Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Soul Purpose
22. “Me too.”
Gerard’s eyes widened as Defne started to fall. He watched her in slow motion. He seemed to possess all the time in the world to catch her in that moment, yet he stood paralyzed at the sight. He would have never guessed it took so much time for a person to come into contact with the floor after his/her legs gave. At last, he managed to shake himself out of his frozen state. He dropped to his knees in a flash with an urgent cry: “Defne!”
All heads in the room turned towards them as Gerard cradled her upper body against his before her head had a chance to hit the floor. His heart beat furiously against Defne’s head where it was placed on his chest. He slowly turned her in his arms to see her face, all the while muttering her name silently but hastily, like he would do if he was trying to wake her from a sweet slumber.
He gently pushed her wild locks away from her face, stroking her cheeks. Her eyelids didn’t even flutter. She was out cold.
Her band mates appeared at their side in an instant, yet Gerard still felt like someone had grabbed the remote of their life and was making it flow in 1/8 x. So he just stared at her helplessly and wished for her eyes to blink open.
He came to his senses when someone placed a hand on his shoulder. Zack was kneeling next to his side, worry embedded in his smooth features.
“Gerard, what… what happened?” he asked.
The front man gave the blonde guitarist wide, afraid eyes for a second. “I. I d-don’t know,” he muttered, returning his gaze to the unconscious girl in his arms. “She. She just… passed out.”
Devon had her left wrist in his hands, pressing two fingers on her pulse. “Her pulse rate seems fine,” he informed. They all let out the breaths they held unconsciously.
Zack’s face softened for a moment as he stared at his friend’s deathly pale face. He shook his head with disapproval; she hadn’t been looking after herself well.
“Umm... Guys? Should we lift her?” Chris asked hesitantly, from where he was standing staring down at the singer’s body on the floor.
“Well, she can’t lie on the floor like that. ” Matt stated calmly. “We should lay her on the couch so she’ll be comfortable.” He leaned closer and put his hand against her forehead. He stayed like that for sometime. “She has a fever… We’ll need wet clothes to put on her forehead and wrists. Maybe her elbows, too.”
Gerard nodded and placed his hand at the crook of her neck. She really was burning. He was amazed how he hadn’t noticed that before. He adjusted her body in his arms, cradling her against his chest, and picked her up gently. Her long hair swept the floor as he stood up slowly.
The guys cleared his path and Gerard made his way to the couch carefully balancing her light weight. A thousand thoughts ran through his mind as he carried her.
She was always so full of raw life: Loud and mobile, head held high and powerful, angry and stubborn, friendly and smiling all the time. So lively, taking up so much space that he hardly ever noticed how small she actually was. Yes, she was short but that had never made her seem delicate before. But now, with her deadweight held in his arms, he couldn’t help but notice how fragile she was. How vulnerable…
He laid her frail figure on the couch kindly, supporting her head with a cushion and placing her arm on her stomach so that it wouldn’t dangle to the floor.
He kneeled next to her. “Defne…” he started chanting again, trailing his fingers along her face and tucking strands of hair to the back of her ear. “C’mon… Deff, c’mon wake up…”
Chris materialized next to the couch suddenly, holding a bunch of wet cloths which seemed to have been torn off from backstage staff t-shirts. Zack and Gerard grabbed the cold cloths and started placing them against her warm skin. Matt and Devon were standing afar in order not to crowd the small space and make it even warmer than it already was.
The bassist watched the guys fuss over Defne as he listened to the sounds coming from the stage. The stage! My Chemical Romance was on stage, well, except their lead singer – who was currently placing a wet cloth on Defne’s forehead and lightly slapping her cheeks to wake her up.
The howl of the guitar filled the venue and echoed around the backstage walls. Ray was improvising, creating some sort of an intro while they waited for Gerard to step on stage. They had no idea what had happened to keep the front man from making his appearance. Ray caught Mikey’s gaze and gave him a questioning look which he answered with a worried one. The younger Way had started to think something was wrong with his brother. All four guys secretly gave each other awkward glances as they tried desperately to make the crowd think that everything was normal.
Backstage, Devon sensed their distress as he listened to the music. Frank and Mikey had joined Ray now, and they were practically word painting with the notes they hit in the modes they played: They were calling Gerard… But the lead singer seemed to be oblivious to the rest of the world, only aware of the very unconscious state of the girl in front of him.
“Gerard!” Devon called. It took him a couple more ‘Gerard’s to make the worried man pay attention to him. As the front man turned to give him an inquiring look, the bassist continued:
“I think you’re supposed to be on stage, man…” he said, scratching the side of his head nervously.
