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NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: ASCENT OF THE FALLEN

By Sparky Clarkson

Part Three:

"Behold, how good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!" (Psalms 133:1)

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Gendo carefully closed the heavy tome, letting the aging parchment leaves slowly nestle together before he pushed the book to the side of his desk with a pensive grunt. Tired from straining to read the cramped handwriting, he leaned back and removed his amber-tinted glasses. He rubbed his eyes for a moment, wincing as the new burn on his right hand rubbed up painfully against the abrasive gauze that wrapped it. He then leaned forward again and briefly massaged his temples, muttering, This is the one it has to be.

After relaxing this way for a moment, Gendo straightened his back and placed the amber shields in front of his eyes again. SEELEs algorithm should take care of this, he whispered, allowing the corners of his mouth to turn slightly upwards in a mirthless smile. He touched a switch, and a panel on the top of his desk slid away, allowing a computer to emerge. He started to type, his fingers flowing rapidly over the keys except when a large moment caused another stab of pain from his right hand. He called up a copy of the book in its original Latin, then activated the stolen translation program.

On the screen, the Latin words began to change. Single words, phrases, or occasionally entire paragraphs of the ancient text would change color, then transform into another word or phrase in Latin. Within moments, those words too would disappear, then reappear as their Japanese equivalents. A small bar at the bottom of the screen recorded the programs rapid progress through the book. With the power of the Magi driving the translation, the task would be complete in minutes.

Gendos smile broadened, but grew no warmer. He leaned back in his chair again, calmly grabbing a glass of ice water that sat on the edge of his desk. He sipped the frigid beverage slowly as he watched the Magi uncover the message hidden in the old bible and translate it into Japanese. As he drank, the status bar filled rapidly. Within moments, the huge passage had been reduced to a few short paragraphs of Japanese. Gendo scanned the output carefully, examining each word for its nuances and implications.

Gendo nodded calmly as he finished his work and closed the file. Excellent, he murmured, I can still achieve my goal. I need only one sign to confirm the new scenario. He placed the empty glass on his desk and leaned forward, resting his chin on his hands. /And this time/, he added mentally, nothing will stand in my way...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sleep clung jealously to Shinji after its long absence, its soft embrace holding him in the space between dreaming and waking for several minutes. As he lay in the soft bed with his eyes closed, it almost seemed to Shinji that he was still living his last dream. His sleeping mind had imagined a pleasant day on the mountain with Kaoru, an afternoon marked by a picnic on the soft grass, with gentle breezes ruffling the leaves on the trees. Shinji could still almost feel the soft wind brushing against his face, and Kaorus arm draped around his shoulders.

At last, though, the ghost of sleep finally departed and Shinjis eyes slowly opened. They widened quickly when he realized that he was not alone in his bed. Hed seen the face that shared his pillow only briefly before, but Shinji felt like he knew every bit of it intimately, from the unruly mop of grey hair to the sharp chin. The other boys milky, nearly translucent skin glowed golden in the rays of morning sun that shone through the window, but the gentle light had not yet awakened him. His arms, wrapped around Shinjis shoulders, had pulled the brown-haired boy close enough that the grey-haired ones soft breath brushed lightly against Shinjis cheek. The other boys eyes were closed, but Shinji did not need to see red irises to recognize his friend.

Shinji's own eyes clouded with tears as he gazed over the person in front of him. Could I still be dreaming? he asked himself. He dared not hope that the sight confronting him was real, and he feared to move or make any sound, lest the apparition evaporate. Finally, though, he could not hold back any longer and softly whispered, "Kaoru-kun!"

The eyes in front of him fluttered open. The red tint that had once dominated them was now almost gone, replaced by a light mahogany color. The pale boy smiled gently and tenderly said, "Good morning, Shinji-kun."

"Are... are you... real?" Shinji asked, his body trembling."I am as real as you are," Kaoru replied, squeezing Shinji's shoulder for emphasis. Shinji didn't stop trembling. "B-but... how?" he asked,"I... I... killed you. How... why..." Kaoru placed a finger over the shaking boy's lips. "I told you," he explained, "I am able to die... to be or not to be. You helped me discard my angelic body. Rather than return to heaven and live there without you, I chose to fall and become mortal. I chose to become human and be with you, Shinji-kun."

"But I... with my... E... Eva..." Kaoru shook his head, and replied, "You had to do it. I asked you to do it. How could it change the way I feel about you? I told you I love you, Shinji. Nothing is going to change that." Shinji felt wrung-out, all the strength evaporating from his body as relief, uncertainty, and happiness coursed through him. The tears had never cleared from his eyes, and now he could not hold them back any longer."Kaoru," he sobbed, "I thought... I thought I had... that Iwould never..."

