FicWad

“Where the fuck is Will?”
Ryan sat on the floor of the studio, head rested up against the wall.
Lily shrugged from her seat, staring at her nails...which were due for a trim,
“I called him over an hour ago...he said he’d be here...”
She sighed and looked up at the ceiling.
“I’ll call him.” Adam suggested, taking out his phone.
Lily raised an eyebrow,
“You have his number?” she asked, eyebrow raised.
“Yeah.” Adam said with a shrug, his deep brown eyes staring into the sleek Motorola’s screen,
“Gave it to me last month. He said I was the....” he squinted slightly,
“Gatekeeper.”
Lily laughed,
“God...”she sighed under her breath,
“He’s such a douche.”
“Funny.” she added, standing up, “But a douche.”
She crossed the room and grabbed a spiral notebook before returning to her seat.
“I don’t know about the funny part.” Ryan mumbled, staring blankly,
“But the douche part is right.” he finished, taking a bite from his thumbnail.
He stood up suddenly,
“I’ve got to record my parts soon, and he needs to be here.” he said, running a hand through his short, thick, newly auburn hair.
“Yeah yeah, I know....” Lily interjected, “He probably has a good reason.” Lily mumbled.
‘Ryan dyes his hair more than I do...’ Lily thought to herself, leafing through her notebook,
‘But..at least it’s colors found in nature now...that magenta was...’
She shook her head slightly as she came to the song they would be recording today.
“Any luck?” she asked Adam, who was sitting silently, gripping a drumstick in one hand.
He shrugged,
“It’s been going straight to voicemail..but...it’s ringing now.” he paused,
“Hello?”
He nodded at Lily before speaking into the receiver,
“Where are you?”
He stared blankly at the floor,
“Ok. Bye.”
Ryan crossed his arms, staring at Adam impatiently.
Lily noticed he had popped up the color on his striped polo...due to stress.
“He says he’s in the building.” Adam answered, shutting his phone with a snap.
Ryan rolled his eyes,
“So typical.”
Lily shrugged,
“Whatever. At least he’s here.” She defended casually, staring at the lyrics scribbled out on the page.
Matt popped into the room, quickly, hand on the door knob.
“Will?” he asked.
“Will is here!”
Everyone’s heads turned to see Will manuevering through the door, three paper bags in his hand.
“I had a little In-n-Out craving...so I thought I’d get you guys the hook up.” he grinned, resting the grease spotted paper bags on the counter...next to the very expensive recording equipment.
Adam walked over and rifled through the bags in silence.
“Yeahhh, eat up buddy.” Will quipped with a smile, giving the 6'5 drummer a pat on the back.
“You were...” Matt looked at his watch, “An hour late to get cheeseburgers?” he asked, face straight...clearly not amused.
“Uh...” Will looked around the room momentarily, hands in his pockets,
“Yes Matthew..yes I was.”
Matt exhaled through his nose,
“If it were up to me, I’d fire you for being a smartass. I would’ve done it years ago.” he trailed off, closing the door behind him.
“Hey Bill.” Lily smirked from her seat, making some quick lyric changes with a ballpoint pen.
“Hey.” he smiled, giving her a nod.
“Hey...Ryan.” he said cautiously as the bass player chewed slowly on a french fry.
“Will.” he managed civilly before adding, “No soda?”
“No.” Will began, “But there’s the machine in the hallway, so I figured..”
“Alright, SO.” Lily began, standing up,
“After we eat, I really need your opinion on some lyrics changes.”
“Right.” Will responded with a nod, pulling a cheeseburger from a paper sack.
“Are you gonna eat?” Adam asked, chomping on a large piece of onion.
Lily stared at the fast food with a frown,
“Uh..I don’t know. I have to sing soon...” she grimaced.
“Suit yourself.” Will sighed, mouth full of cheeseburger.
Ryan shook his head with a sigh, glaring in Will’s general direction as he grabbed a burger.
He gingerly took a seat next to him on the squeaky, black leather couch.
Ryan and Will had always had their differences.
Lily always thought it was because Ryan secretly wanted to play guitar...but got stuck with bass.
Adam thought it was because Ryan took the band...the music seriously..almost to a fault...and Will..appeared not to.
And that annoyed him.
Will, in general, annoyed Ryan.
But Lily couldn’t quite put her finger on it.
-------------

“Ok, so.” Lily began, “I’ve made some changes.”
The room was now filled with the addition of a producer, his assistant, and their manager.
“Instead of, ‘I could be your pretty little princess..its pretty PRETTY princess...is..is that ok?”
The producer, a short, stout man with glasses, put his hand to his chin,
“Sing it.”
Lily nodded,
“I could be your pretty pretty princess, but for now I’m just your little secret. I ne-ver thought I’d be another regret. So hold my hand and show ‘em that you mean it. Tell the world I’m yours....your pretty pretty princess”
Lily stopped, waiting for their response.
The producer nodded,
“It could work.” he shrugged.
“Yeah.” Matt nodded, “Let’s try it.”