Gerard’s eyes widened once more and he let a few curse words escape this time. He listened to the music resonating through the room and shook his head furiously. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I-I can’t leave… She… Is she -”
“You go” Zack interrupted hastily. “It’s okay; we’ll take care of her.”
“But… But I.” he muttered silently, staring at Defne one more time, begging her to open her eyes wordlessly.
“Just go. People are waiting for you!” Zack insisted.
So Gerard placed his hand against her cheek one last time, stroking it. Just as he was making a move to get to his feet, he felt her stir.
Her brows furrowed as she tossed her head slowly to one side.
“Defne?” he asked once more.
Her eyelids fluttered hesitantly. Gerard combed his hand through her hair, leaning towards her.
“Mmmm…” she whimpered as she finally opened her eyes.
Relief flooded to his chest as he locked his eyes with her blinking ones. “Hey…” he called softly.
Defne blinked at the bright imagery before her and tried to regain her sight. She was met with two glowing hazel orbs when she could see properly once more. She stared into that endless color until she realized she was expected to talk.
“Hey” she said, her voice only a hoarse whisper because all the screaming she had done earlier that night. “W-what happened?”
“You passed out,” he said.
“Oh,” she breathed.
“How are you feeling?” asked Zack, standing on the other side of the couch.
She frowned and thought about the question. Tried to take in how her body felt. Finally she settled for “Umm. I dunno. I’m fine… Just tired…”
“You look so tired,” Gerard said quietly.
His words shifted her attention back to himself. She squinted at him thoughtfully. “Gerard… why are you here?” she asked.
“Huh?” he asked with the most adorable puzzled expression on his face.
Her face adjusted itself into an uncertain scowl. “You were going up there.”
“Oh. I. Uhhmmm…” He ducked his head sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck with his free hand.
“What’re you waiting for? Shoo!” she exclaimed, motioning towards the exit door with one hand.
Uncertainty swam in his eyes. “Will… will you be -”
“I’ll be okay,” she said locking her eyes with his. She stared at him intently and tried to assure him that nothing was wrong with her. He studied her eyes and the determined set of her jaw for one moment. He noticed that never-ending warm spark in her eyes and the stubborn twist of her mouth.
So he grabbed her small hand in his and squeezed it tightly before nodding. Then he stood up and made his way to the stage. He turned back only once. She waved at him.
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Despite her constant protests, her friends didn’t listen to Defne and literally dragged her to the hospital. Two hours later, Zack was forcing her to consume real food – which didn’t include Skittles – in a 24-hour open restaurant.
Close to midnight, they ended up in the tour bus with the fresh-out-of-the-pharmacy medicine they got.
Zack made sure she swallowed all the necessary pills and tucked her into bed – to which she didn’t object very much. As soon as her head hit the soft pillow, her eyelids became heavy and sleep claimed her mind.
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When Defne woke up in the morning, she was surprised to see that no one seemed to be awake just yet. She had thought Zack would be standing by her bedside like a prison guard, forkfuls of nutritious food in one hand and cold-pills in the other.
But no, Zack wasn’t awake. Apparently, everyone had been so exhausted the other day; they weren’t up at – 9.00?
Now, she’d think she would have slept longer after passing out from low blood-sugar – too less food, too much exhaustion and a nasty cold could do that to you, it seemed. But she didn’t feel sleepy or tired – at least not much. So she got up and made her way to the little kitchen of the bus to get some water for her stinging throat.
She was greeted with a quiet “Hey” as she entered the kitchen. She was startled to see Gerard sitting on the booth nearby.
“Hey yourself”
She moved to sit next to him.
“You’re awake,” he said, smiling coyly. “G’mornin’.”
“Morning” she responded, taking a sip of water and instantly feeling better. But she knew the feeling was only illusory because she was sure the soreness would come back in a couple moments.
“The guys said you went to the hospital last night.”
“Yeah” she grumbled. “I told them there was no need but they didn’t listen to me.”
“Well, at least now we know that it’s nothing serious,” he said thankfully “You just have to take better care of yourself.”
She nodded.
“Or we just have to take better care of you.” he added as an afterthought.
She swatted playfully at his shoulder and stuck her tongue at him.
“By the way, how’s your back?” he asked, recalling the night he helped her dry her hair.
“It’s fine,” she said absently. “Doesn’t hurt that much today… Or maybe it’s just the pain killers, I dunno.”
He nodded thoughtfully as she stood up to raid the cupboards for Count Chocula. Kneeling and standing, sticking her hand in the cupboards she searched for the cereal but failed to find any.