Kaoru pulled Shinji close and held him tightly while the younger boy cried."Shhh," Kaoru whispered comfortingly, "There is no reason to cry. We can be together now." After a few moments, Shinji managed to pull himself together again. He hugged Kaoru gently and leaned his head against the grey-haired boy's chest. The rhythmic beat of the fallen angel's heart calmed Shinji, and also provided a comforting reassurance that his dearest friend was really there. The boys exchanged no words for several minutes while Shinji listened and let the situation sink in completely.

"You're really back," Shinji finally sighed. "I was so afraid, Kaoru. I thought I would be alone forever. I... I almost wanted to die, so at least the pain would end," he said. "You'll never be alone, Shinji," Kaoru said, gently running his hand through his friend's hair. Shinji snuggled up against the grey-haired boy as much as he could. "Thank you," he breathed, "Thank you for coming back to me..."

"No, Shinji," Kaoru said, lifting Shinji's chin so he could see into the boy's eyes. "Thank you for giving me someone to come back to." After a few more minutes, Kaoru released his friend and rolled out of the bed. "You should get up," he said, "We have a lot to do today."

"Really?" Shinji asked, sitting up slowly. "Like what?" Kaoru frowned. "Well, I hate to say this, but... first, we have to have atalk with your father."

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Shinji did not remember his father's office being so chilly the last time he had gone there. /Then again/, he thought, The cold room suits a cold man. He shivered as he observed his father's heartless smile an evil grin that reminded Shinji of his first, horrible day in Tokyo-3. He shifted his focus to Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki, who stood behind the elder Ikari's desk. The old man frowned at the two boys, but at least there was arefuge in the honesty of his expression.

"You will explain yourself, Tabris," Gendo said, his voice dark and menacing. Kaoru flinched at the sound of his true name, but replied without evident irritation. "As I told Shinji earlier, after he defeated me Ichose to fall to earth," he said. "Your defeat did not entail your destruction?"

"Do you think God allows his most devoted servants to come to Earth and truly face death? An angel's core is not the seat of his soul it is merely his anchor to the world. Without a core, an angel cannot come to Earth. But he may always go to heaven," Kaoru replied. Now he did seem annoyed, if only by Gendo's intellectual arrogance. "So why are you still here?" Kouzou asked, narrowing his eyes.

"I am no longer an angel," Kaoru replied. "I gave up the corporeal immortality granted to the Shito in favor of the spiritual immortality granted humans. I am one of you now." Gendo nodded. "I see. And your soul reappeared in one of SEELE's dummy plugs."

"They took a chance by basing their dummies on an angel," Kaoru responded, grinning smugly. Gendo did not allow his self-satisfied smile to slacken. "Yet you have done more than merely thwart SEELE's plans. The..." he glanced briefly at Shinji, then continued, "...original scenario indicated that their attack would succeed. Indeed, I had every expectation that it would. Have you undone the prophecies?"

Shinji shuddered. While learning that his father had sent him into battle expecting him to die did not surprise him, the unpleasant revelation nonetheless made him feel slightly nauseous Kaoru's response was more guarded--a mere narrowing of the eyes conveyed his displeasure at Gendo's behavior. He explained, "Free will gives us the power to alter God's plans. Lilith, Adam, and Eve forced such a change in the earliest days, when they destroyed Eden with their selfishness. And now that I, who was the angel of Free Will, have chosen to fall to earth rather than return to Heaven, another modification is needed. The scrolls you cherished are no longer accurate."

Gendo nodded slightly, and replied, "I expected as much. But the possibility of the Third remains." Kaoru raised an eyebrow, but said,"Our father commands that it shall be so. But the timing and meaning will be different... will be better."

"Better?" Kouzou asked, his eyes narrow and suspicious. "Of course," Kaoru responded with a smug grin. "As the... former... angel of free will, I know that while we are always free to choose what we do, we cannot help but act for the greater glory of God."

"And does your falling mean that you are under the rule of..." Gendo began. "No," Kaoru responded. "Not all who fall walk with the Adversary. Indeed, some of the greatest among us have chosen to fall to earth, surrendering corpum eternum for spiritum eternum. An angel's heart is not turned to darkness by touching the earth. By the grace of the Father, Iwalk in light and may die as a mortal dies."