Minutes later, Lily was in the recording room, head phones over her ears.
The first chorus seemed to work...but she was the first to admit..it sounded a little pop punkish.
That didn’t worry her much....the guitar would fix it..she was sure.
Or she hoped.
This song was going to be their new single...the single that would introduce the world to their new album.
It needed to be good.
So...naturally...Lily was a bit worried..and there were times when she ‘over sang’.
“Lily.” a voice came through a speaker in the wall,
“Relax.”
She stared through the glass at her producer., who continued to speak,
“You sound great, don’t stress your voice. Just sing.”
She nodded and took a breath.
“Take it from the top.” he directed.
Lily took a deep breath,
“This tiara doesn’t...FIT. And I don’t wear high-heels.
So maybe this was the way it was supposed to...BEEEEE.
Ohhhh this halo never worked.
This image never..breathed.
How could I have ever...buhhhleaved that...
This could’ve been something more.
That I could be some-one you uhhhhdore,
Oh I could be your pretty pretty princess
but for now I’m just your little secret.
I ne-ver thought I’d be another re-gret.
So hold my hand and show ‘em that you mean it.
Oh tell the world I’m yours...
Your pretty pretty princess”
She took a breath where the guitar would be,
“I’ve got bruises on my knees, and scars from the past
But baby I don’t understand why we didn’t laasstttt
Could you explain yourself, oh honey cut to the chase
How it felt with your fist to my face
How did it feel...how did it TASTTEEE
oh
I could be your pretty pretty princess
but for now I’m just your little secret.
I ne-ver thought I’d be another re-gret.
So hold my hand and show ‘em that you mean it.
Oh tell the world I’m yours...
Your pretty pretty princess
So take your life and take your space
I’ll take my flaws and my unbruised face
You couldn’t handle the TRUTH or me ANYWAY
So Prince charming,
heres to you
because
IM Ooooooooooooo-kayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Yeah I wont be your pretty pretty princess
Find some-one else to be your little secret
I never thought I’d waste another year but
I’m done
I’m through be-ing your
Pretty pretty princess”

Lily stopped, anticipating another recording, with her voice a little more high pitched or more steady.
It was a rough recording..a blue print for what was to come.
But, surprisingly, the producer decided to mull it over, giving Will his chance to record.
-----------------------

“Will, try it again. This time, slow and then fast. Just pick it up... I know you can.”
Will adjusted his head phones, pressing his fingers against the guitar strings.
He began to play his solo, stumbling seconds later.
The chord progression was really getting to him today.
He laughed out loud,
“Fuck!” he cried, out of frustration.
He began to chuckle nervously, taking a second to scratch his head.
“One more time.” he said, placing his fingers carefully on the strings.
Lily sat on the couch, on the other side of the glass.
She stared at him thoughtfully...with a frown.
She saw the way he struggled....the way the producer frowned, sighed...
“Typical.” Ryan mumbled, plucking away at his bass.
Lily furrowed her brow,
“Come on, Ryan.” she defended, taking another glance at Will, who continued to play his electric guitar.
She smiled as he pushed through it...playing beautifully....complicated notes bouncing off the studio walls, absorbed into the microphones.
But seconds later his guitar produced a high pitched shriek as his fingers fumbled on the thin metal strings.
“FUCK!” he cried, pressing his hands to his forehead,
“God fucking DAMMIT!” he groaned, pulling off his headphones.
Matt leaned over towards the microphone, staring at Will through the glass,
“William,” he began, speaking into the microphone, “It’s ok.”
Lily stood up, rubbing her arm as Will stared at the floor...visibly flustered.
He was mumbling something inaudible...
“Just take a break...practice a bit more.”
Ryan snorted from his seat on the couch, bass in hand.
Matt looked over his shoulder,
“Ryan, you ready?” he asked casually, brow furrowed as Will exited the recording room, guitar hanging loosely in his grip.
Ryan smiled and gave a nod as Will walked past him, taking a seat on the couch.
The bassist gave a close to perfect performance as Adam helped Will with his chords, and proper finger placement.
20 minutes later, Ryan exited the room with a self satisfied smirk.
“Good job Ryan.” Matt sighed, giving him a pat on the shoulder.
“Thanks” Ryan sighed before raising his voice, “ Instead of buying cheeseburgers, I actually practiced.”
Will immediately looked up from his seat on the couch, guitar in hand,
“Fuckin’ team player, aren’t you?” he retorted.
Ryan took a seat,
“Yeah, that’s why I actually showed up on time.”
His eyes seemed cold....unfeeling.
“And I actually...you know, PRACTICED.” Ryan added, crossing his arms.
Will let out a breath, his eyebrow raised in surprise.
“Ryan.” Lily began quietly, writing in her spiral notebook,
“Stop it.”
Adam grunted in agreement as Matt and their producer left the room for a much needed coffee break.
