FicWad

Chapter Twenty One – You Are The Only Thing That Makes Sense

Patrick’s eyes flew open wide, he felt how hot and damp he was down in his back as he rolled from the sheets. The LCD clock told him it was 4.37am. Sitting up, he quickly made his way to the bathroom and splashed his face with water. He stared at his reflection.

The nightmares of Shay had increased. That one was particularly bad, particularly vivid and particularly unwanted. He moped back into the bedroom and eyes the divorce papers on the desk top where he had refused to sign them. He flipped open his cell and dialled her number not caring that it was 4.30 in the morning but needing clarification that his family was safe and she was OK.

“Patrick.” She croaked, sounding less than pleased.

“I just needed to know you were OK.” He said quickly. Shay was used to the frequent calls. He had called 2-3 times a week in the hours of the night when his mares had awoken him.

“We’re fine.” She said weakly.

“Can I come for breakfast? I miss the kids.” He said sadly.

“Patrick of course.” She said, exasperated at their situation.

He gingerly ended the call after they had said goodbye and unsuccessfully attempted sleep.



Unlocking the door to his once happy family home, he stepped in and took off his jacket.

“Daddy!!” Amiee squealed, charging at him only just getting his hands free in time to catch her as she launched up into his grip. He could smell her shampoo as he did and he spent a second inhaling it.

“I missed you Daddy!” she smiled, putting her hands around his sideburns.

“I missed you too baby.” He said, just staring at her green eyes for a moment.

“You are so beautiful!” he smiled. She giggled.

“You like my rings?” she asked, spreading her palm out before him and seeing 5 rings made of some awful jello like sweet on each of her fingers.

“I really do!” he said.

“You want one?” she asked playfully, giggling.

“Yeah I do!” he laughed,

“You have to get it yourself!” she giggled, holding out her hand, he leaned down and mulled over which one.

“I think I’ll have…..” he said slowly.

“Patrick.” Her voice said simply. He looked up and saw Shay standing by the kitchen doorway.

“Can I have one later?” he asked Aimee, she nodded and he cupped her face.

Patrick stood up and he saw the look on Shay’s face.

“How are you?” he asked her politely.

“Patrick….” She said and she looked down, trying to relax her hands but they moved her over her bump quickly.

“That was your Mom on the phone.” She said gently, she looked up and there were tears in her eyes.

“Your Dad was rushed to hospital…..he….” she stopped and tried to control her churning stomach.

“He died.” She finished.

“What?” he asked weakly, his demeanour losing all support.

“He had a massive heart attack – they couldn’t save him!” she said, blurting out the last few words.

“Oh God!” he said, stumbling back a little, Shay rushed to him and caught his arms, holding him tight.

“I’m so sorry!!” She gasped, crying and holding him tight.




Under the circumstances, Shay had Patrick come back to the family. She stood at the door as she watched him get out his car, he was so pale, his eyes were withdrawn. He clutched his back pack tightly and looked up as he saw Shay standing at the front door, he made his way up the steps and she pushed her lips together firmly, holding back any expression of sadness or happiness.

“Hi.” He mumbled.

“Hi.” She said softly, they didn’t touch, kiss, nothing. He walked past her and into the house.

“You can have the bedroom, I’ll sleep with Aimee.” She said gently from behind. He turned to look at her and just nodded.

“Ok.” He croaked. He turned back away from her and walked slowly into the living area, the two older children weren’t home, they where at school. Natalie was sleeping. Shay rubbed her tummy gently, it had quickly become a soothing comfort to her recently.

“It’s so quiet.” He said, glancing at her.

“Natalie’s sleeping.” She replied. He nodded.

“Can I get you anything?” she asked, taking a few steps towards him.

“A drink?...Some breakfast?” she added.

“A hug?” he asked. She stared for a moment before taking steps closer to him.

He watched her, seeing how uneasy she felt but then she saw that needy look in his eye, her mother instincts kicked in and she pulled him gently to her, he slumped over slightly and held her close. Shay’s hand softly clutched the back of his hair and she stroked his head gently.

“I’m so sorry Patrick.” She whispered into his ear.

“I know.” He replied, squeezing his wife closer to him, never wanting or needing her more to do what she did best, being his best friend, his confidante, his better half.

For a few minutes, the stood silently, she held him as a thorough scan of his thoughts ran and then restarted, memories of his father, what his final moments alive must have been like, life without him. Then they went to Shay.

“Your bump is getting big…” he added casually, she then realised how firmly she was pressed against him. She pulled away finally and looked down at it, running her hands over it.

“It’s bigger than the other babies.” She said, with a little smile. He placed his hand over hers and she gently moved it so he could make contact with his unborn child. He glanced at her and she smiled a little, giving him the approval he wanted to be this close to her since she had started the divorce proceedings.

“Whatever happens Patrick, you’ll always be Father to our children…..that’s the one thing I can’t stop.” She said. Patrick’s heart sunk, any progress he had hoped for was corrected by those reassuring words that the divorce was still going to happen.




The children knew their Dad was different. They understood his own Dad had died but as children, they found it difficult to comprehend.

“When Grandad wakes up, can we go see him?” Aimee asked her Dad, putting a small hand on his arm. Patrick looked at her put his hand around her face.

“He’s not waking up baby.” He said softly to her, Aimee frowned and struggled with the concept.

“I thought he was sleeping?”

“He is, but he’s going to be asleep for a long time.” Patrick said weakly, finding each second hard to pull himself together, the death of his father had shaken every last unstable root in his life. Patrick was vulnerable, weak and displaced from the everything content in his life.

“Aimee, come here sweet pea.” Shay said, beckoning her daughter over.

She trudged over to Shay and pouted before her Mom, disappointed that everyone was depressed.

“Why don’t you go get your keyboard, practice those notes Daddy showed you?” she asked, her eyes lit up.

“Will you watch me play?!” she asked excitedly.

“Of course, let me just tidy up the table, I’ll come watch you play.” She said, combing her light hair playfully.

Rory put his knife and fork down and looked at his Dad.

“You want a hug?” he asked his Dad, Patrick looked at him, he’d grown up so much over the last year. He was a real person in their lives, who was growing up and asking questions and developing strong feelings.

Patrick nodded and Rory got off his chair and walked up to his Dad, slowly putting his arms over his Dad’s shoulders and resting his head on his chest.

“Thanks buddy.” He said, gently squeezing him back.

Shay stood up and quietly cleared the table. She casually observed him, she didn’t know what was happening in her head but in her heart, everything had been put into perspective by Patrick’s father passing away. A divorce from Patrick seemed like the last thing in the world to do, not just now because he was struggling with the bereavement, but actually ever divorcing him. Despite the awful homecoming of past truths for them both recently, they were both inexplicably human. Just two humans. Who messed up.