"Excellent," Gendo said. He touched a button and a panel on his desk slid away to reveal a computer console. He typed in a rapid command and continued, "In a few moments, all the world's major news organizations will receive a slightly modified version of SEELE's files. Within hours, the world will know of the Committee's treachery during Second Impact and against NERV. I expect that it will not be long before the Committee is shattered and its members destroyed. None of them will escape this purge... and I will be left in charge of all operations relating to Instrumentality."

Kaoru's eyes flashed in anger, but he restrained himself. "That may not be wise," he said. "You will not catch Keel, and without the SEELE council restraining him, he may be more dangerous than ever."

"A man with no power is not dangerous. He will be reduced to nothing." A long pause ensued as Kaoru and Gendo attempted to stare each other down. After watching several fruitless minutes of contest, Kouzou cleared his throat and asked, "What will we do with this boy, then?" Gendo smiled. "Well, we now have a fourth Eva unit, and Rei will not be using it, because EVA-00 is being reconstructed even as we speak. So we need a new pilot. And here, by good fortune, we have one."

Shinji, frightened for his friend's safety, almost stepped forward and asked his father to reconsider, but Kouzou beat him to the punch. The old man scowled and loudly asked, "You mean that after we had an incident where this very boy nearly brought an end to everything, we are meant to trust him in an Eva?" Shinji almost yelped with surprise as the Vice-Commander all but shouted at his father. /Fuyutsuki-san must be a man without fear/, he thought.

Fuyutsuki continued, "Why do we dare the risk? We do not even know if there will be any more angels!"

"There will be," Gendo said. Kaoru nodded unhappily as he continued. "We shall encounter seven more visitors. Five to plague us, one to serve us, and one to shield us."

"More angels?" Shinji asked quietly. Kaoru reached out and squeezed Shinji's shoulder. "The greatest among us," he said sadly."The seven Archangels: Jophiel, Raziel, Gabriel, Azrael, Uriel, Rafael, and Michael."

"True," Gendo said, training his gaze in turn on Kaoru and Kouzou."Pilot Nagisa, you will return to the normal training regimen. I will expect you to have reached combat readiness by the end of next week. You may choose to place yourself under the care of Major Katsuragi, or to take care of yourself as you did before. Fuyutsuki, you will see to it that EVA-05 is repaired and operational within the next three days, as Lt. Ibuki has been ordered to concentrate solely on the reconstruction of Unit-00." Kaoru and Kouzou both bowed in cquiescence to the command. Gendo then said, "You are dismissed." Shinji grabbed Kaoru's shoulder, and the boys left as quickly as they could, leaving behind a coldly smiling Gendo, and a still-frowning Kouzou.

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"This matter is not open to discussion, Major Katsuragi!" Kouzou shouted. "I simply refuse to trust that... that.../thing/ with an Eva. I will resign if that's what it takes," Misato replied, her arms folded. "It betrayed us once before, and we all nearly died. We can't take the risk of trusting it again."

"Commander Ikari has ordered it!" Kouzou replied."Look," he added, not in the mood to argue any more over the matter,"I'm not fond of the idea either. I want you to start Nagisa out running tests in the simulators only, and then move on to testing with the EVA in cryostasis. Don't let the boy know when he's being given what kind of test. If it's his intention to betray us, hopefully he'll try too early and show his hand." Misato snorted, clearly not convinced.

"Alternately..." Kouzou threatened, "I can accept your offer of resignation and put someone else in charge of the children. Commander Ikari has several candidates in mind... candidates much less troublesome and independently-minded than yourself." Misato bristled at Kouzous words, but wisely reigned in her temper. "Very well, damn it," she said after amoment, "But I want it absolutely clear that I do this under protest, and against my better judgment. Nothing good can come of trusting an angel."

"I will make a note of it," Kouzou grumbled as he dismissed her. After she left his office, Kouzou quietly asked, "What game are you playing, Gendo? And what does this boy Nagisa have to do with it?" After amoment of staring into space, the Vice-Commander opened a drawer in his desk and removed an old, battered manila file folder. Carefully, almost lovingly, he peeled away the loose adhesive strip that held it closed and pulled out a sheaf of papers and photographs.

The file folder fell open as it hit the desk, revealing a photo of Keel Lorenz standing behind the US president during the inauguration speech.

/Even on that day, Kouzou recalled, he was not fazed by my actions./

"I will publish the truth about Second Impact, you, SEELE and the Dead Sea Scrolls."

