Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I Will Always B the 1
Never Had I Imagined Living Without Your Smile
6 reviewsSorry I never told you All I wanted to say And now it's too late to hold you 'Cause you've flown away So far away
2Moving
Chills hit his spine as soon as he pushed the metal door marked 'Morgue' just that word made his skin crawl.
It was all too surreal for him and he had to admit that he felt numb. He turned to his right following the orderly and his breath caught in his throat.
Andrea was looking down on her as she ran her fingers through the babies hair. She looked up to meet his eye and he couldn't bare the look she gave him.
Andrea was broken.
It was evident in her eyes that her soul had gone. It left with the life of the little girl lying on the metal slab in front of her. The orderly said something to which Patrick just nodded. This same orderly walked away leaving him alone.
Here Patrick stood with the two women that had become the most important things in his life. He watched the two in awe. Or maybe it was shock he couldn't quite say which it was at the moment.
Then Andrea broke the silence with a sigh.
"She was always so pretty when she slept. She could drive me to drink running around breaking everything in her path when she was awake...but...when she slept. My God I could watch her all night and I did some nights. Especially when I first brought her home I couldn't bare to leave her. I just had to make sure she was ok and breathing. I couldn't believe she was mine, this little perfect angel with ten little fingers and ten little toes." Andie laughed lightly and looked up at him,
"She looks like she's sleeping. So peaceful."
That final thought was whispered as she looked down at Payton's lifeless body. Patrick followed her eyes hesitantly not wanting to come to terms with the news that was given to him 3 hours after he landed in Chicago.
But there was the evidence.
His only daughter lay dead in front of him and there was no denying it. He felt a sudden heaviness over his heart and a bout of nausea took him over.
Payton had lost the rosy color in her cheeks and as he reached out to touch her she still felt warm. Maybe it was the bright light on her or maybe it was that drug they put in the dead so the body doesn't decay rapidly.
But whatever it was, she was warm, then cold just that fast. It was as if her last dying breath...moment, was for her daddy she wanted her daddy to be there. He never did get to hear her call him that.
Patrick stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out one of her binky's. This was it. His tears started to flow freely as he was pulled out the trance.
Andrea spoke again. Now she looked distraught and gilt ridden he didn't like it.
"I should have called you sooner. I could have saved her. But I was so stubborn...so scared you'd deny us...and now she's dead. She's dead Patrick and I did it. I killed her. I couldn't just get over it. I couldn't put my pride aside! I'm sorry baby. I'm so so Sorry"
Andrea threw herself over the body and he was at her side in seconds. As Patrick had her in his arms he held her tightly to his chest as she sobbed hysterically.
He tried to comfort her but he didn't know what to say other then 'its ok, its not your fault' but she kept chanting 'I'm sorry' and 'this is my fault she's dead and its my fault please forgive me'.
Patrick caressed her hair and placed kisses on the top of her head as she cried. All the while he kept eyeing his daughters dead body. Andrea calmed a bit and pulled away from him and walked back over to Payton's side grabbing her little hand and running her finger over the little girls palm.
Patrick walked up behind her and looked on at the two.
"You can have more kids Andrea." Patrick stated.
"No. They'll never replace my little Hummingbird. They'll never be ours like she was." Andrea responded.
His heart broke a little more as she spoke her last words. She sounded so lost, so hurt, so broken. Almost like a little kid. She bent down and placed a kiss on Payton's forhead before mumbling that she had to get out to get some air.
Patrick watched her as she dissapeared around the wall leaving him alone in the room with his dead daughter. He looked around the room for a few minutes trying to avoid the situation at hand. But soon he felt the heaviness creep up from his feet slowly until it consumed his whole body. Suddenly he let out a heart shattering cry and began to sob.
For the first time since he had heard the confermation he allowed himself to cry real tears. He allowed himself to mourn the loss of the most important thing in his life.
In this instant, all the money, all the fame, all the awards and all he had accomplished meant nothing. It was worth nothing because it couldn't give him the one thing in life that he wanted back.
None of it could bring his little girl back to him. The sobs got heavier and soon he was a complete babbling mess.