Will laid down his guitar,
“Oh yeah Ryan, ” he began “Because it’s so fucking hard to play BASS.” he replied sarcastically,
“How DO you do it? All those STRINGS. What are there..fucking FOUR?” Will shook his head,
“What the fuck is your problem?” he asked, his usually calm, brown eyes a sea of annoyance.
Of possible anger.
Little bothered Will....he tried to remain as carefree as possible.
But when it did...it was worth it to watch.
He uncrossed his legs and leaned forward, causing Lily to look up from her lyrics.
“MY problem” Ryan began, “Is the fact that you show up an hour late and don’t know your shit. That’s my problem.”
Will’s pale face became a light pink,
“The next time YOU play something HALF as fuckin’ hard as I do, THEN you can say something to me. But as long as you’re sitting back there playing SHIT that NO ONE hears or CARES about, you can’t say SHIT to me, Ryan.”
Lily set down her pen, wide eyed.
She didn’t dare say anything.
Adam gripped his drum stick in silence, carefully looking from one to the other.
Ryan took in a breath,
“Maybe.” he began slowly,
“You should focus more on work. Because, Will, this IS work.” he held out his hands, encompassing the studio,
“Instead of your personal life.”
Will exhaled, staring up at the ceiling.
He seemed calmer as he scratched his head,
“Maybe..” he began,”You should stop being such a douche and relax for once.” He finished, staring into Ryan’s eyes,
“Ever thought of that?”
Lily winced, beginning to stare at her feet.
Ryan laughed, staring at the floor,
“You know Will, I think your fan club is getting to you.”
Ryan paused, leaning forward, elbows at knees.
Will looked at him from the corner of his eyes, eyebrow raised as he began to speak,
“You’ve got all these girls throwing themselves at you....” Ryan paused, staring up at the ceiling,
“All the time...and...” he glanced at Will, counting on his fingers,
“You’ve never ONCE gotten with any of them-“
“Oh fucking please,” Will interjected, “Like I want to get with a bunch of 14 year olds. Fuck off.” he dismissed, cheeks pink...eyes on the ceiling.
“And I’ve NEVER seen you with a girl.” Ryan continued,
“I’ve never seen you have a girlfriend...ever.”
Will’s foot started to tap the floor...
“What are you, a fucking faggot?”
Will’s head snapped forward, his face burned bright,
‘SHUT THE FUCK UP, RYAN!” he cried, jumping to his feet,
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” he yelled, face a blur of red.
Ryan recoiled slightly in his seat, his bravado forcing him to smirk slightly.
“FUCK YOU! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” he yelled, grabbing an empty pepsi can and chucking it at the wall.
Adam was by his side seconds later, fingers trying hard to wrap around Will’s arm.
“NO! FUCK YOU ADAM!” He cried, ripping his arm out of his grip repeatedly before turning to Ryan once more,
“I AM NOT A FUCKING FAGGOT! I AM NOT A FUCKING FAGGOT!” he repeated, lower lip trembling, hands balled into fists,
“And WHO THE FUCK are YOU to tell ME who I am?!” he said through clenched teeth..forehead tense...legs shaking.
Lily stood up, walking towards Will slowly.
“Ryan.” she said quietly, gently,
“You need to leave.”
She rested a hand on Will’s back...which he did not tear away..or try to shake off.
Instead he stood there, breathing heavily through his nose...his mouth clenched shut...eyes wide with anger...focused on Ryan...who sat silently.
Ryan opened his mouth, only to have Adam cut him off with his own deep, intimidating voice,
“Leave.”
He snorted before walking past them, shutting the door with a firm snap.
Adam turned away, standing in silence.
The only sound that could be heard was Will’s heavy breathing.
He turned to Lily quickly, causing her to jump slightly.
“I’m not a faggot.” he mumbled under his breath.
Lily nodded slowly, a frown on her face.
“I’m not a faggot.” he repeated.
Each breath became more ragged...louder
Trembling...quivering intakes of oxygen.
He stared at the floor....hands shaking....eyes trembling with tears.
And before Lily knew it...the man she always thought was so strong...was crying.
“I’m...not.” he insisted quietly...his face red...tears rolling slowly down his face.
Adam turned around, facing Will...staring at him with a curiosity she had never seen.
“I’m NOT.” he repeated..stronger....teeth clenched...jaw set.
Lily nodded once more,
“It’s...it’s ok Will.” she said softly.
“No.” Will began, looking up into her eyes, “It’s not ok.”
“It’s NOT FUCKING OK!” he screamed, launching his fist at the wall.
His breathing became faster...ragged...gulps and gasps.
“I’m NOT A FAGGOT IM NOT A FAGGOT IM NOT A FAGGOT!!”
He screamed, kicking the couch, pounding the walls.
Adam grabbed Lily’s arm and pulled her back...away from him.
And he was sobbing like a child...body heaving in such pain...
Pain from the inside.
From the secrets he had kept hidden for so long....from himself.
And he collapsed on the floor, head in his hands, and began to rock back and forth.
“I’m...n-not.....” he whimpered,
“I’m...n-not.”