/Well, the world knows about SEELE now. Or it will soon/, Kouzou mused, carefully flipping through the pages and pages of evidence he had collected those many years ago. It's hard to believe that I once had the energy to do so much digging, and discover the world's best-hidden secrets, he thought, then chuckled. /Harder still/, he added, To believe that now Iam one of the world's best-hidden secrets.

His eyes wandered from the old file to the new sheet of paper on his desk, the official order for Nagisa Kaoru to join the NERV force of Eva pilots."Yet," he whispered, "I am still confronted with mysteries." He gently closed and resealed the battered folder, then returned it to its place in his desk. He leaned back in his chair and tapped his forefinger against his jaw. Perhaps, he thought, I am not too old to carry out one last investigation. He reached out and picked up the order, holding it up against the light as if he expected to see some hidden message watermarked in the paper. /Yes/, he thought, I cannot let things stand. One more, and then I can rest. I cannot forgive...

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Asuka needed no more than the tentative knock on her hospital room door to know who stood outside. She sat up slowly in her bed, using the control pad to change its angle of elevation, and straightened her gown a bit. "Come in," she called when she felt ready. As the door opened, she thought, It must feel strange for Shinji to visit someone in the hospital. He's usually the one on life support.

Asuka's eyes widened slightly in surprise when she saw that Shinji had brought someone with him. The newcomer reminded her of Rei, and with good reason. His pale skin, brown-red eyes, and nearly colorless hair made the comparison natural. However, there was something about him that was definitely not like Rei a fluidity of motion and warmth of expression that were opposite to the nearly mechanical pilot of EVA-00.

"Who's this?" Asuka asked as she continued to scrutinize the new boy. He seemed to have Shinji's predilection for wearing the school uniform at all times, and also a similarly thin build. His features were a bit sharper than Shinji's, however, and his hair was a total mess. Shinji blushed slightly."This is Nagisa Kaoru, Asuka," he said, explaining, "He's a new pilot." A new pilot? But Misato told me last night that we'd beaten the final angel, Asuka mused. Then another thought struck her. Her eyes narrowed and she asked the new boy, "You aren't here as my replacement, are you?"

The new boy smiled. "Originally, I was intended to replace you while you were... incapacitated. Yesterday's fortuitous events have provided us with an Eva that I can use personally, instead of using yours, so I can stay on," he explained. "You used my Eva?" Asuka nearly shouted."I can't believe this!"

"That... did not work out too well, actually," Kaoru said with arueful grin. "I probably would not be here anymore if we had not gotten EVA-05." Satisfied, Asuka relaxed a bit against her bed. "Well, that's better," she said, "Unit Two is mine, and I'm not going to let anyone else lay a hand on it." A moment later, she added, "No offense."

"None has been taken. I understand that there must be a strong relationship between a great fighter and her chosen weapon." Asuka smiled at the compliment. It made her feel good, but it didn't give her quite the same rush it might have a month or so ago. "Actually," she said, "I don't know that I really want to use that particular weapon again. What happened with the fifteenth angel gave me an appreciation for Shinji's viewpoint. I kind of want this to end. In fact, I thought Misato told me it was over."

Shinji shrank a little, "Father... the Commander said that there would be seven more." Asuka noticed then that Shinji had been more relaxed than usual earlier in the conversation. He looked a bit healthier too, even though he still didn't seem to have any meat on his bones. Only the contrast brought out when he mentioned his father had made her notice
the difference in him. /I guess I was just caught up in studying the new guy/, Asuka thought. She realized that she had been staring at Shinji for several moments.

To cover it, she slowly said, "Seven? Well, I guess I'll have to get in top shape as soon as possible."

"Why?" Shinji asked. "Well, I can't let you face them all by yourself!" Asuka replied, letting her usual follow-ups hang in the air unsaid. /That's true/, she thought as she watched Shinji blush in slight embarrassment, I don't want you facing them by yourself. But not for the reasons you probably think. Asuka glanced at Kaoru briefly, and saw the boy fixing her with a knowing smile. After a moment, Asuka asked, "So, you two are already friends?"

"Yeah," Shinji said in reply, smiling slightly. "Well I guess I'll just have to catch up when I get out of here," Asuka said."Whenever that is."

"Lt. Ibuki said that you could start doing simulations next week, after physical rehab is done."

"Physical rehab?"

"Oh, that's right. You haven't been in here very often, so you wouldn't know," Shinji said. "When you've been in bed for a while, they put you through physical rehabilitation before you can leave."

