Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Saint Lily
“You know...I never thought it would be this way.”
Will took a deep drag, staring at the Los Angeles skyline as the ashes glowed a brilliant orange...as the thick, white smoke curled from his lips and rose towards the black, night sky.
Lily nodded as she ran a hand over her forehead...staring blankly at bits of broken glass and grit beside the driver’s side door.
It was summer then.
There was no breeze to ruffle the crumpled bits of paper, candy wrappers and chip bags that littered the point.
There was no chill.
Nothing.
Only the still, awkward warmth that comes with the season.
An eerie sort of calm seemed to have washed over the city.
Everything was still.
It was as if, for an instant, everyone was asleep...frozen in place; allowing the two of them to sit, undisturbed, in a rental car a top a hill.
Lily’s hand dangled lazily out the open window of the black BMW, her fingertips grazing the rear view mirror as she stared blankly into the darkness...into a blur of multicolored lights and black.
The sound of Will’s lips around the filter...the soft wheeze with every carefully calculated exhale and forced inhale..was all she could hear.
The hot, orange ash fell to the tired, cracked pavement with a flick of his thumb.
“I never thought that...” he paused, thumbing the filter,
“I never thought that you and I would get out of Chicago.”
He took a quick drag, exhaling as he spoke,
“I thought that...I would get some stupid fuckin’ union job loading trucks...and that you’d..” Will cut off, laughing softly.
There was a tinge of sadness in his voice...like a rip in a seam...like a childhood memory...
“I always thought that you’d be a ballerina...working tables until you got through school...” he smiled weakly,
“I saw you..like...teaching 6 year olds how to stand on their toes..shit like that...” he trailed off before staring at the cigarette between his fingers,
“I always knew, even when you were going through your shit...that you’d do something..”
“And I thought...” he paused, “Even if I was stuck in that fucking town...it’d be ok...because..”
He forced the words, voice breaking slightly,
“You’d be there too....”
He laughed, almost as if he was crying,
“And I thought that when we grew up we’d have those barbeques like we used to. And I’d have a fuckin’ mustache and your parents could come and all your fuckin’ brothers and-“ he stopped, almost as if the words were ripped from his throat.
His eyes were looking at something so far off in the distance; at the past...at the way things could have been.
“Good thing I learned how to play that beat- up Fender, huh?” he smiled...a broken, disappointed smile.
Lily shook her head, staring blankly at the twinkling city lights.
“I always thought I was going to marry you.” he mumbled into the dark...his eyes hidden by shadows,
“So did my parents...”
The light from a passing plane flashed across his face, illuminating his caramel colored eyes.
“Yeah well..” Lily whispered,
“I knew you never really liked me.”
Will stared at the ceiling of the rental car, digging for another cigarette deep in his pocket,
“You know I did,”
“As much as I could at..what? 16? 17?”
Will lit another cigarette.
Lily cut him off,
“Will, it’s ok we didn’t live the American dream.” she said, turning to face him in the car seat,
“ I am JUST fine. I’m not mad anymore.”
She snatched the freshly lit cigarette from his hand,
“You know we were destined for other things outside Cypress street.” she mumbled, staring at the ash.
She paused, exhaling before opening the car door and stepping outside.
Will craned his head out of the window, looking at her with a furrowed brow.
God, he was handsome....
Just like his dad....
Lily turned her back on him, staring out at the city.
She stepped to the edge of the hill, legs pressing against the wood barrier dangerously.
“I didn’t think things were going to turn out this way either...but I love it.” she said...almost as if she was speaking to the lights.
“As fucked up as I was..and as fucked up as I AM, I wouldn’t trade it for our parent’s life.”
She turned to face him,
“It’s not perfect if you have to force it...if you have to cover up everything you really feel to live...the way someone else wants you to live.”
She struggled for words,
“Yeah, we could’ve lived something much more simple...but this..” she encompassed the city with one gesture,
“Is so much more than anyone ever thought either of us could do. I’d take this over waiting tables through college or any union job. And you...”
Lily dropped the cigarette to the pavement, smashing it underneath her foot,
“I don’t CARE that you’re...”
“A fag.” Will finished.
Lily shook her head.
“Go ahead, you can say it.” Will mumbled.
Lily shook her head,
“It doesn’t..change anything. It’s not something to be sorry about.”
Lily leaned up against the car,
“You didn’t break...anyone’s dream.” she said slowly,
“You didn’t...RUIN..anyone’s life.”
She grabbed his hand,
“It’s ok. Really.”
Will shrugged, sitting in silence for a few moments,
“Don’t think I’m going to be doing your makeup and telling you what to wear.” he said with a weak smile,
“That ain’t happenin’”
Lily laughed,
“Good. Because you’ve got horrible taste.”
Will reached for another cigarette, only to have Lily snatch it away from him,
“Will....” she began, “You are many things...but a smoker is NOT one of them.”
He shrugged, taking in a deep breath,
“I know.” he whispered, shaking his head,
“It just felt right.”
And the lights of the city twinkled gently...the darkness accentuated as if by tiny diamonds...flickering in the still of the night.
And Lily smirked and gave Will a knock on the shoulder.
And Will smiled... and took the first honest breath of his life.