“No! Who ate all the Count Chocula?” she asked, disappointed.
“Count Chocula? You’re not eating that for breakfast. You need a proper breakfast,” Gerard objected.
“Proper breakfast?” she asked, one hand on her hip. “And what would that be?” Her tone was sarcastic.
“I dunno… Scrambled eggs, maybe? Butter, jelly, honey… Bacon? Or pancakes… Waffles -”
“Okay, okay. I get the idea. But I don’t think we have any of those in here right now. So I’m just gonna have to stick with the cereal for this once.”
He scowled at her. “No, you’re not. You haven’t been eating properly for some time now and I know that you somehow… lost your appetite after – you know. But our schedule is really hectic and your body clearly can’t take the abuse anymore. So you’ve gotta force yourself to eat. Or I’m gonna force you -”
“No! No, okay. I’ll eat; just don’t force me to eat everything. Zack made me finish everything on my plate last night, I nearly puked.”
Gerard grinned evilly. “Good for him.”
She pouted at him slightly.
“Okay, let’s go then.” he said, standing up.
“Huh?”
“Let’s go have a delicious breakfast. I’m buying…” He winked at her.
She looked at him puzzled. “What about the guys?”
He disposed the thought with a graceful sweep of his hand in the air. “Nahh, screw the guys. They already eat like horses.”
She chuckled. “Okay. Just, let me go get changed.”
He nodded.
So, ten minutes later, they stepped outside to yet another different city, but to the same cool spring air. Hands tucked safely in the pockets of their respective jackets and hoodies, sun glasses adorning their faces; they made their way through the busy streets to find a nice little place to eat in.
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“I want coffee…” Defne whined.
“But you shouldn’t drink coffee. It’s bad for your throat, it will make it even drier and that would sting more.”
She had to admit Gerard had a strong counter-argument, there. She couldn’t think of anything to say to that so she had to accept defeat.
“Okay. I’ll settle for tea, then.”
Gerard shot her a charming smile, showing his sparkly-white little teeth. And she decided to try her luck a little harder.
“Well, can I have a sip of yours, at least?”
He mock-considered it and then nodded, still smiling.
So they ordered pancakes with chocolate and blackberry sauce. Gerard also insisted on peanut butter and smooth jelly and Defne wanted croissants. Coffee. Tea. The table was suddenly full.
They started stuffing their faces with delicious food as son as it arrived, acting as if they had been on a hunger strike for days.
Gerard gave a loud bark of laughter as the blackberry sauce smeared itself around Defne’s lips evilly, making her look like a vampire who just drained somebody dry. He tried to ignore the urge to lick the sauce clean from her lips. He succeeded – partially: When she dipped her index finger into the chocolate sauce and smeared it on his nose for payback, he couldn’t help but grab her hand in his and put her finger between his lips, licking the digit clean from the sauce.
Neither knew what to do next so they gave into sheer impulse. Leaning towards each other, their lips seemed to attract one another like the opposite poles of a magnet. And in an instant, they were locked in a slow but passionate kiss that kept pacing up until Gerard licked all the sauce from Defne’s lips. And still, they stole tiny kisses, not wanting to let go, grabbing at each other’s hair to hold on.
But they had to stop when their lips became so swollen from the force of the kisses, the sensitive skin hurt with the slightest touch.
Defne sat back straight in her seat across from Gerard and stared at him. Normally, this would have been the time she would avert her eyes but this time, strangely, she couldn’t let go of his gaze. She shivered slightly, feeling like this was it. This was when they were going to decide what they were going to do about their “situation”.
Her chest rose and fell rapidly with all the breath she had trouble filling her lungs with: Her nose was partially congested and it had been a rather long kiss.
Her eyes wandered around Gerrard’s face, sliding along the smooth pale features. Hesitating on the flipped up tip of his nose, appreciating the big honey-coated doe eyes, silently cooing over the full cheeks that made him look oh-so-innocent and boyish. And the dark tangled hair that framed that perfect face. He truly was beautiful. And the look on his face: So innocent, so hesitant…
And Gerard watched her intently, those twinkling honey orbs dancing around her face. Taking in the sweep of radiant dark hair reaching way past her shoulders. The near-arch of her brows emphasizing her dark warm eyes, embedded in the smooth perfection of her skin. Her high cheekbones and round cheeks that provided the oval shape of her face. And the dainty little lips she was biting down on at the moment. She seemed curious and just a touch hopeful… And he knew he had to do something. Say something… But.
“Gerard, I -”
“Defne -”
They both stopped talking at the very same moment just like they had started talking.
