FicWad

TWO YEARS LATER
Gerard finished high school last year. He was now in New York studying at some random art school. It was hard managing Dacoda and school on my own. Well I wasn’t on my own, I had mum and dad, the Way family and my friends. But Dacoda missed his father and cheering him up took a lot out of me. I was seriously tired and upset. It had been five months and there were still seven months until Gerard's return. No one new how unhappy I was because I haven’t told anyone. A fake smile, a fake laugh. They all fall for it, everyday. I hadn’t felt this bad until a couple of days ago when Dacoda started crying his eyes out over a nightmare. He kept saying that he loved me and that he wants daddy to come home. I felt really bad that I couldn’t help him.

I had just got Dacoda to settle down. He kept asking when his dad was coming home. I had finally satisfied him by saying that tomorrow we will try and call him. I walked to Gerard’s bedroom where I had been staying and broke down crying. I climbed up and went to the bathroom. No one was awake. I opened the cupboard under the sink and grabbed a cheap, flimsy razor, it broke with ease. I pulled the blade lightly across the skin on my wrist. It didn’t hurt; no blood came out, although I could see a white mark. The next time I did it harder, blood poured from the self inflicted wound. I repeated two more times. I just watched the blood weep out. It dripped from my arm into the white porcelain sink. I don’t know why, but for some reason watching the blood made me feel better. A lot better. I went again, but this time for my neck. I didn’t do it deep enough to kill myself, but to watch the blood.

I was in the bathroom for at least an hour just watching the blood, when I heard someone walking. I cleaned up the blood in the sink and hid my arms and neck. I walked out to see Mikey.
“Hey Ella, Why are you up so late?”
“Can't sleep. I'm just going to go and lie down for now.”
“Okay.” Mikey came over and kissed me on the forehead.
“Goodnight Mikey.”
“Goodnight Ella.” I walked into Gerard's room and just huddled up in the blankets. Thinking about what I had just done.

Morning came and I was awoken by Dacoda.
“Mummy, mummy get up granny is making pancakes.”
“Okay Dacoda, I’ll be down soon.” I said sheepishly. I got ready for school. I wore a sweat band to cover the cuts on my wrist and a tie to cover the one on my neck. The blade was in my pocket. I walked into the kitchen. There was one spot next to Dacoda. He was in his highchair eating his pancakes. He was really smart for his age. He could almost talk without stuttering. Most kids are three by that time. I ate my pancakes and walked out into the hall. Samantha and Mikey were making out. This made me jealous, really jealous. It also made me miss Gerard twice as much. I ran back to the bathroom. I blinked back the tears. I was staring into the sink and I grabbed out the blade. I lifted my shirt and saw undamaged skin. I cut cleanly across. The blood dripped and I calmed myself down. I cleaned the blade and put a bandage around to stop the blood showing through my shirt. I can't believe that I have sunk to this, self damaging myself to make me feel better. I knew it was wrong. If it continues I promise to go and see someone. I got the courage to go and face Mikey and Samantha.
“Ella, we saw you run off. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I just almost forgot my phone.”
“Oh okay.” Dacoda came in to say goodbye it hurt when he rapped his arms around my stomach. But I didn’t cry out in pain like I really wanted to.

We walked to school. Being around Mikey and Samantha made me feel really depressed. They had each other. The person who is mine is in a different state. Who knows what he is getting up to. I couldn’t help wondering if he found someone else. He was probably flirting with all the girls he could. When we arrived at school I made up a random excuse to get away. Dia followed me to the toilets.
“Hey girl. What's up?” I started balling my eyes out.
“I… I…” Dia came over and hugged me.
“What's wrong Ella?”
“I can't deal with all of this anymore.”
“Oh Ella. What have you done?” I looked at my arm and put it behind my back.
“N… nothing.” Dia pulled my arm out and took off the band.
“ELLA! How long has this been going on? Where else have you cut?” I started crying harder. I moved my tie so she could she. She took a sharp breath in. I then showed her the bandage around my stomach.
“I c… can't deal with all of this anymore. It’s too hard.”
“Ella what are you saying?”
“I can't deal with living anymore. I just want to disappear. Dacoda deserves a good mother. Gerard deserves better. They will both be happier without me.” I was still crying. I grabbed out the blade and put it to my neck. Dia grabbed my hand before could do any damage.
“No Ella. I won’t let you. You’re the best mother Dacoda could ever have. You love him and he loves you. Gerard chose to love you. Not someone else. He loves you. He would miss you too.”
“He is probably with some prettier chick, someone who is smart and can draw.”
“Don’t even think that. Ella, what's it going to take to prove to you that you deserve to live? They both love you. If you go ahead and do what you want now and end your life Gerard would blame himself. He would kill himself just to be with you. That would mean Dacoda wouldn’t have any parents left. Dacoda would most likely be teased that both his parents committed suicide.”
We talked for ages. We didn’t bother going to class. Dia was very stubborn and wouldn’t see my way. I cleaned myself up and we went to recess. I made Dia swear she wouldn’t tell anyone so we told Samantha and Mikey that we couldn’t be stuffed going to class so we wagged.

The end of the day came and I just kept to myself behind my fake smile. I walked home with Mikey and Samantha. Sam was staying the night. I kept quiet through dinner and then went for my shower. It was seven and I was really tired so I asked Donna if she could put Dacoda to bed for me.



Okay this chapter was hell rushed so its not as good as it could be. I was also having a random day.