FicWad

‘Hey…?’ A voice stirring me from my record two hours of sleep

I fluttered my eyelids, pretending that I’d had some amazing dream, showing what he’d want to see. Instead, I was waking to the current everyday nightmare that was pulling back the hollowed echo in my stomach. Patrick, sat on his knees, leaning over me. He looked concerned, as if he felt he’d done something wrong. Wow, sixth sense maybe? I couldn’t blame Patrick. I couldn’t blame him for not noticing me or my efforts. Travis showed Patrick the glamour and shine of life. Coming back to the apartment to face me and my shadowed cloudy world must be a let down.

‘Why’s…uh…’ Patrick leaned his chin down on the pillow next to my head, ‘Why’s there a shit load of spaghetti in Hemmy’s bowl?’

My heart exploded. No, exploded wasn’t the correct word. My heart disintegrated. Demolished, devastated, ruined, wrecked, smashed, damaged, shattered, in shreds, in pieces. I wouldn’t bring it up. I wouldn’t. I did as I always do. Suck it up, idiot. Don’t show him. Don’t show him that you’re wounded, you pussy.
‘He was… extra hungry..’ I smiled, painfully

‘Oh,’ Patrick grinned, planting a kiss on my cheek ‘Alright then. I’m going to work, kay?’

No Patrick. It’s not okay. It’s NOT okay.

‘Sure thing’ I nodded, stroking a thumb below his right eye socket

‘I’ll be home by nine’ He pulled himself up from my side, straightening his hat that was knocked a little askew by the press of the mattress

I doubt it. He’ll probably ‘lose track of time’ or be ‘real far into a project’. It made me wonder what the hell he did after work with Travis. I’d like to think that it was definitely only business but hey, I used to be in business and well, business is rarely just business. Like, when I’d talk about going over Frank’s to discuss tomorrow’s headline, then when I went over there we just ate a ton of pizza and talked about what celebrities we’d bang. We were young and immature a year and a half ago.

‘Umm.. Pete?’ Patrick huffed, exhaling, twiddling his thumbs

I expected bad news. Pessimist right? I stick to my beliefs. 1. a tendency to see only the negative or worst aspects of all things and to expect only bad or unpleasant things to happen. 2. a belief that all things become evil or that evil outweighs good in life. Yeah, I looked it up in the dictionary. It is very true though. Think about it. My negative aspects; my boyfriend is spending all his time either in work or with another guy, the band I’m supposedly in is currently going nowhere but still expect me to write some more songs, I am unemployed and depending on my much younger boyfriend for money and I’m not even thinking about my pregnant ex girlfriend. I can’t think about Ash right now.

‘Uhmm?’ I replied, waiting for the question that was building up behind his eyes to come out

‘Why did you sleep in the spare room last night?’ He asked, looking directly, adding the pressure up on me

I shrugged. What could I say? Well, Patrick, yesterday I made you a romantic meal because I felt like we were growing apart and I kind of love you but you didn’t reply when I said it the first time but that’s okay if you don’t love me yet and well I made this meal for you but you didn’t come home when you said you would and I waited up for you and when you came in you went straight to bed so I came in here.

‘I was…’ Lie, you know you’ll have to, ‘sleeping on the couch when you came in… Didn’t want to disturb you so I slept in here’

‘Oh,’ Patrick rubbed a circle into his side as he paused, ‘You coulda… I wouldn’t have minded… I… missed you yesterday…’

‘Kay…’ I wiggle up to sit upright and stare at the empty space once occupied by the busker.

He was gone. He missed me so much that he just had to run out on me. I sighed, what the hell was I doing? Why was I just sat here? Patrick was going to work and I was just sulking like a moron! He just admitted, he missed me. For fuck sakes, why was I still there? Flicking my feet over the side of the bed, I jumped to my feet and sped, hoping I hadn’t been too slow on my reactions. I caught him half way down the stairs. It wasn’t until I saw the expression on his face that I remembered that, yeah, I was just wearing underwear. Great.

‘Pete… uh…’ Patrick stuttered, reminding me of the first morning I spent with him, I snorted, hoping down the steps two at a time

‘Patrick…’ I inhaled, building up to tell him everything but it all disappeared when he checked his watch, ‘I missed you too’

‘Really?’ He asked smiling, wondering how he hadn’t already noticed

‘Mmmhmm’ I nodded sadly, touching my fingers gently against the back of his

He reached out and grabbed my swinging hand, rubbing my knuckles. It didn’t need anymore words. His breathing hitched as he stroked one of my hips. Patrick grinned, it wasn’t as happy as I’d seen usually on his face. It kinda hurt. Leaning up with his cheek pressed to mine he whispered in my ear.

‘I wish… I didn’t have to work today’ And gone again, escaping my clutches once more, leaving me confused as ever.

I stood on the stairs, half naked, fixed. Trying to ignore the hollow, echoing pain in the lower stomach. I couldn’t blame Patrick for not reading me right. I didn’t tell him how I felt. How was he to know what I was thinking? Just because we were a couple didn’t mean we were like twins. We had to psychic connection or weird understanding of each other. Inside, yeah, I wished he didn’t have to go to work either.