Gerard bowed his head slightly and shot her a sheepish look behind tangles of his hair. “You go first…” he muttered.
She blinked, trying to will her heart to beat slower. “No, it’s okay. You -”
“No no no. You.” he said in haste.
Her gaze fell onto the table and she examined the leftovers from their breakfast, fidgeting with her fingers all the time. She tried to think of what she could say but her mind was blank. She couldn’t think of anything. So she just swallowed the lump in her throat and started talking.
“Ummm… I just. This. I mean, what we… do. I wanna, no, I need to know. W-what this is. Exactly.” She let out a trembling breath.
He raised his head to look at her. “What this is?” he repeated mindlessly.
“Yeah,” she said “I don’t wanna feel all awkward about these… uhhmm, kisses, you know? I don’t wanna not know what to do when I look at you.”
Gerard tilted his head to the side and studied her. She seemed like, well she sounded like… yeah, and she wanted him, maybe? And he knew it was now or never. He suddenly knew that if he passed on this opportunity, she wouldn’t say the same things to him again, she wouldn’t listen to him say the words then. So he gathered up all the courage stored deep inside the most remote corners of his ego and started to talk.
“I. I couldn’t sleep well last night. B-because, thoughts kept. Kept me from falling asleep. I kept seeing you f-fall down to the floor again and again and… I realized how you’ve been. Ummm. Making me f-feel l-like. Recently.” He paused and averted his gaze to focus his thoughts. He took a deep breath and continued. “I. I got so worried about you when you d-disappeared that day. And, I was out of my mind for some time when you collapsed in front of me. And last night, as I stayed up, I realized I, ahhh, I care about you. A lot. Yeah, I do care about you so much.”
Defne only stared at the man in front of her as she waited for what he had said to sink in. But he wasn’t finished. He couldn’t stop in the middle of it, when he’d started talking.
“And I’d realized that I like you, a while ago. Or people have realized it for me, I don’t know. But, now I know that what I feel is not simply ‘liking’. It’s, I don’t know, stronger than that. Basically, what I feel for you is… not very common and it’s strong. And I really wanna kiss you right now…” he trailed of desperately.
She blinked and the words spilt in a silent whisper from her lips. “Me too.”
She leaned forward and pressed her mouth back on his softly. They enjoyed the peaceful feeling of being together, being complete again as they nipped at each other’s lips. As they licked and sucked. As they felt the other’s breath on their skin. As they tasted coffee and blackberry in each other’s mouths. This time the kiss was slow and short, but no less satisfactory, nonetheless.
When they broke apart, Gerard whispered to her with heavy-lidded eyes, patting the seat next to him on the booth “C’mere.”
She complied and he tucked her close against his body immediately, kissing along her hair line as she rested her head on his chest. She started drawing patterns on his T-shirt with her index finger as he stroked her hair softly. It was peaceful.
After a while, she lifted her head slightly and looked up at him, breathing out the words:
“I think I’m falling for you.”
Gerard’s shapely eyebrows lifted in amazement and his face lit up from the inside.
“Me too.”
And he moved to kiss her again. But she pulled back as soon as his lips touched hers, giving a sudden cry of “Oh!”
“What?” he asked worriedly, thinking that he had somehow done something to hurt her.
She tried to get away from him but he didn’t let her. “What’re you doing?” he asked once more, panicked.
“I’m sick!” she said “You shouldn’t kiss me. We shouldn’t be so close. I. I don’t want you to get sick -”
He interrupted her with a delighted chuckle. “It’s a bit too late for that.” he muttered, nuzzling her brow affectionately.
“No!” she protested “I don’ -”
“Hush” he interrupted her again. “I don’t give a fucking damn if I get sick. I just wanna kiss you.”
Her insides melted with that and she couldn’t keep herself away from him no matter how much she wanted to.
“Now I can kiss you, and then kiss you again. And wrap your hair around my fingers and play. And I know I can do these all over again tomorrow. Ahh, it feels so good to know that…” he trailed off dreamily. But started again after a while, as Defne gazed at him with open-mouthed awe.
“So I need t -”
“Just shut up and kiss me already, will you?” she cut him off impatiently with a hand on his lips.
And he did. Kiss her. Bury his hands in her soft hair.
A/N: Oooh, okay. I hope I haven’t screwed this up. I wanted to write this chapter for so long, I’m afraid I got it out in a rush. But do please tell me what you think about this, it’s important after all. I guess, maybe THE chapter you guys wanted to read all this time, huh?
