Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Cracked nails & Red lollipops
Abruptly as he had pressed forward, Ryan pulled back, and his eyes darted around everywhere except Brendon's eyes. He couldn't look, because what kind of expression would Brendon be wearing? Surely...
3Ambiance
It was frightening, Ryan thought, as his lips pressed against Brendon's, who's lips were unresponsive. He wasn't kissing back. They could have been frozen they were so still. The first thing that Ryan thought of at that moment, the first thing that raced through his now scared and slightly aching mind was 'He doesn't like me back.' and 'He likes someone else, what was I thinking?'
Abruptly as he had pressed forward, Ryan pulled back, and his eyes darted around everywhere except Brendon's eyes. He couldn't look, because what kind of expression would Brendon be wearing? Surely it would be one he didn't want to see. Disgust, maybe? Horror, or agitation? Ryan didn't think he could bear seeing any of those horrible expressions lurking in those large, usually warm as the sun eyes.
“I-I'm sorry. I thought...I thought.” he gasped dryly, but he couldn't continue, for the tears that had so abruptly appeared behind his eyes were threatening to spill, and his voice was coming out cracked and hopeless and pathetic. Hopefully Brendon hadn't noticed, or else he'd feel utterly stupid.
What was Brendon thinking of him now? Now that his secret was out in the open? Now that Ryan's darkest little fantasy was revealed, and now how ashamed of it he felt!
Ryan sniffled, then chanced a glance at Brendon's face. He might have felt his heart shatter just then, because Brendon's expression was one he did not want to see. He was frowning, his eyebrows knitted together slightly, and his fingers were touching his lips. His eyes were placed on Ryan, but they looked unfocused and not really there.
Ryan bit his bottom lip hard, blinking rapidly through his tears, but he couldn't hold them back for long. How could he have thought that Brendon would kiss back? He was his boss! Why was he so stupid to think that a boy as beautiful and wonderful and as awesome as Brendon would ever like the girlish boy with the stupid stutter and the stupid elementary school crush. He had so many imperfections, he knew. He wasn't good enough for Brendon, Brendon deserved someone better.
With that thought clearly in his mind, Ryan turned around, and nearly bolted down the street. His legs went fast, and he didn't even bother to hide his tears anymore. He just let them flow freely down his cheeks, blurring his vision as he ran. The wind whipped at his slowly soaking eyes, and he shut them quickly, but still feeling the harsh breeze pushing his hair back as he ran.
He could faintly hear Brendon yelling his name, telling him to come back, and the honks from cars screeching to halts as he crossed a busy intersection without looking, but he didn't turn around. He didn't want to see or hear what Brendon was going to say to him. It would probably be something like pity now, and Ryan really couldn't deal with Brendon's pitying sympathy. Something like, “Ry, I'm sorry, I didn't think you actually thought it was a real date.” in a soft, slightly guilty tone, then he would glance at him with his large brown eyes and Ryan wouldn't be able to handle it. Besides, if Brendon had liked him back, he would have ran after him, and Ryan didn't have the courage to look back and see if he had, because he knew the truth, and it wasn't what he wanted, he knew.
Letting out a sob Ryan hadn't even realized he'd been holding in, he continued to race blindly down the sidewalk, and subconsciously his feet led him right to Spencer's place. The large apartment building stood at the end of the street. A couple blocks away from where he'd first been, and the bright yellow paint and the balcony of Spencer's apartment room made him feel a tiny bit better, knowing that his old friend would be there to comfort him.
When he'd gotten to the top, and was facing Spencer's door, he knew he must of looked a wreck, with his hair windswept and wild, and his face tear streaked and eyeliner smudged, and sniffling. He felt so small as he raised his hand and weakly tapped on the door, ignoring it as the letters on the door nearly fell off. The building was rather old, you see, but it was homey, and Ryan loved it just for that. Especially since he thought of and treated Spencer like he was his family, it was a very comforting place.
He heard Spencer's socked feet shuffling to the door, probably already getting ready for bed. The locks then clicked, and the door swung open, and there stood Spencer, clad in pajama pants and a hoody, his eyes tired and from the looks of it he didn't want any visitors. But when his eyes met Ryan, and he heard Ryan sniffle, and trying to hold back tears, his eyes immediately went wide and worried, and he quickly but gently pulled Ryan into the warm apartment. Smelt like warm cookies, and faintly of cinnamon.
“Ryan, hey, hey, come sit down.” Spencer said softly, guiding Ryan over to the sofa and pushing him down on it, then quickly leaving the room. Ryan slumped down into the ever so soft cushions and wiped at his eyes. He felt bad for waking up Spencer, especially since it was Friday, and this was the only day he got to go to sleep early and wake up late, but more important things were clouding in his mind. He couldn't stop picturing the look on Brendon's face after he kissed him. He looked so....