Like Andrea before him he laid across Payton's little body holding her close to his heart trying to memorize how it felt to just hold her. His heart would never love a woman like this Because it wouldn't know how.
As he stroked her little hand in his he cried to her. He begged for her forgivenes, for not being there as she grew, for being a coward and for ever doubting that she was his. He spilled his heart but it fell upon deaf ears.
Then for the first time in his life, or the longest he could remember, he closed his eyes and prayed. For the soul of his daughter, for Andrea, and for himself that somehow he'd find a way to cope.
To live past this.
As the mortition walked back in Patrick tied togeter an end of her hair and cut it off. That would be his little piece of her. The only thing he'd have to remind him of her.
~
He paced the funeral chapel and he stood in front of the little white coffin that took him 4 hours to pick out. He wanted the best one. She had to have the best.
Pete stood next to him and his brothers at arms stood to the other side. All their eyes were red and they slowly remembered the Hummingbird effect.
If there was anyone more effected by this then Patrick it was Pete. He grabbed the 4 action figures and placed them next to her. If she couldn't be with them now, then they'd be with her in the after life.
"Come on Patrick. They wanna start." Joe said softly.
Andrea stood next to Patrick and he grabbed her hand.
"They got her brownish red curls right." Andie said with a small laugh, "I never noticed how long her eye lashes were..."
"I'm glad I got to speand some time with her. Even if it was a few weeks." Patrick stated to Andie as he squeezed her hand gently in his.
"I know Patrick..."
The service was over and the four members of fall out boy along with Andies brother and cousin carried the casket to the gravesite. They were lowering her casket into the ground now.
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust..." Everyone chanted and began to walk away as Patrick closed his eyes tightly trying to fight back the urge he had to jump in the ground with her and let himself be burried. without her life didn't make sence and he didn't want to live it.
He felt someone tug at his hand and Patrick opened his eyes and was startled. He wasn't standing on the lush green grass of the cemetary but he was still in the plane that had just landed in Chicago.
Why was he still in the plane?
He blinked hard again but again, all he saw was Pete, Joe, and Andy standing over him with a concerned looks in their eyes and small sad smiles. Patrick wiped the tears from his eye and just looked confused as shit.
Pete put a hand on his shoulder and he took in a sharp breath and shrunk back defensivly at the touch.
"Whoa Gingy, its ok man, you're ok." Pete said as he sat back down next to Patrick pulling the younger man into a hug.
That's when Patrick put his head in his hands he began to sob. They were the last ones on the plane and so the guys crouched down next to their friend and placed their hands on his back in comfort.
They all watched helpelesly as he cried not giving them any explanation as to why.
But then again finding out you had a daughter at the same time you found out she is dying could take a toll on even the strongest of men.
They all just sat in dead silence for a few moments until the flight attendent came by.
"I'm sorry gentlemen but we really need you to deplane." She said sadly wishing she could give them a bit more time.
The one with the hat looked like he needed it.
"He doesn't like to fly." Joe added trying to loosen the situation a bit.
They all nodded and Joe and Andy walked out with their backpacks as Pete got up looking down at Patrick.
"Come on Gingy. Lets go visit that cute little mini-me of yours." Pete stated with a slight smile, thinking of the little girl who had stolen his heart and the heart of his best friend.
"If she dies Pete, I just, I don't know what I'd do. Its crazy she's been in my life for such a short time but if I lose her..." Patrick looked up, and Pete almost cried at the look in his friends now blue eyes.
"Come on Gingy. Payton's gonna be fine you'll see. We'll have her running around the arenas breaking shit in no time, you just watch. Now lets go because Alicia's outside waiting and the crew is probably about ready to kill us."
Patrick sighed and got up putting his backpack over his shoulder in the process.
"I really hope you're right man" Patrick said as they walked the short distance to the airplane door smiling at the crew as they walked out.
@@@@@
AN
Again I'm sorry! I cried while we were writing this and yea. Its sad but it had to be done. Poor baby. Umm yea title and summary thanks Mariah Carey and Boyz 2 men's one sweet day. Its a great song and it played while I was on the way to see my sister when the hospital called to tell us she had passed. It seemed appropriate.