Hmm, so again rate and/or review please? I’ll give you pancakes xP
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Gerard’s eyes widened as Defne started to fall. He watched her in slow motion. He seemed to possess all the time in the world to catch her in that moment, yet he stood paralyzed at the sight. He would have never guessed it took so much time for a person to come into contact with the floor after his/her legs gave. At last, he managed to shake himself out of his frozen state. He dropped to his knees in a flash with an urgent cry: “Defne!”
All heads in the room turned towards them as Gerard cradled her upper body against his before her head had a chance to hit the floor. His heart beat furiously against Defne’s head where it was placed on his chest. He slowly turned her in his arms to see her face, all the while muttering her name silently but hastily, like he would do if he was trying to wake her from a sweet slumber.
He gently pushed her wild locks away from her face, stroking her cheeks. Her eyelids didn’t even flutter. She was out cold.
Her band mates appeared at their side in an instant, yet Gerard still felt like someone had grabbed the remote of their life and was making it flow in 1/8 x. So he just stared at her helplessly and wished for her eyes to blink open.
He came to his senses when someone placed a hand on his shoulder. Zack was kneeling next to his side, worry embedded in his smooth features.
“Gerard, what… what happened?” he asked.
The front man gave the blonde guitarist wide, afraid eyes for a second. “I. I d-don’t know,” he muttered, returning his gaze to the unconscious girl in his arms. “She. She just… passed out.”
Devon had her left wrist in his hands, pressing two fingers on her pulse. “Her pulse rate seems fine,” he informed. They all let out the breaths they held unconsciously.
Zack’s face softened for a moment as he stared at his friend’s deathly pale face. He shook his head with disapproval; she hadn’t been looking after herself well.
“Umm... Guys? Should we lift her?” Chris asked hesitantly, from where he was standing staring down at the singer’s body on the floor.
“Well, she can’t lie on the floor like that. ” Matt stated calmly. “We should lay her on the couch so she’ll be comfortable.” He leaned closer and put his hand against her forehead. He stayed like that for sometime. “She has a fever… We’ll need wet clothes to put on her forehead and wrists. Maybe her elbows, too.”
Gerard nodded and placed his hand at the crook of her neck. She really was burning. He was amazed how he hadn’t noticed that before. He adjusted her body in his arms, cradling her against his chest, and picked her up gently. Her long hair swept the floor as he stood up slowly.
The guys cleared his path and Gerard made his way to the couch carefully balancing her light weight. A thousand thoughts ran through his mind as he carried her.
She was always so full of raw life: Loud and mobile, head held high and powerful, angry and stubborn, friendly and smiling all the time. So lively, taking up so much space that he hardly ever noticed how small she actually was. Yes, she was short but that had never made her seem delicate before. But now, with her deadweight held in his arms, he couldn’t help but notice how fragile she was. How vulnerable…
He laid her frail figure on the couch kindly, supporting her head with a cushion and placing her arm on her stomach so that it wouldn’t dangle to the floor.
He kneeled next to her. “Defne…” he started chanting again, trailing his fingers along her face and tucking strands of hair to the back of her ear. “C’mon… Deff, c’mon wake up…”
Chris materialized next to the couch suddenly, holding a bunch of wet cloths which seemed to have been torn off from backstage staff t-shirts. Zack and Gerard grabbed the cold cloths and started placing them against her warm skin. Matt and Devon were standing afar in order not to crowd the small space and make it even warmer than it already was.
The bassist watched the guys fuss over Defne as he listened to the sounds coming from the stage. The stage! My Chemical Romance was on stage, well, except their lead singer – who was currently placing a wet cloth on Defne’s forehead and lightly slapping her cheeks to wake her up.
The howl of the guitar filled the venue and echoed around the backstage walls. Ray was improvising, creating some sort of an intro while they waited for Gerard to step on stage. They had no idea what had happened to keep the front man from making his appearance. Ray caught Mikey’s gaze and gave him a questioning look which he answered with a worried one. The younger Way had started to think something was wrong with his brother. All four guys secretly gave each other awkward glances as they tried desperately to make the crowd think that everything was normal.
Backstage, Devon sensed their distress as he listened to the music. Frank and Mikey had joined Ray now, and they were practically word painting with the notes they hit in the modes they played: They were calling Gerard… But the lead singer seemed to be oblivious to the rest of the world, only aware of the very unconscious state of the girl in front of him.
“Gerard!” Devon called. It took him a couple more ‘Gerard’s to make the worried man pay attention to him. As the front man turned to give him an inquiring look, the bassist continued:
“I think you’re supposed to be on stage, man…” he said, scratching the side of his head nervously.
