FicWad

The next day at school was... odd. I walked through the halls cautiously, hoping not to run into Gerard and have to explain myself. I skipped art and, to my surprise, no one came to look for me in the library. It was the beginning of lunch and so far I hadn't run into Mikey, Frank, Matt or Gerard. Though, I did run into Pansy who said Gerard was looking for me. I went to my locker quickly, grabbing my lunch, and took off to a secluded place I knew of behind the old portables. Sure, it was kind of cold out, but no one would look for me there. I walked out the nearest exit and found the spot. Sitting on a cement block, I took out my lunch. I sighed as
I ripped a chunk off my sandwich and stared at it. This couldn't go on forever. I had to talk to him sooner or later. And, as it turned out, Fate chose sooner.
"Tammy?"
I sighed, looking up as Gerard walked over. He looked gorgeous, I had to admit. He had his hands stuffed in his baggy black jeans; His hair was blowing slightly in the wind and his usually pale face blush-red from the cold. I almost smiled.
"Hi." I mumbled.
"I've been looking all over for you."
"Oh?" I asked, pretending that I hadn't talked to Pansy.
"Yeah. I need to talk to you."
"About?"
"Well," he took a seat beside me on the block, "About yesterday..." He looked over at me and I motioned for him to continue.
"Why did you run off like that?"
I shrugged.
"I was going to be late for work."
"But I said I would give you a ride."
"I decided I'd walk."
"Tammy," he sighed, "You have to tell me what's wrong. I want to help you."
"Nothing is wrong. Nothing was wrong."
He raised an eyebrow and I laughed.
"Come on, tell me what's wrong."
"No."
"Tell me... or... I'll tickle you to death."
"What?" I laughed, "Are we in preschool?"
"Tell me." He said in a sing-song voice.
"No-o." I sang right back. He sighed.
"Alright, you leave me no choice." He turned to face me better and I stopped him, holding his arms.
"Don't you dare."
But he dared. Not very many people know this, but I am extremely ticklish. I began laughing, pushing him away, but he moved closer, making it worse. I felt the edge of the block, right as I was about to go over, and grabbed his shirt for support, but only managed to bring him down with me. He landed on top of me, giggling.
"Get off of me."
"No," he replied, smirking, "I'm comfy."
"But I'm not." I whined.
"So?" He smiled childishly and I raised an eyebrow.
"Hey, don't look so annoyed. It doesn't look good on you." Slowly, his smile faded, he licked his lips lightly. I frowned as he closed his eyes and my mind began to panic as he leaned down hesitantly.
"No." I said shortly, pushing him off. I stood up, brushing myself off and he sat up.
"I have to go."
"Tammy, I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine. I just- I have to go." I grabbed my lunch and he stood, stopping me.
"I'm sorry."
I smiled.
"Don't be. You didn't do anything wrong."
"Obviously I did if you're reacting like this."
"No, I just, I'm sorry. You don't be sorry. I should be sorry."
"No, you shouldn't." He replied, frowning.
"Yeah! I just, pushed you off and I should have just let you, do whatever it is you were going to do."
"Tammy... you're not making any sense."
I shook my head.
"I'm sorry. I should really just... go."
He put a hand on my shoulder.
"You don't have to."
"I should, though." I replied. I could feel familiar tears threatening to pour from my eyes and tried my hardest to hold them back.
"Does this have to do with what happened to you before?"
That question broke down my barrier and I began to cry. I turned to him, burying my face in his chest. I thought I was over it, but something about Gerard just brought back those memories. He hugged me tightly.
"You don't have to tell me." He whispered.
"I want to." I replied, sniffling. He let me go and we sat back on the cement block.
I took a deep breath, looking down at my shoes before beginning my story.
"His name was Derek. I was thirteen. Jimmy and I lived in New York at the time. Derek was sixteen when I first met him." I pulled my knees up on the block, resting my chin on them.
"I really liked him, for a long time. Then, at the end of grade eight, out of the blue, he asked me out. I had liked him so much, I said yes without even thinking about it. Like, why would a guy like him want to go out with me? I was so naive. We were happy for a few months and he was great. He'd bring me places; buy me anything I wanted... I loved him so much. It was his seventeenth birthday; we'd been together for almost five months. That night, after the party, he took me up to his room and he asked me..." I stopped talking, trying to hold back a new wave of tears.
"Tammy, you didn't."
I nodded.
"I loved him. I would have murdered someone, had he asked. A month later, we got into an argument and, Derek hit me. I couldn't believe him. I was so scared. Later, he told me he'd done it because he loved me, but he needed to teach me how to behave. I believed him and tried to be good, but he never stopped. If he had a bad day, if he had a fight with a friend... he was always mad at me for it. I thought I was the problem, so I just did everything he said... everything. I'm so ashamed..." I shook my head and he placed a hand on my back, trying to comfort me.
"After eight months, I heard from a good friend that he was cheating. I didn’t believe her and, she didn’t want to be my friend anymore. I went to his house a while later to ask him about it and…" Again, I tried to choke back my tears, but I couldn't.
"What happened?" He asked softly.
"A girl answered the door. I asked her who she was and she said she was the girl he’d been cheating on me with for six months," I laughed spitefully at myself, "I was so stupid. I couldn’t even see that he had been using me the whole time..." I looked up at him, "I bet you think that's pretty pathetic."
"No, Tammy. No." He pulled me into another hug, "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. It's not your fault. It's my own. Oh, God, I shouldn't have even told you.
It was my own stupidity."
"Don't say that. You didn't know any better. It couldn't have been your fault. I think that asshole needs to get the shit beaten out of him for even thinking of doing that to someone so... beautiful."
I shook my head, though wonderfully surprised and flattered by his comment. I closed eyes, crying into his shoulder.
"Shh, it’s okay."
"No... It’s not, because... I s-still loved him. After everything he did, I still loved the bastard."
"Don't worry, I'm going to help you, okay."
"How?"
"I don't know yet, but I will. I promise."
"Thank you." I whispered. He didn't reply, he just continued to hold me. After a minute, he pulled back.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried to..." he sighed, "You don't have to apologize to me when I do something wrong, okay?"
I nodded and he hopped off the cement block, motioning for me to follow. I did and he took my hand.
"Come on, let's go in. It's cold out."