Besos
KayRod
It was all too surreal for him and he had to admit that he felt numb. He turned to his right following the orderly and his breath caught in his throat.
Andrea was looking down on her as she ran her fingers through the babies hair. She looked up to meet his eye and he couldn't bare the look she gave him.
Andrea was broken.
It was evident in her eyes that her soul had gone. It left with the life of the little girl lying on the metal slab in front of her. The orderly said something to which Patrick just nodded. This same orderly walked away leaving him alone.
Here Patrick stood with the two women that had become the most important things in his life. He watched the two in awe. Or maybe it was shock he couldn't quite say which it was at the moment.
Then Andrea broke the silence with a sigh.
"She was always so pretty when she slept. She could drive me to drink running around breaking everything in her path when she was awake...but...when she slept. My God I could watch her all night and I did some nights. Especially when I first brought her home I couldn't bare to leave her. I just had to make sure she was ok and breathing. I couldn't believe she was mine, this little perfect angel with ten little fingers and ten little toes." Andie laughed lightly and looked up at him,
"She looks like she's sleeping. So peaceful."
That final thought was whispered as she looked down at Payton's lifeless body. Patrick followed her eyes hesitantly not wanting to come to terms with the news that was given to him 3 hours after he landed in Chicago.
But there was the evidence.
His only daughter lay dead in front of him and there was no denying it. He felt a sudden heaviness over his heart and a bout of nausea took him over.
Payton had lost the rosy color in her cheeks and as he reached out to touch her she still felt warm. Maybe it was the bright light on her or maybe it was that drug they put in the dead so the body doesn't decay rapidly.
But whatever it was, she was warm, then cold just that fast. It was as if her last dying breath...moment, was for her daddy she wanted her daddy to be there. He never did get to hear her call him that.
Patrick stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out one of her binky's. This was it. His tears started to flow freely as he was pulled out the trance.
Andrea spoke again. Now she looked distraught and gilt ridden he didn't like it.
"I should have called you sooner. I could have saved her. But I was so stubborn...so scared you'd deny us...and now she's dead. She's dead Patrick and I did it. I killed her. I couldn't just get over it. I couldn't put my pride aside! I'm sorry baby. I'm so so Sorry"
Andrea threw herself over the body and he was at her side in seconds. As Patrick had her in his arms he held her tightly to his chest as she sobbed hysterically.
He tried to comfort her but he didn't know what to say other then 'its ok, its not your fault' but she kept chanting 'I'm sorry' and 'this is my fault she's dead and its my fault please forgive me'.
Patrick caressed her hair and placed kisses on the top of her head as she cried. All the while he kept eyeing his daughters dead body. Andrea calmed a bit and pulled away from him and walked back over to Payton's side grabbing her little hand and running her finger over the little girls palm.
Patrick walked up behind her and looked on at the two.
"You can have more kids Andrea." Patrick stated.
"No. They'll never replace my little Hummingbird. They'll never be ours like she was." Andrea responded.
His heart broke a little more as she spoke her last words. She sounded so lost, so hurt, so broken. Almost like a little kid. She bent down and placed a kiss on Payton's forhead before mumbling that she had to get out to get some air.
Patrick watched her as she dissapeared around the wall leaving him alone in the room with his dead daughter. He looked around the room for a few minutes trying to avoid the situation at hand. But soon he felt the heaviness creep up from his feet slowly until it consumed his whole body. Suddenly he let out a heart shattering cry and began to sob.
For the first time since he had heard the confermation he allowed himself to cry real tears. He allowed himself to mourn the loss of the most important thing in his life.
In this instant, all the money, all the fame, all the awards and all he had accomplished meant nothing. It was worth nothing because it couldn't give him the one thing in life that he wanted back.
None of it could bring his little girl back to him. The sobs got heavier and soon he was a complete babbling mess.
Like Andrea before him he laid across Payton's little body holding her close to his heart trying to memorize how it felt to just hold her. His heart would never love a woman like this Because it wouldn't know how.