Gerard’s eyes widened once more and he let a few curse words escape this time. He listened to the music resonating through the room and shook his head furiously. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I-I can’t leave… She… Is she -”
“You go” Zack interrupted hastily. “It’s okay; we’ll take care of her.”
“But… But I.” he muttered silently, staring at Defne one more time, begging her to open her eyes wordlessly.
“Just go. People are waiting for you!” Zack insisted.
So Gerard placed his hand against her cheek one last time, stroking it. Just as he was making a move to get to his feet, he felt her stir.
Her brows furrowed as she tossed her head slowly to one side.
“Defne?” he asked once more.
Her eyelids fluttered hesitantly. Gerard combed his hand through her hair, leaning towards her.
“Mmmm…” she whimpered as she finally opened her eyes.
Relief flooded to his chest as he locked his eyes with her blinking ones. “Hey…” he called softly.
Defne blinked at the bright imagery before her and tried to regain her sight. She was met with two glowing hazel orbs when she could see properly once more. She stared into that endless color until she realized she was expected to talk.
“Hey” she said, her voice only a hoarse whisper because all the screaming she had done earlier that night. “W-what happened?”
“You passed out,” he said.
“Oh,” she breathed.
“How are you feeling?” asked Zack, standing on the other side of the couch.
She frowned and thought about the question. Tried to take in how her body felt. Finally she settled for “Umm. I dunno. I’m fine… Just tired…”
“You look so tired,” Gerard said quietly.
His words shifted her attention back to himself. She squinted at him thoughtfully. “Gerard… why are you here?” she asked.
“Huh?” he asked with the most adorable puzzled expression on his face.
Her face adjusted itself into an uncertain scowl. “You were going up there.”
“Oh. I. Uhhmmm…” He ducked his head sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck with his free hand.
“What’re you waiting for? Shoo!” she exclaimed, motioning towards the exit door with one hand.
Uncertainty swam in his eyes. “Will… will you be -”
“I’ll be okay,” she said locking her eyes with his. She stared at him intently and tried to assure him that nothing was wrong with her. He studied her eyes and the determined set of her jaw for one moment. He noticed that never-ending warm spark in her eyes and the stubborn twist of her mouth.
So he grabbed her small hand in his and squeezed it tightly before nodding. Then he stood up and made his way to the stage. He turned back only once. She waved at him.
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Despite her constant protests, her friends didn’t listen to Defne and literally dragged her to the hospital. Two hours later, Zack was forcing her to consume real food – which didn’t include Skittles – in a 24-hour open restaurant.
Close to midnight, they ended up in the tour bus with the fresh-out-of-the-pharmacy medicine they got.
Zack made sure she swallowed all the necessary pills and tucked her into bed – to which she didn’t object very much. As soon as her head hit the soft pillow, her eyelids became heavy and sleep claimed her mind.
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When Defne woke up in the morning, she was surprised to see that no one seemed to be awake just yet. She had thought Zack would be standing by her bedside like a prison guard, forkfuls of nutritious food in one hand and cold-pills in the other.
But no, Zack wasn’t awake. Apparently, everyone had been so exhausted the other day; they weren’t up at – 9.00?
Now, she’d think she would have slept longer after passing out from low blood-sugar – too less food, too much exhaustion and a nasty cold could do that to you, it seemed. But she didn’t feel sleepy or tired – at least not much. So she got up and made her way to the little kitchen of the bus to get some water for her stinging throat.
She was greeted with a quiet “Hey” as she entered the kitchen. She was startled to see Gerard sitting on the booth nearby.
“Hey yourself”
She moved to sit next to him.
“You’re awake,” he said, smiling coyly. “G’mornin’.”
“Morning” she responded, taking a sip of water and instantly feeling better. But she knew the feeling was only illusory because she was sure the soreness would come back in a couple moments.
“The guys said you went to the hospital last night.”
“Yeah” she grumbled. “I told them there was no need but they didn’t listen to me.”
“Well, at least now we know that it’s nothing serious,” he said thankfully “You just have to take better care of yourself.”
She nodded.
“Or we just have to take better care of you.” he added as an afterthought.
She swatted playfully at his shoulder and stuck her tongue at him.
“By the way, how’s your back?” he asked, recalling the night he helped her dry her hair.
“It’s fine,” she said absently. “Doesn’t hurt that much today… Or maybe it’s just the pain killers, I dunno.”
He nodded thoughtfully as she stood up to raid the cupboards for Count Chocula. Kneeling and standing, sticking her hand in the cupboards she searched for the cereal but failed to find any.