"Oh well that's just great," Asuka fumed. Her next words were preempted by the arrival of a large, burly nurse wearing too much lipstick. "You boys have to go," the muscular nurse ordered as she started to move furniture out of the way, "Miss Soryu has to have some physical therapy now." Shinji frowned, but obviously didn't want to make afuss over it. "Don't worry," Asuka reassured him, "I'll be out of here and my old beautiful self in just a couple of days."

"Okay," Shinji said, and smiled at her as he left with Kaoru. He is better than he was the other day, Asuka realized. I wonder if it has something to do with that new boy. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to find out.

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"Well... it's time," Shinji said as he stood in front of his apartment building. He hefted his bag and started to walk forward, but paused as Kaoru's hand brushed his shoulder. As Shinji turned, Kaoru said,"I am glad that you are ready to do this, and I would not want you to do otherwise, but... if you ever need to get away for a while, my door will be open for you."

"Thanks," Shinji murmured. He leaned into Kaoru as the grey-haired boy gave him a brief hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

"Yes," Kaoru replied, smiling, "Sleep well." Kaoru walked off down the street as Shinji entered the building. He hit the button for the elevator and leaned against the wall. I wonder... should I be going back? he thought. I don't think Misato understands me at all. Maybe Ishould live on my own, or with Kaoru. Realizing that the elevator was unlikely to arrive anytime soon, he walked over to the staircase. I don't even know how things stand between us, after the things that happened with Kaji... and Kaoru, he mused as he ascended.

Shinji didn't bother to knock on the door. Instead, he just opened it quietly, removed his shoes, and walked into the living room. Misato sat listlessly on the couch, slowly flipping through the channels. The sound from the TV had obscured the noise Shinji made when he entered. He paused for amoment to observe his guardian. Misato had taken off her jacket and thrown it over the arm of the couch. Her untucked blouse and disorganized hair indicated she had been relaxing for a while. Her face, however, was tense, and her red-rimmed eyes seemed to glisten with newborn tears.

Does she... does she really miss me? Shinji wondered. Could she... could she still care about me? His grip on his bag loosened, and it fell to the ground. Misato jumped off the couch and spun around. Seeing who had made the noise, she ran across the room, but stopped a few centimeters away from Shinji. He gazed at her, his vision focusing on her face. Shinji felt his heart twist a bit at her expression a tearful mixture of worry, fear, uncertainty, and hope. "Shinji?" she asked quietly, her voice wavering.

"I... I'm home, Misato," he replied. Misato stepped forward and cupped the boy's cheek, the smile on her face threatening to explode into adeluge of tears. She gently enfolded Shinji in her arms, holding him as close to her chest as she could. As he hugged her back, Misato whispered,"Welcome home, Shinji... welcome home."

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The faceless voices had departed from the darkness of their meeting place. The men of SEELE had been destroyed, and their monolithic avatars would speak no more. Yet even now, the dark room in which they had holographically conferred had not become completely desolate. A single man stood in the center of the blackness, holding a small globe of the earth.

"So, Tabris," he muttered, "Even in defeat you defy me." Louder, he continued, "A pity that you did. I would have elevated you, made you a captain among my minions for your efforts! You could have chosen greatness... but in the end, your free will is for nothing. You still bend your neck to Him!" The man's hand convulsively contracted, crushing the globe into a fine powder. After a moment, he calmed down. "No matter," he said, staring detachedly at the dust coating his hand. "I will not be outdone so easily. Ikari's attempt to destroy me has only freed me of some troublesome obligations. Now, I need only wait. Gendo will play into my hands..." Keel Lorenz chuckled, and a grain of dust turned into a fly."I only need to wait," he repeated, as more and more of the dust transformed into insects, "and grow stronger..."

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"You're doing even better today, Asuka," Misato commented. "Your synchronization ratio is back up to 40 ."

"Still not good enough..." Asuka muttered, frowning inside her entry plug. "Hey, don't rush it," Maya said. "Remember that the Evas can't be forced. You've only been back in training for a week."

"And I want to be back to normal!" Asuka shouted. "Calm down, Asuka. It's not like an angel's attacking right this instant," Misato said. "Let's call it a day." Asuka snorted, but didn't say anything otherwise as Maya ended the simulation. The physical therapy had lasted a week and a half, making her antsy even before she got back into her Eva. Now that she was doing synch tests and simulations again, she wanted to be back up to full speed as soon as possible. /I guess Lt. Ibuki's right, though/, Asuka thought as she clambered out of the entry plug, Thinking of Eva as my plaything only got me into trouble. Better to take my time and make sure I get it right.