As he stroked her little hand in his he cried to her. He begged for her forgivenes, for not being there as she grew, for being a coward and for ever doubting that she was his. He spilled his heart but it fell upon deaf ears.
Then for the first time in his life, or the longest he could remember, he closed his eyes and prayed. For the soul of his daughter, for Andrea, and for himself that somehow he'd find a way to cope.
To live past this.
As the mortition walked back in Patrick tied togeter an end of her hair and cut it off. That would be his little piece of her. The only thing he'd have to remind him of her.
~
He paced the funeral chapel and he stood in front of the little white coffin that took him 4 hours to pick out. He wanted the best one. She had to have the best.
Pete stood next to him and his brothers at arms stood to the other side. All their eyes were red and they slowly remembered the Hummingbird effect.
If there was anyone more effected by this then Patrick it was Pete. He grabbed the 4 action figures and placed them next to her. If she couldn't be with them now, then they'd be with her in the after life.
"Come on Patrick. They wanna start." Joe said softly.
Andrea stood next to Patrick and he grabbed her hand.
"They got her brownish red curls right." Andie said with a small laugh, "I never noticed how long her eye lashes were..."
"I'm glad I got to speand some time with her. Even if it was a few weeks." Patrick stated to Andie as he squeezed her hand gently in his.
"I know Patrick..."
The service was over and the four members of fall out boy along with Andies brother and cousin carried the casket to the gravesite. They were lowering her casket into the ground now.
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust..." Everyone chanted and began to walk away as Patrick closed his eyes tightly trying to fight back the urge he had to jump in the ground with her and let himself be burried. without her life didn't make sence and he didn't want to live it.
He felt someone tug at his hand and Patrick opened his eyes and was startled. He wasn't standing on the lush green grass of the cemetary but he was still in the plane that had just landed in Chicago.
Why was he still in the plane?
He blinked hard again but again, all he saw was Pete, Joe, and Andy standing over him with a concerned looks in their eyes and small sad smiles. Patrick wiped the tears from his eye and just looked confused as shit.
Pete put a hand on his shoulder and he took in a sharp breath and shrunk back defensivly at the touch.
"Whoa Gingy, its ok man, you're ok." Pete said as he sat back down next to Patrick pulling the younger man into a hug.
That's when Patrick put his head in his hands he began to sob. They were the last ones on the plane and so the guys crouched down next to their friend and placed their hands on his back in comfort.
They all watched helpelesly as he cried not giving them any explanation as to why.
But then again finding out you had a daughter at the same time you found out she is dying could take a toll on even the strongest of men.
They all just sat in dead silence for a few moments until the flight attendent came by.
"I'm sorry gentlemen but we really need you to deplane." She said sadly wishing she could give them a bit more time.
The one with the hat looked like he needed it.
"He doesn't like to fly." Joe added trying to loosen the situation a bit.
They all nodded and Joe and Andy walked out with their backpacks as Pete got up looking down at Patrick.
"Come on Gingy. Lets go visit that cute little mini-me of yours." Pete stated with a slight smile, thinking of the little girl who had stolen his heart and the heart of his best friend.
"If she dies Pete, I just, I don't know what I'd do. Its crazy she's been in my life for such a short time but if I lose her..." Patrick looked up, and Pete almost cried at the look in his friends now blue eyes.
"Come on Gingy. Payton's gonna be fine you'll see. We'll have her running around the arenas breaking shit in no time, you just watch. Now lets go because Alicia's outside waiting and the crew is probably about ready to kill us."
Patrick sighed and got up putting his backpack over his shoulder in the process.
"I really hope you're right man" Patrick said as they walked the short distance to the airplane door smiling at the crew as they walked out.
@@@@@
AN
Again I'm sorry! I cried while we were writing this and yea. Its sad but it had to be done. Poor baby. Umm yea title and summary thanks Mariah Carey and Boyz 2 men's one sweet day. Its a great song and it played while I was on the way to see my sister when the hospital called to tell us she had passed. It seemed appropriate.
Besos
KayRod
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