“No! Who ate all the Count Chocula?” she asked, disappointed.
“Count Chocula? You’re not eating that for breakfast. You need a proper breakfast,” Gerard objected.
“Proper breakfast?” she asked, one hand on her hip. “And what would that be?” Her tone was sarcastic.
“I dunno… Scrambled eggs, maybe? Butter, jelly, honey… Bacon? Or pancakes… Waffles -”
“Okay, okay. I get the idea. But I don’t think we have any of those in here right now. So I’m just gonna have to stick with the cereal for this once.”
He scowled at her. “No, you’re not. You haven’t been eating properly for some time now and I know that you somehow… lost your appetite after – you know. But our schedule is really hectic and your body clearly can’t take the abuse anymore. So you’ve gotta force yourself to eat. Or I’m gonna force you -”
“No! No, okay. I’ll eat; just don’t force me to eat everything. Zack made me finish everything on my plate last night, I nearly puked.”
Gerard grinned evilly. “Good for him.”
She pouted at him slightly.
“Okay, let’s go then.” he said, standing up.
“Huh?”
“Let’s go have a delicious breakfast. I’m buying…” He winked at her.
She looked at him puzzled. “What about the guys?”
He disposed the thought with a graceful sweep of his hand in the air. “Nahh, screw the guys. They already eat like horses.”
She chuckled. “Okay. Just, let me go get changed.”
He nodded.
So, ten minutes later, they stepped outside to yet another different city, but to the same cool spring air. Hands tucked safely in the pockets of their respective jackets and hoodies, sun glasses adorning their faces; they made their way through the busy streets to find a nice little place to eat in.
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“I want coffee…” Defne whined.
“But you shouldn’t drink coffee. It’s bad for your throat, it will make it even drier and that would sting more.”
She had to admit Gerard had a strong counter-argument, there. She couldn’t think of anything to say to that so she had to accept defeat.
“Okay. I’ll settle for tea, then.”
Gerard shot her a charming smile, showing his sparkly-white little teeth. And she decided to try her luck a little harder.
“Well, can I have a sip of yours, at least?”
He mock-considered it and then nodded, still smiling.
So they ordered pancakes with chocolate and blackberry sauce. Gerard also insisted on peanut butter and smooth jelly and Defne wanted croissants. Coffee. Tea. The table was suddenly full.
They started stuffing their faces with delicious food as son as it arrived, acting as if they had been on a hunger strike for days.
Gerard gave a loud bark of laughter as the blackberry sauce smeared itself around Defne’s lips evilly, making her look like a vampire who just drained somebody dry. He tried to ignore the urge to lick the sauce clean from her lips. He succeeded – partially: When she dipped her index finger into the chocolate sauce and smeared it on his nose for payback, he couldn’t help but grab her hand in his and put her finger between his lips, licking the digit clean from the sauce.
Neither knew what to do next so they gave into sheer impulse. Leaning towards each other, their lips seemed to attract one another like the opposite poles of a magnet. And in an instant, they were locked in a slow but passionate kiss that kept pacing up until Gerard licked all the sauce from Defne’s lips. And still, they stole tiny kisses, not wanting to let go, grabbing at each other’s hair to hold on.
But they had to stop when their lips became so swollen from the force of the kisses, the sensitive skin hurt with the slightest touch.
Defne sat back straight in her seat across from Gerard and stared at him. Normally, this would have been the time she would avert her eyes but this time, strangely, she couldn’t let go of his gaze. She shivered slightly, feeling like this was it. This was when they were going to decide what they were going to do about their “situation”.
Her chest rose and fell rapidly with all the breath she had trouble filling her lungs with: Her nose was partially congested and it had been a rather long kiss.
Her eyes wandered around Gerrard’s face, sliding along the smooth pale features. Hesitating on the flipped up tip of his nose, appreciating the big honey-coated doe eyes, silently cooing over the full cheeks that made him look oh-so-innocent and boyish. And the dark tangled hair that framed that perfect face. He truly was beautiful. And the look on his face: So innocent, so hesitant…
And Gerard watched her intently, those twinkling honey orbs dancing around her face. Taking in the sweep of radiant dark hair reaching way past her shoulders. The near-arch of her brows emphasizing her dark warm eyes, embedded in the smooth perfection of her skin. Her high cheekbones and round cheeks that provided the oval shape of her face. And the dainty little lips she was biting down on at the moment. She seemed curious and just a touch hopeful… And he knew he had to do something. Say something… But.
“Gerard, I -”
“Defne -”
They both stopped talking at the very same moment just like they had started talking.