A fresh batch of tears sprang into Ryan's eyes, and by the time Spencer came back with a fluffy blanket and a pillow, Ryan had his hands covering his eyes and small sobs were making his shoulder shake. Spencer quickly made his way to the couch, frowning, and sat down next to Ryan, pulling the blanket around his trembling shoulders and then putting his arms around the blanket, pulling Ryan towards him so that his head was nestled between his neck and his collarbone, slowly rubbing his hands up and down Ryan's sides, trying to calm him.
“I-I'm sorry Spence, I-I'm sorry about c-coming here, a-and...” he spoke through sobs, his fingers now away from his eyes, to clutch at the blanket now cocooned around him.
Spencer shushed him, and shook his head. “It's okay Ry. Shh...” he murmured comfortingly, slowly rocking Ryan in his arms, still with that worried look on his face. If Ryan hadn't been bawling his eyes out, he probably would have made fun of Spencer for his overly protective mother-henness, but at this point he was so grateful for his soothing words that he just let himself cry, and be coddled.
Once he had calmed down enough that the only thing that was coming out of his mouth now were little watery hiccups, Spencer brushed a piece of Ryan's hair out of his eyes and wiped at his make-up smeared cheeks. “Are you gonna tell me what happened now?' he asked gently, as Ryan sighed, his breath tickling at Spencer's neck.
At Spencer's gently coaxing words, Ryan told Spencer everything, it just seemed to pour out of him like water, including the part with the homophobic prick and how he told him off, leaving Spencer impressed at Ryan's courage to do something like that. When he'd finished telling his story, he was feeling a little better at letting his stress out, but still couldn't stop the couple of tears from rolling down his cheeks and onto the pink blanket.
“Let's get you into bed, I'll bring you some hot chocolate to help you sleep. We can talk more in the morning when you're feeling better.” Spencer said, patting Ryan on the back as he got up slowly and made his way to Spencer's bedroom, sniffling and keeping the blanket tight around him.
He then flopped down onto Spencer's bed, and got under the covers, as he heard Spencer filling up the kettle in the kitchen for the chocolate, and snuggled in deeply, so that only his head popped out. He almost instantly fell asleep, but not before he heard someone knocking at the door. He didn't think it was anyone important, maybe a neighbor looking for their dog, so he didn't stay awake.
If he would've though, he would have heard a familiar voice, that was now laced with worry and apprehension, say, “Is Ryan here? I really really need to talk to him.”
Abruptly as he had pressed forward, Ryan pulled back, and his eyes darted around everywhere except Brendon's eyes. He couldn't look, because what kind of expression would Brendon be wearing? Surely it would be one he didn't want to see. Disgust, maybe? Horror, or agitation? Ryan didn't think he could bear seeing any of those horrible expressions lurking in those large, usually warm as the sun eyes.
“I-I'm sorry. I thought...I thought.” he gasped dryly, but he couldn't continue, for the tears that had so abruptly appeared behind his eyes were threatening to spill, and his voice was coming out cracked and hopeless and pathetic. Hopefully Brendon hadn't noticed, or else he'd feel utterly stupid.
What was Brendon thinking of him now? Now that his secret was out in the open? Now that Ryan's darkest little fantasy was revealed, and now how ashamed of it he felt!
Ryan sniffled, then chanced a glance at Brendon's face. He might have felt his heart shatter just then, because Brendon's expression was one he did not want to see. He was frowning, his eyebrows knitted together slightly, and his fingers were touching his lips. His eyes were placed on Ryan, but they looked unfocused and not really there.
Ryan bit his bottom lip hard, blinking rapidly through his tears, but he couldn't hold them back for long. How could he have thought that Brendon would kiss back? He was his boss! Why was he so stupid to think that a boy as beautiful and wonderful and as awesome as Brendon would ever like the girlish boy with the stupid stutter and the stupid elementary school crush. He had so many imperfections, he knew. He wasn't good enough for Brendon, Brendon deserved someone better.
With that thought clearly in his mind, Ryan turned around, and nearly bolted down the street. His legs went fast, and he didn't even bother to hide his tears anymore. He just let them flow freely down his cheeks, blurring his vision as he ran. The wind whipped at his slowly soaking eyes, and he shut them quickly, but still feeling the harsh breeze pushing his hair back as he ran.