She grinned at that thought, the same one she'd had every day at the end of simulations. Nonetheless, she'd had to fight her impulse to throw daily fits. Good idea or no, the slow ascent of her synch scores made Asuka impatient with the 'gentle approach' that Maya and Misato espoused. At least I haven't lost my cool and accidentally taken it out on Shinji, Asuka mused as she walked back to her locker room. Yelling at him had been such an established pattern before her coma that her personal resolution not to be as harsh with him was even harder to stick to than her orders to go easy with EVA-02.

Asuka quickly stripped out of her plugsuit and walked into the shower, allowing the gentle pressure of the warm water to massage and soothe her muscles, stiff and sore from holding a single position in the plug for hours on end. /It doesn't help that there's hardly anyone around here to talk with/, she thought as she lathered up her hair. Shinji tries to listen, and Misato does her best, but there are things I need to talk about that I just can't discuss with them.

/Wondergirl's a little better than she was before/, she added mentally as she rinsed away the shampoo and residual LCL, but she only really talks to Shinji. And I can't figure out Kaoru at all. It's like he's not even human or something. He's not like Rei was he knows most of the things that humans know, and he mostly acts like a human, but... the way he thinks is so weird. Maybe it's something to do with being an albino. Anyway, I can't wait until more people come back.

The UN and the Japanese government had decided to rebuild Tokyo-3 when they learned that more angels were on the way. Reconstructing the fortress city that drew most angel attacks probably seemed the best way for them to keep their own skins safe in Tokyo-2. Construction, though, was a slow process in the shattered city. The few weeks since the renegade attack from SEELE simply wasn't long enough to get the job done. Plenty of construction workers had returned already, but not any children the same age as the pilots. And with her rehabilitation and training schedules, Asuka barely had any time to e-mail Hikari.

Asuka shrugged and pulled on her dress. "The one advantage to this situation," she announced to the empty locker room, "Is that I don't have to wear those drab school uniforms anymore." The green dress she now wore perfectly embodied that advantage. She had gotten it while shopping downtown with Hikari a month or two back. It really wasn't appropriate for afourteen-year-old girl, as it accentuated almost every curve of her body. Still, the catcalls it elicited from the construction workers gave her alegitimate reason to get angry and blow off a little steam by screaming at someone.

Asuka left the locker room and saw Shinji and Kaoru coming down the hall from the cafeteria. Kaoru's arm was loosely draped around Shinji's shoulders something he frequently did when they were together. He smiled as he said something to Shinji that Asuka couldn't hear. /I wonder what's up with them/, Asuka mused, /They certainly seem to be a little more than friends/. As the boys approached, Shinji said, "That's a nice dress, Asuka. You... you look very pretty."

Asuka smiled at the compliment as Kaoru added, "I agree. That dress makes you look even more lovely than usual, Miss Soryu." Asuka curtseyed and grinned at the boys. "And here I thought you only had eyes for each other," she remarked. Shinji blushed bright red and looked mortified, but Kaoru had almost no reaction at all. "I see many things," he replied with equanimity, "Even when I pay most of my attention to Shinji."

"Well that's a relief. I'd hate for you to get distracted in battle," Asuka said, still grinning. Shinji looked like he might faint in embarrassment. Asuka walked down the hall towards the commissary, pausing for amoment to lean over and whisper in Shinji's ear, "Don't worry. I know where you were really looking."

Even if she couldn't see it, Asuka could feel Shinji's surprised stare as she continued on her way to the cafeteria. As she neared the end of the hall, she heard Kaoru ask, "Um... Shinji? What was that about?"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Well, you guys get a day off tomorrow," Misato announced as the group sat down to dinner. Kaoru and Makoto had joined Misato's"family" for the evening meal. "Really?" Asuka asked."Why?"

"Because tomorrow's Sunday, silly!" Misato chided."Oh..." Shinji remarked. "I'd forgotten. It's hard to keep track of the days when there's no school..."

"Well, don't worry too much about that!" Misato replied."School starts again in two weeks." In surprised reaction, Asuka and Shinji's spoons clattered into their bowls. Kaoru merely shrugged and asked,"Will I be in their class?"

"If you want," Misato replied with only slight aggravation. She didn't much like angels, fallen or not. But Kaoru hadn't tried anything in the three weeks he'd been training with the Eva's, and his synchronization ratio had been far lower than before. That, at least, was enough to make Misato give him some benefit of the doubt. Kaoru seemed to be about to say something else, but Asuka cut him off by asking, "How?"