And the city slept.
Will took a deep drag, staring at the Los Angeles skyline as the ashes glowed a brilliant orange...as the thick, white smoke curled from his lips and rose towards the black, night sky.
Lily nodded as she ran a hand over her forehead...staring blankly at bits of broken glass and grit beside the driver’s side door.
It was summer then.
There was no breeze to ruffle the crumpled bits of paper, candy wrappers and chip bags that littered the point.
There was no chill.
Nothing.
Only the still, awkward warmth that comes with the season.
An eerie sort of calm seemed to have washed over the city.
Everything was still.
It was as if, for an instant, everyone was asleep...frozen in place; allowing the two of them to sit, undisturbed, in a rental car a top a hill.
Lily’s hand dangled lazily out the open window of the black BMW, her fingertips grazing the rear view mirror as she stared blankly into the darkness...into a blur of multicolored lights and black.
The sound of Will’s lips around the filter...the soft wheeze with every carefully calculated exhale and forced inhale..was all she could hear.
The hot, orange ash fell to the tired, cracked pavement with a flick of his thumb.
“I never thought that...” he paused, thumbing the filter,
“I never thought that you and I would get out of Chicago.”
He took a quick drag, exhaling as he spoke,
“I thought that...I would get some stupid fuckin’ union job loading trucks...and that you’d..” Will cut off, laughing softly.
There was a tinge of sadness in his voice...like a rip in a seam...like a childhood memory...
“I always thought that you’d be a ballerina...working tables until you got through school...” he smiled weakly,
“I saw you..like...teaching 6 year olds how to stand on their toes..shit like that...” he trailed off before staring at the cigarette between his fingers,
“I always knew, even when you were going through your shit...that you’d do something..”
“And I thought...” he paused, “Even if I was stuck in that fucking town...it’d be ok...because..”
He forced the words, voice breaking slightly,
“You’d be there too....”
He laughed, almost as if he was crying,
“And I thought that when we grew up we’d have those barbeques like we used to. And I’d have a fuckin’ mustache and your parents could come and all your fuckin’ brothers and-“ he stopped, almost as if the words were ripped from his throat.
His eyes were looking at something so far off in the distance; at the past...at the way things could have been.
“Good thing I learned how to play that beat- up Fender, huh?” he smiled...a broken, disappointed smile.
Lily shook her head, staring blankly at the twinkling city lights.
“I always thought I was going to marry you.” he mumbled into the dark...his eyes hidden by shadows,
“So did my parents...”
The light from a passing plane flashed across his face, illuminating his caramel colored eyes.
“Yeah well..” Lily whispered,
“I knew you never really liked me.”
Will stared at the ceiling of the rental car, digging for another cigarette deep in his pocket,
“You know I did,”
“As much as I could at..what? 16? 17?”
Will lit another cigarette.
Lily cut him off,
“Will, it’s ok we didn’t live the American dream.” she said, turning to face him in the car seat,
“ I am JUST fine. I’m not mad anymore.”
She snatched the freshly lit cigarette from his hand,
“You know we were destined for other things outside Cypress street.” she mumbled, staring at the ash.
She paused, exhaling before opening the car door and stepping outside.
Will craned his head out of the window, looking at her with a furrowed brow.
God, he was handsome....
Just like his dad....
Lily turned her back on him, staring out at the city.
She stepped to the edge of the hill, legs pressing against the wood barrier dangerously.
“I didn’t think things were going to turn out this way either...but I love it.” she said...almost as if she was speaking to the lights.
“As fucked up as I was..and as fucked up as I AM, I wouldn’t trade it for our parent’s life.”
She turned to face him,
“It’s not perfect if you have to force it...if you have to cover up everything you really feel to live...the way someone else wants you to live.”
She struggled for words,
“Yeah, we could’ve lived something much more simple...but this..” she encompassed the city with one gesture,
“Is so much more than anyone ever thought either of us could do. I’d take this over waiting tables through college or any union job. And you...”
Lily dropped the cigarette to the pavement, smashing it underneath her foot,
“I don’t CARE that you’re...”
“A fag.” Will finished.
Lily shook her head.
“Go ahead, you can say it.” Will mumbled.
Lily shook her head,
“It doesn’t..change anything. It’s not something to be sorry about.”
Lily leaned up against the car,
“You didn’t break...anyone’s dream.” she said slowly,
“You didn’t...RUIN..anyone’s life.”
She grabbed his hand,
“It’s ok. Really.”
Will shrugged, sitting in silence for a few moments,
“Don’t think I’m going to be doing your makeup and telling you what to wear.” he said with a weak smile,
“That ain’t happenin’”
Lily laughed,
“Good. Because you’ve got horrible taste.”
Will reached for another cigarette, only to have Lily snatch it away from him,
“Will....” she began, “You are many things...but a smoker is NOT one of them.”
He shrugged, taking in a deep breath,
“I know.” he whispered, shaking his head,
“It just felt right.”
And the lights of the city twinkled gently...the darkness accentuated as if by tiny diamonds...flickering in the still of the night.
And Lily smirked and gave Will a knock on the shoulder.
And Will smiled... and took the first honest breath of his life.
And the city slept.
Sign up to rate and review this story