He could faintly hear Brendon yelling his name, telling him to come back, and the honks from cars screeching to halts as he crossed a busy intersection without looking, but he didn't turn around. He didn't want to see or hear what Brendon was going to say to him. It would probably be something like pity now, and Ryan really couldn't deal with Brendon's pitying sympathy. Something like, “Ry, I'm sorry, I didn't think you actually thought it was a real date.” in a soft, slightly guilty tone, then he would glance at him with his large brown eyes and Ryan wouldn't be able to handle it. Besides, if Brendon had liked him back, he would have ran after him, and Ryan didn't have the courage to look back and see if he had, because he knew the truth, and it wasn't what he wanted, he knew.
Letting out a sob Ryan hadn't even realized he'd been holding in, he continued to race blindly down the sidewalk, and subconsciously his feet led him right to Spencer's place. The large apartment building stood at the end of the street. A couple blocks away from where he'd first been, and the bright yellow paint and the balcony of Spencer's apartment room made him feel a tiny bit better, knowing that his old friend would be there to comfort him.
When he'd gotten to the top, and was facing Spencer's door, he knew he must of looked a wreck, with his hair windswept and wild, and his face tear streaked and eyeliner smudged, and sniffling. He felt so small as he raised his hand and weakly tapped on the door, ignoring it as the letters on the door nearly fell off. The building was rather old, you see, but it was homey, and Ryan loved it just for that. Especially since he thought of and treated Spencer like he was his family, it was a very comforting place.
He heard Spencer's socked feet shuffling to the door, probably already getting ready for bed. The locks then clicked, and the door swung open, and there stood Spencer, clad in pajama pants and a hoody, his eyes tired and from the looks of it he didn't want any visitors. But when his eyes met Ryan, and he heard Ryan sniffle, and trying to hold back tears, his eyes immediately went wide and worried, and he quickly but gently pulled Ryan into the warm apartment. Smelt like warm cookies, and faintly of cinnamon.
“Ryan, hey, hey, come sit down.” Spencer said softly, guiding Ryan over to the sofa and pushing him down on it, then quickly leaving the room. Ryan slumped down into the ever so soft cushions and wiped at his eyes. He felt bad for waking up Spencer, especially since it was Friday, and this was the only day he got to go to sleep early and wake up late, but more important things were clouding in his mind. He couldn't stop picturing the look on Brendon's face after he kissed him. He looked so....
A fresh batch of tears sprang into Ryan's eyes, and by the time Spencer came back with a fluffy blanket and a pillow, Ryan had his hands covering his eyes and small sobs were making his shoulder shake. Spencer quickly made his way to the couch, frowning, and sat down next to Ryan, pulling the blanket around his trembling shoulders and then putting his arms around the blanket, pulling Ryan towards him so that his head was nestled between his neck and his collarbone, slowly rubbing his hands up and down Ryan's sides, trying to calm him.
“I-I'm sorry Spence, I-I'm sorry about c-coming here, a-and...” he spoke through sobs, his fingers now away from his eyes, to clutch at the blanket now cocooned around him.
Spencer shushed him, and shook his head. “It's okay Ry. Shh...” he murmured comfortingly, slowly rocking Ryan in his arms, still with that worried look on his face. If Ryan hadn't been bawling his eyes out, he probably would have made fun of Spencer for his overly protective mother-henness, but at this point he was so grateful for his soothing words that he just let himself cry, and be coddled.
Once he had calmed down enough that the only thing that was coming out of his mouth now were little watery hiccups, Spencer brushed a piece of Ryan's hair out of his eyes and wiped at his make-up smeared cheeks. “Are you gonna tell me what happened now?' he asked gently, as Ryan sighed, his breath tickling at Spencer's neck.
At Spencer's gently coaxing words, Ryan told Spencer everything, it just seemed to pour out of him like water, including the part with the homophobic prick and how he told him off, leaving Spencer impressed at Ryan's courage to do something like that. When he'd finished telling his story, he was feeling a little better at letting his stress out, but still couldn't stop the couple of tears from rolling down his cheeks and onto the pink blanket.
“Let's get you into bed, I'll bring you some hot chocolate to help you sleep. We can talk more in the morning when you're feeling better.” Spencer said, patting Ryan on the back as he got up slowly and made his way to Spencer's bedroom, sniffling and keeping the blanket tight around him.
He then flopped down onto Spencer's bed, and got under the covers, as he heard Spencer filling up the kettle in the kitchen for the chocolate, and snuggled in deeply, so that only his head popped out. He almost instantly fell asleep, but not before he heard someone knocking at the door. He didn't think it was anyone important, maybe a neighbor looking for their dog, so he didn't stay awake.
If he would've though, he would have heard a familiar voice, that was now laced with worry and apprehension, say, “Is Ryan here? I really really need to talk to him.”
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