FicWad

(Scene 7)

Mikey bursts through big front doors

Mikey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Lauren: (turns around) You’re too late…
(They are at reception, everyone looks up from stuffing their face with cake)
Bryony: OH NO IT ISN’T!
Lauren and Mikey: What?!?!
Joy: (Steps out in detective coat and monocle) No it is not!
Lauren: Don’t be an idiot I had to marry Chad, I am stuck for ever in a loveless marriage! (Lays hand across face in that dramatic way they do)
Joy: Not exactly!
Chad: Umm, yes she is, innit!
Joy: First of all, I am the chav in these parts, secondly you are sooooooooo wrong.
Chad: Prove it!
Joy: Gladly (starts pacing) You see in many TV sitcoms, especially American ones, to which I am quite partial, they have countless marriage ceremonies, whether right or wrong, most wrong and ending in divorce or a death of some kind. Anyway, most TV shows had to make loopholes in the original text so that the marriage was not binding, as the two actors who were playing the characters who wanted to be married, would not always want to be joined for life in order to help out a TV shows ratings. SO in light of this they altered the original ceremonies as to not make this a legally binding union.
Bryony: Okay Joy, time to wrap it up.
Joy: Well you see, halfway through your own ceremony, we called our good friend Frances - the one in the bumblebee costume, of which she is strangely fond of - and she had told us that your minister had said “speak now or forever hold your peace” whereas in a normal marriage ceremony it should have been “ye are to declare it” it is a lot less punchy but it is the right words. As your marriage did not state this it was an unlawful union as it made it so no person could legally object to it, therefore your marriage was against the law!
(ALL GASP)
And you Chad Dickman, knew this and did it so that no one would be able to stop this, and I know that because, that man (points to minister) is your estranged father!
(MORE GASPS)

(Everyone rounds on Chad and dark music plays)

You are a liar!
You are a cheat!
You are very evil!
And you have smelly feet!

You will run away now!
As that is how this ends!
We need it to be soon!
As it’s driving us round the bed!

BAD CHAD!
BAD CHAD!
BAD CHAD!

(Chad and estranged father run away, screaming like little girls)

(Everyone cheers)

Lauren: I love you Mikey!
Mikey: I love you Lauren!
Bryony: I love you Frank!
Frank: I love you bryony!
Daisy: I love you Bob!
Bob: I love you Daisy!
Joy: I love you Teninch!
Teninch: I love you Joy!
Amy: I love you Joe!
Joe: I love you Amy!
Sarah: I love you Daniel!
Daniel: I love you Sarah!
Flic: I love you Amy!
Amy: What?
Flic: I mean I love you Amy Lee!
Amy Lee: I love you Flic!
Frances: And I love me!

(everyone hugs and cheers)

(Cheesy music fade out)

Love.
Love is all around.
Where you thought it couldn’t be found.
Love.
Love is everywhere.
Where you thought you might be scared.
Love.
Love is for all of us.
Now I’m gonna miss my bus!

(MCR stand up on stage)

Gerard: Enough of the soppy crap! Lets rock this shit!

THE END