"Well, the school wasn't damaged very much in the blasts, so it's easy to get classes going again. The first houses should be finished by the end of next week, so within another week, there should be enough students in town to justify re-opening the school."

"Is Hikari coming back?" Asuka asked, clearly excited by the prospect. "Yes, I've already talked to her parents." Misato turned to Shinji, expecting him to ask about his friends, but no query was forthcoming. He just meekly picked up his spoon and started eating again. Misato tried to speak, but couldn't come up with anything to say. Makoto rescued the situation."Well, there's something else to look forward to. Shigeru's band mates are back in town. The apartment they share wasn't damaged at all by the blast, but when most people left, they didn't have jobs anymore. With all the construction workers in town, though, they find themselves needed again."

"Do you want fries with that?" Asuka deadpanned. All of them but Kaoru had seen Shigeru's friends at a club show, and had largely been unimpressed with their professional skills. Everyone laughed even Shinji, though he only managed a halfhearted chortle. Makoto continued, "At any rate, he tells me they will give a concert in a few weeks." Misato rolled her eyes. "We can only hope that they bother to tune their instruments this time," she said. Everyone laughed again they hadn't been too impressed with the band's musical skills, either.

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"I'm bushed," Asuka said. "I'm gonna turn in early."

"You know, you could help the boys with the dishes," Misato noted from the couch where she and Makoto were sitting, watching the TV. Asuka merely laughed and quickly ducked into her room before Misato could make a more convincing argument. Misato just shrugged and turned back towards the television. Makoto had insisted that they watch this strange American cop show from the nineties a ridiculous program about aliens and conspiracies.

In the kitchen, Shinji washed the dishes while Kaoru dried them. The process was carried out in relative silence only the sloshing of the water in the sink could be heard in the room. Shinji wore a frown, and his brow was furrowed with worry. After several minutes, Kaoru decided to break the silence."Shinji?" he asked. "Yes?" Shinji replied in awhisper-quiet voice. "What is wrong? Asuka seemed very happy to find out that her classmates would be coming back. But you only seem sad. Why?" Shinji washed some spoons and rinsed them off before he quietly replied,"I'd be glad to see them, but... I don't know if I can face Touji."

Kaoru nodded. They'd spoken a few times before about Shinji's guilt over the time his Eva had nearly killed the other boy. "You had no choice, Shinji. You could not have done anything more to save him than you did. I am sure he understands," he said. Shinji rinsed out the last of the pots and handed it to Kaoru. "I know there's nothing more I could do," he said,"but I just... feel I should have done more."

"When terrible things happen, we always feel that we should have done more to prevent them, even when nothing truly could have averted the tragedy. The greatest part of healing the wounds of these events is realizing that there is a limit to the responsibility that we bear," Kaoru said. Shinji nodded halfheartedly as Kaoru gave him a towel to dry his hands. Kaoru then continued,"That is something I had to deal with often as the angel of free will. From the time of the Garden of Eden onward, almost every human tragedy has occurred because of man's ability to choose his own path. For a long time I wept, blaming myself for all of mankind's problems. Eventually though, I witnessed something that made me change my mind."

"What was it?" Shinji asked. Rather than reply verbally, Kaoru closed his eyes and hummed several bars of a tune Shinji knew well: Beethoven's"Ode to Joy." After a few moments, Kaoru opened his eyes and said,"I watched silently when the Ninth symphony was first performed, and even though I had sung in the choirs of the Seraphim at the dawn of time, I was amazed. We never sang anything as grand as that. I realized that the music was also a product of free will because he chose to uplift others, Beethoven produced beauty. "Then I finally understood the nature of my own duty. Free will is not bad, and it is not good... it just is. I protected it as God commanded, and allowed people to make their choice, but ultimately it was always their choice. I bear some blame for evil, but I deserve an equal amount of credit for good. Ultimately, I am not responsible for how people use or misuse God's gifts.

"The same goes for you. Usually, you pilot the Eva. That does not make you responsible for what others do with it. Yes, you were there when it happened, but you did not do that terrible thing to Touji; your father did. He bears the responsibility, not you." Shinji nodded slowly, and Kaoru put an arm around his shoulders. "Thanks," Shinji said. "You always seem to know what to say. I wish I could be like that." "It comes with experience," Kaoru said as he led Shinji out of the kitchen."When you reach the ripe old age of 10 billion years, you will be able to figure out the right thing to say every time too." Shinji laughed, then stopped short as the sound caused Misato and Makoto to pop upright. The back of the couch had blocked his view of them so that he had thought he and Kaoru were alone in the room. He fought to keep from laughing even harder when the two scooted to opposite ends of the couch. Kaoru, keeping one arm around Shinji's shoulders, redirected the boy to his room.