Gerard bowed his head slightly and shot her a sheepish look behind tangles of his hair. “You go first…” he muttered.
She blinked, trying to will her heart to beat slower. “No, it’s okay. You -”
“No no no. You.” he said in haste.
Her gaze fell onto the table and she examined the leftovers from their breakfast, fidgeting with her fingers all the time. She tried to think of what she could say but her mind was blank. She couldn’t think of anything. So she just swallowed the lump in her throat and started talking.
“Ummm… I just. This. I mean, what we… do. I wanna, no, I need to know. W-what this is. Exactly.” She let out a trembling breath.
He raised his head to look at her. “What this is?” he repeated mindlessly.
“Yeah,” she said “I don’t wanna feel all awkward about these… uhhmm, kisses, you know? I don’t wanna not know what to do when I look at you.”
Gerard tilted his head to the side and studied her. She seemed like, well she sounded like… yeah, and she wanted him, maybe? And he knew it was now or never. He suddenly knew that if he passed on this opportunity, she wouldn’t say the same things to him again, she wouldn’t listen to him say the words then. So he gathered up all the courage stored deep inside the most remote corners of his ego and started to talk.
“I. I couldn’t sleep well last night. B-because, thoughts kept. Kept me from falling asleep. I kept seeing you f-fall down to the floor again and again and… I realized how you’ve been. Ummm. Making me f-feel l-like. Recently.” He paused and averted his gaze to focus his thoughts. He took a deep breath and continued. “I. I got so worried about you when you d-disappeared that day. And, I was out of my mind for some time when you collapsed in front of me. And last night, as I stayed up, I realized I, ahhh, I care about you. A lot. Yeah, I do care about you so much.”
Defne only stared at the man in front of her as she waited for what he had said to sink in. But he wasn’t finished. He couldn’t stop in the middle of it, when he’d started talking.
“And I’d realized that I like you, a while ago. Or people have realized it for me, I don’t know. But, now I know that what I feel is not simply ‘liking’. It’s, I don’t know, stronger than that. Basically, what I feel for you is… not very common and it’s strong. And I really wanna kiss you right now…” he trailed of desperately.
She blinked and the words spilt in a silent whisper from her lips. “Me too.”
She leaned forward and pressed her mouth back on his softly. They enjoyed the peaceful feeling of being together, being complete again as they nipped at each other’s lips. As they licked and sucked. As they felt the other’s breath on their skin. As they tasted coffee and blackberry in each other’s mouths. This time the kiss was slow and short, but no less satisfactory, nonetheless.
When they broke apart, Gerard whispered to her with heavy-lidded eyes, patting the seat next to him on the booth “C’mere.”
She complied and he tucked her close against his body immediately, kissing along her hair line as she rested her head on his chest. She started drawing patterns on his T-shirt with her index finger as he stroked her hair softly. It was peaceful.
After a while, she lifted her head slightly and looked up at him, breathing out the words:
“I think I’m falling for you.”
Gerard’s shapely eyebrows lifted in amazement and his face lit up from the inside.
“Me too.”
And he moved to kiss her again. But she pulled back as soon as his lips touched hers, giving a sudden cry of “Oh!”
“What?” he asked worriedly, thinking that he had somehow done something to hurt her.
She tried to get away from him but he didn’t let her. “What’re you doing?” he asked once more, panicked.
“I’m sick!” she said “You shouldn’t kiss me. We shouldn’t be so close. I. I don’t want you to get sick -”
He interrupted her with a delighted chuckle. “It’s a bit too late for that.” he muttered, nuzzling her brow affectionately.
“No!” she protested “I don’ -”
“Hush” he interrupted her again. “I don’t give a fucking damn if I get sick. I just wanna kiss you.”
Her insides melted with that and she couldn’t keep herself away from him no matter how much she wanted to.
“Now I can kiss you, and then kiss you again. And wrap your hair around my fingers and play. And I know I can do these all over again tomorrow. Ahh, it feels so good to know that…” he trailed off dreamily. But started again after a while, as Defne gazed at him with open-mouthed awe.
“So I need t -”
“Just shut up and kiss me already, will you?” she cut him off impatiently with a hand on his lips.
And he did. Kiss her. Bury his hands in her soft hair.
A/N: Oooh, okay. I hope I haven’t screwed this up. I wanted to write this chapter for so long, I’m afraid I got it out in a rush. But do please tell me what you think about this, it’s important after all. I guess, maybe THE chapter you guys wanted to read all this time, huh?
Hmm, so again rate and/or review please? I’ll give you pancakes xP
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