at me. I smiled again with my eyes, he tried to do the same, but he just looked up at me with half dead eyes.

“I love you Ian” I started to cry. I scanned his body and saw he was bleeding from a couple different stab wounds. He raised his raised him hand and wiped my tears away. I let a little laugh escape my lips. He smiled a weak smile, but I knew it was the most he could do.

“Krystle, I love you so much. Please don’t let my memory die with me” he choked out.

“Ian, I would and will never let you die in my heart, and I will make sure our children know who you are. I love you and always will!”

“I love you to Krystle” We then kissed for the last time. I closed his eyes picked up is head and pulled him into my lap with all my might. I just sat there stoking his hair. The rest of the day was a blur. EMS came in a little after Ian passed away. I wouldn’t let him go. They had to look through my phone and asked me who they could call or me. I told them Tricia or Hayley. But, about ten minutes later both Tricia and Hayley walked in. They grabbed my arms and picked me up. EMS took Ian. I was crying and yelling for them to bring him back and that he was not dead.

Tricia and Hayley made me go take a shower. So I did and once done, I got dressed in a pair of Ian’s jeans, his favorite t-shirt, and his favorite hoodie. (I know I wouldn’t be able to fit into them very well, but I just needed something to make me feel like his was still here.) I walked out into the living room and it was full of family and friends. I saw Ian’s parents crying. All my friends were also crying. I walked past them and went into the kitchen and found the cake we were supposed to eat this morning. It was the top of our wedding cake. So I took it out, set it on the counter and just kept looking at it. I cried and feel to the floor. I put my hands on my belly. I got up and ignored everyone in the living room and walked out the door. I just walked over to the slide, Ian and I sat in last night.

I sat there crying. I felt arms around my waist; I put my hands on my belly. I knew that the hands were just my mind helping me though this rough time.

The next couple of days were rough. We had to plan the funeral when we should have been planning the baby shower. Everyone I knew would come over and tell me how sorry they were. But the people who never left unless it was to get food or something we needed were Tricia, Alex D., Alex M., Alex J., Cash, Angel (Ian’s sister), and Kyle (my brother). The Alex’s and Cash were Ian’s bands mates. They didn’t know what to do know, but I told them that Ian would want them to find someone as good as he was and go on with the band. And that is just what they were going to do.

Then it was the day of the funeral. We had everyone that we knew there. The Fueled By Ramen and Decaydance family was there. My family, and Ian’s family was there. And some friends and close fans were also there. (We let some close fans come. These fans were the ones who came to every show they could and we knew them personally. But we would be doing a fan funeral the next day.) The pastor who married us led the funeral. We had almost everyone who wanted to say something said something. Then it was my turn.

I walked up to stairs and then to the microphone.

“I would like to thank everyone for coming. I know that we all wish we could see each other at a concert or work or home. But, we are here now. Ian and I were married for a year. In that year I got pregnant with twins, we grew are husband and wife and the band grew. We loved each other and we always made the best of every day. I wish I Ian could be here right now and when the twins are born. But, I know he will be here in spirit. He is here right now standing behind me just holding me, letting me know that I am safe and that he loves me. But, the last song we danced to was Goodbye My Lover. And I would like to sing that for you all. I just need someone to play the piano.” Then I saw Alex M. get up and head towards me. He went to the piano on the stage and started the song.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

By the end of the song I was balling my eyes out. I feel to the floor. (I seem to be doing this a lot now a day.) The rest of the guys came to the stage and helped me up and walked back to my seat. Our pastor finished the funeral and everyone paid their respects to Ian and me. The when the last person left the church. I was left with Ian in his coffin. I went up to him and kissed his cheek. It was cold, like a piece of metal that was left out in the snow to long. I looked at what was left in the coffin. I saw his favorite hat, his childhood tebby bear, and a couple of other things. I took his wedding band, and any other jewelry of his out and held it in my hand. I would not let these go with him. But, I took one last look at my husband. He wanted to be cremated in something comfy. So we hand him in jeans, his favorite band tee and a hoddie. I will miss him. I will love him for ever.

“Goodbye My Lover!” I kissed him one last time and closed my eyes while I did and there we were with his hands around my waist. I had my arms around his neck. I smiled at him with my eyes and his smiled back. We were spinning around and around slowly to James Blunt’s Goodbye My Lover. We kissed and then his smiled and let go. Telling me he was fine and that I will be alright. I walked off into a blinding light.

Goodbye My Lover
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