"Whew," Misato said. "I never thought that having the kids back here would be a /bother/."

"What do you think those two are going to do?" Makoto wondered aloud as Shinji's door closed. "I think," Misato said, "That you should try and concentrate on what you are going to do." Makoto only blushed.

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"Kaoru?"

"Mm?"

"Do you want to be in our class?" Kaoru ran a hand through his unruly hair. "I do not know," he said. "I have never been in a... class before, neither as a human nor as an angel. The need never arose. Ido not know if I would... fit in." Shinji gave him a small smile. They were both sitting on his bed. "You certainly wouldn't fit in," Shinji replied, "But then again, none of us really do. I guess they just wanted us to all not fit in together."

"You mean the Eva pilots?" Kaoru asked. Shinji nodded, but then remembered Kensuke. "The pilots... and a few others. I guess our class has a lot of oddballs," he admitted. "I was just asking because... well, I-I'd like you to be in it." Kaoru reached out and tousled Shinji's hair."Well then, I suppose it is settled," he said. "If you want me around, I will be happy to go."

Shinji smiled, and then said, "Kaoru?"

"Yes?"

"Do you wanna... stay here tonight?" Since Kaoru's return, they hadn't spent the night together. Rather than face the angel-unfriendly Misato, Kaoru had decided to stay at his old place. Kaoru grinned in reply. "Of course," he said. "I even brought a change of clothes in my knapsack." The two quickly changed into their nightclothes, and Shinji turned out the light. He indicated that Kaoru should lie in the bed, and then he lay down on the floor. Kaoru shook his head. "Not this time," he said, and pulled Shinji up into the bed. Shinji didn't resist.

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Makoto waited impatiently, tapping his bare foot on the carpet. He had just awakened, and really wanted to shower. He was waiting outside the bathroom in his towel, listening to the sound of someone getting ready inside. /Whoever's in there is taking his sweet time/, Makoto silently complained. Suddenly, somebody bumped into him from behind. Makoto turned around and saw that the guilty party was Kaoru, whose hair was in such wild disarray that there was no way he could have seen where he was going. He was wearing his nightclothes, and was carrying a towel over his shoulder."Mmph," said Kaoru sleepily, pushing some of his hair out of his eyes, "Sorry Makoto."

The situation was already awkward, as the presence of both guests in the same hallway at the same early hour would be difficult to explain without venturing into delicate territory. And the scene became even more awkward amoment later when the bathroom door opened to reveal Asuka, whose surprise at seeing the other two was so complete that she dropped her towel.

Asuka made a quick recovery, and promptly slapped the two staring males."Perverts!" she huffed as she blew past them down the hall and into her room. Makoto shook his head. Kaoru merely shrugged, and indicated that Makoto should go in. As Makoto closed the door, Kaoru padded back down the hall to Shinji's room. As Kaoru slipped back into the bed, Shinji woke up a bit."Kaoru? Thought'choo were takin' a shower..." he said, snuggling up against his friend's chest.

"Makoto was first," Kaoru said. That bit of information caused Shinji to wake up even more, and he turned to see Kaoru's face. "You see Asuka naked?" Shinji asked. "How did you know?"

"She slapped ya. This time of day, that means she dropped her towel," Shinji replied, rolling over onto his back. He stretched and yawned. Kaoru laughed. "Yes," he said, and also rolled over onto his back. "It must be... interesting living with her," he continued."It's weird... but it's nice," Shinji mumbled, still not completely awake. "Yes, I can see just how nice," Kaoru said wickedly, glancing at the lump in Shinji's shorts.

Shinji blushed, "Hey! I can't help it it's morning. You've got one too, y'know." Kaoru looked down and saw that Shinji was indeed right. "Oh yes, I keep forgetting... this human body does many things that I never had to worry about when I was an angel," he said. "What, don't angels have... organs?"

"Not those organs," Kaoru said, laughing. "We are sexless. Male and female that was something created for humans and animals, though we can take on either form as we choose. The adjustment is... difficult."

"Well, it looks like you turned out pretty well," Shinji said, eyeing Kaoru's lump. "Well, God is merciful," Kaoru replied with agrin. "Isn't that blasphemous?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am sure. I was an angel."

"Oh, shut up."

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Sparky